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10 Vital Things You Need To Know About True Love

10 Vital Things You Need To Know About True Love
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You long for true love.  You have dreamed about finding it forever.

But every time you think you have grasped it, it slips through your fingers. Or it breaks them, along with your heart.

You ask, as we all do, “What am I doing wrong?”

Let me share 10 vital, love-changing secrets that will lead you to over the moon, incredible, never ending romance.  I know because I have found it…and it’s my second time around.

Warning:  If you treat someone like this, they will never leave you, so be sure this person is the one you want.

One more very crucial thing: the key here is to merge the words “true love” with “courage“.

TRUE love is not for the fainthearted. It is to be approached as if you were embarking on the greatest adventure of your life.

1.  True love thrives on the courage to be yourself

Imagine being at peace with who you are.

Imagine enjoying what is strong about you and focusing on growing within that instead of working hard to hide your weaknesses, afraid that someone might leave you because of them.

I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror because I had this loathing inside for who I was. So much energy was spent on trying to be who others wanted me to be.

Exhausted from all the pain and fear resulting from that perspective, I decided to simply become myself.

I began to live in gratitude turned upward for how I had been uniquely made.  Consequently, I found confidence growing from the very center of my being.

It’s from that center that I now love.

2.  True love thrives on the courage to respect yourself by finding your voice

When you like yourself, you become your own champion.

Imagine standing up to protect your heart being natural to you.

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Imagine discomfort triggering you to step up and say what it is you are feeling or fearing.

When you become yourself, this is how you will learn to be.

You will recognize someone who has the potential to love you as you need to be loved.  On the flipside, you will also recognize when someone is not able to be that one.

From that same confident, strong center I found, you, too, will become the lover rather than the one demanding to be loved.

3.  True Love thrives on the courage to make it all about the one you love

The most successful relationships I know are those where both partners as strong enough individually to put themselves aside and see life through the eyes of that special someone in their life.

Imagine being able to hold wise boundaries and have your fears about being “walked on” left far behind you.

Imagine choosing to make it your aim to create an atmosphere of safety where both of you can rest, grow and thrive.

Great fulfillment comes in seeing your sweetheart relax and respond to you with a contented smile.

True love is about your partner being able to grow and equip themselves to handle whatever life brings because they know that someone (i.e. you) has their back.

4.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for certainty.

Imagine a place where you can be completely yourself.

Imagine never being judged or criticized.

Imagine having the freedom to choose what is best for you in the moment and that being received with acceptance.

Imagine feeling protected and cared for and having there for you whatever it is you need to feel secure.

This is describing the need for “safety”. Certainty. Your partner desires that deeply.

Do you know then well enough to build a safe space designed around their particular preferences?

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5.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for adventure

Imagine “adventure”. Thrills, fun, edge of your seat suspense, surprise just when you need it.

Imagine the unexpected challenges arising in your life and being able to think through and plan a strategy alongside someone you trust and respect.

Look through the eyes of the one you love for a moment. Do you know what makes them laugh or what kind of surprises they love?

Do you understand what they anticipate or look forward to doing?

What would draw out their deep gratitude?

How do they wish you would respond when life gets tough and you are both caught off-guard?

6.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for significance

Imagine having all of the cherishing your heart could hold.

Imagine the tranquility of never having to worry about losing the love surrounding you.

Imagine being completely accepted.

Imagine having someone look at you in a way that tells you they believe in you.

Imagine making a mistake and being told that it’s ok, that you are learning and that you should be patient with yourself.

Your heart yearns for this. So does the heart of the one you love, though they may never voice that.

Do you know what makes them afraid that they are not enough?

Do you understand how lonely they feel inside and what might make their heart open like a flower to the sun?

7.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need to be loved unconditionally

Imagine someone totally committed to doing everything within their power to love you in the way you define love.

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Imagine someone seeing you are cold and bringing you a sweater even before you ask.

Imagine someone sensing how tired you are and sending you for a rest while they take care of what you normally take care of.

Imagine the words, “I forgive you. I understand. Nothing will ever change my love for you. It grows stronger every day.”

Imagine someone putting aside their own excitement of the day in order to bring you comfort when they see you may be struggling.

True love is stepping up and loving someone else in such a way that it becomes more and more “unconditional”.

Their comfort, their care, their needs put more and more ahead of your own.

8.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for connection

How much we all long to be connected.  Thus we have communities, sports teams, clubs and groups of every kind. It’s healthy to be a part of what interests us outside of our relationships but how often do we begin to prefer to spend time there because the bond between us and our loved one is broken.

Imagine having that sense of “belonging” fulfilled in every way possible within your relationship so that when friends or extended family disappoint you, you weather it together.

Imagine being able to talk about anything and everything revealing all of your thoughts and dreams and ideas freely.

Imagine being heard – really heard – and your opinions being appreciated and acknowledged.

Imagine being held just when you need it the most in the way you need it.

That man or woman in your life aches for this as much as you do. Open your heart and search for as many ways to connect with them as possible. Learn to listen and to enjoy some of the activities that they enjoy.

9.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for growth

If you are not growing, you die – even while you are still living. We experience this consistently in nature all around us. Trees and grass and children exemplify this truth.

Imagine someone knowing your dreams, your aspirations, your future plans and goals.

Imagine that the greatest pleasure in someone’s life is celebrating your milestones right alongside of you because they are proud of you and were there for you every step of the long climb it took to get there.

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Put yourself in the shoes of the one you have committed your life to.

What are her dreams?  What are his?

Have you had a long look recently into their eyes in order to reach the bottom of their heart?  Or do you take for granted that you know all there is to know?

What do they want, really want, from life?

What is within your power to help them get there?

10.  True love is the courage to meet your lover’s need to make a difference

When life is cruel to you and breaks your heart, you tend to withdraw from the world in order to protect yourself from more pain.  Often it is said that out of your greatest pain comes your greatest mission.

You are not random. You were made with care and innate skills to let life prepare you to help someone else.

Imagine what it would feel like to give in a way that made a difference to someone.

Imagine an overwhelming sense of fulfillment because you have given yourself permission to do what you love and help someone else in the process. I am using my love to write to help others learn how to love right now.

Imagine having a partner who knows you so well that he or she opens your eyes to a new understanding of the gifts you’ve been given.

Part of your purpose in life is to assist your partner in finding his or her own way of unconditionally giving love to the world around them.  You are the one who can observe their strengths in ways that no one else can.

 

Do you want to find true love?  Then it’s vital that you take these truths to heart and find your courage to become all you can be in order to help someone else become all they can be.

Remember, “The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and to be loved in return”.

Do you have some other vital things to share about learning to love?

Featured photo credit: Image credit: kiuikson / 123RF Stock Photo via submit.123rf.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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