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10 Vital Things You Need To Know About True Love

10 Vital Things You Need To Know About True Love

You long for true love.  You have dreamed about finding it forever.

But every time you think you have grasped it, it slips through your fingers. Or it breaks them, along with your heart.

You ask, as we all do, “What am I doing wrong?”

Let me share 10 vital, love-changing secrets that will lead you to over the moon, incredible, never ending romance.  I know because I have found it…and it’s my second time around.

Warning:  If you treat someone like this, they will never leave you, so be sure this person is the one you want.

One more very crucial thing: the key here is to merge the words “true love” with “courage“.

TRUE love is not for the fainthearted. It is to be approached as if you were embarking on the greatest adventure of your life.

1.  True love thrives on the courage to be yourself

Imagine being at peace with who you are.

Imagine enjoying what is strong about you and focusing on growing within that instead of working hard to hide your weaknesses, afraid that someone might leave you because of them.

I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror because I had this loathing inside for who I was. So much energy was spent on trying to be who others wanted me to be.

Exhausted from all the pain and fear resulting from that perspective, I decided to simply become myself.

I began to live in gratitude turned upward for how I had been uniquely made.  Consequently, I found confidence growing from the very center of my being.

It’s from that center that I now love.

2.  True love thrives on the courage to respect yourself by finding your voice

When you like yourself, you become your own champion.

Imagine standing up to protect your heart being natural to you.

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Imagine discomfort triggering you to step up and say what it is you are feeling or fearing.

When you become yourself, this is how you will learn to be.

You will recognize someone who has the potential to love you as you need to be loved.  On the flipside, you will also recognize when someone is not able to be that one.

From that same confident, strong center I found, you, too, will become the lover rather than the one demanding to be loved.

3.  True Love thrives on the courage to make it all about the one you love

The most successful relationships I know are those where both partners as strong enough individually to put themselves aside and see life through the eyes of that special someone in their life.

Imagine being able to hold wise boundaries and have your fears about being “walked on” left far behind you.

Imagine choosing to make it your aim to create an atmosphere of safety where both of you can rest, grow and thrive.

Great fulfillment comes in seeing your sweetheart relax and respond to you with a contented smile.

True love is about your partner being able to grow and equip themselves to handle whatever life brings because they know that someone (i.e. you) has their back.

4.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for certainty.

Imagine a place where you can be completely yourself.

Imagine never being judged or criticized.

Imagine having the freedom to choose what is best for you in the moment and that being received with acceptance.

Imagine feeling protected and cared for and having there for you whatever it is you need to feel secure.

This is describing the need for “safety”. Certainty. Your partner desires that deeply.

Do you know then well enough to build a safe space designed around their particular preferences?

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5.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for adventure

Imagine “adventure”. Thrills, fun, edge of your seat suspense, surprise just when you need it.

Imagine the unexpected challenges arising in your life and being able to think through and plan a strategy alongside someone you trust and respect.

Look through the eyes of the one you love for a moment. Do you know what makes them laugh or what kind of surprises they love?

Do you understand what they anticipate or look forward to doing?

What would draw out their deep gratitude?

How do they wish you would respond when life gets tough and you are both caught off-guard?

6.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for significance

Imagine having all of the cherishing your heart could hold.

Imagine the tranquility of never having to worry about losing the love surrounding you.

Imagine being completely accepted.

Imagine having someone look at you in a way that tells you they believe in you.

Imagine making a mistake and being told that it’s ok, that you are learning and that you should be patient with yourself.

Your heart yearns for this. So does the heart of the one you love, though they may never voice that.

Do you know what makes them afraid that they are not enough?

Do you understand how lonely they feel inside and what might make their heart open like a flower to the sun?

7.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need to be loved unconditionally

Imagine someone totally committed to doing everything within their power to love you in the way you define love.

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Imagine someone seeing you are cold and bringing you a sweater even before you ask.

Imagine someone sensing how tired you are and sending you for a rest while they take care of what you normally take care of.

Imagine the words, “I forgive you. I understand. Nothing will ever change my love for you. It grows stronger every day.”

Imagine someone putting aside their own excitement of the day in order to bring you comfort when they see you may be struggling.

True love is stepping up and loving someone else in such a way that it becomes more and more “unconditional”.

Their comfort, their care, their needs put more and more ahead of your own.

8.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for connection

How much we all long to be connected.  Thus we have communities, sports teams, clubs and groups of every kind. It’s healthy to be a part of what interests us outside of our relationships but how often do we begin to prefer to spend time there because the bond between us and our loved one is broken.

Imagine having that sense of “belonging” fulfilled in every way possible within your relationship so that when friends or extended family disappoint you, you weather it together.

Imagine being able to talk about anything and everything revealing all of your thoughts and dreams and ideas freely.

Imagine being heard – really heard – and your opinions being appreciated and acknowledged.

Imagine being held just when you need it the most in the way you need it.

That man or woman in your life aches for this as much as you do. Open your heart and search for as many ways to connect with them as possible. Learn to listen and to enjoy some of the activities that they enjoy.

9.  True love thrives on the courage to meet your lover’s need for growth

If you are not growing, you die – even while you are still living. We experience this consistently in nature all around us. Trees and grass and children exemplify this truth.

Imagine someone knowing your dreams, your aspirations, your future plans and goals.

Imagine that the greatest pleasure in someone’s life is celebrating your milestones right alongside of you because they are proud of you and were there for you every step of the long climb it took to get there.

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Put yourself in the shoes of the one you have committed your life to.

What are her dreams?  What are his?

Have you had a long look recently into their eyes in order to reach the bottom of their heart?  Or do you take for granted that you know all there is to know?

What do they want, really want, from life?

What is within your power to help them get there?

10.  True love is the courage to meet your lover’s need to make a difference

When life is cruel to you and breaks your heart, you tend to withdraw from the world in order to protect yourself from more pain.  Often it is said that out of your greatest pain comes your greatest mission.

You are not random. You were made with care and innate skills to let life prepare you to help someone else.

Imagine what it would feel like to give in a way that made a difference to someone.

Imagine an overwhelming sense of fulfillment because you have given yourself permission to do what you love and help someone else in the process. I am using my love to write to help others learn how to love right now.

Imagine having a partner who knows you so well that he or she opens your eyes to a new understanding of the gifts you’ve been given.

Part of your purpose in life is to assist your partner in finding his or her own way of unconditionally giving love to the world around them.  You are the one who can observe their strengths in ways that no one else can.

 

Do you want to find true love?  Then it’s vital that you take these truths to heart and find your courage to become all you can be in order to help someone else become all they can be.

Remember, “The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and to be loved in return”.

Do you have some other vital things to share about learning to love?

Featured photo credit: Image credit: kiuikson / 123RF Stock Photo via submit.123rf.com

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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