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8 Signs You Aren’t Falling Behind But Just Going The Right Way

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8 Signs You Aren’t Falling Behind But Just Going The Right Way

Sometimes, we find ourselves stopping and reflecting on whether we are getting ahead and getting what we really want in life, or if we are just letting life pass us by. You may find yourself stuck in situations by choice. But being stuck does not necessarily mean that we are falling behind. Compare yourself to the waves that are quietly contemplating, waiting to throw the next big one at the right time. Consider yourself going in the right direction if you see yourself in these situations:

1. You’re still busy exploring and haven’t settled yet.

It could be that you haven’t made up your mind that you will stay at your current job within the next 10 years. Or that you have not gotten married yet because you are not sure if your partner is the right one. Or stay in the same city until you are 50. The main lesson is, it is good to keep exploring for better things rather than settling. Some 40-year-olds that I know are still unsure about what to do next in their lives so they plan to stay in status quo for a little while. And that is ok. Rash decisions most often yield rash results. So it is better to stop and explore what else is out there.

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2. Your savings haven’t gone up much because you want to see the world.

They say that traveling is the only thing that makes us richer. And I couldn’t think of anything truer than that. Traveling though, is a financial decision. If you decided to travel while your legs are still strong enough to let you, do not blame yourself if your bank account is not inflating that fast. The trade off to that is a more culturally rich you. There is no better teacher than traveling.

3. You are ok with failing because you know you’ll gain more after.

Never be afraid of risks. If you fall down, get back up. And when you are back up, let yourself be a better person from the experience. The lessons that we learn from failing are necessary to make us successful. And if we let ourselves get scared of failing, we will never leave our comfort zone. Nobody that has ever succeeded has stayed in their comfort zones. If they did, we won’t have airplanes or computers or cures for certain diseases because all of those were created by people who allowed themselves to fail.

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    4. You daydream a lot and are constantly inspired.

    They say that an empty can is the one that makes the most noise. If you find yourself switching to quiet mode and your mind starts wandering and daydreaming, know that there is nothing wrong with that. It is a sign that you have a creative imagination and a successful future starts with a creative mind. You can go as far as your mind can go.

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    5. You don’t work just for money, but focus on the meaning of work.

    You might find yourself stuck in a job that does not pay as well as another profession. But it is what drives you and it nourishes your soul. Money is a necessity, but the happiness that it gives is temporary. It’s like buying a car that you have been excited about. And after a year of using it daily, it just becomes an ordinary thing to you; no meaning. So find work that is meaningful.

    6. You haven’t met someone that really suits you, but refuse to compromise.

    It is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. The sadness that you are feeling because you are alone will be nothing compared to the pain that you will go through if you are with the wrong person. If you are not settling because you have not met the right person yet, it just means that you put value on yourself. And in order to find the right person, you need to be in love with yourself first. The right person will not make you a complete person; it will take two complete persons to be in a complete relationship.

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    7. You chase your passions even if success is not guaranteed.

    I have read articles about people in their death beds wishing that they went after their passions. I cannot say this enough. You have to do what makes you happy whether or not success is guaranteed. Because there are no guarantees in life. And also, success does not only come from outside; it also comes from inside of you. Success can be that feeling of being fulfilled when you are doing what you are passionate about.

    8. You let yourself take breaks to recharge because you work better afterward.

    Burn-out is an epidemic. Let us not bury ourselves in work, or in planning the next big thing. We all need to take a break because mentally, physically, and emotionally, we will all perform better after we stop and rest. Better to be strong and steady than be fast and weak.

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    Sarah Bonander

    Writer, Human Resources Professional

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    Last Updated on November 18, 2021

    10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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    10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

    We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

    A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

    So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

    • honest
    • reliable
    • competent
    • kind and compassionate
    • capable of taking the blame
    • able to persevere
    • modest and humble
    • pacific and can control anger.

    The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

    1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

    All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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    But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

    2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

    How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

    I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

    “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

    Abigail Van Buren

    3. How does this person take the blame?

    Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

    4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

    You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

    5. Read their emails.

    Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

    • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
    • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
    • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
    • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
    • Too many question marks can show anger
    • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

    6. Watch out for the show offs.

    Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

    7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

    A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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    Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

    8. Their empathy score is high.

    Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

    People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

    9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

    We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

    “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

    Stendhal

     10. Avoid toxic people.

    These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

    • Envy or jealousy
    • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
    • Complaining about their own lack of success
    • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
    • Obsession with themselves and their problems

    Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

    Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

    Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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