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For Significant Self Improvement, You Need To Say Goodbye To These 10 Thoughts

For Significant Self Improvement, You Need To Say Goodbye To These 10 Thoughts

When you talk to yourself, what do you say? Do you motivate yourself with kind, empowering words like you do when you speak to your loved ones, or are they more negative? Many people attack themselves on a daily basis in their own minds, which can ruin their self-confidence.

Check out 10 thoughts that you need to say goodbye to so that you can focus on self-improvement.

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1. “It’s too late to do anything about it now.”

Whether you are 16 or 60, you can always change and improve. Often inner peace and strength are gained through a lifetime of learning, and these skills can completely change your outlook on life. Remember that you are a work In progress; don’t tell the painter to stop painting before the masterpiece is done!

2. “None of this is my fault, it’s their fault.”

It is very easy to blame others for everything, because you don’t have to do anything yourself. You don’t have to change or improve – so more than anything, you won’t grow. Accept responsibility for your mistakes so that you can improve your life and find happiness.

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3. “If only I was funnier and smarter.”

Not being comfortable with who you are can ruin your self-esteem. Every single person on Earth has flaws – the best method is to embrace your flaws and focus on being true to who you really are. You may you wish you were funnier, but to your friends you may be one of the funniest people that they know.

4. “I wish today was over.”

Sometimes you will do something that feels like a waste of time, but later turns out to be one of the best decisions you ever made. Do not wish your days away – you never know when the next amazing thing will happen, so throw yourself into experiencing and enjoying every day.

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5. “I need their approval.”

Unless you are at work, it is very rare that you actually need anyone’s approval to do anything. Many people throw away their life goals and dreams because it may bother their parents or partner, but this can be a terrible mistake. They may not see your point of view now, but that doesn’t mean that your point of view doesn’t exist.

6. “I want to be comfortable – being uncomfortable is scary.”

Outside of the comfort zone is where great things happen. Say goodbye to this thought by taking risks and putting yourself out there will help you to reach your full potential and to grow as a person.

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7. “I want to avoid all pain.”

It is impossible to live a life without sadness. Humans learn strength through pain and struggle, which allows us to become better versions of ourselves. If you are afraid of emotional pain, remember that it is difficult to enjoy happiness without also experiencing sadness.

8. “My thoughts aren’t that important.”

You will spend much of your life convincing others that your thoughts are important and relevant – if you don’t believe it, how will you convince others? Say what matters to you and let it all out! Say goodbye to this thought by believing in your thoughts, and remembering that they are just as important as everyone else’s.

9. “It is too hard.”

You will experience dizzying highs and crashing lows during yourself. There is nothing that you can do to avoid hard times, but you can choose to not give up and to keep fighting when they do happen. Hold your head high and remember that there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel – it is just up to you to find that light.

10. “I have lost too much to continue.”

One perspective; I have lose everything and it is awful. Another perspective; now I have nothing, I am truly free to try anything without the chance of losing everything. Life is all about your mind-set; if you choose to be pessimistic and fearful, your choices will be limited. Say goodbye to this thought by choosing to be strong and brave, opening up endless possibilities.  Good luck!

More by this author

Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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