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Top 20 Signs You Know How To Love Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

Top 20 Signs You Know How To Love Yourself And Treat Yourself Well

There is no other person you will spend more time with in your life than yourself. So you might as well love yourself wholly, thoroughly and ardently. The truth is that most of us have difficulty appreciating our gifts, ideas and personalities.

We forget that we are wonderfully made; we forget that we are unique and have the capacity to bring ideas to life that can change our world. If you don’t yet know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, get started. Here are the top 20 signs you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well and some tips for those who have not yet perfected self-love.

1. You chastise negative self-talk

When difficult times arise; when you inevitably face failure; when you are in the brink of self-discovery by stepping out of your comfort zone, the negative-self-talk monster likes to step in and remind you of your inadequacy, your lack of experience and your inability to perform.

However, because you love yourself and understand that you are capable of greatness, you automatically chastise that negative self-talk.  You understand that doubts will always arise, but you are confident that you have what it takes to succeed and the negative self-talk monster’s accusations have no firm foundation.

2. You take time to reflect

When you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, you understand and embrace the importance of reflecting on your actions and life choices. Taking time to reflect on your actions empowers you to press on toward your goals with confidence and assurance that you will succeed.  Moreover, you position yourself to be a student of life, learning from experiences, failures and achievements.

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3. You have zero tolerance for B.S.

Whether it is people disrespecting your time by showing up late to meetings, or allowing liars, cheaters, and negative people in your life, when you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, you will not tolerate any B.S.  Your time is too valuable to spend waiting for others, accepting excuses or being dragged down by other’s negative views on the trivialities of life.

4. You take care of your body

When you know how to love yourself, you know exactly how to treat your body. You understand a treat is not the advertised sugar rush you get from eating the entire bag of M&M’s (that rush is nothing but a mirage). Instead, you know that treating yourself to a healthy meal, a wholesome snack is the way to go. You are aware your body is a temple, one that must be cared for and loved because it’s the only one you’ve got.

5. You are no longer a slave to opinions

“What will they say?” is never a question you ask yourself. When you know how to love yourself you understand that while it is important and wise to listen to advice, other’s opinions of you do not define you.

6.You understand you are not the center of the universe

When you know how to love yourself, your ego doesn’t get in the way of humility.  You understand not everything is about you. In fact, you may even get to the point where you understand nothing is about you but instead about a higher power and the greater good. Understanding that you are not the center of the universe releases you from comparisons and unhealthy competition, instead you strive to create win-win situations for everything in your life and find fulfillment in serving and loving others.

7. You put yourself first

When you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, you understand that taking care of your needs is crucial in order to be successful in serving others. The two thousand-year-old principle of “love your neighbor as you love yourself” is still true today; you gotta love yourself first!

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8. You have the courage to forgive

When you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, you understand that by holding a grudge you will only hurt yourself. Therefore you are quick to forgive even if you don’t forget!

9. You strive to savor each moment

You know you love yourself and treat yourself well when you recognize that each moment that passes is a beautiful bow that unwraps the gift of life.  You savor each minute, understanding there is no guarantee you will see another sunrise and despite the lack of guarantees you love life anyway because it is in the scarcity of certainties that life will go on, that experiences become all the more precious.

10. You take the time to write down your goals

While everyone else goes through life without any clear vision of what they want to accomplish, you take the time to envision and write down your goals. Taking time to plan and having a “road-map” or living with a clear purpose is a strong sign that you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well. You understand you only have one life to live and are determined to make the best of it.

11. You guard your mind

When you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well you always guard your mind. You understand life is too short and time too precious to spend thinking or learning about non-sense. You live by this timeless advice: “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”

12. You refuse to speak ill of others

When we point out other’s flaws, we don’t realize that our ego is involved and we are simply projecting traits we may not like about ourselves onto others. Speaking ill of others is much easier than looking within and changing ourselves. When you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, you understand speaking ill of others is simply daft!

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13. You believe in your dreams even when everyone else doubts them

When you know how to love yourself and treat yourself well, you believe in your abilities, and, therefore, you are willing to pursue your dreams despite how illogical they may seem to others (see #5).  Virtually every invention you know of (think of airplanes, cars, and computers) seemed ridiculous to most people before they came into being.

14. You strive to improve your mind and soul

Socrates once asked, “Esteemed friend, citizen of Athens, the greatest city in the world, so outstanding in both intelligence and power, aren’t you ashamed to care so much to make all the money you can, and to advance your reputation and prestige–while for truth and wisdom and the improvement of your soul you have no care or worry?” When you know how to love yourself, you value what matters: wisdom, truth, and the improvement of your soul.

15. You know when to quit

Some people may thinking quitters never win, but when you truly love yourself and know how to treat yourself well, you can’t help but follow the old tune’s advice: “you gotta know when to fold’em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” You gotta know when to quit and have a fresh new start in life.

16. You live for the present

When you love yourself and you know how to treat yourself right, you understand that nothing ties you to the past and nothing pulls you to the future but the present. You are aware that the present is all you have and that is quite enough to experience life fully.

17. You select your friends carefully

When you love yourself and you know how to treat yourself right you cautiously select who you spend your time with.  After all, it is just like Jim Rohn said: “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”

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18. You know how to be alone

You know that being alone is not the same as being lonely! When you love yourself and know how to treat yourself right, your company is all you need to be happy, all you need to live. Everything else is just a bonus!

19. You compete with yourself 

When you love yourself and know how to treat yourself right, you become your greatest competition. It no longer matters how the rest of the world is doing. Instead, you focus on becoming the best you can be! You focus on challenging the status quo because you know there is always room for improvement and growth.

20. You embrace adventure

Stepping out of your comfort zone and doing things you’ve never tried is the easiest way to find out who you really are. When you love yourself and you know how to treat yourself right, you always make sure to embrace adventure in your life.

Featured photo credit: unsplash via pixabay.com

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Sarita King

motivational warrior!

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Published on April 7, 2021

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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2. They Make Everything Transactional

Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

Some statements to be wary of include:

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  • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
  • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
  • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
  • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

3. They Criticize Everything

One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

  • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
  • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
  • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
  • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

5. They Socially Isolate You

Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

  • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
  • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
  • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
  • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

Final Thoughts

It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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