How to Stop Being an Over-Thinker
As a rule, thinking is a good thing and while some people don’t do it enough, some over-think everything. Both genders can fall into either category – today we’re going to chat about the one who does too much.
Some people think themselves into stagnation, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety and even illness. They have an aptitude for making the simple, complex, the easy, hard, the minor issue, a major drama and the pain-less, pain-full. They are adept at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and also at wasting their time and talent through age-old art of over-analysing everything and everyone; analysis paralysis. They are experts at misinterpreting what people are saying and if there is a way to have their feelings hurt, they’ll find it. Even go looking for it. Not only do they have a history of almost doing things but more often than not they are obsessive, compulsive with perfectionistic tendencies. They worry too much. About nearly everything. They are people-pleasers who want change (different) but the change process scares them. They don’t need other people to sabotage their dreams or goals, they can do that all by themselves. They are highly skilled in the art of self-sabotage and if anyone will get in their way, it’s them. They are… the Over-Thinker.
So, if you identify with any of the above, then you probably inhabit the cerebral landscape somewhere between casual Over-Thinker and chronic Over-Thinker. Here’s a few tips to help you deal with your Over-Thinking-Ness (a word). (Now).
1. Stop waiting for perfection (perfect timing, perfect conditions) before you do what you know you should have done long ago. Being ambitious is great but aiming for perfection is unrealistic, impractical and debilitating. Aim for constant improvement and consciously and methodically work towards positive change where you need it most.
2. Don’t assume. Don’t act on hunches, act on facts.
3. Be more proactive; do stuff! Get out of the theory and into the practical. Now! Do at least one thing each day every day that will get you closer to where you want to be. Even if it scares you. Especially if it scares you. To steal someone else’s book title, “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.” Don’t let fear hijack your potential or run your life (into the ground).
4. Ask yourself the right type of questions; the ones which will put you (mentally) in a positive, practical, productive and solution-focused head space. Acknowledge the problem but be all about the solution. Consciously find the good.
5. Have a sounding board (coach, friend, mentor, relative); someone who will provide you with relevant, meaningful, specific, unemotional feedback – you can’t be objective about you. Make sure it’s someone who will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.
6. In order to consistently and consciously move from mediocre to amazing, create a plan and totally commit to it. Don’t give yourself an escape clause. Identify and commit to your non-negotiable behaviours.
7. Stop rationalising, justifying and explaining what you’re not doing. Try honesty, it’s quite effective. And liberating.
8. Keep a Success Diary (wanky name but great concept). Journaling your thoughts, decisions, behaviours and results is a great way to keep perspective, stay focused and motivated and to de-emotionalise the change process. It’s also a good way for you to learn what works – for you.
9. Get out of your thoughts. Eckhart Tolle talks about finding that very quiet, relaxing and beautiful space beyond our thoughts. The place where peace, calm, joy and freedom live. This is something which needs to be worked on but with practice you’ll be able to do it almost anywhere at any time. We don’t know how hard it is to stop thinking until we try. And the irony is that moving beyond our thoughts is not really about trying but about letting go. Of the chaos. The mind can be an exhausting place and sometimes we need a holiday from it. If you struggle with this concept, start by losing yourself in some of your favourite music. Step out of your mind and into the music; away from the cerebral and into the creative. The spiritual. The non-thinker. If you’re interested in exploring and understanding this concept more, check out Eckhart Tolle’s book the Power of Now. It’s kind of heavy going (possibly weird depending on where you’re at) but well worth it if you can persevere and digest his words thoughtfully.
10. With all the thoughts traveling around in your head, some of them should be evicted, others are stuck and are too scared to come out. See your brain’s thoughts as one massive Apartment Block. Let’s look at Level 2 of your Apartment Block … as you walk down the corridor, you hear the ol’ crazy woman behind Apt 22 “you should have done it this way stuuupid…”. Further down is the chatterbox in Apt 28 who always has her door open and jumps out and distracts you, just as you’re trying to get somewhere. At the end of the corridor is Mr Gotnothingbettertodo who without fail stops you dead in your tracks “if you only saw how silly you looked you’ve never do that again!”. These trouble-making tenants are in fact those thoughts that interupt your driving forces and freeze you with guilt, anxiety and reasons to keep us still. These tenants are really easy to spot, haven’t paid rent in years, are up to no good and are causing trouble to all the other (good) tenants. These tenants must be evicted – effective immediately!
Start right now – select the most disturbing tenant you know is doing you no good and hand deliver your notice NOW! Get in that elevator, press the button to the floor that you know you keep avoiding.. and march to their door with confidence and hand deliver that notice. If they don’t co-operate, grab them by the ankles and toss them out. These tenants have been settled for a long time and know how to persuade you – so don’t give in! Remember, you have other fantastic tenants there that will be right by your side to support you in this mass evacuation.
This will make room for new, inspirational tenants. Make this Apartment Block your own – bring it back to life, create activities for your community, put in groovy carpet, bring in leafy plants, put in a bar upstairs with 24/7 feel good music (next to the brain spa and indoor pool) – even renovate a complete level and turn it into a brain haven where your tenants can go to put their feet up and recuperate. It’s your Apartment Block – the possibilities are endless!
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Craig Harper
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker.FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.
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Comments
Dieter_be says on December 22nd, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Super! An article exactly for the type of person I am :-)
Pretty much the complete discription fits me very well..
I realised this behavior a while ago and started working on it already.
Like you said, we try to think of the “perfect” solution, but there is usually a reason why we can’t build the perfect solution yet because of this or that practical reason. Instead of solving the problem in a “not perfect yet” way and going on from there, people like me are often blocked from doing anything at all. Bad bad bad. Like you said, in that case it’s better to “just do it” and evaluate afterwards. A bit counter-intuitive for people like me, but we just have to “swallow the pill” and do it. Afterwards it always turned out to be a good thing. Another phenomenon I’ve noticed, quite in line with what is mentioned already, once we *do* go for it, we often make to many assumptions and build a solution that is way too complex because we thought we would need this or that feature. (see YAGN and KISS patterns)
Stephen says on December 22nd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I consider over-thinking a huge problem of my own, but I don’t think tendencies of perfectionism and assumption are endemic to those who overthink; I think those are indicative of other problems besides just putting your head to work too often. My problem is mostly mental exhaustion and the inability to find a quiet moment, even to fall asleep to.
Otherwise I enjoyed many of the tips and will try putting them to use.
janeonthemoon says on December 22nd, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I like the apartment analogy, I found that quite inspiring.
Joe Lofshult says on December 22nd, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Good suggestions. As I was reading the post, two books on the subject popped into my head. Then I saw you mentioned one of them, “Feel the Fear..”. The other was Presfield’s “War of Art” and his discussion of Resistance. Thanks for the post.
Bill M says on December 22nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“2. Don’t assume.” definately….
Colin says on December 22nd, 2008 at 10:13 pm
These are all great tips. I over-think a lot. I have used some of these ideas to get out there and start doing, instead of coming up with excuses.
The memory apartment or room concept is very good for organising thoughts and memories.
Thanks
Vincent says on December 22nd, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Hi Craig,
In regards to point number 2, don’t assume, it is so true that sometime people who are over thinking are always assuming and guessing. By constantly assuming, we are putting unnecessary stress on ourselves and sometime things that we assume are not true too. Thanks for the article Craig.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Roger Lindsjö says on December 25th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Act now or you tend to make an over-complicated (and often not good) solution.
And no matter if it is software, work or your personal live, stop and re-evaluate once in a while. Is the business model for this product still sound? Am I doing something worthwhile at work? Do my actions take me forward in live as I want them to?
A good reading is “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson, MD.
an overthinkers says on December 28th, 2008 at 1:18 am
While I am an over-thinker, this article hurt me more than it helped. I couldn’t get past the extremely poor writing and grammar mistakes. “They are the Over-Thinker”? “Here is a few tips”? Learn the difference between singular and plural. Learn how to use commas, semicolons, and dashes correctly.
usha says on December 28th, 2008 at 9:57 am
amazing………..great tips!!!!
it looks like you have met me theres not one thing i wouldnt do in it.”dont assume”. awesome…
RL says on December 29th, 2008 at 2:40 am
Some good advice to begin with, but I have to admit that you lost me the moment you mentioned Tolle; I can’t stand the guy or what he stands for.
RL says on December 29th, 2008 at 3:17 am
While I appreciate the tips, I have to admit that you lost me when I saw mention of Tolle. I don’t buy his teachings or what he stands for.
Kyle says on December 29th, 2008 at 4:14 am
to “overthinkers”: you forgot a comma.
your post hurt, more than it helped me.
because of that.
shit, now my post doesn’t make any sense.
because i stuck a period where it didn’t belong.
go to bed.
RafaelV says on December 29th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
I have a 11 year old son that fits this profile perfectly, who also as ADHD (I know, it’s quite the mix!) Unfortunately, I am the complete opposite, which causes an extreme amount of contention in our household when goes looking for something to be worried about.
Do you have any advice for parents with children that are over thinkers? What the best way to respond to help them overcome over thinking?
Jia Praeg says on December 30th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I agree with some of the comments made. Over-thinking and productivity (or lack thereof) are completely separate. I’m definitely an over-thinker but it never stops me from doing anything. My over-thinking affects me personally. It’s a burden and it’s exhausting. I consider myself emotionally stable but when I over-think, that’s when I become worn down and exhausted. I think this article is a good start at dealing with over-thinking but the assumptions made as to the effects of it are incorrect or too broadly assumed.
Just my $0.02.
Kiefer says on December 30th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Even though this post has some good points I think you clearly over thought the answer, very confusing.
Maybe its because I don’t identify with it?
As for #2 when presented with all the facts and you cant come to a conclusion a hunch, or gut instinct works all the time for me. My first thoughts are always correct!
Kristin says on December 30th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I thought #s 1 and 2 were contradictory. Don’t wait for perfectionism, but act on facts rather than assumptions. Isn’t that some of the problem over-thinkers have is that they wait for all the facts rather than acvt on hunches, being more “in the moment.” Also, hunches are often quite right and acting on facts can make you overthink.
Zach says on December 31st, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Your apartment scenario is quite literal for me — the big annoying anxiety-creating voice in my head is because of a tenant that needs evicting. Ah, unintended analogies.
Jimmy says on December 31st, 2008 at 11:57 pm
I’m sorry, you’ve described me perfectly, but given me nothing to actually act on. Your advice is the equivalent of what I could tell myself, and have been told by countless others. Advice like this doesn’t actually mean anything or provide any type of exercise to act on, it’s very superficial and sophomoric. The best thing you throw in there is to check out Eckhart Tolle.
Commonly, people who overthink don’t know how to think normally. They’ve overthought for so long that thinking casually or without fear or anxiety doesn’t come even close to naturally. So to just tell them “hey, take it easy, don’t think so much” doesn’t mean anything, and is almost insulting.
Honestly, if you’re going to title an article ‘how to stop being an overthinker’ and then not give even a single bit of useful advice to someone who over thinks, is at best naive and at worst deceitful.
Noobpreneur says on January 3rd, 2009 at 7:20 am
Hi,
Great tips! My fav: don’t assume – acting on fact not only add credibility to you, but also could save your life! :)
Stephen C. says on January 3rd, 2009 at 11:23 am
Dont think just act ……. Um … what to say … what to say… I’m tryin to not think about it …. but its not working ….
I overthink and analyze everything far too much… I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and also i am a negative thinker always sabatoging myself … i hate it and i want to change … but it is difficult, very difficult… cant we create something like a group therapy online …
enzo says on January 3rd, 2009 at 12:34 pm
brilliant list. no. 8 is such a great motivator.
ciao,
‘enzo
–
http://twitter.com/_enzo
Magicnus says on January 4th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Oh this just cracks me up big time. The entire website proves the point. It is a contradiction in terms to think you can unthink overthinking.
Get a life dudes! It’s actually feels good:-)
numbat8 says on January 4th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I have always been a thinker and I reckon I am a super overthinker,even now while I sit and type my head is in a frantic state and I am 56yrs old and have been like this all of my life,I liked your article mainly because it is the product of a creative mind but I have always used my “hunches” as a productive tool and usefull asset.Kind Regards.
chaladeda says on January 5th, 2009 at 1:50 am
I just wanted to thank you for this article. Not everything applied to me, but it was generally useful. I have always been an over-thinker and, while it’s always made me mentally exhausted and unhappy, I didn’t have my first crash-and-burn moment from over-thinking until recently. It was a pretty important decision, and since that, I’ve vowed to myself, never again. I’m ready to kick the (over-thinking) habit.
Like every major change, overcoming over-thinking is incremental and some of the suggestions you give (try something new everyday, do something, stop being a perfectionist) really help with that. #4 was especially helpful (seek a solution, don’t dwell on the problem). I would add one thing: be willing to realize that the best solution may not be exactly what you thought you wanted, but ultimately advances your goals. Thanks again.
A.T. Salt Lake City, Utah says on January 7th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
This is a great and helpful article. I don’t know about anyone else, but I do know that I tend to over-analyse everything that comes to my mind. It’s effected past relationships, and I found the man of my dreams and I need to change. For me, for him, and for the both of us. I noticed I come up with worst case-scenarios while in these over-thought processes. I need to make my life easier by stopping my over-thinking.
SA says on January 18th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Great suggestions! I wonder how you know me so well? Heh! Having a sounding board works wonders for me. Also, am trying to stop waiting for perfection.
Cranky Bob says on January 23rd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I like the apartment analogy too. Make your mind your own. Decorate it as you choose. I love the idea of evicting disturbing tenants. Who needs unhelpful thoughts?
Not sure how the picture at the top relates at all mind you. Oh of course, it’s a pretty girl…
AJ Kumar says on January 30th, 2009 at 3:20 am
asking yourself the right questions can make a huge difference!!!!
AJ Kumar
Corey says on February 22nd, 2009 at 2:52 am
Some great points! I’ve definitely found in my own life experiences that getting these thoughts out to another person has really helped me realize the extent to which I’m overthinking. Great blog!
Katy says on March 11th, 2009 at 7:06 am
LOL! I thought I was the only one in the world who had this “problem”
Colleen says on April 8th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I enjoyed the article. The idea of going into analysis paralysis mode, is something I can relate to. The fact that you mentioned Tolle, impressed me, I have his books, his audio CD’s, his teachings did grow on me. Great apartment/brain analogy. Thanks
José Carlos Maguiña says on April 9th, 2009 at 7:27 am
Interest list. Amazing points number two and number…zero: Think and reflection.
a says on July 8th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
you are all cunts
Tim | Inspiration Central says on August 2nd, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Great post. These tips are particularly useful for people who think negatively.