What Makes Life Worth Living?
My partner is taking a class in psychology and one assignment asks her to write a paper answering the question “What makes life worth living?”
For the past few days, she’s been asking the people around her – kids, friends, co-workers – what they think makes life worth living, and the answers have been pretty much of a sort: family, friends, work, music, some possession or other, faith, maybe health. Computer games.
Although these answers aren’t necessarily trivial, they strike me as very unsatisfying answers to the question “What makes life wort living?” What about family, friends, work, etc. makes life worth living? Just having them?
Then why aren’t most people – who generally have families, friends, and jobs – happier than they are? Why, indeed, do we live in a society where anti-depressants are among the most profitable medications? Why are the bookstore shelves packed with books explaining how to be happier?
I think there’s a resistance to answering a question like this honestly. Sure, being put on the spot and asked one of the most profound questions humanity has managed to come up with is probably not exactly conducive to thoughtful responses, either, but I doubt she’d get much better responses if she gave them a week to think about it.
It’s the same resistance I see when people talk about the GTD weekly review. We’re pretty much ok with going over our tasks and doing some short-range planning, but when Allen insists we take that “50,000 foot view” of our lives – the Big Picture view – people tend to come up short.
And when Allen insists, over and over in virtually every interview with him I’ve ever heard or read, that we ask ourselves, “Is what I’m doing right now the most important thing I could be doing in my life?” I see the same resistance. Who am I kidding? I feel the same resistance. Maybe I’m cleaning up dog poop in the backyard, or playing BrickBreaker on my Blackberry – is that really the most important thing I could be doing?
Probably not.
But it strikes me as a really important question. What does make life worth living? And I think the reason people answer in such unsatisfying ways is that we’ve grown so used to defining ourselves in terms of possessions – possessions that literally feel like extensions of our self – that it’s hard to think of even the people close to us in any way other than as possessions, as “objects” with certain qualities that make us happy. Or, more often, don’t.
Which is to say, they’re all “things” that are external to us, no matter how much a part of our life they feel like. I think any question of what makes life worth living has to start with an inward look at one’s self, not an outward look at the people and things one surrounds one’s self with.
Instead, I think we need to address the question with our own actions, the things we do that make life worth living. Verbs, not nouns. When I think of how I would answer the question, the following behaviors come to mind:
- Creating: Writing, drawing, painting (though I’m not good at it), playing music (though I’m not especially good at that, either). For others, it might be inventing something, building a business, coming up with a clever marketing campaign, forming a non-profit.
- Relating: It’s not “family” that makes life worth living, I think, but the relationships we create with members of our family, and the way we maintain and build those relationships. Same goes for friends, lovers, business partners, students, and everyone else.
- Helping: Being able to lend a hand to people in need – however drastic or trivial that need may be – strikes me as an important part of life.
- Realizing: Making, working towards, and achieving goals, no matter what those goals are.
- Playing: Maybe this is a kind of “relating”, but then, play can be a solo affair as well. Letting go of restraints, imagining new possibilities, testing yourself against others or against yourself, finding humor and joy.
- Growing: Learning new things, improving my knowledge and ability in the things I’ve already learned.
Those seem like more satisfying answers to me – they strike deeper into what it is I want for myself, what makes it worthwhile to get up in the morning.
What about you? What makes your life worth living? Do you feel like I’m headed down the wrong path here? How would you answer the question, “What makes life worth living?”
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
Dustin Wax
Dustin M. Wax is a freelance writer and project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He is also the creator of The Writer's Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he's not writing, he teaches anthropology and gender studies in Las Vegas, NV. He is the author of Don't Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.
Follow him on Twitter: @dwax.
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Comments
Mathieu says on August 4th, 2008 at 10:22 am
A lot of things makes life worth living. Although when I hear someone ask that question to me, it scares me, as I think they might be suicidal…Back on the topic, familly, friends, knowing that I can make a difference, my passions and all those little things everyday makes life worth living for me =)
Writer Dad says on August 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I believe that what makes life worth living is different for everyone. The key is understanding that we’ve only got one shot. Time is far more precious than money, and we shouldn’t live our lives frittering our moments in ways that we’ll regret when we’re lying in bed at the end. Mindless television (not all, but most) goodbye. Just one example. Life is short. Live it well.
Shanel Yang says on August 4th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Great post, Dustin! This topic reminds me of an intensive weekend training camp for executives and athletes about how to achieve even greater productivity and success in their careers. The interesting part is that they are asked essentially the same question you are asking here: “What are your core values?” They invariably give the same answers: health; family; friends; etc. But, they don’t live their lives that way. Hence, the disconnect is what’s holding them in their careers, too. So, they find they have been living with a major disconnect between their mental, physical, and emotional energy. I wrote about this and the 5 questions we can ask ourselves to start reconnecting these key parts of ourselves in “Are You Your Job?” at http://shanelyang.com/2008/06/16/are-you-your-job/
I definitely think you’re on the right track there. Though I would simplify my list, which admittedly overlaps with yours, to just 3: (1) Learning; (2) Teaching; and (3) Having Fun. : )
Art Gonzalez says on August 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am
My personal take on this is that one must strive to make life the best as possible for the advancement of humanity and to be a source of blessing and joy for other people.
Many blessings,
Art Gonzalez
Check my Squidoo Lens at: Quantum Knights
Jenn says on August 4th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I really like the idea of using verbs instead of nouns to answer this question! I’ve thought a lot about what makes me happy but now that I reflect back, I realize I’ve always thought in terms of outcomes of actions, not the actions themselves (e.g., I have thought about wanting a solid community of friends and colleagues, but what actually makes me happy is *interacting* with certain types of people). One great thing about thinking in terms of verbs is that it is then much clearer how you can go about making yourself happy – thinking in terms of nouns feels more reactive, passive. You’ve got me wanting to go back and make sure that I can articulate my ‘things that make me happy’ list as ‘things I do that make me happy’!
Dallin says on August 4th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
All good points.
I would say that “feeling part of a cause” is a big part of what makes life worth living for me.
Some people support all kinds of “causes.” For me, it’s religion. I am Mormon, so I spent 2 years as a missionary (church standard) in Mexico and it proved to be one of the most valuable times in my life. Now I continue to work with others in my congregation toward many different goals that we consider to be part of the “greater good.”
Does anyone else have an experience like this?
Aileen says on August 4th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I think, above all, its your own mood. Everything in my life is good. I have basically gotten everything I’ve ever wanted, kids, love, self-employment, tons of time to bike ride, but how I see life depends on how I’m feeling.
My moods vary considerably so when I’m feeling good, even a rainy day with cranky kids feels great and when I feel down, a beautiful sunny day with nothing I have to do feels lousy.
I use homeopathy to generally keep me feeling even. Even when I’m down I’m aware that it’s my own outlook on life that affects whether I feel that life is fantastic or not so great.
I also don’t expect to feel that “life is worth living” every minute of every day. I let myself wallow in feeling lousy if that’s where I am…
~C4Chaos says on August 4th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
people at different stages of psychological development will have different answers to this question.
using Maslow’s hierarchy in evaluating your answers, it looks like you’re already at the stage of fulfilling your *growth* needs. http://bit.ly/41bt5S
as for me, since this is a philosophical question, my answer is a deeply philosophical one: what makes life worth living is the opportunity to traverse Maslow’s hierarchy (and beyond) as we get to *know* ourselves and others.
thanks for bringing up this self-reflective topic. most of us get distracted from what truly matters.
~C
Simon Hill says on August 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
While there are ups and downs in life I’ve come to see that there are a couple of reasons that make my life worth living. In fact they are opportunities. The first is to always learn and grow. The second is to leave everyone I come in contact with better than I found them. How successful I am is for others to judge but I enjoy giving it a go.
Cheers
Simon
Tassia says on August 4th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I’d say it’s the feelings those actions engender that make life good and worth the downsides. I find joy in a lot of things, doing, experiencing, sometimes just being.
Ann at One Bag Nation says on August 4th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Today?
A great workout, a beautiful, sunny morning, and a cooperative 6-yr-old!
Gabe says on August 4th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I asked myself on one of my long walks, “why the hell are we here?” Why doesn’t a lightning bolt just strike me down and just end it all? I obviously wasn’t having a good month – after losing my job and wife. After I got to the end of the trail, I walked into a Greek restaurant, sat at the bar and started doing shots. After a few minutes, I was pretty buzzed, and the restaurant’s Chef sat down next to me and struck up a conversation with me. I asked him the same question, and his answer made complete sense to me; even while I was under the influence, it all became clear to me. He told me “we are here to fight.” He didn’t mean it in the literal sense of course.
So if you want something, get off your butt and fight for it, whether it be a social cause, or if you want a better job; sure, it’s nice to imagine something in your hands, like the steering wheel of your dream vehicle, but you have to make it happen too.
Ed says on August 4th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
After thinking about this question for a while, I eventually found it to be shallow. I know it’s trite, but the more important question is, “What’s the meaning of life,” or something similar. That’s the real “50,000-foot view” question.
There are 10,000 things that make life worth living, and they can change based on the day or the season of life. For me, here are just a few: Ice cream, a juicy steak, sex with my wife, Christmas morning with my kids, a Michigan Wolverines football game (if they win … ), coaching Little League baseball (what a great high!), the end of an exercise workout, a pizza and a Diet Coke, playing backgammon, watching my kids play sports and perform in the orchestra, finding the latest app that makes my Mac more efficient, serving at church or at the food shelf and having someone notice (a sad but honest commentary), buying something I WANT … We all could come up with 10,000 things that make this life worthwhile. And it all just seems mostly self-centered. It’s an important question if the 80-some years we have in this life is all there is.
But there is more than this life. There is eternity. So the more important question is, “What’s the meaning of life?” or “Why am I here” or something like that.
The answer is to worship and serve the Lord, to bring glory to His name (not to mine), and to serve others by — in my case — being an effective husband, father, employer and community leader. The Lord deserves it. He created me and saved me. When I remember the big picture of eternity, it’s easy to get passionate about serving God and others, and most of the other things that I listed above become far less important.
Anonomya says on August 5th, 2008 at 1:02 am
I don’t have a strong belief in the afterlife, so this is an important question for me. Personally what makes life worth living is having an impact on others. Maybe it is as simple as having a conversation with someone who then begins to think about things in a new way and then changes the world. Maybe it’s me who is going to change the world. It’s about the ripple effect – one act can set a series of actions in motion that will have an impact on the future.
Of course, then one has to wonder if it’s all worth it if there is an end of the world in sight – a meteor, ice age, nuclear war, whatever finally wipes us out. If there are no others left then what was the point? Maybe there isn’t one. But the world goes on, and so do we. The only alternative is to focus on the negative possibilities and be paralyzed with fear, and since that is unacceptable I try and make an impact.
Gerben says on August 5th, 2008 at 5:24 am
Excellent idea to use verbs instead of nouns. I’d like to add one that at least holds for me.
# Experiencing: Whether it’s watching the new Tarentino movie, seeing an ancient piramide, running that marathon or bunjee jump from the highest bridge. It’s those experiences that count.
Dot H. says on August 5th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Since my life has been full of difficulty, almost from birth, and is now hampered by illness and disability, this is a question that has come up many times. I envy those who’ve never had to ask themselves this question.
I like all of your answers, which include some I hadn’t thought about, and I agree with those who added “experiencing.” I would also add relationships with animals.
In troubled times it’s easy to forget how much there is to enjoy in life, and how much we care about those we have relationships with, even when the relationships might be (temporarily) unhappy ones.
There are times when experiencing is all I’m able to do, and then I’ve found that simple pleasures can help make life worth living, along with those deeper achievements you mention that I may not be able to accomplish for the time being. I’ll never forget a movie from India I saw called “Taste of a Cherry” in which a man is bent on suicide until someone asks him, “Are you willing never again to experience the taste of a cherry?”
Einrich says on August 5th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
My answer to ‘why’ is life worth living (because there really is no ‘what’ in my opinion, or rather the ‘what’ is variable):
Because it’s a fun and interesting experience, and as long as you’re alive, you can continue to have fun and interesting experiences (if you allow for them). The ultimate end result is death no matter how you look at it, but for the time being, being able to live is really nice. Also, the hope for something better is there, inspiring us to push forward for better experiences. :)
Andrew Guyton says on August 5th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I think these are great verbs (behaviors) that make life worth living. My philosophy is that when we are pursuing excitement we are truely happy in life. It can be pursuing these behaviors you listed or any other behavior that is exciting to you that will ultimately make us happy and make life worth living!
David says on August 5th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Raspberry sorbet on a hot summer day. A first kiss. The nausea I feel when I think about losing those I love. These and so many other things sought and avoided. It is LIFE that makes life worth living, sillies.
Philippa Kennealy MD MPH CPCC PCC says on August 6th, 2008 at 1:05 am
I love the question.
It boils down to three things for me and my coaching clients:
1. Knowing your deepest values and making choices that align with those values.
Knowing your life purpose (for me: I am the bright spark that lights people’s fires, including my own) and making choices that move you towards your life purpose rather than away from it.
Knowing the vision you have for who you are becoming, and for the life you are consciously creating (much of the time!)
It sounds like you are aware of your core values, Dustin, and you recognize that when you are aligned with your core values, life feels rich and fulfilling!
gruenremix says on August 6th, 2008 at 2:47 am
advertising and those who make us feel we are only valuable at consumers certainly don’t help – “creatives” they call themselves – more like “destructives”
arrogance – a gruenremix
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSaOS4sgJ68
Maulik says on August 6th, 2008 at 7:43 am
I believe it is the attitude of the person that makes the life worth living. It doesn’t come from possession or relations. It comes from within. It requires an inside out perspective of life.
I believe, when you compare yourself with other on the basis of what life gives us (and to others), we feel dissatisfied with the life. But when we compare ourselves on the basis of what we give to life, we are far better than others. When we think of only giving, we are satisfied. But when we think about “return on investment”, we don’t see the life as worthwhile.
Brooks Van Norman says on August 6th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
An important question Dustin. And a solid post too. I can’t remember the exact quote – but it goes something like this: “Something to do, someone to love, something to laugh about….”
Anyway, your post reminded me of it.
Meghan says on August 7th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Giving and learning makes life worth living to me. Even through the struggles and pain, if you’re able to teach someone something or learn something for yourself, then no experience is futile….and therefore no one’s life can be futile.
Michael@ Awareness * Connection says on August 7th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
You’ve asked here what has been called the only serious question in philosophy. Nice topic. It is a tough one to answer, and I’ve enjoyed hearing people’s thoughts.
deionk says on August 9th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Danger!
Danger makes life worth living!
It’s the only thing that is really no longer there
I personally cannot truely deeply and sincerely appreciate the peace in this world until i’ve put something very dear to me out on the line.
thanks for asking this question again. we need to be thinking about these things more often.
deionk says on August 9th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Danger!
Danger makes life worth living!
It’s the only thing that is really no longer there when you die
I personally cannot truely deeply and sincerely appreciate the peace in this world until i’ve put something very dear to me out on the line.
thanks for asking this question again. we need to be thinking about these things more often.
DreamFlasher says on August 10th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
# Acting: Actively doing things
# Thinking: Positive, critical, active, introspective…
Hamlet says on August 11th, 2008 at 6:39 am
FEAR!
…for in that sleep of death what dreams may come…
ppm8787 says on August 11th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
How about natural human curiosity to find out what happens next?
Emmett says on August 11th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
There is a very simple answer to this. I’ve distilled it down to four elements that inter-relate
To be effective: Getting things done and being recognized for it.
Simplicity: When things get complicated for long periods, people get unhappy.
Novelty: Learning, adventure, toys, etc.
Purpose: Having goals and direction (two separate things).
Theres also a lot on how those forces interact and that is actually where most systems or initial thoughts fail.
kick says on August 13th, 2008 at 8:34 am
life is not worth it it shit
Hugh says on August 15th, 2008 at 6:13 am
Wow, this is a great post. It made wonder about two ways to think of ourselves:
* I am what I am because I do what I do
* I do what I do because I am what I am
I tend to agree with the first one – I think actions _reveal_ what we are rather than _define_ us. Problem is, I don’t always like what my actions reveal…
Lindsay says on August 20th, 2008 at 7:42 am
I think the main thing that we all live for is feeling/experience. Everything we do is about feeling. Why do we create? To feel accomplishment. Why do we exercise? to feel healthy, why do we value family? to feel love & connection.. rah rah rah.
Learning & growing.
Lindsay says on August 20th, 2008 at 7:54 am
.. personal development. to realize our potential and purpose in this world.
(sorry knocked the submit botton before i was finished).
love this site, very thought-provoking.
keep it up!
saya says on October 23rd, 2008 at 1:21 am
hope, curiosity and satisfaction. =)
jared says on April 15th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Why don’t you just come on out and say it? Life is not worth living. It is not “you” who wishes to live, just some biological forces making you feel that way. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT suicidal. I just know that everyone holds this truth in the backs of their minds. Life is pointless.
Tulsi Tawari says on April 29th, 2009 at 2:06 am
Identity. If you ask a seed the same question: the answer would be to become a tree, potential for which is contained within. the same, I feel, is true for us human beings too. Unfortunately, first- in the struggle for survival, second- in race for topping the crowd, we get lost in confusion. Those who find their seeds early and work on them are revered as super stars by the rest of us. This need not be the case for a few.
Interactions welcome (gake@rediffmail.com)
van dealer says on July 30th, 2009 at 7:56 am
for me, the things that make life worth living are those thousands of little things that make you smile during the course of the day. not necessarily reasons on their own, but put them all together and life really isnt too bad :)
gridsleep says on August 24th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Life isn’t worth living, that’s the thing. For every ounce of pleasure, you have to claw your way through a pound of agony. The world is a mouth full of teeth and it intends to eat you. Life has fed on life since the beginning of organized molecules on this planet, and none of it bothers to ask why, only What’s for supper? Beyond self preservation, there is no Purpose. Your purpose is whatever you choose. If you think it all means something, you’re deluding yourself, said delusion and resulting contradiction possibly being the source of all the agony. Accept the meaninglessness of it all and move beyond it. Meaning comes from feelings. The universe has no feelings. It cannot feel happy or sad, and it doesn’t care two whits for you. The universe does not have a Big Consciousness out there watching you. That is another delusion. Your meaning comes from your feelings. If we did not have feelings, “meaning” and the search for it would not even have occurred to us. Your feelings tell you what you want. Your intellect tells you how to get it. Your body is your means of getting it. It’s. That. Simple.
Chris says on October 3rd, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I agree to an extent with gridsleep. I can’t say that life is worth living, we simply have no choice. You might say “well go kill yourself then.” That is just nonsense because who knows what death brings, could be awful. Life is tough, there are happy times but for many, those times are few and far apart. Sounds depressing but it does give me a goal which helps me get through this tough life. The goal is to have as many happy moments as possible and to try to be the cause of just as many happy moments.
William says on October 18th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I sit hear reading all of these things, these human needs and emotions, and it’s made me realize that humans have become to… Counsious I guess would be the word for it, for there own good. The fact is that we as a species have become so advanced in our thoughts and counsiouness that we think the actuall purpose of all life, to live, breathe, eat, sleep, and have sex, just isn’t enough for us. We can’t except the fact that is tought in high school biology. An ant doesn’t bitch about the fact that it isn’t unique, it won’t be remebered for the work it’s done, that it will eventually become food for the thousands of Other workers exactly like it, It does what it’s ment to in life without worry or regret, so why cant we?