“But I know What’s Best for You…”
Do you ever feel like you’re a mere pawn in someone else’s game; a powerless player that is regularly used, abused and manipulated for the gain and self interest of others? Self interest that’s often thinly disguised as some kind of action, decision or “plan” that’s somehow in your best interest? Isn’t it amazing how some people know what’s best for their life and yours? If only you and I had the ability to think and choose for ourselves; things could be so different. Have you ever felt like your life (or part of your life) has been taken hostage by someone else’s ego, insecurity and/or greed?
Welcome to a very large club.
Manipulators of the Masses
Perhaps you feel like you’re trapped in some kind of on-going poker game where you’re never dealt any decent cards. As a result you feel like you have no real power or leverage… just the occasional bluff. The truth is, knowingly or not, many of us have given away our personal power (or part thereof) and allowed situations, circumstances and other people to dictate, direct and control our reality for far too long. Some of us have let others tell us what we can do and what we can’t do. What we should think. What we should believe. Where we can go. Who we should spend time with. Why we’re here. What our future holds and even what our life purpose should be. And because on some level we all want acceptance, approval, connection, security and love (and a whole bunch more), far too often we compromise… and compromise… until we eventually lose the real “us” and become a simulated version of us: looks like you and me – but isn’t.
Surrendering of Self
Clearly this “surrendering of self” – that is dreams, goals, ideas, values, beliefs (not to be confused with the Christian notion of “dying to self”) – ain’t a great personal strategy for my life or yours. So if it’s all the same to you manipulators and self-centred control freaks, the rest of us will find our own life purpose, discover our own limits, explore our own potential and keep our personal power. Thanks anyway. Not.
“People can only take our personal power if we give it to them.”
Being a humble, generous and occasionally selfless individual is to be admired and respected but being a person who has essentially handed over the reigns of their life is tragic, sad and ultimately terminal. Someone who has given away their personal power is a person who has given away control, hope and happiness.
“It’s nice to be nice but it’s stupid to be a doormat”
Some people confuse feelings with reality. Not “feeling” powerful doesn’t necessarily equate to not “being” powerful. Unless we make it that. For the most part, feelings (read, fear) merely get in the way of our potential, personal power, growth and success. As a rule, our emotions and thoughts are in no way an indicator of our potential or the incredible future we might create and results we might produce if we should choose to use our power rather than give it away — as we have done in the past. Just because you don’t “feel” powerful or consider yourself to be powerful doesn’t mean that you’re not or you can’t be; it simply means you’re denying your potential and buying into a fear mindset. A feeling is only a feeling and a thought is only a thought until you make them a reality; good or bad.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Marianne Williamson
Just to clariff: I just re-read what I’ve written so far and I want to make a few things clear:
- We give away our power – people can’t take it without our permission;
- We allow people and things to have an unhealthy level of control and influence in our life;
- Getting angry, bitter and/or resentful at others will fix nothing – although it’s totally understandable;
- Positive change starts with awareness, understanding and acknowledgement; and
- The situation will change when you change – and you can change any time you like.
Now, is that me over-simplifying the complicated or you complicating the simple?
You decide.
The Last Bit…
Even as you read this right now, some of you might be rationalising your less-than-desirable existence and situation (1) to make yourselves feel better (thereby ignoring those buttons I just pushed) and (2) to avoid confronting the things you know you should deal with. My advice? STOP IT! Your world will change — when you do.
You have the ability, you have the understanding and you have the reasons – now find the courage.
Next time I will share some ideas to help you shift your reality from power-less to power-ful.
Peace.
Great post. The “I know what’s best for you” mentality is very common in the culture I grew up in. That being said, you are right that we can’t blame the people who have influenced me.
Our outer world will yield the most results when we take responsibility for our inner world: our attitudes, our blind spots, the areas we need to confront in ourselves. Until I can say, “I am responsible” for everything under my control, I am going to be the victim of circumstance.
Mr. Harper, you have peered into the depth of my soul. Damn it. Each paragraph I read here revealed an insight to some past failures or painful situations and how I was personally responsible.
I am being coached right now and dealing with many of these issues. What a timely post with great wisdom and insight especially for us sensitive types who have confused being nice, handing over our power, and allowing other people who know what is best for us, to rob us of our personal power and the precious present. Thanks.
I agree with what you say, personal responsibility is the first step to gaining any sort of insight. The thing is, it takes a lot of guts to own up to past mistakes, or even to accept and forgive ourselves for them. Now that’s hard.
Craig, thanks for the distinction between “surrendering of self” and “dying to self.” As a Christian I struggle with this regularly. It was refreshing to read something “motivational” that didn’t slam my Biblical worldview of humility and even affirmed it.
[...] Source:Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) [...]
Brilliant post, Craig. I’m going through a few challenging issues and I was so glad I read this post at this point in my life. Thanks and I look forward to part 2.
[...] Take back your personal power [...]
People will always assume they “know what’s best” for you, yet is that usually the case?
That being said, somebody only has as much control over us as we allow them to have, and the more we reserve that control in our favor, the less we’re able to be influenced.
[...] part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other [...]
[...] part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other [...]
Great Article. Simply fabulous. I am recommending this to all those people who have unknowingly surrendered their personal freedom to others, either by coercion or by the feelings of inadequacy. There are many examples I have come across in my dealings and association with people. Your article would be a god-sent opportunity for them to see where they are going in their life and how they can regain control. Many thanks.
Great insights… It’s so weird that a lot of of us are not half as scared of failure as we are of success. When I look back over my life the only one standing between me and success has been mental barriers i projekted out myself… I had to do some deep ewxploring with hypnosis, which acidently ended up being my profession, to clean out all these ideas and take my power back…
“If anyone ever manages to sell you on the idea that you are not capable of making your own decisions, they will have convinced you that you are a child”
~Quote James Randi, J.R.E.F.~
-ein
[...] Take back your personal power part 1 – Craig Harper writing for Lifehack [...]
Everything in your life is your own fault – good as well as bad.
There is always a choice.
To thine own self be true.
[...] part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other [...]
[...] part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other [...]
[...] part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other [...]
[...] part one of this post we discussed the tendency some of us have to allow situations, circumstances, events and even other [...]
[...] extent. So subliminal perceptions is something we need to take attention to, it is really the power of the mind showing up in subtle nuances. We need to be able to know more about this and it is to [...]
[...] Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) (lifehack.org) [...]
[...] one thing, the subconscious mind is the one that remembers everything, and this is done through the power of association. To fully understand just how powerful this association is, we need to track back to when you were [...]
Thank you Craig, some people like myself fall into slumps that we can’t find our ways out of because were trapped. This third party point of view makes this murky world less cloudy, thank you.