How To Instantly Feel Better When You Are Depressed
Life is full of setbacks and heartache.
The difference between unsuccessful people and successful people often comes down to one thing: mental toughness.
You can be someone who lets failure derail you, feel like a victim, and tell “your story” of defeat to everyone you know. Or you can do the most difficult and healthy thing of all: move on and try a different approach to accomplish your goals.
Here are three mental tricks I use to feel better when I want to give up.
1. Give Someone A Genuine, Massive Compliment
The reason this technique works is that it takes the focus off of yourself. It’s easy to become self-centered and overly focused on your own problems until you realize something very important: EVERYONE feels like this at times. EVERYONE is insecure about something.
You aren’t alone, and I’ve found that one of the most therapeutic things you can do is make someone’s day. Totally out of the blue, give them a massive, genuine compliment.
It can feel a little bit weird to do this over the phone, so I usually cheat and send a text message.
To someone I go running with who is trying to lose weight, I might say “I’m so impressed at your determination, you’re getting faster ,keep it up!”.
To someone I saw at a party last night I might say, “I don’t know what it was about you last night, but you looked really classy/confident/beautiful/etc for some reason. Whatever you are doing, keep it up!”
To someone who has an important interview/game/speech coming up I might say, “You’re going to do great, you’ve worked really hard for this and you deserve it!”
Your goal should be to make them blush or fill them with confidence. Make someone else’s day with a massive genuine compliment to take the focus off of yourself and you’ll start to feel better right away.
2. Be Thankful For What You’ve Learned
No matter how bad it is, now matter how much it hurts, no matter how much money you lost….the lesson you learned from it is FAR more valuable, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.
Even if someone TOTALLY took advantage of you or did you wrong, take a minute to actually thank them in your own mind or out loud. You can bet it will feel strange and it will go against every instinct in your body, but thank them for teaching you such a valuable lesson. It will make you that much stronger next time.
When an unscrupulous contractor took advantage of me on a real estate deal, I was filled with anger and frustration. Most of all I was mad at myself for letting him do it. I ended up taking him to court which caused even more frustration and lost sleep. But in the end I was able to thank him for teaching me such a valuable lesson. If I hadn’t had this setback, I would be just as naive. I wouldn’t know to get a rock solid contract next time. I wouldn’t know to inspect the property more thoroughly before making the last payment!
The money I lost on that deal has taught me enough to make it back ten fold down the line. It was worth every penny in education.
3. Read Some Quotes From The Greats
Finally, when I’m feeling down I like to read some quotes from some of the most successful people of all time. This is a great reminder that EVERYONE must face setbacks. In fact, it is a pre-requisite for success. There is no record of anybody accomplishing anything without MANY setbacks and failures along the way.
Setbacks let you know that you’re making progress.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Success is the ability to move from one failure to the next with enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchhill
Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown.
- Ross Perot
Every single peak performing human being, every single high achieving man or woman, has been a person who has thrown off the natural tendency to play it safe and stay within the comfort zone, and has continually tried to exceed their previous levels of accomplishment, has continually moved forward into the risk zone, to try something more and bigger and better and more important. Every single accomplishment in the history of man, has come from men and women who have had the courage to take the risks, to step out even though they had no guarantee or assurance of success…
In studying the lives and stories of the most outstanding men and women of all of history, we find that every single one of them has been a great failure. People do not understand the importance of failure in achievement. The fact is that it is impossible to succeed without failing, that failure is an indispensable prerequisite for success, and that all great success is proceeded by great failure. Every single person who has tried to accomplish something outside the ordinary has suffered setback and obstacle and defeat and adversity and disappointment and heartache over and over again as they have moved toward their goal. There is no record of anybody ever having achieved any kind of success without having failed over and over again. The only difference is that the winners continually pick themselves up and carry on knowing that ultimate success is inevitable as long as they keep on going on.
- Brian Tracy
Feel free to bookmark this post for the next time you feel like crying and giving up. It may come in handy. Life isn’t an easy journey, and the measure of a true champion is not how far you go, it’s how far you bounce back after facing defeat.
I wish you the best.
WRITER'S BIOGRAPHY
BrianArmstrong
At StartBreakingFree.com I write about proven ways people just like you are using to say goodbye to the rat-race and build successful home based businesses on their own terms, in their own way.
ARTICLES BY THIS WRITER »
Tags: 
Get your own Avatars at 
Loading ...
Comments
Graeme Bullimore says on October 27th, 2008 at 10:07 am
Depression is a mental illness. It is not something that can be switched on or off instantly, by looking at your problems from a particular angle. This article is referring to “feeling unhappy” or “dealing with failure”.
Jesse says on October 27th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Depression is NOT something that should be medicated. It’s a condition that is natural in everyone and it is important how we deal with it. Some people are clinically depressed, but that’s not what this article is referring to. We need to take normal steps like exercise, communicating with friends and family and eating healthy to aid in our depression rather than calling it a disease and resorting to medication.
Good article and I had already bookmarked it before I got to the end :)
John Manuel says on October 27th, 2008 at 10:25 am
This article does a grave disservice to people afflicted with depression. Depression is an often debilitating illness that cannot be pushed aside by simple exercises in positive thinking.
Please consider reading a couple of articles on depression and then updating this LifeHack accordingly.
Shanel Yang says on October 27th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Great post, Brian! Also, watch “We Are Marshall” — an amazing movie about a town that was spiritually dying after an entire plane full of its citizens (and almost their entire college football team) crashed and killed everyone in it — until a handful of individuals decided not to let that happen but to keep on going with life as much as possible by continuing with next season’s football program anyway against terrible odds, resistance by the townspeople, etc. I’m not a sports fan, but this one was truly inspirational. I highly recommend it for anyone who feels like they got a raw deal in life and want to feel lucky instead. : )
James says on October 27th, 2008 at 11:27 am
There’s a big a difference between feeling a bit down and depression. This is all great advice for someone who has a temporary setback. Not much use for those who have suffered true depression.
Kyle Maxwell says on October 27th, 2008 at 11:32 am
It would be nice if these sorts of tricks helped those of us with serious anxiety and depression; it might work fine for somebody who’s just got the blues, and of course we all need our own ways to cope and try to look up.
But implying that people struggling with these serious problems lack “mental toughness” is ignorant and rude. Speaking for myself and for friends and loved ones who fight with these problems every day, I can assure you that my “mental toughness” is, if anything, GREATER than it was before I started suffering from this. If it was that easy to just “feel better”, we would do it.
This is the last straw. I’m tired of empty stories written to generate page views through formulaic, repetitive content but no real thought behind it. My subscription ends now.
khighland says on October 27th, 2008 at 11:49 am
The degrees of depression are certainly something that even experts disagree about, but we can all agree that everone has setbacks in life and depression is a natural emotional reaction.
There are very real things we can do to combat the discouragement that we all face, these are some great tips. To me they seem to revolve around what I have termed a “sense of otherness”, something I have tried to impart to my children. When you are focused on yourself and your problems, its very hard to shake off the discouragement that leads to depression. When you lift your perspective to bless others and to see how much you have to be thankful for, you do great things to battle discouragement.
I find that getting together with a small group of positive-thinking people and having a brain-storming session is a shot in the arm. I get courage from others who have not given up. Thank you for an uplifing article.
BrianArmstrong says on October 27th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
@Graeme & @James – you are right, this isn’t referring to clinical depression – more of the every day variety that we all experience, mental toughness if you will. I try to write the titles in a way that get people’s attention, so I was perhaps a bit over zealous there.
@Shanel – have seen it and you’re right it’s a good movie, I like the idea of being the one who takes the difficult and necessary steps when everyone is stuck or paralyzed with fear
Brian
StartBreakingFree.com
Vincent says on October 28th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Hi Brian,
Great tips. I love Winston Churchill’s quote. Only if we keep moving forward despite the setbacks we faced, we are bound to meet success.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Juliet says on October 28th, 2008 at 1:09 am
hey
I like the giving a compliment.
Some of the things I do (when possible):
do something for someone
spend time with my dogs / play with them
do an activity I usually enjoy (even if I may not feel like it) e.g. Get out into nature, browse through a bookstore
yoga
look at beautiful pictures (browse webshots etc.)
Juliet
Christophe Keller says on October 28th, 2008 at 3:58 am
+1 for exercise. I read somewhere that it is physically impossible to feel depressed when you are doing a torough workout, especially if it’s cardio. My preference is running. Running is movement and movement is life :-)
William says on October 28th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Do what you love and you’ll instantly feel better. Trick is to write down what you love before you’re unhappy.
eg. Dance!
http://caramelmoiselle.wordpre.....nce-dance/
lastminuteacademic says on October 29th, 2008 at 1:16 am
Sorry, but everything except the bit about quotes was utter rubbish.
If you are that depressed, apart from the fact that you probably woudn’t read this article on principle, those points simply won’t cut it.
I am recovering from depression and know that feeling better is not instant. Probably the one big thing for many people including myself, would be a chat with a good friend. Then, possibly, laughter might flow. Contact with humans, depressed or not, is better than say, no contact, or computer based.
Perhaps my comment seems more scathing just due to the title. That kind of automatically means that anyone with serious depression is going to do one thing: laugh.
Then again, maybe this article was written by a once depressed person? I doubt it, but it could be possible – everyones different!
lastminuteacademic says on October 29th, 2008 at 1:22 am
I just read the first bit of this article. Please let me reframe my comments with visible anger.
MENTAL TOUGHNESS? Are you kidding me?
Perhaps we need an article defining it for normal people, and for those who are so depressed they’re spending half their time in bed instead of working/studying.
If I’d read this last year I’d have gotten so angry at the sheer ignorance of it, I’d have probably complained directly to the site owners. I generally love stepcase lifehack, but on this account they have really got it wrong.
That doesn’t mean that the author in question is incapable of writing decent articles, but I suggest (LOUDLY) that he sticks to things he actually knows about.
BrianArmstrong says on October 29th, 2008 at 4:05 am
Love the point about exercise too – I have used this one successfully.
Getting into the gym, going for a run, or even just walking through a park can be therapeutic for me.
Dino says on October 30th, 2008 at 4:39 am
Brain I am from Africa and I have noticed that the people in nice suites complain about the article however give no sollution that in it self is an illness. I believe that that attitude can cause DEATH. Thanks brian for the atempt to help others to the rest be angry to yourself. I came to this site and found some form of relieve, however the blogs below must be edited. Complement as the man says!!!!!!!!!!!! you might need it one day
green says on November 1st, 2008 at 5:49 am
It looks like this post is not about depression but about feeling low or despondent, which is part of being human. Some of the advice will help with the blues, but I agree with James and John on this: depression is completely different. Using the word in this contexts is to trivialize a major illness which can sometimes be fatal.
Janet says on November 2nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Nothing wrong with what you said, it’s just an over-simplification, and for someone who is really down (situationally depressed, rather than suffering from a chronic mental illness) it’s not all that helpful.
Gertrude says on November 7th, 2008 at 9:21 am
I agree this isn’t the right article for helping people get out of depression – when I’m there I doubt I could come up with anything nice to say to anybody.
When I am feeling better about the world – I find sometimes my compliments – especially big ones to people I don’t know all that well, either freak them out or their response is a little too much unbalanced love for me and freaks me out. Some people think that if you’re kind or nice to them this means that you want to be their life partner or saviour – and this response is guaranteed to freak me out.
I’d like to know how to give a massive (any) compliment without giving the receiver the wrong idea about my intentions. Or at least deal with the misunderstanding gracefully and without being freaked out by it.
bobbi gellatly says on November 27th, 2008 at 7:54 am
depression is a sign that something is wrong in your life. you need to be able to talk to someone about it but dont worry if you cant talk to any one about it its only natural. i feel depressed most days and today is one of those days. i wont tell you why im depressed though as it will make you feel worse and so will i.
Justin says on January 1st, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Did you read the author’s bio? He advises on home business-building. What expertise does this all-american boy (stereotyping based on the picture) have regarding depression?
I’ve about had it with the Lifehack formulas. Numbered lists on how to improve your life are inherently oversimplistic and fail to motivate. Having subscribed for more than a year, I can’t think of a single domain in which my life has been improved by following some formulaic advice column penned by these “life-coaches.”
As for this article in particular… How dare you 1) claim to know how to make people feel better when they are depressed and 2) tell people it’s as simple as following your three-step plan?
Brian Armstrong says on January 2nd, 2009 at 5:31 am
A lot of strong comments on this one – just wanted to make a quick response:
Sorry for the confusion! To reiterate, this article was not meant to refer to clinical depression and you are right it is demeaning for anyone to suggest there are such simple cures to a serious disease. I’ve known people who have battled clinical depression (and lost) and related conditions like schizophrenia so it wasn’t my intention to belittle it. I think this is perhaps a language issue because in colloquial American English “depressed” is often used just to mean “sad” and doesn’t have the literal (medical) definition.
Anyway, the article probably should have been titled “How To Instantly Feel Better When You Are Sad” – so for that I apologize. Finally, I don’t think these tips will work for everyone but they have worked for me and my hope was that by sharing it could help out some others as well.
Thanks for the feedback everyone – I’ll check my titles more closely in the future!
Brian Armstrong
http://www.StartBreakingFree.com
Alexandra says on April 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I feel better! Thank you Brian.
tayseer says on April 17th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
i thing the best way to seccessful is to make your own story, not to compare your self with others, becouse you’re always differant!
Dany says on November 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I need to know if this page have a relation with the Law of Attraction
my mom says on December 2nd, 2009 at 1:22 am
wow, there’s a lot of haters out there
Craig says on December 4th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
To all reading the comments about how this article does people a disservice – do not listen. The article NEVER mentions depression, only feeling depressed. They are different things, and the people insinuating that they are the same by insulting the article are doing YOU a disservice. I found it uplifting for my current feelings of being depressed. It is not clinical treatment, but even though I have been diagnosed with Acute Clinical Depression, I still found it rewarding to read, even if it was not an approved technique of fighting depression overall. It’s a pick-me-up, and that’s all it was designed to be.
For God’s sake, lighten up on the criticism. Let people find some help wherever they can.
Brian Armstrong says on December 5th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Wow thanks Craig! Definitely appreciate that :)
hugo hagland says on February 13th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
thanks for the post!!! you really helped alot!
Carrie Suchar says on March 10th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
It’s not that simple; everyone is different; everyone has different circumstances. I tend to agree with the negative posts. Your suggestions are not going to make me feel better; however if I had less depression and more success in my life I would probably agree with you Brian, but then again it’s not that simple. Thank you for caring.