Falling in love can be like going to the gym for the first time. It can hurt like hell, but it still feels great – like you’ve accomplished something. Of course, there are some other aspects of being in love that will give you a lot of “exercise” too, but this isn’t that kind of article. We all know about the supposed cliches of being in love – the things we hear about in songs and books and see acted out in romantic comedies.
If you’re, perhaps, a cynical single guy, you might be forced to listen to a buddy as he goes on and on about his new lady love, while you sit there with a polite and yet pained smile on your face. You just need to wait until the honeymoon period is over, and then your friend will remember that there are more than seven billion people on the earth other than his girlfriend, and she’ll stop finding his fart jokes funny. Until then, you just have to accept that there are things only lovebirds who are truly in love will understand… and when they try to explain it to you, it’s best to just smile and nod.
Damn you, Social Media! Before everyone had a camera on their phone, it was easy to avoid having to look at countless photos of couples doing couple things. Nowadays it’s unavoidable and your Facebook feed might be dominated by photos of your friends and their girlfriends eating at a cafe. Or sitting on a beach. Or whatever other 1000 things they did on the weekend.
Sappy love songs that were kind of lame when single suddenly take on special meaning when in love – they become true. Yes, Aerosmith – I don’t wanna miss a thing! Yes, Belinda Carlisle – Heaven IS a place on Earth. Yes, Britney Spears – I WILL hit you one more time.
When your friend talks about his girlfriend, a weird, contented, distracted look comes over his face – in fact, he kind of smiles like an idiot. Is he drunk? No, no… he’s just in love.
“Hey, want to come out tonight? We’re doing tequila shooters at my place, then heading to a strip bar, followed by an illegal warehouse party.” “No thanks, we’re staying in tonight, cooking pasta and listening to Celine Dion. Because we’re in love.”
Never watch a romantic comedy with a couple in love. They’ll annoy the hell out of you with their statements such as, “We do that!” or “That’s totally us!” while you sit there, trying not to roll your eyes. Hugh Grant is a God to those in love, but to the rest of us, he’s an actor who was arrested with a prostitute in the back of his BMW.
Your friend will reference his girlfriend no matter how weak the connection is. You might be talking about UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon, and he’ll say, “Oh… that reminds me of Susan. She has two arms, two legs and needs oxygen too.”
People in love tend to weird out if they have to go more than a few hours without each other. It’s like a dog that freaks out when being left home alone and has to destroy the furniture as a stress release. So never leave your in love friend alone in your apartment!
When eating dinner with a buddy it’s not uncommon for them to say they forgot to eat breakfast or lunch because they were too busy with their girlfriend. It’s almost enough to make you lose your breakfast and lunch.
Both your buddy and his girlfriend will start sharing their ultimate dating tips for men with you because they just want you to experience the happiness they’re feeling with your own special someone. It doesn’t matter who it is – that woman from work, that woman with a limp who works at the supermarket, that pole dancer you met last weekend – they want you to date and fall in love with someone, anyone!
If you invite him for a beer, he can’t commit until he knows if his girlfriend wants to come too. If you invited him to a proctology exam, he would only do it if she came, and watched. He’s no longer an “I,” he’s a “We.”
He will pretend he’s not, but your buddy will get jealous if his girlfriend spends too much time with her friends, colleagues after work, her sofa. This is all time that could have been spent with him!
They talk about children and say they’re not serious although the topic keeps popping up. You can’t help but think that your buddy has lost three phones in the last year, so he might have problems keeping track of a kid
To people in love, the whole world is awesome and a place of beauty (it won’t last), and they can’t understand why you’re not as high on life as they are. Maybe because you watch the news instead of falling straight into bed as soon as you get home?
“Oh my God – I never knew how good sex could be when you’re truly in love with someone. Sex with all those other girls meant nothing! You HAVE to be in love to truly enjoy sex.” Thanks for the advice buddy, but I’m sure I can still enjoy sex while waiting for The One.
When they fall out of love, life no longer has any meaning, and all the songs, Hugh Grant movies and act of eating a meal just remind them of their lost love. They don’t know how they’ll carry on with life, but you know what? They will. It will take time, and your friendship, but they will. Vodka is also helpful.
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