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4 Personally Proven Steps To Become A Calmer Person

4 Personally Proven Steps To Become A Calmer Person

Become a Calmer Person

    I love weekends. Why?  I can wake up and just spend a few minutes lying awake without the need to do anything. No need to rush to work, or to speak to anyone. Just lying there with eyes wide open and nothing in mind. I realized then that those are some of the calmest moment in my life.

    It has always been a personal mission for me to be calm in every thing I do. I believe it will allow us to make better decisions, to be more focused and ultimately to live a stress-free life.

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    Here’s what I’ve done so far that has actually worked:

    1) Forget Things You Can’t Fix Now

    I work as an engineer in a mill. And being an old mill, there are a lot of problems need to be solved. Some of them are quite critical and challenging, and I often cannot stop thinking about them even at home. This is not good, as I don’t want to bring work back home. So I established the rule that anything I can’t fix now, I will forget about it until tomorrow.

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    What’s the point of thinking about a machine that is in the mill when you are at home? My family deserves better attention from me. Some will say that by thinking about the problem at home, I may stumble upon the solution and it will make work tomorrow so much easier. Personally, I think nothing is worth sacrificing your family time. The machine will still be there even after 10 years, but can I say the same about family members. The children will grow up fast before my eyes and there’s nothing I can do to gain back the time I missed.

    2) Live In the Now

    This is by far one of the most important technique to achieve Zen Master-like calmness. A clear example of how to apply this is just like when I woke up last weekend. I don’t need to think about anything else besides enjoying my lying awake in bed. The same goes for everything else you do.

    If you are typing your next blog post, stop Digging / Stumbling interesting articles. You can do this later when you have the time. For some, this may look like a waste of time, since we can do so much with our multitasking-capable minds. I agree, but we have to retrain our mind sometimes to just focus on one thing. Nothing else. Believe me, miraculous things can and will happen when you focus.

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    Once you started doing this, you will become more focus in everything you do. After a while, you will see that you are no longer worrying about what future will hold for you. As long as you stick to your plan, you will be doing great. You do have a plan, don’t you?

    3) Learn To Let Go

    Not all problems in your life need to be fixed. Some are meant for someone else, like curing cancer and so on. Others are not meant to be solved at all. An example is the boss who bullies. You do what you can to fix this. You send letters to the top management, even to the Labour Department, but still he doesn’t change. All you can do is to let it go. Either quit your job or just bear it all. Either way he will still be the bully he is.

    In the end, you can’t have everything. So let it go, stop trying to fix it. Minimize the damage and go on with your life. A rock falling will hurt you less if you catch it with your hand moving down. It will hurt more if you catch it with your hand moving up.

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    4) Set A Limit Switch To All The Three Techniques

    This is the most important techniques of all three. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write the three techniques down. Then write down, what are the cases when the three techniques are no longer valid.

    For example, technique number 1 states that you must forget things you can’t fix now. Set up a few cases that will void this technique. Maybe if the problem may make you lose your job if not handled promptly. Or if it is a family problem. Write them all down for your reference and repeat for all the remaining two techniques.

    Being calm is important. But not to the extent of losing your job, or your family. Certain things require urgency and that is why we need these guidelines to refer to.

    Being calm doesn’t mean you have to slow down your life. You still can be aggressively active in your life, rush to work, meet tight deadlines, etc. But if you keep all four techniques in mind, you will remain calm even though the whole world is in chaos.

    Photo Credit – Jurvetson

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    Last Updated on March 29, 2021

    5 Types of Horrible Bosses and How to Beat Them All

    5 Types of Horrible Bosses and How to Beat Them All

    When I left university I took a job immediately, I had been lucky as I had spent a year earning almost nothing as an intern so I was offered a role. On my first day I found that I had not been allocated a desk, there was no one to greet me so I was left for some hours ignored. I happened to snipe about this to another employee at the coffee machine two things happened. The first was that the person I had complained to was my new manager’s wife, and the second was, in his own words, ‘that he would come down on me like a ton of bricks if I crossed him…’

    What a great start to a job! I had moved to a new city, and had been at work for less than a morning when I had my first run in with the first style of bad manager. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what Mr Agressive would do next. Bad managers are a major issue. Research from Approved Index shows that more than four in ten employees (42%) state that they have previously quit a job because of a bad manager.

    The Dream Type Of Manager

    My best manager was a total opposite. A man who had been the head of the UK tax system and was working his retirement running a company I was a very junior and green employee for. I made a stupid mistake, one which cost a lot of time and money and I felt I was going to be sacked without doubt.

    I was nervous, beating myself up about what I had done, what would happen. At the end of the day I was called to his office, he had made me wait and I had spent that day talking to other employees, trying to understand where I had gone wrong. It had been a simple mistyped line of code which sent a massive print job out totally wrong. I learn how I should have done it and I fretted.

    My boss asked me to step into his office, he asked me to sit down. “Do you know what you did?” I babbled, yes, I had been stupid, I had not double-checked or asked for advice when I was doing something I had not really understood. It was totally my fault. He paused. “Will you do that again?” Of course I told him I would not, I would always double check, ask for help and not try to be so clever when I was not!

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    “Okay…”

    That was it. I paused and asked, should I clear my desk. He smiled. “You have learnt a valuable lesson, I can be sure that you will never make a mistake like that again. Why would I want to get rid of an employee who knows that?”

    I stayed with that company for many years, the way I was treated was a real object lesson in good management. Sadly, far too many poor managers exist out there.

    The Complete Catalogue of Bad Managers

    The Bully

    My first boss fitted into the classic bully class. This is so often the ‘old school’ management by power style. I encountered this style again in the retail sector where one manager felt the only way to get the best from staff was to bawl and yell.

    However, like so many bullies you will often find that this can be someone who either knows no better or is under stress and they are themselves running scared of the situation they have found themselves in.

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    The Invisible Boss

    This can either present itself as management from afar (usually the golf course or ‘important meetings) or just a boss who is too busy being important to deal with their staff.

    It can feel refreshing as you will often have almost total freedom with your manager taking little or no interest in your activities, however you will soon find that you also lack the support that a good manager will provide. Without direction you may feel you are doing well just to find that you are not delivering against expectations you were not told about and suddenly it is all your fault.

    The Micro Manager

    The frustration of having a manager who feels the need to be involved in everything you do. The polar opposite to the Invisible Boss you will feel that there is no trust in your work as they will want to meddle in everything you do.

    Dealing with the micro-manager can be difficult. Often their management style comes from their own insecurity. You can try confronting them, tell them that you can do your job however in many cases this will not succeed and can in fact make things worse.

    The Over Promoted Boss

    The Over promoted boss categorises someone who has no idea. They have found themselves in a management position through service, family or some corporate mystery. They are people who are not only highly unqualified to be managers they will generally be unable to do even your job.

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    You can find yourself persistently frustrated by the situation you are in, however it can seem impossible to get out without handing over your resignation.

    The Credit Stealer

    The credit stealer is the boss who will never publically acknowledge the work you do. You will put in the extra hours working on a project and you know that, in the ‘big meeting’ it will be your credit stealing boss who will take all of the credit!

    Again it is demoralising, you see all of the credit for your labour being stolen and this can often lead to good employees looking for new careers.

    3 Essential Ways to Work (Cope) with Bad Managers

    Whatever type of bad boss you have there are certain things that you can do to ensure that you get the recognition and protection you require to not only remain sane but to also build your career.

    1. Keep evidence

    Whether it is incidents with the bully or examples of projects you have completed with the credit stealer you will always be well served to keep notes and supporting evidence for projects you are working on.

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    Buy your own notebook and ensure that you are always making notes, it becomes a habit and a very useful one as you have a constant reminder as well as somewhere to explore ideas.

    Importantly, if you do have to go to HR or stand-up for yourself you will have clear records! Also, don’t always trust that corporate servers or emails will always be available or not tampered with. Keep your own content.

    2. Hold regular meetings

    Ensure that you make time for regular meetings with your boss. This is especially useful for the over-promoted or the invisible boss to allow you to ‘manage upwards’. Take charge where you can to set your objectives and use these meetings to set clear objectives and document the status of your work.

    3. Stand your ground, but be ready to jump…

    Remember that you don’t have to put up with poor management. If you have issues you should face them with your boss, maybe they do not know that they are coming across in a bad way.

    However, be ready to recognise if the situation is not going to change. If that is the case, keep your head down and get working on polishing your CV! If it isn’t working, there will be something better out there for you!

    Good luck!

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