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How to Fail at Practically Anything

How to Fail at Practically Anything
How to Fail at Practically Anything

    I say, fail a lot. Push yourself to the limits of your talents, endurance, and common sense, and then go one step further and fall down, spectacularly if possible. Failure is one of life’s great forces; it’s driven far more innovation than talent, creativity, or necessity combined. Plus, its stories are better.

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    Most people, of course, avoid failure. Or, at least, they try to, as much as possible. Or, even worse, they deny having failed and push on steadily against increasing odds just to show ‘em they mean business. What good comes of that? What lessons has success ever taught?

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    Pick a skill, any skill: let’s say, tightrope walking. Imagine the first time you approach the cable stretched taught out in front of you, you close your eyes, stick out your hands, and walk to the other side. The next time, same thing. And the next. You are, it seems, amazingly gifted at walking across thin cables suspended high above the ground. How’s that make you feel? Have you learned anything? Should I admire you? Do you even admire yourself? Or are you bored, having found tight-rope walking to be as easy (easier, in fact) as falling down? And where do you go from there?

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    No, it’s the failures we face, large and small — and the way we face them — that make us who we are and give us the opportunity to make ourselves better. How we fail is at least as important as how we succeed. With that in mind, here are a few thoughts on failing, drawn from my own vast experience:

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    • Fail with grace. There’s no point failing if you’re going to go screaming and crying into the night. When failure is imminent, cut your losses; don’t fool yourself into thinking everything’s fine, or that you have to “see things through to the bitter end”. Don’t pull others down with you– and that means, don’t waste time pointing fingers. Own your failure. Take responsibility for the mess you’ve made, and for cleaning it up.
    • Have a Plan B. When their first attempts to contact the governments of Earth failed, did the aliens of Space Station 7 go down with their saucers? No, they pulled out Plan 9 and entered movie-making history! No plan is failure-proof; embracing failure means accepting the risks you’re taking and being prepared for the worst.
    • Forgive and relive. Review the events that led up to failure. What did you miss? What could you have done differently? While blaming others is hardly productive, if your trust in others was misplaced, consider what led you to put your trust in them in the first place.
    • Get perspective. Tell an outsider your story, someone you trust to tell you what a knee-biter you are. Ask what they would have done differently, and what advice they’d give you if you were just setting out on your failure.
    • Stop doing that! My dad used to tell me, “Insanity is when you do the same thing over and over, hoping for different results.” Once you’ve identified your mistakes, make an effort to avoid them in the future. I know this sounds like plain common sense, but like they say, common sense isn’t common. Think of all the times you’ve seen someone go through an awful breakup only to take up with a new boyfriend or girlfriend with the same faults as the one they just dumped.
    • Do something. Fail actively; don’t give up and stand like a deer in the road, vacant-eyed, watching the headlights overtake you.

    Failure is the most important learning tool we humans have at our disposal. But if we merely accept failure and move on, we may as well not have failed at all. Instead, we should embrace our failures, milking them for everything they’re worth. Ask yourself what you can take away from your failures, what you’re being given by them.

    In the end, it is only by embracing failure that we achieve success. In many cases, not to fail is, in itself, a failure. Did I just blow your mind? Or have I failed?

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    Last Updated on November 28, 2018

    Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

    Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

    Are you one of those people who are always suffering setbacks? Does little ever seem to go right for you? Do you sometimes feel that the universe is out to get you? Do you wonder:

    Why do I have bad luck? Is bad luck real?

    A couple of months ago, I met up with an old friend of mine who I hadn’t seen since last year. Over lunch, we talked about all kinds of things, including our careers, relationships and hobbies.

    My friend told me his job had become dull and uninteresting to him, and despite applying for promotion – he’d been turned down. His personal life wasn’t great either, as he told me that he’d recently separated from his long-term girlfriend.

    When I asked him why things had seemingly gone wrong at home and work, he paused for a moment, and then replied:

    “I’m having a run of bad luck.”

    I was surprised by his response as I’d never thought of him as someone who thought that luck controlled his life. He always appeared to be someone who knew what he wanted – and went after it with gusto.

    He told me he did believe in bad luck because of everything happened to me.

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    It was at this point, that I shared my opinion on luck and destiny:

    While chance events certainly occur, they are purely random in nature. In other words, good luck and bad luck don’t exist in the way that people believe. And more importantly, even if random negative events do come along, our perspective and reaction can turn them into positive things.

    Your luck is no worse—and no better—than anyone else’s. It just feels that way. Better still, there are two simple things you can do which will reverse your feelings of being unlucky and change your luck.

    1. Stop believing that what happens in life is out of your control.

    Stop believing that what happens in your life is down to the vagaries of luck, destiny, supernatural forces, malevolent other people, or anything else outside yourself.

    Psychologists call this “external locus of control.” It’s a kind of fatalism, where people believe that they can do little or nothing personally to change their lives.

    Because of this, they either merely hope for the best, focus on trying to change their luck by various kinds of superstition, or submit passively to whatever comes—while complaining that it doesn’t match their hopes.

    Most successful people take the opposite view. They have “internal locus of control.” They believe that what happens in their life is nearly all down to them; and that even when chance events occur, what is important is not the event itself, but how you respond to it.

    This makes them pro-active, engaged, ready to try new things, and keen to find the means to change whatever in their lives they don’t like.

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    They aren’t fatalistic and they don’t blame bad luck for what isn’t right in their world. They look for a way to make things better.

    Are they luckier than the others? Of course not.

    Luck is random—that’s what chance means—so they are just as likely to suffer setbacks as anyone else.

    What’s different is their response. When things go wrong, they quickly look for ways to put them right. They don’t whine, pity themselves, or complain about “bad luck.” They try to learn from what happened to avoid or correct it next time and get on with living their life as best they can. They have this Motivation Engine, which most people lack, to keep them going.

    No one is habitually luckier or unluckier than anyone else. It may seem so, over the short term (Random events often come in groups, just as random numbers often lie close together for several instances—which is why gamblers tend to see patterns where none exist).

    When you take a longer perspective, random chance is just . . . random. Yet those who feel that they are less lucky, typically pay far more attention to short-term instances of bad luck, convincing themselves of the correctness of their belief.

    Your locus of control isn’t genetic. You learned it somehow. If it isn’t working for you, change it.

    2. Remember that whatever you pay attention to grows in your mind.

    If you focus on what’s going wrong in your life—especially if you see it as “bad luck” you can do nothing about—it will seem blacker and more malevolent.

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    In a short time, you’ll become so convinced that everything is against you that you’ll notice more and more instances where this appears to be true. As a result, you will drown yourself in negative energy and almost certainly stop trying, convinced that nothing you can do will improve your prospects.

    Not long ago, a reader (I’ll call her Kelly) has shared with me about how frustrated she felt and how unlucky she was. Kelly’s an aspiring entrepreneur. She had been trying to find investors to invest in her project. It hadn’t been going well as she was always rejected by the potential investors. And at her most stressful time, her boyfriend broke up with her. And the day after her breakup, she missed an important opportunity to meet an interested investor. She was about to give up because she felt that she’d not be lucky enough to build her business successfully.

    It definitely wasn’t an easy time for her. She was stressful and tired. But it wasn’t bad luck that was playing the role.

    Fatalism feeds on itself until people become passive “victims” of life’s blows. The “losers” in life are those who are convinced they will fail before they start anything; sure that their “bad luck” will ruin any prospects of success.

    They rarely notice that the true reasons for their failure are ignorance, laziness, lack of skill, lack of forethought, or just plain foolishness—all of which they could do something to correct, if only they would stop blaming other people or “bad luck” for their personal deficiencies.

    Your attention is under your control. Send it where you want it to go. Starve the negative thoughts until they die.

    I explained to Kelly that to improve her fortune and have “good luck”, first decide that what happens is nearly always down to her; then try to focus on what works and what turns out well, not the bad stuff.

    Then Kelly tried to review her current situation objectively. She realized that she only needed a short break for herself — from work and her just broken-up relationship. She really needed some time to clear up her mind before moving on with her work and life. When she got her emotions settled down from her heartbreak, she started to work on improving her business’ selling points and looked for new investors that are more suitable.

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    A few months later, she told me that she finally found two investors who were really interested in her project and would like to work with her to grow the business. I was really glad that she could take back control of her destiny and achieved what she wanted.

    Your “fate” really does depend on the choices that you make. When random events happen, as they always will, do you choose to try to turn them to your advantage or just complain about them?

    What’s Next?

    Now that you’ve learned the 2 simple things you can do to take control of your fate and create your own luck. But this isn’t it! These simple techniques you’ve learned here are just part of the essential 7 Cornerstone Skills — a skillset that will give you the power to create permanent solutions to big problems in life — any problem in any area of your life!

    If you think you’re “suffering from bad luck”, you can really change things up and start life over with these 7 Cornerstone Skills. It may even be a lot easier than you thought:

    How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

    Thomas Jefferson is said to have used these words:

    “I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

    Your luck, in the end, is pretty much what you choose it to be.

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    Featured photo credit: LoboStudio Hamburg via unsplash.com

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