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Why We Love Distractions

Why We Love Distractions

    As I sat down to write just now, I was completely distracted by so many noises: my computer fan turned on and sounded more like a car motor than a laptop, the central heat in my house was rumbling along, a motorcycle zoomed by outside, the cats were crying outside my office door… I seriously wondered how I would be able to accomplish anything.

    And then, miraculously, all of the noises stopped at exactly the same time. Complete quiet. Complete stillness. All that I hear right now is the sound of my fingers hitting the keys to create the words that you are now reading.

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    I should be happy, right? I wished for silence, and that wish was granted. So why am I feeling so unsettled now? Why do I want to quickly open up Facebook just to see if someone (anyone!) has posted a new status update? Why am I suddenly fighting the urge to watch cute kitten videos on YouTube? Why am I praying that my inbox will notify me of a new message?

    Because now it is just me and my thoughts.

    There are absolutely no distractions to pull me away from them. And I am realizing in this very moment how very scary being alone in my office with just my thoughts can be. I am no longer able to run away from the gut-wrenching questions that tend to keep me from sleeping soundly at night or being at peace during the day. Will my writing be good enough? Am I good enough? Will it matter? Will I matter?

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    The allure of distractions

    We are all experts at putting up distractions so that we will rarely (if ever) have to face this uncomfortable feeling that I am facing right now. There is something so real and so vulnerable about simply being, isn’t there? It’s like standing in the middle of a crowded room completely naked – how many of us have had nightmares about this one? But seriously, without the distractions of TV, internet, phones, games, our job, the outside world – there’s no buffer between us and the questions we try so hard to avoid:

    See Also: Fear: Why We Can’t Just Be

    • Why am I wasting time working at this job that doesn’t feed my soul?
    • Why do I slave away on these projects each and every day only to bring home a check that is far less than what I deserve?
    • Why am I still hanging around friends who don’t feed my soul or make me laugh or fill me up in any way?
    • Why can’t I look at myself in the mirror without picking apart all of the parts that I can’t stand?
    • Why haven’t I confronted my mom about how hurt I am that she always forgets to return my calls?
    • Why can’t I seem to stay in a loving relationship and be happy there?
    • Why do I always have to have one foot out the door looking for something better? Why am I so unhappy?
    • Why is this the way my life turned out? Why am I always tired? Why have I gained so much weight?
    • Why haven’t I really given my art a go and seen if I could make a living with it?
    • Why haven’t I stepped up and put in my resignation at work?
    • Why haven’t I been brave enough to take the leap and start living my dreams?

    Well, no wonder we wouldn’t want to eliminate our distractions – who wants to be bombarded with all of these thoughts and pressures and demands? In many ways, it’s much easier to keep plugging along with our distractions firmly in place, so we never have to address what’s lurking just under the surface.

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    The happiness ceiling

    However, by not allowing ourselves to examine what’s underneath our distractions, we have created a happiness ceiling that we can’t rise above. So we could have a great job, a ton of money, all of the latest gadgets, and externally seem to have everything going really great – but if we are suffering inside and never taking the time to answer the questions that our souls are urging us to examine, we’ll only be able to reach a certain level of fulfillment.

    We all want to be happy, but are we all willing to do what it takes to get there? Are we willing to push our distractions aside and create the stillness necessary to be alone with our thoughts and really listen to our soul’s urgings? If so, we can start by simply acknowledging these whispers.

    Sit with them and listen to them without judgment. Write them down and pay attention to those thoughts that carry weight – that resonate within our souls – that elicit strong emotion. For example, if one of your whispers is telling you to leave your job, take some time to examine whether this carries weight:

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    • How does thinking about leaving your job make you feel?
    • Are you staying in it because you are afraid of leaving?
    • What is your job keeping you from pursuing?
    • How is it distracting you from living your ideal life?

    Once you have answered these questions (and any others that you come up with on your own), you’ll have a much clearer idea of which direction to go in. And then you can begin making changes to turn these whispers into fully integrated parts of your consciousness – and your life!

    Conclusion

    Let’s be brave enough to examine what’s really underneath all of the distractions that we have created in our lives. When we begin to address them one by one, we create space in our lives for our authentic selves to shine. We start to feel lighter. The happiness that starts to seep into our bodies is a lasting one, not a fleeting one that our distractions bring.

    On a personal note, I’m proud of myself for sticking with this article and not allowing myself to check Facebook or YouTube while writing it. I simply wrote through my inner urges to distract myself, which is something that makes me happy. So find some time today to sit in silence and see what comes up for you. I think you’ll find that if you eliminate your own distractions and listen to your soul, a true happiness will begin to emerge. And who wouldn’t be happy about that?

    (Photo credit: Mini zen garden via Shutterstock)

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    Last Updated on August 13, 2018

    5 Exercises To Improve Intimacy and Create a Better Relationship

    5 Exercises To Improve Intimacy and Create a Better Relationship

    Making love can be simultaneously the most pleasurable and the most stressful experience that we share with another human being. It is a natural conclusion of the ritual of intimacy we engage in with a person we find attractive on both a physical and psychological level. Yet, we are far removed from our animalistic roots, and that which was once a matter of instinct has become somewhat complex. This is a good thing; we have grown as a society, and there are many factors involved when it comes to the relationship between sexual partners. However, we have also lost a great deal of the physical prowess our primitive ancestors had.

    They engaged in a huge amount of physical activities daily — activities that ensured their cardiovascular system and muscles were in great shape, which allowed them to have healthy libidos, strong erections, and the muscular strength, limberness and endurance to maintain different positions for a long time without getting exhausted. Luckily, we can regain some of these animalistic traits with the right kind of training. Here are some essential exercises that will help improve your relationship, but making you more confident in intimate settings, which means that you’ll have more satisfying intercourse.

    Don Juan

      1. Cardio for Stamina

      If you’re out of shape, the first thing you’ll notice during intercourse is that you start to breathe heavily, sweat profusely and tire easily. This means you’ll have to shift your posture frequently and limit yourself to a few positions you feel comfortable with or significantly slow down the pace. A high BMI has also been linked to potential problems with erectile dysfunction. Cardiovascular exercises like running, jumping rope, swimming and cycling will build up your aerobic stamina and enable you to perform longer before becoming fatigued, thus having better intercourse. They’ll also help manage your weight, possibly helping performance.

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      Triathlon symbol
        • Running – 10-20 minutes a day (1-3 miles a day is more than enough)
        • Jumping rope – 5-20 minutes a day
        • Swimming – 30 minutes a day
        • Cycling – 30 minutes a day

        The time in minutes denotes time spent actively performing the exercise, and you need to factor in a bit more time for warming up before and cooling down after the exercises.

        These exercises can be performed every day or every other day, and the goal is to work on both endurance and speed. Don’t just go at a snail’s pace; constantly try to improve your time or add some mileage.

        2. Strength-Training for Your Lower Body and Core

        The next thing you’ll need to focus on is improving both the strength and muscular endurance of the hip flexors, abdominals and spinal erectors. These are the muscles engaged in thrusting and circular motions, and they also stabilize your body in a number of different positions. The legs also play an important role, particularly in standing and kneeling positions. Here are a few exercises that will help you strengthen up this area:

        Barbell squats
          • Heavy barbell squats – set up at a power rack at the gym and make sure you use proper form and weights that you can lift 3-8 times. Do this exercise before anything else in the gym for 4-5 sets to get big and powerful legs, as well as tighten up the muscles of the core. This is useful for both men and women, particularly if you enjoy the woman-on-top positions and standing positions. You can do hack squats on the machine if your gym lacks a power rack, but you won’t get the core-strengthening benefits

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          Zercher squat
            • Zercher squatsthis type of squat is a perfect way for guys to strengthen their body for standing positions where the woman is lifted off the ground. Build up a foundation of strength first, and then use lighter weights and go for 10-12 repetitions to focus on muscle endurance.

            Glute bridge
              • Glute bridgethis exercise is great for working the glutes and hip thrusters, and should be done for ultra-high reps —up to 100 — to increase muscle endurance. Once you become stronger in this movement, you can upgrade to the barbell glute bridge and keep the reps high — around 10 to 15.

              Hyperextensions
                • Hyperextensions – excellent for strengthening the spinal erectors, this exercise (or a variation of it) may be done in most gyms and even at home. Do 2 to 3 sets of 10 to 12 repetitions at the end of your workout.

                Ab wheel rollout
                  • Ab wheel rollout – this is a great exercise for strengthening the abs, and requires only a piece of inexpensive equipment. It will help you stay stable and hold positions longer without getting tired during intercourse. Do three sets of this workout for as many repetitions as you can.

                  Cross body crunch
                    • Cross body crunchthis exercise improves your ability to perform explosive twisting motions, particularly good for improving your stamina in the spoon position where you’e lying on your side. Do 2 to 3 sets of this exercise at the end of your workout.

                    Incorporate these exercises into your routine 2 to 3 times a week.

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                    3. Upper-Body Strength Training

                    Upper-body strength plays an important role in many popular sex positions where the arms are used to provide a stable base or hold onto the partner. These including missionary, doggy style, the stand and carry (with the woman holding onto the man’s neck) and others. Use these simple exercises to improve upper body strength and endurance:

                    Plank exercise
                      • Plank – while bench pressing is great for building a big chest, you will find yourself in need of static strength, muscle endurance and a strong core. This exercise is a great way to increase the amount of time you are able to hold positions that require you to support yourself with your arms. For added difficulty, straighten out your arms like at the top of a pushup and hold as long as you can.

                      Close grip pushups
                        • Close pushups – a pushup variation that focuses on triceps, which are the first to give out during a prolonged missionary or similar position. Go for very high reps, 20 t0 50, to work on muscle endurance.

                        Chin ups
                          • Chin-ups – A great upper back and biceps builder, this exercise will also target the core if you try to be as straight as possible when lifting yourself up. You can jump to help make things easier, or just hold as long as you can if you aren’t strong enough to perform a single chin up. Do 3 to 4 sets for as many reps as you can.

                          These exercises, done about three times a week, will help you develop a strong upper body that can keep going and hold you up for extended periods of time.

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                          4. Pelvic-Floor Exercises

                          You don’t have to perform these at the gym, although you could do them after your workout without anyone even noticing. The idea behind Kegel exercises is to improve blood flow to the sex organs and strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor in both men and women. By locating these muscles and tightening and relaxing them for intervals of 5 seconds for 10 to 15 repetitions at a time, several times a day, you can improve pleasure and performance during sex. Women can tighten their vaginal walls for increased pleasure to both them and their partner, while men can delay ejaculation by tightening these muscles.

                          5. Flexibility Moves for Legs and Hips

                          Lion stretching

                            If you want to avoid getting cramps — or even worse, pulling a muscle during intercourse — you should do a few simple stretches every day. The more limber you are, the more comfortable you’ll be with more exotic poses. Here are a few simple stretches to improve hip and leg flexibility:

                            Take a few minutes to warm up with some light running or jumping jacks before stretching, and spend some 10 minutes on these stretches. You can do them in the morning and at night, or shortly before intercourse.

                            With just a few hours a week devoted to exercise, you can improve your relationship significantly. If you focus on these exercises, over time, you just might become dynamite in bed.

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