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Why Fear is Your Friend

Why Fear is Your Friend

    Lots of people give you advice on getting past fear, suggesting if you can break free of the shackles of fear, you will be unstoppable.

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    OK, all well and good. It is important to master fear in order to feel free and to get things done. AND, I want to tell you that a world without fear would be simultaneously more dangerous, less rewarding, and just plain flat.

    So, given that we have spent so much time wishing that fear would just GO AWAY so we could get on with things, why would we actually want to cultivate fear as a friend? Three reasons, actually.

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    The first is, fear is an excellent guide to opportunity. Think about it. Do you get more flustered and tongue-tied when you meet the girl (or guy) of your dreams, or someone who is just not that attractive? Which is scarier, making a presentation to the CEO of your company or to a bunch of your peers?

    Which feels worse, the thought of failing at your dream job or failing at some temp job? (Hint, that’s why some people NEVER chase their dreams. Sad, no?) What’s the common thread here? Fear is showing you what is important, what matters to you. If you didn’t have fear to guide you, you might not know that! Not so bad, right?

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    Next, fear motivates us to action. The way I see it, those of our ancestors who didn’t run away in fear when they saw a tiger running toward them simply didn’t survive to reproduce. Fear is a call to action.

    Now, most of us don’t face serious physical threats like hungry tigers every day, but we do face crazy bosses, angry clients and public speaking. In these cases, our fear is still motivating us to DO something to enhance our chance of survival. The trick is being able to transcend our primitive Lizard Brain and do something useful. Running away or throwing a spear may work on tigers, not so much on bosses.

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    So, what can you do? Practice your presentation so you know it cold. Build your network so you hear what’s going on in the office and avoid trouble. Prepare for a meeting with a cranky client, maybe even set a backup plan with your colleagues. Let fear provide the energy and motivation to do what needs to be done to ensure your (metaphorical) survival.

    Lastly, fear lets you know you are alive. Why do we like roller coasters? They scare us (in a mostly safe way). Same for suspense movies.

    What exactly is a “thrill?” It’s doing something scary and surviving. Without “scary,” you don’t get “thrill,” it’s a package deal. Imagine life without thrills. Pretty dull, eh? Is it worth losing thrills in order to avoid facing fear? I’m thinking “No.”

    So, bottom line, fear can guide you towards what’s important for you, motivate you to take action to improve your odds, and you give you a rush from staring into the Dragon’s maw and living to tell the tale. Don’t we all need that kind of friend?

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    Dave Kaiser

    An Executive Coach who helps people make better use of their time, from productivity to living their life's mission.

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    Last Updated on June 13, 2019

    5 Fixes For Common Sleep Issues All Couples Deal With

    5 Fixes For Common Sleep Issues All Couples Deal With

    Sleeping next to your partner can be a satisfying experience and is typically seen as the mark of a stable, healthy home life. However, many more people struggle to share a bed with their partner than typically let on. Sleeping beside someone can decrease your sleep quality which negatively affects your life. Maybe you are light sleepers and you wake each other up throughout the night. Maybe one has a loud snoring habit that’s keeping the other awake. Maybe one is always crawling into bed in the early hours of the morning while the other likes to go to bed at 10 p.m.

    You don’t have to feel ashamed of finding it difficult to sleep with your partner and you also don’t have to give up entirely on it. Common problems can be addressed with simple solutions such as an additional pillow. Here are five fixes for common sleep issues that couples deal with.

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    1. Use a bigger mattress to sleep through movement

    It can be difficult to sleep through your partner’s tossing and turning all night, particularly if they have to get in and out of bed. Waking up multiple times in one night can leave you frustrated and exhausted. The solution may be a switch to a bigger mattress or a mattress that minimizes movement.

    Look for a mattress that allows enough space so that your partner can move around without impacting you or consider a mattress made for two sleepers like the Sleep Number bed.[1] This bed allows each person to choose their own firmness level. It also minimizes any disturbances their partner might feel. A foam mattress like the kind featured in advertisements where someone jumps on a bed with an unspilled glass of wine will help minimize the impact of your partner’s movements.[2]

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    2. Communicate about scheduling conflicts

    If one of you is a night owl and the other an early riser, bedtime can become a source of conflict. It’s hard for a light sleeper to be jostled by their partner coming to bed four hours after them. Talk to your partner about negotiating some compromises. If you’re finding it difficult to agree on a bedtime, negotiate with your partner. Don’t come to bed before or after a certain time, giving the early bird a chance to fully fall asleep before the other comes in. Consider giving the night owl an eye mask to allow them to stay in bed while their partner gets up to start the day.

    3. Don’t bring your technology to bed

    If one partner likes bringing devices to bed and the other partner doesn’t, there’s very little compromise to be found. Science is pretty unanimous on the fact that screens can cause harm to a healthy sleeper. Both partners should agree on a time to keep technology out of the bedroom or turn screens off. This will prevent both partners from having their sleep interrupted and can help you power down after a long day.

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    4. White noise and changing positions can silence snoring

    A snoring partner can be one of the most difficult things to sleep through. Snoring tends to be position-specific so many doctors recommend switching positions to stop the snoring. Rather than sleeping on your back doctors recommend turning onto your side. Changing positions can cut down on noise and breathing difficulties for any snorer. Using a white noise fan, or sound machine can also help soften the impact of loud snoring and keep both partners undisturbed.

    5. Use two blankets if one’s a blanket hog

    If you’ve got a blanket hog in your bed don’t fight it, get another blanket. This solution fixes any issues between two partners and their comforter. There’s no rule that you have to sleep under the same blanket. Separate covers can also cut down on tossing and turning making it a multi-useful adaptation.

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    Rather than giving up entirely on sharing a bed with your partner, try one of these techniques to improve your sleeping habits. Sleeping in separate beds can be a normal part of a healthy home life, but compromise can go a long way toward creating harmony in a shared bed.

    Featured photo credit: Becca Tapert via unsplash.com

    Reference

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