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The One Mistake People Make When Learning From Their Mistakes

The One Mistake People Make When Learning From Their Mistakes


    If you’re reading this blog (and particularly this post), it’s safe to say that you are into self-improvement.

    Who else would want to correct mistakes they might be making when learning from their mistakes.

    We can all agree that part of achieving personal mastery is to transform mistakes, failures and setbacks into learning opportunities that will make us stronger for the future. Mistakes are great because we just can’t learn that much from our successes but what most people don’t realize is that when they are learning from their negative experiences, they may be inadvertently making a harmful mistake.

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    One summer, I was riding my bike around the block when a few kids from another neighborhood asked to ride my bicycle and agreed to let me hold one of their bicycles for insurance. I had a bad feeling but I was young and naive so I agreed. After the first child rode off with my bike, they proceeded to push me aside and took their bike back and rode off. After trying to chase them for several blocks to no avail, I decided to head home, devastated.

    What I didn’t mention in the beginning of this story was that it was actually my older brother’s bicycle. He had just put on some new brakes and this was the first time he let me take it out for a ride. I delayed going home because I was so afraid to tell my brother for fear of retaliation but luckily for me and to my surprise, my brother was very caring and understanding. He didn’t even yell at me.

    Needless to say, I learned a lesson that day: Don’t lend my bicycle to strangers and more generally, trust my intuition.

    This experience strengthened me as a person but when I was learning from this, I made one big mistake: I held on to the negative experience to remind myself of the lesson.

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    I used to think it was necessary to vividly replay the “negative” experience to remind myself of the lesson I learned. I feared that if I forgot about the mistake, I would forget the valuable lesson.

    What I didn’t realize was that by replaying the negative experience, I was actually filling my mind with negative thoughts such as shame, humiliation, and helplessness — all of which are not great ingredients for building a healthy self-image. When you repeat this type of thinking in a habitual way, even if your intentions are good, you’re going to experience lower self-esteem because that’s what you’re subconsciously feeding into your mind.

    Mistakes are a necessary step to learning but once the lesson is learned, there is no need to dwell on the actual experience itself. The focus should be on the lesson and how you will apply this positive takeaway to other situations in the future.

    What’s scary is that parents unknowingly lower the self esteem of their kids by reminding them of their mistakes. I hear it all the time:

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    “Johnny, remember the time when you didn’t listen to your mother and touched the stove and burned your hand really badly?”

    or…

    “Lisa is always tripping over things. She is the clumsy one in the family.”

    I understand that the parents’ intentions are good, but good intentions do not necessarily translate into positive behaviors. When someone close to you makes a recurring mistake, focus on clarifying the lesson in the mistake and stop reminding that person of the actual mistake.

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    Remember the lesson, forget the experience.

    (Photo credit: Fixing a Mistake via Shutterstock)

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    Robert Chen

    Executive Coach

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    Last Updated on February 11, 2021

    The 20 Most Creative Instagram Accounts That Will Inspire You

    The 20 Most Creative Instagram Accounts That Will Inspire You

    Instagram allows you to see exactly what inspires people and how creativity is drawn from their everyday life. We use Instagram to capture what makes us smile, what brings joy to our life, and what we are passionate about, and the accounts listed below are sure to inspire you in turn.

    Here are our 20 top creative Instagram accounts that you should be following today.

    1. Humans Of New York

    Brandon Stanton walks the streets of New York City taking street photography, and he gets his subjects to open up about life details that even many family members may not know about them. It makes you smile and connect with the images at a new level.

     2.  Paris in Four Months

    Carin Olsson moved to Paris and is documenting every part of her experience, from the macaroons to the Eiffel Tower with all of its shimmering lights. If you want to go to Paris but can’t get there today, Carin will take you.

    3. Civilized Caveman Cooking

    George Bryant offers up more than his love for cooking Paleo cuisine as he shares more about life, joy, and happiness. His coined hashtag is #hugsandbacon.

    4. Andrew Knapp

    Andrew has taken the world by storm with his adorable version of Where’s Waldo? His version is Find Momo, and stars his border collie.

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    5. Idafrosk

    Ida Skivenes has developed a knack for food art. From the world of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to Strawberry Fields Forever, she has recreated it all with food.

    6. GrandmaBetty33

    Grandma Betty is fighting cancer and is inspiring others to smile and be happy in life. She brings a smile to your face instantly and is like having your grandma right beside you.

    7. Maya_on_the_Move

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    8. Leoleoparis

    Leo captures the life on the streets of Paris. Most of his work is done in black and white, offering that iconic Parisian look.

    9. Jacob Santiago

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    10. Julie’s Kitchen

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    iloveplaymo brings together photography and Playmobil toys in action. The images are up to date with current world events and everyday life.

    12. “Red” Hong Yi

    Red Hong Yi loves to paint without a paintbrush. Her style uses daily items to create lovely images.

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    13. Alexis Diaz

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    14. Murad Osmann

    Murad Osmann is a music video producer, but his claim to fame on Instagram has been his photographs with his girlfriend leading him by her hand.

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    16. Willie Kessel

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    17. Nick Ulivieri

    Nick Ulivieri is a talented photographer who loves to capture the windy city of Chicago and skies, especially during storms. His images are gorgeous and make you realize how wonderful life really is.

    18. Jo Jerry

    Jo Jerry’s landscape photos around Santorini, Greece, make you want to book a flight immediately. The bright colors and simplicity in the images make his photos stand out from the rest.

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    GoPro uses fan-sourced images on their account that are all captured with a GoPro. Creativity to the max is used in these images and range from the grocery store to incredible surf.

    20. Vin Farrell

    Vin Farrell is a creative who works on the agency side for large clients and has a knack for photography. His iPhone captures amazing aerial images around NYC and the world.

    Featured photo credit: Andy via flickr.com

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