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What Are the Self-Help Pitfalls?

What Are the Self-Help Pitfalls?

I’ve worked for a couple of decades (or so!) helping people along the path towards their best life via my career in the fitness industry. Over the last five or six years, I’ve committed much more of my time and energy into developing a career in the big, weird world of Personal Development. It has been an interesting journey and I’ve learned (and continue to learn) much along the way.

    While the benefits of working on ‘us’ are seemingly obvious, I believe there are a few challenges, pitfalls, and curve balls that the would-be self-helper needs to be mindful of in his or her search for their best self and best life.

    1. Self-Help Selfishness.

    One of the potential dangers of constantly working on us is that we can inadvertently become self-absorbed, selfish, unaware of the needs of others and disconnected from reality. Some Personal Development devotees are so ‘self-focused’ (their world, their issues, their problems, their relationships, their body, their finances) that they struggle to relate to, take an interest in, and connect with people who don’t have the same mindset, values, attitudes or thinking. Sometimes we need to put our own reality, situation, goals, needs and desires on hold for a while and simply and selflessly invest time, energy and love into others with no agenda. And in doing so, we might discover where the real growth and learning happens.

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      2. The Self-Help Evangelist.

      If you really want to alienate people, point out all their faults, show them the error of their ways, demonstrate how clever you’ve become on your self-help journey and do your best to convert them to your Religion. After all, it’s for their own good right?

      3. Theory isn’t Reality.

      There’s a lot of space between knowing what to do and doing what we know. Far too many people are champions at the knowing part but completely useless when it comes to the doing. You know exactly what I mean because there have been many times when you’ve known what you should be doing but have rationalised yourself into doing nothing. I know this because we’ve all done it. In many ways, we are simultaneously the most educated and the most stupid generation in history.

      We’ve never been more educated but we’ve never behaved less intelligently or responsibly. We’re fat, we’re in massive debt, we’re at war with each other and our planet is almost stuffed… but other than that, we’re flying! Oh well, at least we understand all the theory behind it! If only we realised that most of our problems are behavioural in origin, not educational. Change your behaviours and you will change your outcomes. More often than not the best lessons and the biggest growth-spurts don’t come from books, workshops, websites or DVDs (the theory), they come from taking chances, being pro-active and turning those theories into a reality – doing the practical.

      Learning by doing as opposed to learning by reading or listening. From a personal change perspective, sites like this are only valuable when we apply what we read. And to be honest, too many people are happy to spectate rather than actually get in the game.

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      4. Guru Worship.

      This is one of my pet peeves. By all means, respect people (if they deserve it) but don’t worship them. Instead of empowering themselves, some people actually empower their Guru and turn them into a demi-god. Such an unproductive waste of time and energy.

      If you’re struggling to see your Guru (mentor, role model, teacher) as a normal, flawed, human being just like you, then picture him/her taking an early-morning dump; that should fix it for you (sorry if you’re eating). Doctor Phil, Tony Robbins, Oprah and even Deepak all take a crap every day, have all hurt people, have all told lies, have all made massive mistakes (and will continue to) and are all flawed because they are wonderfully, amazingly, uniquely… human. As we all are. Yes they are gifted, driven and successful (in some ways) but believe it or not, they’re no better than you.

      If only YOU knew that. They might be in a different place to you, but they’re no better. In some way, to some extent, we’re all dysfunctional. And don’t tell anyone I told you this but in my experience, quite often the most ‘perfect’ people are actually the most dysfunctional.

        5. It’s Freakin’ Expensive.

        I’m not suggesting that people shouldn’t pay for education, inspiration or motivation, but what I am saying is make sure you get a good return on your investment and know what you’re buying. Spend your self-help bucks wisely and thoughtfully. If you’ve already done fifty seven workshops and seminars, and your life and situation is essentially the same, then another break-through program probably ain’t gonna do the trick for you.

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        I have a website that is a completely free resource with over five hundred articles on a wide range of subject matter, so you can’t really go wrong here! My workshops cost about one fifth of similar programs and my books, DVD’s and CD’s are relatively affordable, so I’m doing my best to be an easily-accessible resource to the masses, while also trying to make a living as a professional speaker and writer. And no, I’m not suggesting that you buy any of my products or attend any of my seminars, but I am suggesting that whatever you spend and wherever you spend those self-help bucks, know what it is you’re paying for.

        To be completely honest, I know that many people would be wasting their time by attending one of my programs because they don’t actually want to hear what I have to say and they’re not ready to do what needs to be done to create real change. I’m not interested in making people feel warm and fuzzy for a day; I’m interested in helping people change their life forever in an honest, real and practical way. By the way, if the only relationship I ever have with you is as a reader of this site, I’m happy for that and honoured to be a tiny part of your journey.

        6. Some of it’s Crap.

        In my humble (and at times, unpopular) opinion, some personal development stuff is mindless, mumbo-jumbo, wishy-washy, feel-good bullshit. It’s not practical, it’s not realistic and it doesn’t change lives over the long term. In fact it often damages lives because it’s misleading. Some writers and speakers are more concerned with making friends and winning fans than speaking the truth no matter how popular or unpopular that message may be.

        The “you-can-be-whatever-you-want” message ain’t exactly the truth. In fact, it’s crap. Yes we can all learn, grow, change and become the best ‘us’ possible (if we do the work), but can we all do whatever we want? Nope. If I reaaaaaally wanted to, could I run 100 metres (meters) in 9.6 seconds? Nope? Can we all make it in the NBA, the NFL or the AFL if we work hard enough? Nope. Will the vast majority of hungry young actors make it as big stars if they apply themselves? Nope. Will most musicians ever have a hit single? Nope. Will you or I ever be fearless (as in, zero fear)? Nope. This is not negativity; it’s reality. It’s life. It’s how the world works. It’s how we work. It’s great to be focused, optimistic, passionate and driven, it’s also great to be realistic and practical about how we should create positive and lasting change in our life.

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        Don’t confuse hype, emotion, temporary motivation, self-help jargon, rock music and a feel-good atmosphere with the practical process and realities of creating life-long change. A weekend of razzle-dazzle, smoke machines and group hugs doesn’t automatically equate to a better life. Do you really believe that the majority of people who attend the “change-your-life-forever-and-spend-lots-of-money-while-you’re-here” programs actually create significant, life-long (as in, different forever) change as a result of that program? These programs can be amazing but only
        1) if the information is relevant and meaningful, and 2) if we consistently and diligently apply what we’ve learned for a LIFE TIME!

          7. Creating life-long results ain’t about any program (book, DVD, workshop, seminar, Guru); it’s about you.

          All the personal development resources in the world can’t change your life one bit. The only thing that can change your life forever is YOU. I hate products (yes, they are products for sale) which are marketed as “the answer to your problems”. These things are not answers, they are resources. How valuable these resources will be to you, depends on WHAT YOU DO with them.

          How many people have been reading my site for nearly two years without actually changing a thing in their life? Plenty. Why? Because my site is only a resource and for a range of reasons, they haven’t applied the information. The only life I can change is mine. I can influence people but I can’t change anyone. Beware the person who claims to be the answer to your problems. I can motivate you, encourage you, educate you and support you… but only YOU can change you.

          Only you can think for you, choose for you and DO for you. You are your greatest resource and your biggest hurdle…. all at the same time! So stop getting in your own way and start using your potential. Yes you can do amazing things in your life, but the big question is WILL YOU?

          More by this author

          Craig Harper

          Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

          Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life? Do You Make These 10 Common Mistakes Before Weighing Yourself? If your Childhood Sucked – It’s Time to Stop Blaming Your Parents! Exploring Relationships with the Single Weirdo Education Should be More than Academic Basics

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          Last Updated on July 18, 2019

          10 Small Changes To Make Your House Feel Like A Home

          10 Small Changes To Make Your House Feel Like A Home

          Your house is more than just a building that you live in. It should be a home that makes you feel welcome as soon as you open the front door.

          Making your house feel like a home is not something that simply happens on its own. You need to make some changes to a house when you move in, to give it that cozy, warm feeling that turns it into a true home. To help you speed the process, follow this guide to 10 small changes to make your house feel like a home.

          1. Make the Windows Your Own

          When you move into a home, they often come with boring Venetian blinds or less than attractive curtains.

          One of the best ways you can instantly warm your home and make it showcase your style is to add some new window dressing. Adding beautiful curtains not only improves your home’s appearance, but it can also help to control the temperature.

          2. Put up Some Art

          If you have a lot of bare walls in your home, it will seem sterile no matter how beautiful your paint or wallpaper is.

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          Hanging art on the walls will instantly give it personality and make it feel like home.

          3. Improve the Aroma

          A house that is not filled with inviting smells will never feel like a home. There are loads of ways you can make your home smell nice. There are tons of air fresheners on the market you can use.

          Incense and scented candles are a nice option as well. Don’t forget that baking in a home is also a great way to fill it with an aroma that instantly smells like home as soon as you open the front door.

          4. Put out Lots of Pillows and Throws

          A great way to make your home look warm and inviting is to place lots of pillows and throws out on the furniture. It is much better to have too many pillows than not enough.

          There is nothing like the feeling of sinking into a cushiony pillow that feels like a cloud to make you feel like you are at home.

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          5. Instantly Class up Your Closet

          If your closet is filled with wire or plastic hangers, it will never truly feel homey. To instantly make your closet feel classy, change out your old hangers for wooden ones.

          Not only do they look great, but they are better for hanging your clothes as well.

          6. Improve Your Air Quality

          One of the most overlooked ways to make your house feel more like a home is to improve its air quality.

          The easiest and best way to upgrade the air quality in your home is to change the old, dirty filters in your furnace regularly. Get some air filters delivered to your home so that you always have some on hand.

          7. Fill it with Plants

          Another way to improve the air quality in your home is to fill it with plants. You should have plants in every room of your home.

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          They help to improve the air quality and they look beautiful. As well as making your home appear homier, plants also help to boost your mood and lower your stress levels.

          8. Change the Doorknobs

          Most people don’t really give their doorknobs a second thought unless they are broken. That is a shame because changing your doorknobs is an easy way to add personality to your home.

          Changing your old, boring doorknobs to new ones that are works of art will instantly brighten your home.

          9. Upgrade Your Tub or Shower

          There is nothing like luxuriating in a whirlpool bath or steam shower to make the cares of the day melt away. Your family deserves a bit of luxury when they are in their bathroom.

          Install a new shower or tub today to make your bathroom worthy of a place in your home.

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          10. Fresh Cut Flowers

          You can make any room in your house feel homier by placing a vase full of beautiful flowers in it. The gorgeous look and intoxicating aroma of fresh cut flowers will immediately brighten your day when you encounter them.

          You don’t have to make all these changes at once. Try one or two a day though, and your house will feel like a home before you know it. The trick is to constantly keep adding these homey touches to make your home a place worthy of its name.

          Featured photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-wooden-round-analog-wall-clock-on-brown-wooden-wall-121537/ via unsplash.com

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