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What Are the Self-Help Pitfalls?

What Are the Self-Help Pitfalls?
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I’ve worked for a couple of decades (or so!) helping people along the path towards their best life via my career in the fitness industry. Over the last five or six years, I’ve committed much more of my time and energy into developing a career in the big, weird world of Personal Development. It has been an interesting journey and I’ve learned (and continue to learn) much along the way.

    While the benefits of working on ‘us’ are seemingly obvious, I believe there are a few challenges, pitfalls, and curve balls that the would-be self-helper needs to be mindful of in his or her search for their best self and best life.

    1. Self-Help Selfishness.

    One of the potential dangers of constantly working on us is that we can inadvertently become self-absorbed, selfish, unaware of the needs of others and disconnected from reality. Some Personal Development devotees are so ‘self-focused’ (their world, their issues, their problems, their relationships, their body, their finances) that they struggle to relate to, take an interest in, and connect with people who don’t have the same mindset, values, attitudes or thinking. Sometimes we need to put our own reality, situation, goals, needs and desires on hold for a while and simply and selflessly invest time, energy and love into others with no agenda. And in doing so, we might discover where the real growth and learning happens.

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      2. The Self-Help Evangelist.

      If you really want to alienate people, point out all their faults, show them the error of their ways, demonstrate how clever you’ve become on your self-help journey and do your best to convert them to your Religion. After all, it’s for their own good right?

      3. Theory isn’t Reality.

      There’s a lot of space between knowing what to do and doing what we know. Far too many people are champions at the knowing part but completely useless when it comes to the doing. You know exactly what I mean because there have been many times when you’ve known what you should be doing but have rationalised yourself into doing nothing. I know this because we’ve all done it. In many ways, we are simultaneously the most educated and the most stupid generation in history.

      We’ve never been more educated but we’ve never behaved less intelligently or responsibly. We’re fat, we’re in massive debt, we’re at war with each other and our planet is almost stuffed… but other than that, we’re flying! Oh well, at least we understand all the theory behind it! If only we realised that most of our problems are behavioural in origin, not educational. Change your behaviours and you will change your outcomes. More often than not the best lessons and the biggest growth-spurts don’t come from books, workshops, websites or DVDs (the theory), they come from taking chances, being pro-active and turning those theories into a reality – doing the practical.

      Learning by doing as opposed to learning by reading or listening. From a personal change perspective, sites like this are only valuable when we apply what we read. And to be honest, too many people are happy to spectate rather than actually get in the game.

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      4. Guru Worship.

      This is one of my pet peeves. By all means, respect people (if they deserve it) but don’t worship them. Instead of empowering themselves, some people actually empower their Guru and turn them into a demi-god. Such an unproductive waste of time and energy.

      If you’re struggling to see your Guru (mentor, role model, teacher) as a normal, flawed, human being just like you, then picture him/her taking an early-morning dump; that should fix it for you (sorry if you’re eating). Doctor Phil, Tony Robbins, Oprah and even Deepak all take a crap every day, have all hurt people, have all told lies, have all made massive mistakes (and will continue to) and are all flawed because they are wonderfully, amazingly, uniquely… human. As we all are. Yes they are gifted, driven and successful (in some ways) but believe it or not, they’re no better than you.

      If only YOU knew that. They might be in a different place to you, but they’re no better. In some way, to some extent, we’re all dysfunctional. And don’t tell anyone I told you this but in my experience, quite often the most ‘perfect’ people are actually the most dysfunctional.

        5. It’s Freakin’ Expensive.

        I’m not suggesting that people shouldn’t pay for education, inspiration or motivation, but what I am saying is make sure you get a good return on your investment and know what you’re buying. Spend your self-help bucks wisely and thoughtfully. If you’ve already done fifty seven workshops and seminars, and your life and situation is essentially the same, then another break-through program probably ain’t gonna do the trick for you.

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        I have a website that is a completely free resource with over five hundred articles on a wide range of subject matter, so you can’t really go wrong here! My workshops cost about one fifth of similar programs and my books, DVD’s and CD’s are relatively affordable, so I’m doing my best to be an easily-accessible resource to the masses, while also trying to make a living as a professional speaker and writer. And no, I’m not suggesting that you buy any of my products or attend any of my seminars, but I am suggesting that whatever you spend and wherever you spend those self-help bucks, know what it is you’re paying for.

        To be completely honest, I know that many people would be wasting their time by attending one of my programs because they don’t actually want to hear what I have to say and they’re not ready to do what needs to be done to create real change. I’m not interested in making people feel warm and fuzzy for a day; I’m interested in helping people change their life forever in an honest, real and practical way. By the way, if the only relationship I ever have with you is as a reader of this site, I’m happy for that and honoured to be a tiny part of your journey.

        6. Some of it’s Crap.

        In my humble (and at times, unpopular) opinion, some personal development stuff is mindless, mumbo-jumbo, wishy-washy, feel-good bullshit. It’s not practical, it’s not realistic and it doesn’t change lives over the long term. In fact it often damages lives because it’s misleading. Some writers and speakers are more concerned with making friends and winning fans than speaking the truth no matter how popular or unpopular that message may be.

        The “you-can-be-whatever-you-want” message ain’t exactly the truth. In fact, it’s crap. Yes we can all learn, grow, change and become the best ‘us’ possible (if we do the work), but can we all do whatever we want? Nope. If I reaaaaaally wanted to, could I run 100 metres (meters) in 9.6 seconds? Nope? Can we all make it in the NBA, the NFL or the AFL if we work hard enough? Nope. Will the vast majority of hungry young actors make it as big stars if they apply themselves? Nope. Will most musicians ever have a hit single? Nope. Will you or I ever be fearless (as in, zero fear)? Nope. This is not negativity; it’s reality. It’s life. It’s how the world works. It’s how we work. It’s great to be focused, optimistic, passionate and driven, it’s also great to be realistic and practical about how we should create positive and lasting change in our life.

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        Don’t confuse hype, emotion, temporary motivation, self-help jargon, rock music and a feel-good atmosphere with the practical process and realities of creating life-long change. A weekend of razzle-dazzle, smoke machines and group hugs doesn’t automatically equate to a better life. Do you really believe that the majority of people who attend the “change-your-life-forever-and-spend-lots-of-money-while-you’re-here” programs actually create significant, life-long (as in, different forever) change as a result of that program? These programs can be amazing but only
        1) if the information is relevant and meaningful, and 2) if we consistently and diligently apply what we’ve learned for a LIFE TIME!

          7. Creating life-long results ain’t about any program (book, DVD, workshop, seminar, Guru); it’s about you.

          All the personal development resources in the world can’t change your life one bit. The only thing that can change your life forever is YOU. I hate products (yes, they are products for sale) which are marketed as “the answer to your problems”. These things are not answers, they are resources. How valuable these resources will be to you, depends on WHAT YOU DO with them.

          How many people have been reading my site for nearly two years without actually changing a thing in their life? Plenty. Why? Because my site is only a resource and for a range of reasons, they haven’t applied the information. The only life I can change is mine. I can influence people but I can’t change anyone. Beware the person who claims to be the answer to your problems. I can motivate you, encourage you, educate you and support you… but only YOU can change you.

          Only you can think for you, choose for you and DO for you. You are your greatest resource and your biggest hurdle…. all at the same time! So stop getting in your own way and start using your potential. Yes you can do amazing things in your life, but the big question is WILL YOU?

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          More by this author

          Craig Harper

          Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

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          Last Updated on July 12, 2021

          100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier

          100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier
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          Want to learn some quick and easy life hacks that are easy to do, low cost and saves you time?

          By tweaking little things in your daily life, it can make your life much more convenient!

          Here’re 100 of the most practical life hacks so you can just pick up any of them right away!

          83 tie a small piece of bright colored fabric

            84 write random letter

              85 use a rubberband

                86 dorm smell bad

                  87 lean your phone on your sunglassess

                    89 how to waterproof your shoes

                      90 take a picture of the name card

                        91 iron inside out

                          92 old newspaper

                            93 tumble try shoes

                              keep a card like this

                                SONY DSC

                                  94 soap bar

                                    95 make a hole

                                      96 drop the battery

                                        97 use a coozie

                                          98 when taking a picture

                                            use a clean dust pan

                                              try a pants hanger

                                                use your cellphone light

                                                  use a spring from an old pen

                                                    quick and easy iphone speaker

                                                      user binder clips

                                                        wrap a wet paper towel around your beverage

                                                          put pancake mix in a ketchup bottle

                                                            clean out an old lotion bottle for your beach

                                                              use a muffin tin to serve condiments at a bbq

                                                                doritos are great for kindling

                                                                  use nail polish to identify different keys

                                                                    use a hanging shoe rack to store cleaning supplies

                                                                      freeze grapes to chill white wine without

                                                                        use paper clips to organize your cables

                                                                          almost finished your jar of nutella

                                                                            sick of having a box full of tangled

                                                                              unroll the rim to increase the capacity

                                                                                cut open toilet paper rolls and use as a cuff

                                                                                  remove the stem from strawberries

                                                                                    turn an old bottle into a simple little cord holder

                                                                                      for iced coffee and iced cappuccino, use frozen coffee cubes

                                                                                        how to fold a fitted bed sheet

                                                                                          tired of snoozing past your alarm

                                                                                            place a rubber band around an open paint can to wipe your brush on

                                                                                              ut a wooden spoon across a boiling pot

                                                                                                use bread clips to save flip-flops

                                                                                                  take pictures of friends holding items

                                                                                                    how i always know which headphone is the left one

                                                                                                      put a stocking over the end of a vacuum

                                                                                                        How to make sure you drink enough water

                                                                                                          user a can opener to open blister

                                                                                                            good sandwich guide

                                                                                                              turn your muffin pans upside down

                                                                                                                50 pounds of groceries and living on the 5th floor

                                                                                                                  the right way to make a blt

                                                                                                                    add one teaspoon of baking soda

                                                                                                                      38

                                                                                                                        hair straighteners equals to collar irons

                                                                                                                          stack your clothes vertically to see them all

                                                                                                                            the right way to make cookies in the summer

                                                                                                                              how to clean a blender

                                                                                                                                the right way to eat a popsicle

                                                                                                                                  use bread clips to label and organize power cords

                                                                                                                                    to get the built up residue off of your shower head

                                                                                                                                      user a hair clip to orgainize long wires

                                                                                                                                        a frozen saturated sponge in a bag

                                                                                                                                          rub stuck zipper teeth with a graphite pencil

                                                                                                                                            use a soda pop tab

                                                                                                                                              50

                                                                                                                                                51 How to multiply large numbers in your head.

                                                                                                                                                  52 How to open a bottle if you dont have a corkscrew.

                                                                                                                                                    rub a walnut on damaged wooden furniture

                                                                                                                                                      kids fall out of bed

                                                                                                                                                        use toothpaste to clear up hazy car

                                                                                                                                                          58

                                                                                                                                                            59 keep pizza out while driving home

                                                                                                                                                              60 put your straw through the tab to keep it from rising

                                                                                                                                                                hold oreos with a fork so your fingers

                                                                                                                                                                  Never lose your remotes again

                                                                                                                                                                    hiding your emergency money

                                                                                                                                                                      use a bread tab to hold your spot on a roll

                                                                                                                                                                        if you are at a hotel and run out of chargers

                                                                                                                                                                          keep a square of cardboard in a ziplock bag

                                                                                                                                                                            If you need to pee or smoke at a bar

                                                                                                                                                                              drill holes in the bottom of your garbage

                                                                                                                                                                                use an accented letter as your passcode

                                                                                                                                                                                  use a squeeze ketchup bottle top with your shopvac

                                                                                                                                                                                    do something unusual when locking the door

                                                                                                                                                                                      when heating leftovers space out a circle in the middle

                                                                                                                                                                                        dont burn yourself in those hard to reach candles

                                                                                                                                                                                          put a small amount of water in a glass when you microwave your pizza

                                                                                                                                                                                            75 use a piece of paper to organize

                                                                                                                                                                                              use half a pool noodle

                                                                                                                                                                                                pencil case to store cables

                                                                                                                                                                                                  78 clothespin to hold nail

                                                                                                                                                                                                    79 make blts

                                                                                                                                                                                                      80 take a picture of your fridge

                                                                                                                                                                                                        81 fill plastic water bottles

                                                                                                                                                                                                          82 right ways to eat chips

                                                                                                                                                                                                            99 if your plug keeps failing

                                                                                                                                                                                                              100 put the banana on the wire

                                                                                                                                                                                                                88 before you throw away a post it

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Source: Reddit LifeProTips

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  There you go, 100 awesome life hacks that you can try right now to make your life a lot easier!

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                  30 Brilliant Camping Hacks I Wish I Knew Earlier

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  20 Popular Life Hacks From the Internet Debunked (or Verified)

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