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Set Yourself on Fire

Set Yourself on Fire

Set yourself on fire to achieve real success in life

    Have you heard of a guy called Fred Shero?

    No?  Until recently, me neither. I’m not a big sports fan and Fred was a hugely successful Canadian NHL player and coach with a string of many hundreds of wins and numerous awards and accolades to his name. Pretty good going, but it’s not his sports record that I admire.

    What I love Fred for is something that he once said:

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    “Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must first set yourself on fire.”

    Reading that sent lightning bolts through my spine, as there have been many times in my life when I’ve been sitting back, subconsciously waiting for the world to bring me the success I thought I wanted. To be completely honest with you, even now I sometimes find myself expecting someone else to ‘set fire’ to me, waiting for spontaneous combustion rather setting myself on fire and finding my own success.

    I have to catch myself when I slip into that way of thinking before it sets in, because Fred’s absolutely right.

    People all too often wait for success to happen to them. “If only it would fall into place…”, “Surely someone will discover who I am and what I can do soon…” or “Just a little while longer and it’ll all come good…” are examples of the things we say while we’re waiting for success to come along.

    Of course, the big thing I’ve come to learn is that it doesn’t work that way. Finding success – real success – isn’t a passive thing. It’s not something that happens to you like watching a movie or getting your hair cut. Finding success is something that happens in you.

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    Here are 4 things for you to think about:

    1. What does success look like to you?

    What comprises success? How much of it is material? How much of it is emotional? How much of it is spiritual? Get specific about what success does and doesn’t mean to you.

    2. Imagine yourself towards the end of your life

    Picture yourself towards the end of your life as happy and content as you can be. What is it about that future you that tells you as clear as day that they’re happy and content? Picture yourself walking up to them and asking them what it is that allowed them to reach that point. What single piece of advice can they give you?

    3. How focused are you on working on your success?

    What are you willing to do to get the kind of success you want?  What are you waiting for the world to deliver to you so that you can have that success?

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    4. Are you driving your success?

    How would it be if you were driving that success rather than waiting for it?  What changes do you notice in how you do things and how you feel about things?

    I’m not suggesting for one minute that you can’t ask others, the world, the universe or whatever higher power you happen to believe in for help.  I’m not even suggesting that you become wholly focused on working towards your success. That’s missing the point.

    The point is that we humans tend to be focused on working towards happiness and success and assume that until it comes along we have to spend time being unhappy, suffering or struggling.

    You don’t have to struggle…

    The truth is that things happen much easier and more readily if we don’t struggle, suffer or assume unhappiness – the assumption that you need to struggle or fight for your success is a false one. Real success comes much easier and becomes more consistent when you operate straight from that place of success instead of assuming it’s out there in the world somewhere.

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    Go after what’s important to you and get going on all those shiny things you’d love to have, do and be in life, but recognise how much more pleasureable it’s going to be when you’re feeling happy and successful rather than unhappy and unsuccessful.

    Fred got it right. Don’t wait for spontaneous combustion or for someone to set light to you. Dive into your own happiness and success, engage with those things and operate from a place where they’re real and present.

    Don’t wait, set yourself on fire.

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    Steve Errey

    Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence.

    New Years Resolutions Don’t Work – Here’s Why How to Be Confident: 62 Proven Ways to Build Self-Confidence 7 Ways to Stop Being Treated Like a Doormat I Like You a Lot How To Muster Your Confidence And Tell Someone You Like Them Stuck in Rewind. 7 Beliefs That Will Help When You Get Stuck

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    Last Updated on January 3, 2020

    The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

    The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

    Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

    The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

    1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

    Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

     I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

    To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

    And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

     2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

    Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

    3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

    Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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    4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

    The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

    5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

    Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

    6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

    Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

    7. Positive people smile a lot!

    When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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    8. People who are positive are great communicators.

    They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

    9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

    One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

    10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

    Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

    How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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    I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

    Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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