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Naming Elephants: 10 Ways To Use Radical Honesty to Improve Your Relationship

Naming Elephants: 10 Ways To Use Radical Honesty to Improve Your Relationship
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    When it comes to relationships, I believe that honesty is always the best policy. Not merely remaining faithful. Not in the sense of being able to say that you never really lie to your partner. I’m talking about Radical Honesty; actually coming out and naming the elephants in the room so you can deal with them before they trample all over your relationship.

    Radical Honesty requires that you speak your truth even when you feel sure that the other person won’t want to hear it. Radical Honesty means that you have to say how you really feel, especially when you believe that you could either avoid x or conversely make y happen by hiding these feelings from them. It is a commitment to authenticity that requires being true to yourself as much as being loyal to another.

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    How long can you pretend to be someone else?

    If you lack an intrinsic sense of self-worth you may be tempted to censor yourself; to try to express yourself in terms of what would be acceptable or desirable to someone else. In the short-term, you may even be successful in your goals. But, realistically speaking, just how long can you pretend to be someone else? And do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that you don’t believe could love you as you really are?

    Whilst the idea of being “strategic” is a popular one when it comes to dating, it doesn’t feel so warm and fuzzy to think that one partner actively manipulated the other into committing to the relationship. Is that really a good way to build a foundation for a trusting relationship?

    “I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me”

    Your degree of reluctance to do this may be a gauge of how much or how little you love and accept yourself. In the words of Groucho Marx,

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    “I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me.”

    If deep down you think you are “too much” or if there is any suspicion that there might “be something wrong” with you, of course you are going to imagine that everyone else is as turned off by you as you are.

    However, if you dare to share the sadness and longing that you are so embarrassed to admit, you may discover that other people come closer instead of abandoning you as you might have imagined. Just maybe it’s you – not them – that finds your vulnerability so unlovable. It could be your tendency to abandon yourself that you are projecting onto others. Ironically, it could be what pushes people away is not your weakness but how you act you when you are trying to hide it.

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    Giving up control

    All of this radical honesty requires a fundamental attitude shift and that is giving up the idea that you can control anyone or anything other than your own reactions. I find the more intelligent people are, the harder they find this to do. They quickly succumb to the trap of thinking that if they only try hard enough or think about it long enough or read the right book, they can figure it out.

    In addition, you may have more difficulty with this if during your childhood you learned  to try to predict or change the behavior of an unpredictable parent with your actions. This learned survival skill, combined with having a deficit of emotional security, is the reason that many people grow up to expend so much energy trying to control things. It doesn’t come from a malicious desire to manipulate in order to wield power; it’s a coping mechanism designed to try and make the world a safer place.

    The illusion is that somewhere out there is something you could say or do which would be the guarantee that everything will be alright. Searching for it can drive you crazy. How much easier is it to simply speak your truth without attachment to the reactions you may receive?

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    Ten tips to get you started

    1. Don’t let resentment build, deal with issues one at a time and as soon as they arise
    2. Stop trying to control or manipulate your partner’s feelings or actions
    3. Share your hopes, dreams and wishes
    4. Share your fears
    5. Be honest with yourself
    6. Share your vulnerability instead of your anger
    7. Express your disappointment gently
    8. Check that you both have signed on to the same contract (Explain what you think the unwritten rules are)
    9. Admit when you don’t know what to do
    10. Admit it when you think you may have made a mistake

    Radical honesty can be magically healing but it must always be used with respect. Remember that coming from a place of vulnerability instead of blame invites your partner to look for a solution with you.

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    Last Updated on July 12, 2021

    100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier

    100 Incredible Life Hacks That Make Life So Much Easier
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    Want to learn some quick and easy life hacks that are easy to do, low cost and saves you time?

    By tweaking little things in your daily life, it can make your life much more convenient!

    Here’re 100 of the most practical life hacks so you can just pick up any of them right away!

    83 tie a small piece of bright colored fabric

      84 write random letter

        85 use a rubberband

          86 dorm smell bad

            87 lean your phone on your sunglassess

              89 how to waterproof your shoes

                90 take a picture of the name card

                  91 iron inside out

                    92 old newspaper

                      93 tumble try shoes

                        keep a card like this

                          SONY DSC

                            94 soap bar

                              95 make a hole

                                96 drop the battery

                                  97 use a coozie

                                    98 when taking a picture

                                      use a clean dust pan

                                        try a pants hanger

                                          use your cellphone light

                                            use a spring from an old pen

                                              quick and easy iphone speaker

                                                user binder clips

                                                  wrap a wet paper towel around your beverage

                                                    put pancake mix in a ketchup bottle

                                                      clean out an old lotion bottle for your beach

                                                        use a muffin tin to serve condiments at a bbq

                                                          doritos are great for kindling

                                                            use nail polish to identify different keys

                                                              use a hanging shoe rack to store cleaning supplies

                                                                freeze grapes to chill white wine without

                                                                  use paper clips to organize your cables

                                                                    almost finished your jar of nutella

                                                                      sick of having a box full of tangled

                                                                        unroll the rim to increase the capacity

                                                                          cut open toilet paper rolls and use as a cuff

                                                                            remove the stem from strawberries

                                                                              turn an old bottle into a simple little cord holder

                                                                                for iced coffee and iced cappuccino, use frozen coffee cubes

                                                                                  how to fold a fitted bed sheet

                                                                                    tired of snoozing past your alarm

                                                                                      place a rubber band around an open paint can to wipe your brush on

                                                                                        ut a wooden spoon across a boiling pot

                                                                                          use bread clips to save flip-flops

                                                                                            take pictures of friends holding items

                                                                                              how i always know which headphone is the left one

                                                                                                put a stocking over the end of a vacuum

                                                                                                  How to make sure you drink enough water

                                                                                                    user a can opener to open blister

                                                                                                      good sandwich guide

                                                                                                        turn your muffin pans upside down

                                                                                                          50 pounds of groceries and living on the 5th floor

                                                                                                            the right way to make a blt

                                                                                                              add one teaspoon of baking soda

                                                                                                                38

                                                                                                                  hair straighteners equals to collar irons

                                                                                                                    stack your clothes vertically to see them all

                                                                                                                      the right way to make cookies in the summer

                                                                                                                        how to clean a blender

                                                                                                                          the right way to eat a popsicle

                                                                                                                            use bread clips to label and organize power cords

                                                                                                                              to get the built up residue off of your shower head

                                                                                                                                user a hair clip to orgainize long wires

                                                                                                                                  a frozen saturated sponge in a bag

                                                                                                                                    rub stuck zipper teeth with a graphite pencil

                                                                                                                                      use a soda pop tab

                                                                                                                                        50

                                                                                                                                          51 How to multiply large numbers in your head.

                                                                                                                                            52 How to open a bottle if you dont have a corkscrew.

                                                                                                                                              rub a walnut on damaged wooden furniture

                                                                                                                                                kids fall out of bed

                                                                                                                                                  use toothpaste to clear up hazy car

                                                                                                                                                    58

                                                                                                                                                      59 keep pizza out while driving home

                                                                                                                                                        60 put your straw through the tab to keep it from rising

                                                                                                                                                          hold oreos with a fork so your fingers

                                                                                                                                                            Never lose your remotes again

                                                                                                                                                              hiding your emergency money

                                                                                                                                                                use a bread tab to hold your spot on a roll

                                                                                                                                                                  if you are at a hotel and run out of chargers

                                                                                                                                                                    keep a square of cardboard in a ziplock bag

                                                                                                                                                                      If you need to pee or smoke at a bar

                                                                                                                                                                        drill holes in the bottom of your garbage

                                                                                                                                                                          use an accented letter as your passcode

                                                                                                                                                                            use a squeeze ketchup bottle top with your shopvac

                                                                                                                                                                              do something unusual when locking the door

                                                                                                                                                                                when heating leftovers space out a circle in the middle

                                                                                                                                                                                  dont burn yourself in those hard to reach candles

                                                                                                                                                                                    put a small amount of water in a glass when you microwave your pizza

                                                                                                                                                                                      75 use a piece of paper to organize

                                                                                                                                                                                        use half a pool noodle

                                                                                                                                                                                          pencil case to store cables

                                                                                                                                                                                            78 clothespin to hold nail

                                                                                                                                                                                              79 make blts

                                                                                                                                                                                                80 take a picture of your fridge

                                                                                                                                                                                                  81 fill plastic water bottles

                                                                                                                                                                                                    82 right ways to eat chips

                                                                                                                                                                                                      99 if your plug keeps failing

                                                                                                                                                                                                        100 put the banana on the wire

                                                                                                                                                                                                          88 before you throw away a post it

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Source: Reddit LifeProTips

                                                                                                                                                                                                            There you go, 100 awesome life hacks that you can try right now to make your life a lot easier!

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