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Marriage… and Other Stuff I’m Meant to Do

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Marriage… and Other Stuff I’m Meant to Do

Jumping

    Poor Delusional Me

    Being a single bloke in his forties draws all kinds of comments, suggestions, inferences and questions from a broad cross-section of people, with responses ranging from pity to surprise, through to outright jealousy. Apparently the most interesting thing about me (for some people) is my wife-less-ness (Craigism). Clearly there’s something weird, dark and dysfunctional about me that needs to be explored and explained.

    Or… I could just be a happy, single bloke.

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    Naaah.

    Pity

    Women periodically feel sorry for me (while simultaneously trying to hook me up with their sister, cousin, neighbour or girlfriend), while blokes have been known to ask if I’d be interested in trading lives with them. According to some people, I must be miserable, lonely, unfulfilled and emotionally inept. Apparently I just think I’m happy; I’m just telling myself that to make ‘me’ feel better about being tragically single. And lonely. Poor delusional Craig.

    Gotta say, my delusion is quite the place. You should visit.

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    The Happiness Fraud

    After all, we live in our head and we create our own reality don’t we? So if I think I’m happy and I feel happy then that would make me… happy. Wouldn’t it? Nope, apparently I’m in denial. Consciously happy but subconsciously miserable. All this time and I didn’t realise. So ignorant of me. I’ve been a happiness fraud without knowing it. I best start working on my frown. And my country music CD collection. If only I could find an unhappy married person to challenge the marriage-happiness correlation theory. As if I’m gonna find one of them.

    Oh well.

    Husband anyone?

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    A Rubik’s Cube with Hair

    Last time I spoke about being single on my site I was inundated with feedback on the matter. I personally seem to go through cycles where my wife-less-ness is of greater or lesser interest to other people. For me, it’s a non-issue but it seems that some people are always trying to figure me out. Apparently I’m some kind of complex human puzzle that needs to be solved. Or cured perhaps. Someone raises the subject with me at least once a week. Never smoked, never consumed alcohol, never been married = weird. At least once a week I hear something like “it’s strange that someone in your position (my position?) isn’t married.” Okay, it’s official; I’m strange. If not me, my situation.

    Ticking the Boxes

    But this article is not about my marital status, it’s about pressure, standards, expectations and the unwritten rules. You know the rules. Living in Western Society there are certain boxes which (allegedly) need to be ticked if we’re going to fit in and be seen as normal. The irony of normal being that while it’s apparently desirable, it’s not necessarily where happiness lives. In reality, some people’s (version of) normal is actually what provides them with the most pain, frustration and grief. We think we want normal but perhaps what we really want is exceptional. Abnormal even. After all, take a look at society’s normal and it ain’t really that attractive. In fact, we could say that it looks kinda broke, a little chubby, somewhat unhealthy, not particularly happy and decidedly unfulfilled (miserable) with it’s career.

    2.3 Kids

    Of course there are the accepted (expected maybe) social standards and behaviours; kind of like a life TO DO list. It’s not always spoken of… but it exists. All the stuff us normal folk are meant to do over the course of our normal lives. Marriage (at least once), kids (2.3 of them), annual holidays (2-4 weeks, somewhere warm), buy a house (pay it off over two hundred years – can’t go wrong with real estate), a sensible job (large firm, good conditions, something secure, potential for progression), weekly attendance at a house of worship (keeping in mind the eternal consequences of non-attendance)… you get the point. Of course there’s nothing wrong (at all) with aspiring to marriage, a good career, financial success, a couple of rug rats or a respected place in the congregation or the after-life, but the problem lies in our (society’s) consensual thinking that ticking these boxes automatically provides an individual with a better (more balanced, more fulfilled, more worthwhile, happier) life than the person who ticks zero (of those) boxes.

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    The Enormity of Conformity

    On some level we all want to fit in, but it seems that in trying to blend in with the landscape of humanity we often lose our purpose, our individuality and our sense of self. We lose, or maybe never discover, the real us. The us we could be. Should be. Rather than exploring our potential, our talent, our curiosities and our passion, we become what’s expected of us. We tick boxes. We keep parents happy. Bosses happy. We say the right things. Do the right things. We conform. We become another clone. And living in a world which so often punishes individuality, conformity is understandable. Sad, but understandable.

    Rules Schmules

    I often think about the impact that the great unspoken TO DO list has on our lives. The rules, the expectations, the pressure, the confusion, the embarrassment and even the shame of not conforming, not ticking all the boxes and not living up to society’s standards or the expectations of others in our world. Some of us have spent far too much time, ticking way too many boxes. Perhaps it’s time to stop.

    More by this author

    Craig Harper

    Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

    Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 2) Do You Make These 10 Common Mistakes Before Weighing Yourself? If your Childhood Sucked – It’s Time to Stop Blaming Your Parents! Exploring Relationships with the Single Weirdo

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    Last Updated on January 13, 2022

    10 Cheap And Amazing Honeymoon Ideas

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    10 Cheap And Amazing Honeymoon Ideas

    A honeymoon is important.  The wedding is over.  The months, or even years, of stress and planning are finally over.  It’s time for the two of you to relax, settle in, and start enjoying your time together as you embark on your first journey as a family.

    To make the most of this time for the least amount of money, it’s important to focus on what you want out of a honeymoon.  This isn’t your typical list of touristy honeymoon locations everyone goes to.  Rather, it’s a list of cheap honeymoon experiences a couple can enjoy together, regardless of where it’s at.

    1. Camping

    A week long camping trip is a fantastic way to see how you mesh together as a couple.  You’re put in a low impact “survival” situation where it’s just the 2 of you and nature.  You have a chance to see how your new spouse handles themselves when left with the basics of life.  There are amazing national parks all over the United States where you can camp for a week for $20-30, disconnect from technology, and enjoy some of the natural wonders our nation has to offer.

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    2. Staycation

    You don’t have to go anywhere for a honeymoon.  In fact, the tradition of taking a honeymoon vacation is a relatively new one.  Prior to the 19th century, a honeymoon involved staying home together for a month to get to know each other physically.  Think of how blissful it could be to take a full month off work, disconnect from the outside world, and focus entirely on projects together.  You may not be wowing your friends and family with pictures of some exotic location, but they’ll be envious of your escape from the rat race nonetheless.

    3. Island Getaway

    People tend to overspend on their honeymoon vacations to Hawaii, Tahiti, etc.  Going to these places doesn’t have to be expensive.  You don’t need to stay in a 5 star resort when you’re on a Best Western budget.  You’re there to be in the atmosphere of the island, not a hotel room. Book a cheap flight and sleep in a hotel alternative, on the beach or in your car.  It’s the view in paradise that really matters.

    4. Fancy Resort

    Book an expensive resort, spa, or retreat in the city you live in.  While this may seem counterintuitive as a cheap destination, when you consider your savings on airfare and other travel costs, you can afford to be treated like royalty within your own city limits.  If you book a honeymoon package, you’ll end up with a lot of free amenities and extra attention.  There’s no need to fly halfway across the world to live the good life.

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    5. Road Trip

    The journey is often more fulfilling than the actual destination.  If you fly out to some exotic locale, you’ll be stuck on a plane for 8-30 hours.  Rent a luxury car, pick a handful of places you each have always wanted to visit, and go on an adventure.  You can keep food costs down by packing your own snacks, but it’s always a good idea to sample the local delicacies wherever you go, even if it’s only a few states over.

    6. Charter a Boat

    If the ocean is your thing, a week-long cruise can cost you $1500-$3000 per person, depending on the destination.  You also have to factor in travel costs to and from the cruise, alcohol, souvenirs, and on-shore excursions.  You’ll also be surrounded by people.  For the same price (and often much cheaper), you can charter your own boat and enjoy the experience in private.

    7. Las Vegas/Atlantic City

    If gambling is your thing, these are the places to do it.  Which one you choose depends on your preference, budget, and proximity.  The way to make this vacation cheaper is to gamble smart.  Stay away from low odd tables (i.e craps, roulette) and read up on the MIT blackjack strategies to beat the house.  If you do it right, you can win enough for a free trip (and gain a valuable team skill in the process).

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    8. Themed Retreats

    There are weeklong retreats all over the world where you can fully immerse yourselves as a couple into a hobby you’re both passionate about.  Go on a yoga/meditation retreat, a ranch, a vineyard/farm, a backpacking adventure, treasure hunt, or whatever you’re into.

    9. Working Honeymoon

    Your honeymoon doesn’t have to be a vacation.  For a truly memorable experience, dedicate a week to a charity or volunteer organization.  You can drive out to a campground to help restore it in the offseason.  Maybe you’ve always wanted to volunteer to help out your local animal shelter, plant trees, help the homeless, etc.  Use the time to do something together as a couple that will fulfill you spiritually while contributing to the community.  Just because you’re on a honeymoon doesn’t mean you can’t be productive.

    10. Festivals, Fairs & Special Events

    Every city, state, and country has festivals, fairs, and special events.  Find one you’re interested in.  If you time your wedding right, your honeymoon can be a trip to one of these festivals.  Burning Man, SXSW, Bonnaroo, the Renaissance Fair, regional harvest festivals, Mardi Gras, New Years Eve in Times Square, a movie premiere, or whatever you’re into.  If you plan your honeymoon at the right time in the right place, the possibilities are endless.

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    Featured photo credit: Josue Michel via unsplash.com

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