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Life: Choose Your Own Adventure

Life: Choose Your Own Adventure

Do you ever feel like you’re taking life too seriously?

Every decision feels like it’s life or death. The smallest hiccups feel like the end of the world. You worry about unanswered questions. You’re so caught up in finding your passion and living your dream that daily life is a worrisome struggle.

Yep, I’ve been there. I’ve also found a fun way to lighten things up.

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Remember those old choose-your-own-adventure books? “X” would happen, and at the end of the passage, you’d have to decide what to do. If you pick “Y”, go to page 5; for “Z”, go to page 14.

What if you saw life as a “choose your own adventure” book?

You would:

  • Step away from the seriousness. When you frame life as an adventure book, it looks a little less intense. It takes some of the pressure off and allows you to lighten up – it’s an adventure, after all!
  • Gain perspective and clarity. When you’re in the midst of decision-making, it’s easy to lose perspective and clarity. This method helps you find it again. It gives you a bit of distance – just enough to make things a little less fear-driven and a lot clearer. It allows you to take a good look and ask yourself: What could happen if I did X? Y? Often, it’s a choice between action and no action. What could happen if I took that art class? What if I didn’t? Fear-based responses can keep you stuck: “I might hate it. The other students might be mean. Maybe it’s not my thing.” But with a little perspective, you’re better able to see the bright side: “I could discover a new passion. It might be fun. I could make new friends.”
  • Relax into uncertainty. Decision making sucks largely because you don’t know what’s going to happen. And as humans, we hate that. But with a choose-your-own adventure book, the unknown future doesn’t keep you from turning the page. If anything, you decide and move forward faster because you want to see what happens next. Let this be your life. Relax into the not-knowing and make decisions based on what feels right to you now, not fear of the unknown.
  • Let go of the idea of “right decisions.” Some decisions are better for you, certainly: those that are aligned with your values and authentic self. But even if you make a decision that’s not the best, is it wrong? I don’t think there are “right” and “wrong” decisions. Yes, some are better, but they’re all on your path. Because by making that decision, you’re choosing to make it part of your experience. You can still learn and grow. So let go of fear of making the “right” decision. Anything you choose is on your path.
  • Have more fun. Often, we see our lives as serious, scary tests. Only #2 pencils, desks cleared and no looking around the room. That’s why framing life as a choose-your-own adventure book works so well. Because just by having the word “adventure” in there, it’s gearing you up for more boldness and fun. So next time you face a decision, ask yourself: This is my adventure. What do I choose?

I know, life is a bit more complicated than a book. If you make a choice you’re not happy with, you can’t go back and choose again. But you can do the next best thing and choose differently at the next junction (which can be as soon as the next moment, if you decide).

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Recently, I was on page 24 and faced with a choice: Take a ballet class, which I’ve been wanting to do since I was a kid (turn to page 48); or stay comfortable within my limits (page 31).

Briefly, those limiting beliefs fluttered through my mind: “Will this be a waste of money? What if I hate it?”

But I chose the “lighten up” mentality, shook off the doubts and turned to page 48.

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I’m a couple of classes in, and so far my fears have gone unanswered. The class is a blast, I don’t miss the money and I’ve reaffirmed my decision to relax and let more fun into my life.

Is there an adventure you’ve been putting off? A choice you’ve been afraid to make?

What’s the worst-case-scenario here? Maybe you’ll hate what happens and regret your choice. Totally valid option.

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But what’s the alternative? Staying stuck on page 1, frozen with fear? And who knows – maybe you’ll love what you find on the next page. You won’t know until you turn.

It’s your adventure. What do you choose?

Featured photo credit:  Cyclist on the top of a hill via Shutterstock

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Last Updated on February 15, 2019

Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life?

Why Is Goal Setting Important to a Truly Fulfilling Life?

In Personal Development-speak, we are always talking about goals, outcomes, success, desires and dreams. In other words, all the stuff we want to do, achieve and create in our world.

And while it’s important for us to know what we want to achieve (our goal), it’s also important for us to understand why we want to achieve it; the reason behind the goal or some would say, our real goal.

Why is goal setting important?

1. Your needs and desire will be fulfilled.

Sometimes when we explore our “why”, (why we want to achieve a certain thing) we realize that our “what” (our goal) might not actually deliver us the thing (feeling, emotion, internal state) we’re really seeking.

For example, the person who has a goal to lose weight in the belief that weight loss will bring them happiness, security, fulfillment, attention, popularity and the partner of their dreams. In this instance, their “what” is weight-loss and their “why” is happiness (etc.) and a partner.

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Six months later, they have lost the weight (achieved their goal) but as is often the case, they’re not happier, not more secure, not more confident, not more fulfilled and in keeping with their miserable state, they have failed to attract their dream partner.

After all, who wants to be with someone who’s miserable? They achieved their practical goal but still failed to have their needs met.

So they set a goal to lose another ten pounds. And then another. And maybe just ten more. With the destructive and erroneous belief that if they can get thin enough, they’ll find their own personal nirvana. And we all know how that story ends.

2. You’ll find out what truly motivates you

The important thing in the process of constructing our best life is not necessarily what goals we set (what we think we want) but what motivates us towards those goals (what we really want).

The sooner we begin to explore, identify and understand what motivates us towards certain achievements, acquisitions or outcomes (that is, we begin moving towards greater consciousness and self awareness), the sooner we will make better decisions for our life, set more intelligent (and dare I say, enlightened) goals and experience more fulfilment and less frustration.

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We all know people who have achieved what they set out to, only to end up in the same place or worse (emotionally, psychologically, sociologically) because what they were chasing wasn’t really what they were needing.

What we think we want will rarely provide us with what we actually need.

3. Your state of mind will be a lot healthier

We all set specific goals to achieve/acquire certain things (a job, a car, a partner, a better body, a bank balance, a title, a victory) because at some level, most of us believe (consciously or not) that the achievement of those goals will bring us what we really seek; joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.

Of course, setting practical, material and financial goals is an intelligent thing to do considering the world we live in and how that world works.

But setting goals with an expectation that the achievement of certain things in our external, physical world will automatically create an internal state of peace, contentment, joy and total happiness is an unhealthy and unrealistic mindset to inhabit.

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What you truly want and need

Sometimes we need to look beyond the obvious (superficial) goals to discover and secure what we really want.

Sadly, we live in a collective mindset which teaches that the prettiest and the wealthiest are the most successful.

Some self-help frauds even teach this message. If you’re rich or pretty, you’re happy. If you’re both, you’re very happy. Pretty isn’t what we really want; it’s what we believe pretty will bring us. Same goes with money.

When we cut through the hype, the jargon and the self-help mumbo jumbo, we all have the same basic goals, desires and needs:

Joy, fulfilment, happiness, safety, peace, recognition, love, acceptance, respect, connection.

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Nobody needs a mansion or a sport’s car but we all need love.

Nobody needs massive pecs, six percent body-fat, a face lift or bigger breasts but we all need connection, acceptance and understanding.

Nobody needs to be famous but we all need peace, calm, balance and happiness.

The problem is, we live in a culture which teaches that one equals the other. If only we lived in a culture which taught that real success is far more about what’s happening in our internal environment, than our external one.

It’s a commonly-held belief that we’re all very different and we all have different goals — whether short term or long term goals. But in many ways we’re not, and we don’t; we all want essentially the same things.

Now all you have to do is see past the fraud and deception and find the right path.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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