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Kindness Can Be Counterintuitive When You’re a Parent

Kindness Can Be Counterintuitive When You’re a Parent

“Kindness is wisdom.” – Phillip James Bailey

Kindness is supposed to be simple and straightforward, right? Not necessarily. Just ask any parent about what is truly kind when it comes to raising kids, and you’ll find that a lot of it is far from intuitive. Here are few examples.

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To Help or Not to Help

Our intention: We want to help our kids succeed.

When you see someone struggling, it’s usually pretty obvious that the nice thing to do is to jump in and give them a hand. But that’s not always the best thing for children. Kids struggle with all kinds of things, from tying their shoes to navigating the social structure of high school. Sometimes, they really do need our help, but other times it’s better to let them work things out on their own. Before you leap to action, consider what your child should be able to handle at this age.

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The kind approach: If what they are attempting is age-appropriate, but they’re having a hard time of it, let them know that you’re available to help, but give them a chance to try (and even fail) before you assist. Without regular opportunities to try new things and to struggle to overcome obstacles (and sometimes fail), children can learn to be helpless and may be more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.

Praise is Always Nice, Right?

Our intention: We want our kids to have healthy self-esteems and to feel that they can accomplish anything they set their mind to.

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Everyone likes to be praised for a job well done, and kids are no exception. So why not pile on the praise when your kids are fantastic in every way? Counterintuitive as it might be, too much praise can actually cause kids to avoid trying new things, put less effort into what they do and even fabricate the outcome of their efforts in order to continue to win praise from their parents.

The kind approach: Be moderate with praise but offer (appropriately) enthusiastic observations for every day tasks. For example, instead of telling your four-year-old: “What a gorgeous outfit you’ve put on! You must be a fashion prodigy!” You can say: “Look at that; you got dressed all by yourself!”

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“No.” That’s Just Mean

Our intention: We want our kids to have a positive outlook and to feel like their ideas are valid.

A lot of parents find themselves saying “yes” or not saying “no” far too often in an effort to avoid discouraging their kids. But sometimes, the kindest thing we can do for our kids is to say “no.” It feels particularly counterintuitive when they’re asking for something perfectly reasonable. And lots of people would argue that we should say “yes” as much as possible. But there has to be a limit, or you’ll burn yourself out and teach your kids they can have anything they ask for nicely. Unfortunately, this can lead to entitlement, boundaries that are too flexible, and acting out when things don’t go their way.

The kind approach: Consider all the factors, including safety, your own emotional or scheduling limits and what’s best for the whole family before saying “yes” to a request. Dr. Sears offers a number of creative ways to communicate “no” without actually saying the word, which can be just as effective in teaching limits and appropriate expectations.

Parenting with kindness is a laudable goal no matter how you approach it. Kindness requires a certain amount of wisdom—not only about what is happening right now but also how it will affect the future. Maybe that’s what makes it so tricky; sometimes it’s really hard to see that while eating candy right now will make our kids happy, waiting an hour for dinner is the kinder (and smarter) option.

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Last Updated on March 24, 2021

8 Smart Home Gadgets You Need in Your House

8 Smart Home Gadgets You Need in Your House

We’ve all done it. We’ve gone out and bought useless gadgets that we don’t really need, just because they seemed really cool at the time. Then, we are stuck with a bunch of junk, and end up tossing it or trying to sell it on Ebay.

On the other hand, there are some pretty awesome tech inventions that are actually useful. For instance, many of the latest home gadgets do some of your work for you, from adjusting the home thermostat to locking your front door. And, if used as designed, these tools should really help to make your life a lot easier—and that’s not just a claim from some infomercial trying to sell you yet another useless gadget.

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Take a look at some of the most popular “smart gadgets” on the market:

1. Smart Door Locks

A smart lock lets you lock and unlock your doors by using your smartphone, a special key fob, or biometrics. These locks are keyless, and much more difficult for intruders to break into, making your home a lot safer. You can even use a special app to let people into your home if you are not there to greet them.

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2. Smart Kitchen Tools

Wouldn’t you just love to have a pot of coffee waiting for you when you get home from work? What about a “smart pan” that tells you exactly when you need to flip that omelet? From meat thermometers to kitchen scales, you’ll find a variety of “smart” gadgets designed to make culinary geeks salivate.

3. Mini Home Speaker Play:1

If you love big sound, but hate how much space big speakers take up, and if you want a stereo system that is no bigger than your fist, check out the Play:1 mini speaker. All you have to do is plug it in, connect, and then you can stream without worrying about any interruptions or interface. You can even add onto it, and have different music playing in different rooms.

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4. Wi-Fi Security Cameras

These are the latest in home security, and they connect to the Wi-Fi in your home. You can use your mobile devices to monitor what is going on in your home at all times, no matter where you are. Options include motion sensors, two-way audio, and different recording options.

5. Nest Thermostat

This is a thermostat that lives with you. It can sense seasonal changes, temperature changes, etc., and it will adjust itself automatically. You will never have to fiddle with a thermostat dial or keypad again, because this one basically does all of the work for you. It can also help you to save as much as 12% on heating bills, and 15% on cooling bills.

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6. Smart Lighting

Control your home lighting from your remote device. This is great if you are out and want to make sure that there are some lights on. It is designed to be energy efficient, so it will pay for itself over time because you won’t have to spend so much on your monthly energy bills.

7. Google Chromecast Ultra

Whether you love movies, television shows, music, etc., you can stream it all using Google Chromecast Ultra. Stream all of the entertainment you love in up to 4K UHD and HDR, for just $69 monthly.

8. Canary

This home security system will automatically contact emergency services when they are needed. This system offers both video and audio surveillance, so there will be evidence if there are any break-ins on your property. You can also use it to check up on what’s happening at home when you are not there, including to make sure the kids are doing their homework.

Featured photo credit: Karolina via kaboompics.com

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