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Functionally Dysfunctional

Functionally Dysfunctional

Functionally Dysfunctional

    A Shift of Focus

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    business man watching his business finances grow

      Yesterday I spent some time with a bloke who wants to shift his life focus, change his career and begin doing some work with people who are struggling with certain challenges in their world. Over the last year he has had a few significant experiences which have given him a different perspective on life, a better understanding of certain things and a much greater level of awareness, consciousness and empathy for other people; all good things.

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      Here’s part of our conversation:

      BLOKE: “When I’m a little more organised and I’ve got all my crap together, I want to be able to help people turn their lives around and make a difference in a real and practical way – kind of like you do.”
      CH: “In that case, you’ll never help anyone.”
      B: “What?”
      CH: “You heard.”
      B: “Why do you say that?”
      CH: “Because you’ll never have all your crap together.”
      B: “What do you mean?”
      CH: “I mean everybody has issues and if you wait for personal perfection before you start to help others, you’ll never help one person. It’s simple.”
      B: “Hmm…” (thinks deeply)
      CH: “Nobody has all their crap together, everybody has issues on some level and we’re all works in progress. It’s called being human. In fact, the person who tells you that they have no issues is usually the one with the most!”
      B: “I guess so.”
      CH: “What many people don’t understand is that it’s in our efforts to help others – despite our own issues – that we begin to help ourselves also. By investing into something bigger than us, we stop being so self-focused, paranoid and egotistical and we begin to see the world – and us in it – from a healthier and more balanced perspective.”
      B: “But I would feel like a fraud helping people while I still have my own issues to deal with.”
      CH: “Welcome to the I-feel-like-a-fraud club; it’s a whopper.”
      B: “Are you a member?”
      CH: “A foundation member.”
      B: “You?”
      CH: “Yep, I have felt like a fraud many times over my journey but I arrived at the point where I realised that being human and being perfect are incompatible. Doesn’t happen. I have issues and I always will. Sometimes helping others is less about ability and more about availability. I have simply made myself available. Despite my flaws. Far too many people inhabit the I’m-not-good-enough paradigm and that – not their ability- stands between them and their potential to impact the lives of others in a meaningful and positive way.”
      B: “But what about the things I’m dealing with right now?”
      CH: “Keep dealing with them but don’t be obsessed with them. Do you think that someone like Oprah might have a few issues of her own? Imagine if Miss O waited for perfection before she decided to impact the lives of others or seek to do good in a tangible and practical way. Just because she has some personal challenges doesn’t mean she can’t help other people – clearly. She’s been a very public work in progress for decades and along the way she’s managed to help a lot of people – despite her imperfections.”
      B: ”Yeah, that makes sense.”
      CH: “A few years back I mentored a dietician for about six months, helping her work through some issues. She is a very successful and competent health professional, she consistently produces great results, she’s in high demand and at that time… she had a major eating disorder. Specifically, she was bulimic.”
      B: ”Really?”
      CH: “Yep and despite her own challenges, she consistently produced great results with other people. She’s better now, but that challenge in her life has made her an even better dietician and teacher.”
      B: “Hmm..”
      CH: “Every mentor, teacher, coach and personal development guru (whatever that means) has secrets, insecurities, doubts, fears and destructive habits. Every one. Every outwardly-strong person has fears and internal struggles. Don’t necessarily assume that the shiny cover of the book is a reflection of the pages that lie within. In order to know the book, you need to read the pages…. all of them. And most people will never allow that.”
      B: “You have those same fears?”
      CH: “Of course.”
      B: “When?”
      CH: “Every once in a while when I’m about to do my regular television segment, the insecure, fourteen year-old fat kid drops by before I go on air just to remind me that I really shouldn’t be handing out advice on national television; being a stupid fat kid and all. I thank him for dropping by and do my segment anyway.”
      B: “Okay, I’m in.”
      CH: “Good for you.”

      There’s a big difference between self-improvement and self-obsession and sometimes in our quest for “better” we actually create worse. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t consciously and consistently work on “us” (natch), but I am suggesting that sometimes the best way to help ourselves, is to help others. A little holiday from your issues might be just what you need. Works for me. Give it a bash.

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      More by this author

      Craig Harper

      Leading presenter, writer and educator in the areas of high-performance, self-management, personal transformation and more

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      Last Updated on May 21, 2019

      10 Most Entertaining Things To Do During A Long Journey

      10 Most Entertaining Things To Do During A Long Journey

      There are many more fun and eventful things to do to pass away time during a long flight or train journey. Apart from sleeping and continuously playing games on mobile, you can utilize this quality time in more creative ways.

      Should we take a look at all those amazing and curious ways to kill time during the long journey? Let’s go.

      1. Become the Next Big Thing in the Writing World

      Yes!! It’s time to become an Author. When I watch a romantic movie or read some fictional story, I feel like writing something of my own. If you feel the same, then there is no better time than a long journey, especially when you are traveling alone. Don’t forget that JK Rowling got the idea of Harry Potter while she was traveling on a train.

      2. Become a Philosopher

      Enough of reading and listening to various thoughts and quotations of other people. We all have experienced life and learned a lot, and it’s time to put your ideas into words.

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      Or you can try to determine the meaning of life, what you have experienced and things you have learned from it. Remember, every success or failure and try to find the philosophical reason behind it. It will help your mind to calm down.

      3. Card Games? Invent a New One

      I have no issues with claiming that Card Games has always been the most preferred way to pass the time during an extended journey. But don’t stop there, you have enough time to tweak some rules, do some experiment and invent your own card game. Call it anything you want, make sure that new game is entertaining enough to attract more players.

      4. Go into the Fantasy World

      Most of the time I put myself into Hogwarts, next moment I am fighting for the wizard world. You can do that too, and it’s not that tough. Going into a fantasy world is the most exciting thing you can do while traveling alone.

      5. Day Dream

      Day Dreaming is sometimes helpful and helps your brain do some exercise. You can be at your creative best. I have found realistic solutions of toughest problems while day dreaming. You can be more open minded and understanding at this time.

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      Daydream about being a singer or actor or richest person in the world. It gives you the motivation to do well and achieve your goals.

      6. Time to Plan your Dream Project

      This one is my favorite. You get enough time to work on your plans or dream projects. Travelling is the best time to brainstorm on your next product, which can be very efficient. Think about all pros and cons, praise yourself, criticize yourself and come up with best possible solutions because no one is there to judge you or your work at this moment.

      7. Movie Marathon

      Not only weekends, but a long journey is also an excellent time to start a film marathon. Create a list and watch movies online. Tune into any of the popular video streaming sites or app and watch your favorite TV Series and movies.

      8. Breakdown your Goals into Realistic Steps

      While you are traveling, you can set realistic and possible steps to achieve your aim. Spend your time in breaking down your goals and plan to achieve each small one in a given period. You can set your daily routine, work on your work-life balance and plan for a more systematic approach in day to day life. Don’t forget that walking through small steps is the key to reaching on top.

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      9. Read a Book

      Reading will never go out of fashion. Always carry a book with you. It is the most amazing thing to spend some time with, especially when you are alone and have lots of free time. Fiction or non-fiction, stories of any kind will always entertain you and enlighten you with new life lessons.

      10. Eavesdrop: Its Actually Entertaining

      The most entertaining thing to do during the long flight or train journey. You get to listen to amazing and exciting stories of the ordinary public, which sometimes are more interesting than Soap operas. I, once eavesdropped on a couple’s fight and seriously the reason was hilarious.

      I got entertained like never before.

      The Bottom Line

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      Have some fun, do some exciting things, don’t waste your time in sleeping and playing the same game again and again.

      Featured photo credit: simplybusinessclass.com via blog.simplybusinessclass.com

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