Advertising
Advertising

From Nag To Shag – The Ultimate Marriage Hack For Men

From Nag To Shag – The Ultimate Marriage Hack For Men

    Why are we so fascinated by all those worst-case scenario survival tips about situations that are as statistically unlikely to happen to us as winning the lottery? Some of those tips seem more useful than others, take Wikihow’s guide to surviving a shark attack.

    Advertising

    Step 1) Remain Calm.” Hmm, calm during shark attack? Not so much.

    Or this advice on what to do if attacked by a bear, courtesy of the Tongass National Forest: Forest Facts webpage,

    Advertising

    “If a bear actually makes contact, surrender! Fall to the ground and play dead….” So far, so good, I think I could do that. Now what?
    “… If the bear continues biting you long after you assume a defensive posture, it likely is a predatory attack.” Ya think?

    In any case, I’m not sure that my playing dead performance could survive the distraction of being repeatedly bitten by a bear.

    Advertising

    How about some more useful advice? Something that there is a good chance of you actually needing and employing? Like what to do when confronted by a nagging wife? Not unlike the famous Supreme Court Justice quote about pornography, nagging is hard to define, but you know it when you see it. It’s the bane of husbands everywhere. So what should you do in this commonplace worst-case marriage scenario?

    1. Remain Calm
      Imagine yourself as the pilot of a large plane or a secret forces special operative and try to remember that all emergencies are better handled without panic. Inhale slowly and deeply and as you exhale make a conscious attempt to relax your muscles.
    2. Remove head from sand (or elsewhere)
      Much like throwing up, these marital skirmishes are always worse in the miserable anticipation. You may be thinking ‘I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than talk about our relationship’ and hoping that if you can just avoid the situation long enough, she’ll forget about it. Whilst that certainly is a popular strategy, its chances of success rank about the same of the plight of Mr. Ostrich, head hidden in the sand, hoping the lioness can’t see him.
    3. Stand your ground.
      Gird your manly loins and resist the urge to run away. Either literally, by avoiding the situation or figuratively by allowing your brain to escape whilst your body remains in the firing line. Retreat is almost always a futile endeavor in these situations and can often make things worse as it provokes a more energetic pursuit. Whilst you may be able to outrun your pursuer initially, never under-estimate her persistence; you’re going to have to sleep eventually.
    4. Face your fear
      It’s always a tactically sound move not to turn you back on the enemy. But this advice means more than that. It means figuring out for yourself what your resistance is about. Two of the most common are, fear of losing your freedom and/or fear of being shamed. Even when they are convinced their wives has the most unreasonable demands that will never be satisfied by anyone, men rarely like to feel they have failed to deliver. Once you’ve figured out what your real fear is, check out if it’s rational. If it seems likely that your fear could actually transpire, retreat immediately to safety. If not…
    5. Be assertive
      If you really want to stop her hounding you, stop running. Women are much more satisfied with 100% of you 50% of the time than they will ever be with 50% of you 100%. Ducking and diving is a recipe for disaster. Rather than trying to evade the issue, stand in your power and say what you can and want to do and then do it. Keeping your word builds trust. Trust defuses nagging. As in business, always under-promise and over-deliver. The irony is that if you actually give her the attention and connection that she is craving, she’s almost certainly going to stop needing to talk about not getting it. Imagine that!
    6. Camouflage
      See beyond the teeth and claws. Remember that it’s never about the X. It’s about her need to feel connected, respected, cared for, cherished and desired. You need to pay very close attention to what she is actually saying and yet, even more importantly what is she really wanting.
    7. Shock and awe
      This is not for the faint of heart, but as they say, faint heart never won fair lady. Do the unexpected. Move towards the roar! Instead of getting defensive or giving the cold shoulder, try disarming her with charm. If your sense of humor is something she fell in love with, goof it up. If you can manage to get her to crack a smile, it’s all over. If fancy footwork is more your style, swoop in and spin or dip her. Scoop her into your arms and give her a gentle squeeze. If nothing else, reach out and touch her, gently. It’s hard to stay angry when you’re being held.

    In conclusion, gentlemen, I give you the number one marriage hack of all time – Love the lioness and see how quickly she turns back into a happy kitty-cat.

    Advertising

    The disclaimer. Men, there are no guarantees here, I offer you hope, rather than miracles with a reminder that these techniques are intended for use against common or garden nagging, they are not a get-out-of-jail card to deal with any serious offences you may have committed against the institution of marriage. Employ them at your own risk!

    More by this author

    Breaking Up is Hard to do – 20 Questions to Help You Know When it’s Time to Let go Six Sizzling Suggestions to Make Valentine’s Day Last All Year Why Productivity Won’t Make You Happy: Life Lessons From a Dying Man Why It’s Important to be Wrong: The Valuable Art of Apology What You Ought to Know About Buying Perfect Holiday Gifts for Loved Ones

    Trending in Lifestyle

    1 The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want 2 Becoming Self-Taught (The How-To Guide) 3 5 Steps To Move Out Of Stagnancy In Life 4 How Many Hours of Sleep Do I Need? (What the Science Says) 5 How to Learn Yoga (The Beginner’s Guide)

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on January 21, 2020

    The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

    The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

    Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

    your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

      Why You Need a Vision

      Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

      Advertising

      How to Create Your Life Vision

      Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

      What Do You Want?

      The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

      It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

      Advertising

      Some tips to guide you:

      • Remember to ask why you want certain things
      • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
      • Give yourself permission to dream.
      • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
      • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

      Some questions to start your exploration:

      • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
      • What would you like to have more of in your life?
      • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
      • What are your secret passions and dreams?
      • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
      • What do you want your relationships to be like?
      • What qualities would you like to develop?
      • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
      • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
      • What would you most like to accomplish?
      • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

      It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

      Advertising

      What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

      Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

      A few prompts to get you started:

      • What will you have accomplished already?
      • How will you feel about yourself?
      • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
      • What does your ideal day look like?
      • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
      • What would you be doing?
      • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
      • How are you dressed?
      • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
      • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
      • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

      It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

      Advertising

      Plan Backwards

      It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

      • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
      • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
      • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
      • What important actions would you have had to take?
      • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
      • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
      • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
      • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
      • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

      Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

      It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

      Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

      Read Next