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First-time Pregnancy: Everyone Has An Opinion

First-time Pregnancy: Everyone Has An Opinion

As unbelievable as this may sound, no two words (aside from, “I do!”) will have as much of an impact on your life as, “I’m pregnant.” Your life is about to change in so many ways that you will quickly forget what life was like prior to having a child.

This especially holds true for women who are having their first child. Aside from the excitement, there are fears, concerns, questions, curiosities, and some life-changing decisions to be made. And, through no fault of your own, you will be bombarded with many questions, pieces of advice and opinions from everyone you know—and even from people you don’t know!

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Most women (and some men) cannot help but offer you their two cents’ worth when it comes to your pregnancy. So what should you do with all this unsolicited advice and opinions? Welcome to your first test as a mother—practicing patience and understanding.

Welcome to the sisterhood

Your mom, aunt, sister, cousin, best friend, client, customer and neighbor will no doubt have something to say when it comes to your first-time pregnancy. It could be as simple as where to get the best maternity tops, what are the best pregnancy skincare products to use, or the offer of their old maternity dresses. You will hear a lot about their cravings, their aches, their pains, their labor and delivery, and even some stories that fall under the heading of Too Much Information. Everyone has something to say and you will definitely hear about it, whether you like it or not.

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Understand that when a woman is pregnant—especially for the first time—it takes other women back and get them thinking about their own first pregnancy. Women remember what it was like for them and what they experienced, so their immediate instinct is to share what they know with you, and yes, that will include advice on what to wear, which are the best maternity dresses and pants, and where you can get them.

It’s as if you entered a secret society that is no longer secret to you. Now you get all the wisdom and knowledge that you didn’t need prior to becoming pregnant. And guess what? Even after you give birth, the wisdom, knowledge, opinions and advice will still be coming, but in even greater amounts as you enter the world of motherhood.

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How to deal with unsolicited advice

You have two choices when it comes to all of this unsolicited advice. You can either ignore it or take it for what it is—women sharing their experiences and trying to help you by letting you know that when it comes to pregnancy, almost nothing is as it usually is. That’s right: your senses change, your body changes, you feel different, look different, act differently and think differently. And while no two women ever go through pregnancy with the exact same symptoms and side effects, it is nice to be reminded that what you are going through is normal—something that most women probably wished they were told when they were pregnant for the first time. As many books and articles as you may read about pregnancy, they still will not cover everything, and that can make a first-timer feel scared or uncertain as to whether what you are experiencing is normal or not.

On occasion you will get an opinion or advice from someone that is completely misguided or inappropriate. Unfortunately, you cannot filter out those with nothing of importance to offer from those who have something useful to say. Yes, there will be women who will share their death-defying tale of how they delivered their baby, or how painful and long their labor was. You will hear stories of morning sickness that lasted through all three trimesters, or how the family dog had to stay with a relative because the smell of dog food was too much to bear. What you need to remember is that these are individual stories (some slightly exaggerated), but they are not an indication that you will suffer the same malady.

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When it comes to pregnancy and the advice you will receive—whether you ask for it or not—you don’t have to worry about following it, or that the same bad circumstances will happen to you. Your pregnancy will be your own, unique experience with good times and maybe some not-so-good times. However, the one common thread that all mothers have is bringing a new life into the world. And that is definitely something you will want to share with women who you one day encounter during their first pregnancy.

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Last Updated on January 3, 2020

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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