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Father’s Day – 10 Top Tips for Being a Great Dad

Father’s Day – 10 Top Tips for Being a Great Dad

time to honour your father

    It is Father’s Day on Sunday (June 15th, 2008) in the UK, USA and many other countries around the world. This year, the day will be especially poignant for me as for the first time in my life on father’s day I will be without my father who passed away last December. So this year is truly a time to remember just what he meant to me and what he will always mean to me.

    Father’s Day is becoming an important day of celebration and gradually catching up with the more popular Mother’s Day worldwide. Now the fifth most-purchased greeting cards in the USA are Father’s Day cards.

    Whereas Mother’s Day is seen to be more sentimental, Father’s Day is seen more as a day of practical gift giving such as DIY tools etc. However the most popular Father’s Day present is apparently the gift of a tie.

    any gift from the heart will do for your father

      No matter what you call your father — dad, papa, pop and so on — today is a chance for you to celebrate your father and recognise just what he is and what he has done for you. Father’s Day is your one chance in the year to give your father a pat on the back for who he is and what he has done for you.

      I believe Father’s Day is also an opportunity to review just what being a father means to you and how you can become a better father to your children.

      I imagine there is so much time, frustration, stress and sacrifice involved in being a parent. Occasions such as Father’s Day allow us to reflect on just how worthwhile it all was. If I had appreciated the efforts of my parents when I was younger, I would probably have been a lot nicer to them and more appreciative of their hard work. Maybe they should have classes in how to be nice to your parents!

      I do not have children of my own, but have been blessed with a number of nephews, nieces, young cousins and any number of young people in our extended family. I still recall my great joy the first time I received a Father’s Day card from my nephew.

      Also the children of many friends have found a second home at my place. I even have a special toy box for those times when I have young visitors. There was a time when children visiting us would rush straight upstairs and bring down the toy box, promptly emptying the contents on the lounge floor with a great relish.

      Though I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have children of my own, I do feel that I have had the best of both worlds. I do also wonder just what sort of a father I would have been. A good one I hope, taking the best of the lessons from my father and also from my mother, and combining these with all my own observations and learnings from the last few years of personal growth and exploration.

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      time to honour your father

        Having worked with children in the UK and also at Nirvana School in Pondicherry, South India, here are my ten top tips for being a great dad:-

        1. Always be encouraging to your children. Give them love. Give them respect. And give them as much freedom and real responsibility as they can handle.

        Children will stretch themselves when challenged. But when you encourage them, make sure they can succeed. Do not set such high standards that they might ultimately fail and lose confidence.

        So often we are quick to let a child know when they do something we think is wrong. But remember to acknowledge and appreciate a child when all is going well and the child is playing quietly in the house or doing some chores.

        2. Treat the child as an equal. Never assume an air of superiority. Give them credit – they are smarter than you think they are!

        Expect a great deal from your children and they will rise to the occasion. By setting your expectations in a loving way, about things such as good manners and efforts at school, and expecting them to do well, you will be letting them know that you think a lot of them. When they know this, they will in turn respond with a great deal.

        3. Let them follow their own life path – just be there to support them in whatever they choose, rather than pushing them into following your footsteps. They have their own desires and interests.

        Many families put so much pressure on their children to become a doctor or a professional of some standing, whereas the child may want to follow a completely different path.

        Not all children will succeed at, say, academics. As a father, your job is to help them discover their gifts and not disparage them for anything that you perceive as beyond them. Challenge and encourage with compassion, but at the same time without promoting mediocrity.

        4. Be there for them always. Spend some quality time with them in the evening after work. Share at least one meal a day together. This is what brings and keeps families together.

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        Place a high value on spending one-on-one time with your child. More than what money can ever buy, your child really wants their father’s time and undivided attention.

        Nowadays, even in South Asian families like mine, children live with their parents for only a short period of their lives. Therefore enjoy the moments now so that one day you can both enjoy the memories.

        Live simply and don’t have extra demands and activities that can keep you and your child stressed out and too busy to enjoy the important and essential things in life.

        5. Truly listen to them. Ask them for their opinion and let them know that what they think and want counts.

        Don’t just listen to the words, but listen to what is behind the words. “Hear” what your children are really saying. Though listening like this requires patience, do persevere and focus on your children. Give them your time – after all their words are so important.

        Part of listening and responding is to be able to say “no” as and when appropriate. There is so much stuff out there for children these days and sometimes you have to decide just what is appropriate for them. It is usually better for children to learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification, when they are told no by their parents.

        6. Walk the talk. Set them a noble example and be in integrity always. By this, I mean make sure your thoughts, words, feelings and actions are all in agreement.

        Be very honest with your children as they will know when you are not telling the truth. You will both feel better, trust more and learn to be honest.

        Also, as a father, always be sure to treat the mother of your child well. This is where your children will get very important information about relationships between men and women.

        Do not ever fight in front of the kids and remember to be kind much more often than trying to be right. This reminds me of a quote I read a while ago which is very apt:-

        “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and respect their mother” (source unknown).

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        7. Laugh often with your children – be childlike.

        Apparently, children under the age of seven laugh 700 times a day, whereas adults on average laugh only four times a day! So you have a lot of catching up to do. Therefore look for humour and share moments of the joy of life with your children and the rest of the family.

        Life is too short and your children will have grown up and left you before you know it , so remember to have some fun together along the way. Don’t take yourself or things so seriously. Begin to see your child through the soft eyes of love and kindness –after all you were once young too – be young again.

        I still remember a time at a Xmas party a few years when my father orchestrated a silly party game and had us all in raptures and fits of laughter. He shed away decades that evening and looked so much younger and energetic. We had never before seen him so childlike and joyous.

        show love to your children always

          8. Teach your child about your values and what is important to you and your family. One of the greatest things you can instill in your child is a sense of what is right and what is not. Teach them a sense of duty, responsibility and good morals.

          Like it or not, one day they will be walking their own path and you will no longer be there to catch them or protect them. So whilst you can, share your ideas and your wisdom, but be prepared to let them walk in their own shoes.

          At the same time, protect your children, but don’t smother them.

          9. Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s accomplishments, but do not make their achievements the basis of your love and attention. Don’t jump in with your advise and how they “should” do things. Just be there to support and encourage them. If nothing else, truly listen to them.

          Look for the evidence of accomplishment, no matter how small. Appreciate your children’s efforts and enjoy them for what they are doing and do not look at what they are not doing. Instead, look for the good in what your children already do and who they are, rather than insisting that they fit your or some cultural stereotype image.

          At the same time, always separate the behaviour from the child. Remember it is not the child who is bad – it is their behaviour that may not be acceptable.

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          Of course, hitting, spanking and physically punishing your kids is out – in my opinion it just doesn’t work at all. As a father, do you really want your kids to be afraid of you? Research has proven how counter-productive physical punishment can be to a child’s self-esteem. Punishment in general is not very effective, so try encouragement instead.

          10. Finally, truly love your children. You may say you love them, but if they don’t feel loved, then they aren’t loved.

          Don’t show favoritism amongst your children but appreciate their individual uniqueness. Not all children are created equal or are alike. Create opportunities to find out how each child is unique and wonderful. Each child has so many gifts to offer you – you just have to look for them.

          At the end of the day every child needs love above more than anything else and as a father you have a wonderful opportunity to bestow this gift on your child – in the same way that at one time your own father did to you.

          I will always remember visiting orphanages in Pondicherry and meeting all these children without any parents and thinking how lucky I was to have had such loving, kind and good parents. It is now up to you to bestow the same love and kindness to your children who will carry the candle after you.

          To end, here are some inspiring and thought provoking quotes about fatherhood:-

          “Not every successful man is a good father. But every good father is a successful man” (R. Duvall)

          “I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week” (Mario Cuomo)

          Hope you have a happy Father’s Day and don’t forget to let your own father know that he did a good job. Go on, make more of a fuss than usual. Make the most of your father whilst you still can.

          Just as importantly, remember to truly love your children, today and always.

          And of course do share your own top tips about being a great dad…

          remember what your father has done for you

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            Last Updated on March 30, 2020

            Why You’re Feeling Tired All the Time (And What to Do About It)

            Why You’re Feeling Tired All the Time (And What to Do About It)

            Feeling tired all the time?

            Have you ever caught yourself nodding off when you’re watching TV, listening to someone drone on during a meeting or even driving a car?

            I know I have, especially when I worked 70 hours per week as a High-Tech Executive.

            Feeling tired all the time may be more widespread than you think. In fact, two-fifths of Americans are tired most of the week.[1]

            If you’re tired of feeling tired, then I’ve got some great news for you. New research is helping us gain critical insights into the underlying causes of feeling tired all the time.

            In this article, we’ll discuss the latest reasons why you’re feeling tired all the time and practical steps you can take to finally get to the bottom of your fatigue and feel rested.

            What Happens When You’re Too Tired

            If you sleep just two hours less than the normal eight hours, you could be as impaired as someone who has consumed up to three beers.[2] And you’ve probably experienced the impact yourself.

            Here are some common examples of what happens when you’re feeling tired:[3]

            • You may have trouble focusing because memory and learning functions may be impaired within your brain.
            • You may experience mood swings and an inability to differentiate between what’s important and what’s not because your brain’s neurotransmitters are misfiring.
            • You may get dark circles under your eyes and/or your skin make look dull and lackluster in the short term and over time your skin may get wrinkles and show signs of aging because your body didn’t have time to remove toxins during sleep.
            • You may find it more difficult to exercise or to perform any type of athletic activity.
            • Your immune system may weaken causing you to pick up infections more easily.
            • You may overeat because not getting enough sleep activates the body’s endocannabinoids even when you’re not hungry.
            • Your metabolism slows down so what you eat is more likely to be stored as belly fat.

            Are you saying that feeling tired can make me overweight?

            Unfortunately, yes!

            Feeling tired all the time can cause you to put on the pounds especially around your waist. But it is a classic chicken and egg situation, too.

            Heavier people are more likely to feel fatigued during the day than lighter ones. And that’s even true for overweight people who don’t have sleep apnea (source: National Institutes of Health).

            Speaking of sleep apnea, you may be wondering if that or something else is causing you to feel tired all the time.

            Why Are you Feeling Tired All the Time?

            Leading experts are starting to recognize that there are three primary reasons people feel tired on a regular basis: sleep deprivation, fatigue and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).

            Here’s a quick overview of each root cause of feeling tired all of the time:

            1. Tiredness occurs from sleep deprivation when you don’t get high-quality sleep consistently. It typically can be solved by changing your routine and getting enough deep restorative sleep.
            2. Fatigue occurs from prolonged sleeplessness which could be triggered by numerous issues such as mental health issues, long-term illness, fibromyalgia, obesity, sleep apnea or stress. It typically can be improved by changing your lifestyle and using sleep aids or treatments, if recommended by your physician.
            3. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) is a medical condition also known as Myalgic Encephalomyelitis that occurs from persistent exhaustion that doesn’t go away with sleep.

            The exact cause of CFS is not known, but it may be due to problems with the immune system, a bacterial infection, a hormone imbalance or emotional trauma.

            It typically involves working with a doctor to rule out other illnesses before diagnosing and treating CFS.[4]

            Always consult a physician to get a personal diagnosis about why you are feeling tired, especially if it is a severe condition.

            Feeling Tired vs Being Fatigued

            If lack of quality sleep doesn’t seem to be the root cause for you, then it’s time to explore fatigue as the reason you are frequently feeling tired.

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            Until recently, tiredness and fatigue were thought to be interchangeable. Leading experts now realize that tiredness and fatigue are different.

            Tiredness is primarily about lack of sleep.

            But fatigue is a perceived feeling of being tired that is much more likely to occur in people who have depression, anxiety or emotional stress and/or are overweight and physically inactive (source: Science Direct).

            Symptoms of fatigue include:

            • Difficulty concentrating
            • Low stamina
            • Difficulty sleeping
            • Anxiety
            • Low motivation

            These symptoms may sound similar to those of tiredness but they usually last longer and are more intense.

            Unfortunately, there is no definitive reason why fatigue occurs because it can be a symptom of an emotional or physical illness. But there are still a number of steps you can take to reduce difficult symptoms by making a few simple lifestyle changes.

            How Much Sleep Is Enough?

            The number one reason you may feel tired is because of sleep deprivation which means you are not getting enough high-quality sleep.

            Most adults need 7 to 9 hours of high-quality, uninterrupted sleep per night. If you’re sleep deprived, the amount of sleep you need increases.

            So, quantity and quality do matter when it comes to sleep.

            The key to quality sleep is being able to get long, uninterrupted sleep cycles throughout the night. It typically takes 90 minutes for you to reach a state of deep REM sleep where your body’s healing crew goes to work.

            Ideally, you want to get at least 3 to 4 deep REM sleep cycles in per night. That’s why it’s so important to stay asleep for 7 or more hours.

            Research also shows that people who think they can get by on less sleep don’t perform as well as people who get at least seven hours of sleep a night[5] So, you should definitely plan on getting seven hours of deep restorative sleep every night.

            If you are not getting 7 hours of high-quality sleep regularly, then sleep deprivation is most likely reason you feel tired all the time.

            And that is good news because sleep deprivation is much simpler and easier to address than the other root causes.

            It’s also a good idea to rule out sleep deprivation as the reason why you are tired before moving on to the other possibilities such as fatigue or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which may require a doctor for diagnosis and treatment.

            4 Simple Changes to Reduce Fatigue

            Personally, I’m a big believer in upgrading your lifestyle to uplift your life. I overcame chronic stress and exhaustion by making these four changes to my lifestyle:

            1. Eating healthy, home-cooked meals versus microwaving processed foods or eating out
            2. Exercising regularly
            3. Using stressbusters
            4. Creating a bedtime routine to sleep better

            So, I know it is possible to change your lifestyle even when you’re working crazy hours and have lots of family responsibilities.

            After I made the 4 simple changes in my lifestyle, I no longer felt exhausted all of the time.

            In addition, I lost two inches off my waist and looked and felt better than ever.

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            I was so excited that I wanted to help others replace stress and exhaustion with rest and well-being, too. That’s why I became a Certified Holistic Wellness Coach through the Dr. Sears Wellness Institute.

            Interestingly enough, I discovered that Dr. Sears recommends a somewhat similar L.E.A.N. lifestyle:

            • L is for Lifestyle and means living healthy including getting enough sleep.
            • E is for Exercise and means getting at least 20 minutes of exercise a day ideally for six days a week.
            • A is for Attitude and means thinking positive and reducing stress whenever possible.
            • N is for Nutrition and means emphasizing a right-fat diet, not a low-fat diet.

            The L.E.A.N. lifestyle is a scientifically-proven way to reduce fatigue, get to the optimal weight and to achieve overall wellness.[6]

            And yes, there does seem to be an important correlation between being lean and feeling rested.

            But overall based on my personal experience and Dr. Sear’s scientific proof, the key to not feeling tired all of the time does seem to be 4 simple changes to your lifestyle.

            L — Living Healthy

            Getting enough high-quality sleep every day is the surefire way to help you feel less fatigued, more rested and better overall.

            So, whether you’re sleep deprived or potentially suffering from fatigue or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, you probably want to find a way to sleep better.

            In fact, if you aren’t getting enough sleep, your body isn’t getting the time it needs to repair itself; meaning that if you are suffering from an illness, it’s far more likely to linger.

            As unlikely as it sounds, though, fatigue can sometimes make it difficult to sleep. That’s why I’d recommend taking a look at your bedtime routine before you go to bed and optimize it based on sleep best practices.

            Here are 3 quick and easy tips for creating a pro-sleep bedtime routine:

            1. Unplug

            Many of us try to unwind by watching TV or doing something on an iPhone or tablet. But tech can affect your melatonin production due to the blue light that they emit, fooling your body into thinking it’s still daytime.

            So turn off all tech one hour before bed and create a tech-free zone in your bedroom.

            2. Unwind

            Do something to relax.

            Use the time before bed to do something you find relaxing such as reading a book, listening to soothing music, meditating or taking an Epsom salt bath.

            3. Get Comfortable

            Ensure your bed is comfortable and your room is set up for sleep.

            Make sure you room is cool. 60-68 degrees is the ideal temperature for most people to sleep.

            Also, it’s ideal if your bedroom is dark and there is no noise.

            Finally, make sure everything is handled (e.g., laying out tomorrow’s clothes) before you get into your nice, comfy bed.

            If your mind is still active, write a to-do list to help you fall asleep faster.[7]

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            Above all, be gentle with yourself and count your blessings, some sheep or whatever helps.

            This article also offers practical tips to build a bedtime routine: How to Build a Good Bedtime Routine That Makes Your Morning Easier

            E — Exercise

            Many people know that exercise is good for them, but just can’t figure out how to fit it into their busy schedules.

            That’s what happened in my case.

            But when my chronic stress and exhaustion turned into systemic inflammation (which can lead to major diseases like Alzheimer’s), I realized it was time to change my lifestyle.

            As part of my lifestyle upgrade, I knew I needed to move more.

            My friends who exercise all gave me the same advice: find an exercise you like to do and find a specific time in your schedule when you can consistently do it.

            That made sense to me.

            So, I decided to swim.

            I used to love to swim when I was young, but I hadn’t done it for years. The best time for me to do it was immediately after work, since I could easily get an open swim lane at my local fitness club then.

            Also, swimming became a nice reason for me to leave work on time. And I got to enjoy a nice workout before eating dinner.

            Swimming is a good way to get your cardio or endurance training. But, walking, running and dancing are nice alternatives.

            So find an exercise you love and stick to it. Ideally, get a combination of endurance training, strength training and flexibility training in during your daily 20-minute workout.

            If you haven’t exercised in a while and have a lot of stress in your life, you may want to give yoga a try because you will increase your flexibility and lower your stress.

            A — Attitude

            Stress may be a major reason why you aren’t feeling well all of the time. At least that was the case with me.

            When I worked 70 hours per week as a High-Tech Executive, I felt chronically stressed and exhausted. But there was one thing that always worked to help me feel calmer and less fatigued.

            Do you want to know what that master stress-busting technique was?

            Breathing.

            But not just any old breathing. It was a special form of deep Yogic breathing called the “Long-Exhale Breathing” or “4-7-8 breathing” or “Pranayama” in Sanskrit).

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            Here’s how you do “Long-Exhale Breathing”:

            1. Sit in a comfortable position with your spine straight and your hand on your tummy (so you know you are breathing deeply from your diaphragm and not shallowly from your chest)
            2. Breathe in deeply and slowly from your diaphragm with your mouth closed while you count to 4 (ideally until your stomach feels full of air)
            3. Hold your breath while you count to 7 mentally and enjoy the stillness
            4. Breathe out through your mouth with a “ha” sound while you count to 8 (or until your stomach has no more air in it)
            5. Pause after you finish your exhale while you notice the sense of wholeness and relaxation from completing one conscious, deep, long exhale breath
            6. Repeat 3 times ensuring your exhale is longer than your inhale so you relax your nervous system

            This type of “long-exhale breathing” is scientifically proven to reduce stress.

            When your exhale is twice as long as your inhale, it soothes your parasympathetic nervous system, which regulates the relaxation response.[8]

            Plus, this is a great technique for helping you get to sleep, too.

            N — Nutrition

            Diet is vital for beating fatigue – after all, food is your main source of energy.

            If your diet is poor, then it implies you’re not getting the nutrients you need to sustain healthy energy levels.

            Eating a diet for fatigue doesn’t need to be complicated, time-consuming though.

            For most people, it’s just a case of swapping a few unhealthy foods for a few healthier ones, like switching from low-fiber, processed foods to whole, high-fiber foods.

            Unless your current diet is solely made up of fast food and ready meals, adjusting to a fatigue-fighting diet shouldn’t be too much of a shock to the system.

            Here’re 9 simple diet swaps you can make today:

            1. Replace your morning coffee with Matcha green tea and drink only herbal tea within six hours of bedtime.
            2. Add a healthy fat or protein to your any carb you eat, especially if you eat before bed. Please note that carb-only snacks lead to blood-sugar crashes that can make you eat more and they can keep you from sleeping.
            3. Fill up with fiber especially green leafy vegetables. Strive to get at least 25g per day with at least 5 servings (a serving is the size of your fist) of green vegetables.
            4. Replace refined, processed, low-fiber pastas and grains with zucchini noodles and whole grains such as buckwheat, quinoa, sorghum, oats, amaranth, millet, teff, brown rice and corn.
            5. Swap natural sweeteners for refined sugars and try to ensure you don’t get more than 25g of sugar a day if you are a woman and 30g of sugar a day if you are a man.
            6. Replace ice cream with low-sugar alternatives such as So Delicious Dairy-Free Vanilla Bean Coconut Ice Cream.
            7. Swap omega-6, partially-hydrogenated oils such as corn, palm, sunflower, safflower, cotton, canola and soybean oil for omega-3 oils such as flax, olive and nut oils.
            8. Replace high-sugar yoghurts with low-sugar, dairy-free yoghurts such as Kite Hill Plain Yoghurt with 1g sugar or Lifeway Farmer Cheese with 0g sugar.
            9. Swap your sugar-laden soda for sparkling water with a splash of low-sugar juice

            Also, ensure your diet is giving you enough of the daily essential vitamins and minerals. Most of us don’t get enough Vitamin D, Vitamin B-12, Calcium, Iron and Magnesium. If you are low on any of the above vitamins and minerals, you may experience fatigue and low energy.

            That’s why it’s always worth having your doctor check your levels. If you find any of them are low, then try to eat foods rich in them.

            Alternatively, you might consider a high-quality multi-vitamin or specific supplement.

            The Bottom Line

            If you are tired of feeling tired, then there is tremendous hope.

            If you are tired because you are not getting enough high-quality sleep, then the best remedy is a bedtime routine based on sleep best practices.

            If you are tired because you have stress and fatigue, then the best remedy are four simple lifestyle changes including:

            • Enough High-Quality Sleep with Bedtime Routine
            • Regular Exercise You Love
            • Stress Reduction with Long-Exhale Breathing
            • Fatigue-Reducing Diet

            Overall, adopting a healthier lifestyle Is the ideal remedy for feeling more rested and energized.

            More Tips to Help You Rest Better

            Featured photo credit: Cris Saur via unsplash.com

            Reference

            [1] YouGov: Two-fifths of Americans are tired most of the week
            [2] National Safety Council: Is Your Company Confronting Workplace Fatigue?
            [3] The New York Times: Why Are We So Freaking Tired?
            [4] Mayo Clinic: Chronic fatigue syndrome
            [5] Mayo Clinic: Lack of sleep: Can it make you sick?
            [6] Ask Dr. Sears: The L.E.A.N. Lifestyle
            [7] American Psychological Association: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep
            [8] Yoga International: Learning to Exhale: 2-to-1 Breathing

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