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Father’s Day – 10 Top Tips for Being a Great Dad

Father’s Day – 10 Top Tips for Being a Great Dad

time to honour your father

    It is Father’s Day on Sunday (June 15th, 2008) in the UK, USA and many other countries around the world. This year, the day will be especially poignant for me as for the first time in my life on father’s day I will be without my father who passed away last December. So this year is truly a time to remember just what he meant to me and what he will always mean to me.

    Father’s Day is becoming an important day of celebration and gradually catching up with the more popular Mother’s Day worldwide. Now the fifth most-purchased greeting cards in the USA are Father’s Day cards.

    Whereas Mother’s Day is seen to be more sentimental, Father’s Day is seen more as a day of practical gift giving such as DIY tools etc. However the most popular Father’s Day present is apparently the gift of a tie.

    any gift from the heart will do for your father

      No matter what you call your father — dad, papa, pop and so on — today is a chance for you to celebrate your father and recognise just what he is and what he has done for you. Father’s Day is your one chance in the year to give your father a pat on the back for who he is and what he has done for you.

      I believe Father’s Day is also an opportunity to review just what being a father means to you and how you can become a better father to your children.

      I imagine there is so much time, frustration, stress and sacrifice involved in being a parent. Occasions such as Father’s Day allow us to reflect on just how worthwhile it all was. If I had appreciated the efforts of my parents when I was younger, I would probably have been a lot nicer to them and more appreciative of their hard work. Maybe they should have classes in how to be nice to your parents!

      I do not have children of my own, but have been blessed with a number of nephews, nieces, young cousins and any number of young people in our extended family. I still recall my great joy the first time I received a Father’s Day card from my nephew.

      Also the children of many friends have found a second home at my place. I even have a special toy box for those times when I have young visitors. There was a time when children visiting us would rush straight upstairs and bring down the toy box, promptly emptying the contents on the lounge floor with a great relish.

      Though I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have children of my own, I do feel that I have had the best of both worlds. I do also wonder just what sort of a father I would have been. A good one I hope, taking the best of the lessons from my father and also from my mother, and combining these with all my own observations and learnings from the last few years of personal growth and exploration.

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      time to honour your father

        Having worked with children in the UK and also at Nirvana School in Pondicherry, South India, here are my ten top tips for being a great dad:-

        1. Always be encouraging to your children. Give them love. Give them respect. And give them as much freedom and real responsibility as they can handle.

        Children will stretch themselves when challenged. But when you encourage them, make sure they can succeed. Do not set such high standards that they might ultimately fail and lose confidence.

        So often we are quick to let a child know when they do something we think is wrong. But remember to acknowledge and appreciate a child when all is going well and the child is playing quietly in the house or doing some chores.

        2. Treat the child as an equal. Never assume an air of superiority. Give them credit – they are smarter than you think they are!

        Expect a great deal from your children and they will rise to the occasion. By setting your expectations in a loving way, about things such as good manners and efforts at school, and expecting them to do well, you will be letting them know that you think a lot of them. When they know this, they will in turn respond with a great deal.

        3. Let them follow their own life path – just be there to support them in whatever they choose, rather than pushing them into following your footsteps. They have their own desires and interests.

        Many families put so much pressure on their children to become a doctor or a professional of some standing, whereas the child may want to follow a completely different path.

        Not all children will succeed at, say, academics. As a father, your job is to help them discover their gifts and not disparage them for anything that you perceive as beyond them. Challenge and encourage with compassion, but at the same time without promoting mediocrity.

        4. Be there for them always. Spend some quality time with them in the evening after work. Share at least one meal a day together. This is what brings and keeps families together.

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        Place a high value on spending one-on-one time with your child. More than what money can ever buy, your child really wants their father’s time and undivided attention.

        Nowadays, even in South Asian families like mine, children live with their parents for only a short period of their lives. Therefore enjoy the moments now so that one day you can both enjoy the memories.

        Live simply and don’t have extra demands and activities that can keep you and your child stressed out and too busy to enjoy the important and essential things in life.

        5. Truly listen to them. Ask them for their opinion and let them know that what they think and want counts.

        Don’t just listen to the words, but listen to what is behind the words. “Hear” what your children are really saying. Though listening like this requires patience, do persevere and focus on your children. Give them your time – after all their words are so important.

        Part of listening and responding is to be able to say “no” as and when appropriate. There is so much stuff out there for children these days and sometimes you have to decide just what is appropriate for them. It is usually better for children to learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification, when they are told no by their parents.

        6. Walk the talk. Set them a noble example and be in integrity always. By this, I mean make sure your thoughts, words, feelings and actions are all in agreement.

        Be very honest with your children as they will know when you are not telling the truth. You will both feel better, trust more and learn to be honest.

        Also, as a father, always be sure to treat the mother of your child well. This is where your children will get very important information about relationships between men and women.

        Do not ever fight in front of the kids and remember to be kind much more often than trying to be right. This reminds me of a quote I read a while ago which is very apt:-

        “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and respect their mother” (source unknown).

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        7. Laugh often with your children – be childlike.

        Apparently, children under the age of seven laugh 700 times a day, whereas adults on average laugh only four times a day! So you have a lot of catching up to do. Therefore look for humour and share moments of the joy of life with your children and the rest of the family.

        Life is too short and your children will have grown up and left you before you know it , so remember to have some fun together along the way. Don’t take yourself or things so seriously. Begin to see your child through the soft eyes of love and kindness –after all you were once young too – be young again.

        I still remember a time at a Xmas party a few years when my father orchestrated a silly party game and had us all in raptures and fits of laughter. He shed away decades that evening and looked so much younger and energetic. We had never before seen him so childlike and joyous.

        show love to your children always

          8. Teach your child about your values and what is important to you and your family. One of the greatest things you can instill in your child is a sense of what is right and what is not. Teach them a sense of duty, responsibility and good morals.

          Like it or not, one day they will be walking their own path and you will no longer be there to catch them or protect them. So whilst you can, share your ideas and your wisdom, but be prepared to let them walk in their own shoes.

          At the same time, protect your children, but don’t smother them.

          9. Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s accomplishments, but do not make their achievements the basis of your love and attention. Don’t jump in with your advise and how they “should” do things. Just be there to support and encourage them. If nothing else, truly listen to them.

          Look for the evidence of accomplishment, no matter how small. Appreciate your children’s efforts and enjoy them for what they are doing and do not look at what they are not doing. Instead, look for the good in what your children already do and who they are, rather than insisting that they fit your or some cultural stereotype image.

          At the same time, always separate the behaviour from the child. Remember it is not the child who is bad – it is their behaviour that may not be acceptable.

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          Of course, hitting, spanking and physically punishing your kids is out – in my opinion it just doesn’t work at all. As a father, do you really want your kids to be afraid of you? Research has proven how counter-productive physical punishment can be to a child’s self-esteem. Punishment in general is not very effective, so try encouragement instead.

          10. Finally, truly love your children. You may say you love them, but if they don’t feel loved, then they aren’t loved.

          Don’t show favoritism amongst your children but appreciate their individual uniqueness. Not all children are created equal or are alike. Create opportunities to find out how each child is unique and wonderful. Each child has so many gifts to offer you – you just have to look for them.

          At the end of the day every child needs love above more than anything else and as a father you have a wonderful opportunity to bestow this gift on your child – in the same way that at one time your own father did to you.

          I will always remember visiting orphanages in Pondicherry and meeting all these children without any parents and thinking how lucky I was to have had such loving, kind and good parents. It is now up to you to bestow the same love and kindness to your children who will carry the candle after you.

          To end, here are some inspiring and thought provoking quotes about fatherhood:-

          “Not every successful man is a good father. But every good father is a successful man” (R. Duvall)

          “I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week” (Mario Cuomo)

          Hope you have a happy Father’s Day and don’t forget to let your own father know that he did a good job. Go on, make more of a fuss than usual. Make the most of your father whilst you still can.

          Just as importantly, remember to truly love your children, today and always.

          And of course do share your own top tips about being a great dad…

          remember what your father has done for you

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            Last Updated on October 30, 2018

            How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

            How To Be Successful In Life? 13 Tips From The Most Successful People

            What is success to you? How to be successful in life?

            To some, when they think of success, they imagine wealth; others want power; some just want to make a positive impact on the world.

            All of these are perfectly valid, indeed success is a concept that means different things to different people. Though no matter what success is to you, it almost certainly isn’t something will come easily.

            There are countless guides and books to being successful, however, as success is personal and unique to each individual. The advice contained in these books can often not be relevant. Therefore following the advice of a single individual can often be unhelpful.

            With this in mind, considering the advice of a great many people, people whose ideas of success were different both to each other, and quite possibly, to you can be a good alternative.

            What follows is a list of thirteen of the best pieces of advice from some of the most successful people who have ever lived. If you want to learn how to be successful, these 13 tips are essential:

            1.Think big.

              From Michelangelo Buonarroti, Great Renaissance Artist:

              “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”

              There are few artists as influential as Michaelangelo. Today centuries after his death, his work still inspires and connects to people. His work is world famous, just think of his statue of David, or the Mural in the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican.

              Imagine then, if he decided not to work as an artist.

              Being a successful artist has always been extremely difficult, imagine if he decided to give up this ambition in favour of something easier?

              Oftentimes, people often decided to put their dreams aside for something more “realistic”. To give up their dream for something easier. This quote teaches us the danger of such a point of view.
              Instead be ambitious.

              2.Find what you love to do and do it.

                From Oprah Winfrey, Media Mogul:

                “You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job and not be paid for it.”

                This is a good quote to remember and think about when you’re at work.

                Imagine being as successful as possible in your current job. Ultimately you’ll probably find yourself working extremely hard and this it will take up much of your time.

                If it’s a job you hate, then being successful at it might only mean filling your life with something you hate to do. What’s the sense in this?

                Instead, why not focus on doing something you love? When you’ve found what you’re passionate about, you get the motivation to keep you moving. Success at this means the fulfilment of your dreams.

                Not sure what your passion is yet? You should learn about this Motivation Engine first.

                Even if you’re not successful, you still filled your time with something you love to do. Many successful musicians spent years of their lives doing unpaid performances, the only reason they kept playing was because they loved to perform.

                3. Learn how to balance life.

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                  From Phil Knight, CEO of Nike Inc.:

                  “There is an immutable conflict at work in life and in business, a constant battle between peace and chaos. Neither can be mastered, but both can be influenced. How you go about that is the key to success.”

                  All too often, people think that to be successful, they need to make the object of their success their life.

                  If a person thinks their job will lead them to success, then they may spend countless hours per day, and well into the evening working hard.

                  However this comes at the cost of rest, your health and having an enjoyable life. Ultimately they may burn out and cease to be successful at their job anyway.

                  If success comes from having a strong social life and a good group of friends, their job may suffer; meaning that they may lose their job, and then be unable to afford going out with friends.

                  In these ways, success, as Phil Knight says above, is helped by balance. Think of it as a balance between rest and work, or work and play.

                  To achieve that balance, this Ultimate Guide to Prioritizing Your Work And Life can help you.

                  4. Do not be afraid of failure.

                    From Henry Ford, Founder of Ford Motors:

                    “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”

                    There is a story, it’s unconfirmed whether it actually happened, yet the message within is none the less true:

                    Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb was the result of several hundred failed attempts. In an interview, he was asked “How do you feel after all of your failed attempts?”

                    His response was great, “I didn’t fail, I learned hundreds of ways not to invent the lightbulb”

                    He saw each “failure” as a lesson. From that lesson he learned what won’t work, and also might work instead.

                    Each failed attempt, each rejection, were key steps on his path to success. It is easy to feel like you should give up after a failure. But perhaps in that failure is a lesson.

                    Pay attention to your failures, study them. Perhaps then you’ll learn how to succeed.

                    5. Have an unwavering resolution to succeed.

                      From Colonel Sanders, Founder of KFC:

                      “I made a resolve then that I was going to amount to something if I could. And no hours, nor amount of labor, nor amount of money would deter me from giving the best that there was in me. And I have done that ever since, and I win by it. I know.”

                      This, in many ways relates to the above quote about learning from your failures.

                      It’s the easiest thing in the world to give up from a failure. The only way to push on is if you have the true burning desire to succeed, to not be moved or dissuaded from your goals.

                      If you are not truly dedicated towards success, then each failure will hurt more, each set back will slow you down.

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                      Success is hard; without the unwavering desire to succeed, this difficulty may seem insurmountable. With the desire, it is merely an obstacle to go through.

                      6. Be a person of action.

                        From Leonardo da Vinci, Renaissance Genius:

                        “It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

                        Though it was said hundreds of years ago, it works just as much today as it ever had. It applies to literally any successful person.

                        Think about it, picture someone like William Shakespeare:

                        When we think of the time he lived in, we think of the time in a way shaped by him. When we think of Renissance era Italy, we think of Michaelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci.

                        Or think about the present day:

                        Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. Our current way of life would simply be incomparably different if they didn’t accomplish what they did.

                        You’re probably reading this article on a device by a company that they either founded or companies influenced by them.

                        All these figures were proactive, they saw ways to do things differently and did them. If they let the world shape them, then they’d simply fit into the background. Instead they shaped the world.

                        Applying this to you?

                        Don’t be afraid of going outside the norm. If you can think of a better way to do something, do it that way. If you fail, try again.

                        7. Avoid conflicts.

                          From Theodore Roosevelt, 26th President of America: “

                          The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”

                          The best leaders and some of the most influential people (and Theodore Roosevelt is one of the best leaders and one of the most influential people to have lived) were not those who caused commotions, who fought with people or disregarded people; but were people who were friendly to those around them.

                          People liked them. They wanted them to do well.

                          This is key to good leadership.

                          It’s logical. If someone likes you, they want to help you; if you give them a suggestion, they’ll gladly follow through with it.

                          But if someone doesn’t like you, they may either refuse to help or actively get in your way.

                          What’s more, it’s always a good idea to cultivate good relationships. You can never tell who will prove to become someone who’ll be able to help you in a big way, or even be a good and supportive friend.

                          As such, help people and they may help you; and be good to people, and they my be good to you.

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                          8. Don’t be afraid of introducing new ideas.

                            From Mark Twain, Famed Author:

                            “A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.”

                            It is an unfortunate truth that those with the boldest ideas are often disregarded.

                            Most of us are taught from an early age to think and do things similarly to everyone else. This can be great to fill an existing role. But to truly do things differently (and all successful people did things differently), you need to think differently.

                            If you have a new idea, don’t throw it away because it’s new and different; instead, celebrate it. Your strange new idea might one day be the one that leads you to success.

                            9. Believe in your capacity to succeed.

                              From Walter Disney, Founder of Walt Disney Company:

                              “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

                              Success has to be something you can imagine yourself achieving.

                              It is possible that you will come across those who doubt you and your ability to succeed. You must not become one of these people because the moment you cease believing and dreaming is the moment these dreams fall away.

                              Keep dreaming!

                              10. Always maintain a positive mental attitude.

                                From Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of America:

                                “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”

                                Like the above quote says, you need to trust in your ability to succeed. This is the only way to cultivate the right mindset.

                                Replace negative thoughts with the positive ones. You need to approach problems, not as obstacles stopping you, but merely tasks that need to be completed for you to keep going.

                                If you stay positive and think like this, setbacks won’t affect you so much, people’s doubts won’t impact you and even the biggest obstacles will seem like minor problems.

                                However with the wrong mindset of doubt, you’ll be much easier to stop.

                                11. Don’t let discouragement stop you from pressing on.

                                  From Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of America:

                                  “Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed.”

                                  It is an unfortunate fact of human nature — all of us in some way, doubt ourselves. This can be made far worse if others doubt us too.

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                                  When surrounded by doubts, giving up can actually seem like a good idea.

                                  Don’t pay attention to the doubts. If you are discouraged, ignore it.

                                  If this discouragement moves into your mind and you begin to doubt yourself. It is important to ignore this too.

                                  Take a look at these 5 Ways to Stop Self Doubt in its Tracks.

                                  12. Be willing to work hard.

                                    From JC Penny, Founder of JC Penney Inc.:

                                    “Unless you are willing to drench yourself in your work beyond the capacity of the average man, you are just not cut out for positions at the top.”

                                    You might have heard the quote that “success is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration” or you may have heard about the 10,000 hours idea.

                                    Whichever way you frame it, they say one thing:

                                    True success comes from work.

                                    You’ll never become successful if you don’t work towards your goal in life and keep working towards it.

                                    Check out this article and you’ll understand Why Hard Work Beats Talent.

                                    13. Be brave enough to follow your intuition.

                                      From Steve Jobs, Co-founder of Apple Inc.:

                                      “Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

                                      In ancient Greece, there was a group of Oracles who lived in Delphi. Everyone who needed advice or to know their future visited them, from the poorest of society to kings. Above the doorway of the temple were the words “know thyself”.

                                      If you strongly believe and desire something, the chances are that you already have an idea how to get there. If not, you may naturally know what things will help you and what things will slow you down.

                                      It’s like how your body can detect danger even when things seem safe.

                                      Ultimately then, you need to trust your own instincts.

                                      Final thoughts

                                      What you might have noticed is that many of the above lessons are similar — most are about developing the right state of mind. This clearly suggests that the key to achieving success, in whatever you wish, comes down to the way you approach it mentally.

                                      Moreover, no matter what stage of life you’re at now, you can still make a difference and pursue success. You can make resetting your life possible when you do this:

                                      How to Start Over and Reboot Your Life When It Seems Too Late

                                      More Recommended Lifehack Experts in Success

                                      • Mandie Holgate — Successful life coach in the UK, helping businesses and individuals achieve greatness
                                      • David Carpenter — Lifelong entrepreneur and business owner helping others to realize the American Dream of business ownership
                                      • Ray Zinn — An inventor, entrepreneur, bestselling author and the longest serving CEO in Silicon Valley

                                      Featured photo credit: Ryan Wong via unsplash.com

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