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Father’s Day – 10 Top Tips for Being a Great Dad

Father’s Day – 10 Top Tips for Being a Great Dad

time to honour your father

    It is Father’s Day on Sunday (June 15th, 2008) in the UK, USA and many other countries around the world. This year, the day will be especially poignant for me as for the first time in my life on father’s day I will be without my father who passed away last December. So this year is truly a time to remember just what he meant to me and what he will always mean to me.

    Father’s Day is becoming an important day of celebration and gradually catching up with the more popular Mother’s Day worldwide. Now the fifth most-purchased greeting cards in the USA are Father’s Day cards.

    Whereas Mother’s Day is seen to be more sentimental, Father’s Day is seen more as a day of practical gift giving such as DIY tools etc. However the most popular Father’s Day present is apparently the gift of a tie.

    any gift from the heart will do for your father

      No matter what you call your father — dad, papa, pop and so on — today is a chance for you to celebrate your father and recognise just what he is and what he has done for you. Father’s Day is your one chance in the year to give your father a pat on the back for who he is and what he has done for you.

      I believe Father’s Day is also an opportunity to review just what being a father means to you and how you can become a better father to your children.

      I imagine there is so much time, frustration, stress and sacrifice involved in being a parent. Occasions such as Father’s Day allow us to reflect on just how worthwhile it all was. If I had appreciated the efforts of my parents when I was younger, I would probably have been a lot nicer to them and more appreciative of their hard work. Maybe they should have classes in how to be nice to your parents!

      I do not have children of my own, but have been blessed with a number of nephews, nieces, young cousins and any number of young people in our extended family. I still recall my great joy the first time I received a Father’s Day card from my nephew.

      Also the children of many friends have found a second home at my place. I even have a special toy box for those times when I have young visitors. There was a time when children visiting us would rush straight upstairs and bring down the toy box, promptly emptying the contents on the lounge floor with a great relish.

      Though I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have children of my own, I do feel that I have had the best of both worlds. I do also wonder just what sort of a father I would have been. A good one I hope, taking the best of the lessons from my father and also from my mother, and combining these with all my own observations and learnings from the last few years of personal growth and exploration.

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      time to honour your father

        Having worked with children in the UK and also at Nirvana School in Pondicherry, South India, here are my ten top tips for being a great dad:-

        1. Always be encouraging to your children. Give them love. Give them respect. And give them as much freedom and real responsibility as they can handle.

        Children will stretch themselves when challenged. But when you encourage them, make sure they can succeed. Do not set such high standards that they might ultimately fail and lose confidence.

        So often we are quick to let a child know when they do something we think is wrong. But remember to acknowledge and appreciate a child when all is going well and the child is playing quietly in the house or doing some chores.

        2. Treat the child as an equal. Never assume an air of superiority. Give them credit – they are smarter than you think they are!

        Expect a great deal from your children and they will rise to the occasion. By setting your expectations in a loving way, about things such as good manners and efforts at school, and expecting them to do well, you will be letting them know that you think a lot of them. When they know this, they will in turn respond with a great deal.

        3. Let them follow their own life path – just be there to support them in whatever they choose, rather than pushing them into following your footsteps. They have their own desires and interests.

        Many families put so much pressure on their children to become a doctor or a professional of some standing, whereas the child may want to follow a completely different path.

        Not all children will succeed at, say, academics. As a father, your job is to help them discover their gifts and not disparage them for anything that you perceive as beyond them. Challenge and encourage with compassion, but at the same time without promoting mediocrity.

        4. Be there for them always. Spend some quality time with them in the evening after work. Share at least one meal a day together. This is what brings and keeps families together.

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        Place a high value on spending one-on-one time with your child. More than what money can ever buy, your child really wants their father’s time and undivided attention.

        Nowadays, even in South Asian families like mine, children live with their parents for only a short period of their lives. Therefore enjoy the moments now so that one day you can both enjoy the memories.

        Live simply and don’t have extra demands and activities that can keep you and your child stressed out and too busy to enjoy the important and essential things in life.

        5. Truly listen to them. Ask them for their opinion and let them know that what they think and want counts.

        Don’t just listen to the words, but listen to what is behind the words. “Hear” what your children are really saying. Though listening like this requires patience, do persevere and focus on your children. Give them your time – after all their words are so important.

        Part of listening and responding is to be able to say “no” as and when appropriate. There is so much stuff out there for children these days and sometimes you have to decide just what is appropriate for them. It is usually better for children to learn discipline, self-control, and how to delay gratification, when they are told no by their parents.

        6. Walk the talk. Set them a noble example and be in integrity always. By this, I mean make sure your thoughts, words, feelings and actions are all in agreement.

        Be very honest with your children as they will know when you are not telling the truth. You will both feel better, trust more and learn to be honest.

        Also, as a father, always be sure to treat the mother of your child well. This is where your children will get very important information about relationships between men and women.

        Do not ever fight in front of the kids and remember to be kind much more often than trying to be right. This reminds me of a quote I read a while ago which is very apt:-

        “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love and respect their mother” (source unknown).

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        7. Laugh often with your children – be childlike.

        Apparently, children under the age of seven laugh 700 times a day, whereas adults on average laugh only four times a day! So you have a lot of catching up to do. Therefore look for humour and share moments of the joy of life with your children and the rest of the family.

        Life is too short and your children will have grown up and left you before you know it , so remember to have some fun together along the way. Don’t take yourself or things so seriously. Begin to see your child through the soft eyes of love and kindness –after all you were once young too – be young again.

        I still remember a time at a Xmas party a few years when my father orchestrated a silly party game and had us all in raptures and fits of laughter. He shed away decades that evening and looked so much younger and energetic. We had never before seen him so childlike and joyous.

        show love to your children always

          8. Teach your child about your values and what is important to you and your family. One of the greatest things you can instill in your child is a sense of what is right and what is not. Teach them a sense of duty, responsibility and good morals.

          Like it or not, one day they will be walking their own path and you will no longer be there to catch them or protect them. So whilst you can, share your ideas and your wisdom, but be prepared to let them walk in their own shoes.

          At the same time, protect your children, but don’t smother them.

          9. Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s accomplishments, but do not make their achievements the basis of your love and attention. Don’t jump in with your advise and how they “should” do things. Just be there to support and encourage them. If nothing else, truly listen to them.

          Look for the evidence of accomplishment, no matter how small. Appreciate your children’s efforts and enjoy them for what they are doing and do not look at what they are not doing. Instead, look for the good in what your children already do and who they are, rather than insisting that they fit your or some cultural stereotype image.

          At the same time, always separate the behaviour from the child. Remember it is not the child who is bad – it is their behaviour that may not be acceptable.

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          Of course, hitting, spanking and physically punishing your kids is out – in my opinion it just doesn’t work at all. As a father, do you really want your kids to be afraid of you? Research has proven how counter-productive physical punishment can be to a child’s self-esteem. Punishment in general is not very effective, so try encouragement instead.

          10. Finally, truly love your children. You may say you love them, but if they don’t feel loved, then they aren’t loved.

          Don’t show favoritism amongst your children but appreciate their individual uniqueness. Not all children are created equal or are alike. Create opportunities to find out how each child is unique and wonderful. Each child has so many gifts to offer you – you just have to look for them.

          At the end of the day every child needs love above more than anything else and as a father you have a wonderful opportunity to bestow this gift on your child – in the same way that at one time your own father did to you.

          I will always remember visiting orphanages in Pondicherry and meeting all these children without any parents and thinking how lucky I was to have had such loving, kind and good parents. It is now up to you to bestow the same love and kindness to your children who will carry the candle after you.

          To end, here are some inspiring and thought provoking quotes about fatherhood:-

          “Not every successful man is a good father. But every good father is a successful man” (R. Duvall)

          “I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week” (Mario Cuomo)

          Hope you have a happy Father’s Day and don’t forget to let your own father know that he did a good job. Go on, make more of a fuss than usual. Make the most of your father whilst you still can.

          Just as importantly, remember to truly love your children, today and always.

          And of course do share your own top tips about being a great dad…

          remember what your father has done for you

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            Last Updated on January 17, 2019

            8 Simple Mindfulness Exercises to Bring Peace and Happiness to Your Life

            8 Simple Mindfulness Exercises to Bring Peace and Happiness to Your Life

            In life, we all need to be conscientious of what we are doing. You don’t need to live a life of stress if you don’t want to. You can achieve peace and happiness in life by carefully building mindfulness exercises into your life’s routine.

            Exercising mindfulness isn’t rocket science and as importantly, you can do it. It will, however, take a few tries to get into the groove of things but once you get it, it is like riding a bike, you will never lose it.

            Trust me. It’s in your best interest to learn and put these mindfulness exercises into practice. In this article, I will share with you 8 mindfulness exercises that will help you to boost your energy, vitality and live a more peaceful and happier life.

            Why Is It Hard to Live A Peaceful And Happy Life?

            Our Habitat Has Become Too Technological

            The world has accepted the idea that technology is often the cure for all evil. We have accepted, as a society, that everything technological will make us live a better life without fully investigating the many side effects that modernity brings.

            There are a number of technological side effects that have a tremendous impact on your life that the media rarely tells you about.[1] Some of them include self-harm, economic inequality, having less sex, and even suicide. The global community is becoming less happy because of technology.

            How can anybody live a peaceful and happy life when they are depressed? Technology advancements, ladies and gents, is a major reason for why we are living a poor life because it has infiltrated our lives too much.

            According to my research, Americans spend an average of 8 hours a day looking at the computer screen — The average screen time spent on smartphones alone is about 20 hours per week. That’s a lot! No wonder why living a happy and peaceful life is so difficult these days.

            Too Many People Don’t Want to Unplug

            Americans check their phones an average of 80 times during vacation.[2] Some admit to checking their smartphones 300 times every single day. In countries like Brazil, India and China, the situation is no different.

            The reality is that people are constantly plugged into technological devices and this behavior is literally making people all over the globe fight an inner war with themselves, which consequently makes them very sad. As we know, war is the enemy of peace which won’t make anybody happy.

            Listen carefully:

            We have a global anxiety epidemic because people don’t want to unplug from their smartphones and most people aren’t doing anything to fix it. It is a sad state of affairs but very real. This obsession with technology is turning us into perishable robots who live terrible lives.

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            The era of anxiety is here to stay. There is little doubt about it. We can, however, fight back with the best remedy of all — We call it mindfulness!

            Thank God there is an antidote to this whole technological madness. Without further ado, let’s go straight to the mindful exercises.

            8 Mindfulness Exercises to Start Practicing

            There are tons of mindfulness exercises available for you to engage with out there.[3] In the paragraphs below, I will include the best ones I’ve personally tried or have seen my close friends and family members try.

            Are you ready for it? Let’s go!

            1. Pray Daily

            You should pray on a daily basis. Why is that you may ask — Well, because science has told us to do so.

            When people pray, they feel peaceful, almost eliminating anxiety. Worries become secondary, and often gives people energy and hope to cope with the difficulties of life.

            Prayer can make you more confident and focused. Prayer also helps you with self-control, helps to control pain, and can protect you against illnesses and disorders like cancer and high blood pressure. At least, this is what researchers from Harvard Medical School have said.[4]

            Pray. You won’t regret it.[5]

            2. Pay Attention to Your Inner Thoughts

            A lot of people allow themselves to be influenced by their negative thoughts. Be different and resist believing in them. It is a bad habit that can lead to unhappiness.

            By the way, if you do feel this way, chances are high that somebody other than you put these thoughts into your head.

            Here is my secret to combat this cancer — look at things objectively. I bet that if you look at things as they are, you will realize that most if not all of your negative thoughts are only inside of your head.

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            If you pay close attention, you will quickly realize that these voices aren’t worth your time. Believe me — Ignoring them and looking at things with objectivity is often the best course of action.

            This article can guide you to beat negative thoughts:

            How to Stop Automatic Negative Thoughts When You’re Overwhelmed

            3. Smile Often

            Smiling will slow down your heart. It will also relax your body because when you smile, your body releases endorphins which in itself has a number of positive benefits for you as a person.

            Smile often! You may want to smile early in the morning, during the day, and late in the evening. It is amazing what happens to you when you decide to smile instead of being grumpy.

            Surrender your problems to a nice smile. You will notice two things. First, most people just don’t which makes them live a miserable life. Second, if you decide to smile often, you will eventually smile unconsciously which is the ideal.

            The moment that you smile unconsciously, you then know that you are truly happy.

            4. Organize Your Working Desk

            A messy desk will make you less productive and can agitate and overstimulate you. You don’t want that.

            When you clear your desk, you engage in deep inner-thinking and your systematic decision making ends up becoming therapeutic.

            Most people realize that they are most creative when their creative space is clean and organized. The former often makes people more aware of what they are doing which lends to less stress and more productivity.

            Organizing your desk will also make you more energetic and focused because order often decreases chaos which is a condition that often slows down daily progress.

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            5. Celebrate Your Friend’s Victories

            I love this mindful exercise. One of the best ways to live a happy and peaceful life is to celebrate the victories of others. When you do that, you automatically make your friends in a better mood which makes you in a better mood, as well.

            Happiness is contagious! We might as well celebrate others as much as we can. If you find out that your peer has won an award, celebrate with him! If your friend is the recipient of a local charity award, celebrate with her!

            What is also awesome is that when you celebrate with others, they often celebrate with you in return. This, ladies and gentleman, will make you feel fantastic. You can’t go wrong with this one, period.

            6. Listen to Your Spouse/Partner

            God put someone in your life for a reason. You might as well listen to him or her.

            I listen to my wife everyday. In fact, I often ask the following question to her, “Amanda, what are your thoughts about…” or “What am I missing about…” It is shocking what I hear back from her. Without her having much context and perspective, by the art of observation in my own nonverbal behavior and the behavior of others, she accurately gives me incredible insights which helps me out with living my life to the fullest.

            I’m a firm believer that spouses are supposed to engage in interpersonal communication every day. I most definitely do and will continue doing it. You should do the same.

            7. Give Yourself a Break from Technology

            You can’t be in total equilibrium if your computerized devices control your life. You must get away from technology on a daily basis.[6]

            How do you do that? This is my formula:

            First, take this smartphone control test. It is only ten questions but this test will place you somewhere in the human robot cycle continuum.

            If your score is between 25-30, take a break from the computer (or smartphone, pad, laptop/desktop) every twenty minutes and stop being on a computerized device after 8:00pm.

            If you score between 30-35, still take a break every 20 minutes but stop being on these devices at 5:00pm.

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            If you score more than 35, you need to take action immediately.

            Limit computer use as much as possible throughout the day. Give yourself as many breaks from the computer as possible. Are you ready for the challenge?

            8. Go Exercise

            Go exercise at least three times a week. I don’t care if you need to workout early in the morning, late in the evening, on the weekends or during work days. Working out is absolutely imperative for you to live happy and peaceful life.

            The stresses of the modern world are too much for you to neglect this important mindfulness exercise. When you go to the gym, you burn calories, focus on activities one step at a time, your mind relaxes, anxiety decreases, you sweat and often think about topics unrelated to your work place among many other benefits.

            You must exercise at least three hours each week for optimum results. Why? Just take a look at all the benefits of regular exercising:

            12 Benefits of Regular Exercise You Should Know

            The Bottom Line

            It’s in your best interest to learn and put these mindfulness exercises into practice. Now that our habitat has become too technological and many people just don’t want to unplug, engaging in daily prayer, celebrate your friends’ victories, and listening to your spouse are among the best ways to be mindful about what you are doing and how you are living.

            It is possible to live a happy and peaceful life. It only depends on you.

            Go exercise! Take a break from technology and invest in you! Life is too short for distractions.

            More Resources About Mindfulness

            Featured photo credit: Lesly Juarez via unsplash.com

            Reference

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