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Daughter: You’re Almost 12 – Here’s What Kids Should Know By Adulthood

Daughter: You’re Almost 12 – Here’s What Kids Should Know By Adulthood

Hi, Honey,

I just thought, now that you’re turning 12, you could use a few little notes on things I wish I had known when I was your age.

1. Don’t entrust yourself to men – or women, for that matter

You complete me. One half of a whole. My better half. My soul mate.

You may hear all these terms throughout your life, even dripping from my own lips. With all deference to Cameron Crowe, one of my favorite writers, don’t believe the hype.

You are a complete human being without anyone by your side or any carats on your left hand. While the Pharisees were plotting to kill Jesus, others were marveling over his miracles and believing in Him. But He didn’t get caught up in either response. Love people, but don’t make them little fake gods whose presence you need or worship.

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    2. Follow your bliss

    I read those three words from Joseph Campbell in an article years ago that impacted me so much that I tore it out of the magazine and probably still have it tucked away in the annals of our home.

    Go towards those healthy desires and gifts placed within you, like your artwork. Use your talents; don’t let them use you. There’s a reason you have them – so don’t spend your life slaving away at a career you hate.

    3. Be kind…

    …because mean people are ugly.

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      4. Don’t be angry or overly passive

      It’s good to be sweet and forgiving and not cruel, yet that doesn’t mean you should turn into a shrinking violet. Don’t be one of those angry women who wears their disappointment on their faces and allows quiet rage to take over their whole being.

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      5. Stay away from debt

      Neither a lender nor a borrower be. There’s wisdom in that saying that your mom hasn’t always followed, and now I’m paying the price to pay back credit card companies what I owe them. Don’t use shopping as a means to fulfill unfulfilled needs, and you won’t have to worry about debt consolidation later.

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        6. Don’t dull yourself down for anyone

        Shine on and forget the haters. Pray for your enemies. Don’t kowtow and don’t act vain.

        7. Speak your mind

        Let no one rob you of your unique voice.

        8. Listen more than you talk

        You’ll learn a lot and gain more knowledge than folks that run their yappers 24/7.

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        9. Smile

        It makes us all look better.

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          10. Don’t run towards danger

          The violent, volatile guys may seem exciting, but like Star Jones says, “Corny pays the bills.” Better yet, as Shannon Ethridge put it, don’t mistake intensity for intimacy.

          11. Remember hygiene is really important for women

          Always.

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            12. Gravitate towards those people who make you happy

            Forget wasting time trying to make folks like you. Focus instead on the ones who are kind and in your face. They might be divine connections. And even if they’re not, at least you will have had a good time talking to them. Avoid anyone, who, after you see them, makes you feel bad or leaves you with continuing negative thoughts.

            13. Try, try again

            Never give up on your dreams. Remember Georgia O’Keefe was older when she began painting all this pretty stuff. And Julia Child didn’t discover that cooking was her passion until she was into her 40’s.

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              14. Be different

              It’s okay to be unique – weird, even – if you’re being authentically you. Don’t try to fit into someone else’s mold or copy another’s persona. You’re your own snowflake, so let it shine.

              Featured photo credit: Taliesin via mrg.bz

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              Last Updated on January 3, 2020

              The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

              The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People

              Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!

              The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.

              1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.

              Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

               I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

              To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

              And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

               2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

              Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

              3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

              Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

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              4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

              The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

              5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

              Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

              6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

              Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

              7. Positive people smile a lot!

              When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

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              8. People who are positive are great communicators.

              They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

              9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

              One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

              10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

              Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

              How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

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              I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

              Featured photo credit: Janaína Castelo Branco via flickr.com

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