Advertising
Advertising

Daughter: You’re Almost 12 – Here’s What Kids Should Know By Adulthood

Daughter: You’re Almost 12 – Here’s What Kids Should Know By Adulthood

Hi, Honey,

I just thought, now that you’re turning 12, you could use a few little notes on things I wish I had known when I was your age.

1. Don’t entrust yourself to men – or women, for that matter

You complete me. One half of a whole. My better half. My soul mate.

You may hear all these terms throughout your life, even dripping from my own lips. With all deference to Cameron Crowe, one of my favorite writers, don’t believe the hype.

You are a complete human being without anyone by your side or any carats on your left hand. While the Pharisees were plotting to kill Jesus, others were marveling over his miracles and believing in Him. But He didn’t get caught up in either response. Love people, but don’t make them little fake gods whose presence you need or worship.

Advertising

mom-doing-daughters-hair

    2. Follow your bliss

    I read those three words from Joseph Campbell in an article years ago that impacted me so much that I tore it out of the magazine and probably still have it tucked away in the annals of our home.

    Go towards those healthy desires and gifts placed within you, like your artwork. Use your talents; don’t let them use you. There’s a reason you have them – so don’t spend your life slaving away at a career you hate.

    3. Be kind…

    …because mean people are ugly.

    splash

      4. Don’t be angry or overly passive

      It’s good to be sweet and forgiving and not cruel, yet that doesn’t mean you should turn into a shrinking violet. Don’t be one of those angry women who wears their disappointment on their faces and allows quiet rage to take over their whole being.

      Advertising

      5. Stay away from debt

      Neither a lender nor a borrower be. There’s wisdom in that saying that your mom hasn’t always followed, and now I’m paying the price to pay back credit card companies what I owe them. Don’t use shopping as a means to fulfill unfulfilled needs, and you won’t have to worry about debt consolidation later.

      examiner-sized-kid-moon-bigstock

        6. Don’t dull yourself down for anyone

        Shine on and forget the haters. Pray for your enemies. Don’t kowtow and don’t act vain.

        7. Speak your mind

        Let no one rob you of your unique voice.

        8. Listen more than you talk

        You’ll learn a lot and gain more knowledge than folks that run their yappers 24/7.

        Advertising

        9. Smile

        It makes us all look better.

        smile

          10. Don’t run towards danger

          The violent, volatile guys may seem exciting, but like Star Jones says, “Corny pays the bills.” Better yet, as Shannon Ethridge put it, don’t mistake intensity for intimacy.

          11. Remember hygiene is really important for women

          Always.

          Advertising

          mom-and-kids

            12. Gravitate towards those people who make you happy

            Forget wasting time trying to make folks like you. Focus instead on the ones who are kind and in your face. They might be divine connections. And even if they’re not, at least you will have had a good time talking to them. Avoid anyone, who, after you see them, makes you feel bad or leaves you with continuing negative thoughts.

            13. Try, try again

            Never give up on your dreams. Remember Georgia O’Keefe was older when she began painting all this pretty stuff. And Julia Child didn’t discover that cooking was her passion until she was into her 40’s.

            hand-key

              14. Be different

              It’s okay to be unique – weird, even – if you’re being authentically you. Don’t try to fit into someone else’s mold or copy another’s persona. You’re your own snowflake, so let it shine.

              Featured photo credit: Taliesin via mrg.bz

              More by this author

              Beauty Hacks: 25 Smooth Shaving Tips for Women 25 Mind-Blowingly Informative Websites That Will Expand Your Worldview 30 Interesting And Scam Free Ways To Make Money Online The 20 Best Work-From-Home Jobs You Should Consider Taking Daughter: You’re Almost 12 – Here’s What Kids Should Know By Adulthood

              Trending in Family

              1 15 Best Father’s Day Gifts Your Father Won’t Buy On His Own 2 6 Ways to Care For Your Aging Parents From a Distance 3 What to Do If You Grew up in a Dysfunctional Family 4 How to Strengthen Family Bonds When You’re Staying at Home 5 How To Set Family Goals To Build A Happy Family (With Examples)

              Read Next

              Advertising
              Advertising
              Advertising

              Last Updated on July 10, 2020

              How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

              How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

              We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

              We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

              So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

              Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

              What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

              Boundaries are limits

              —they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

              Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

              Advertising

              Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

              Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

              Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

              How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

              Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

              1. Self-Awareness Comes First

              Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

              You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

              To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

              Advertising

              You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

              • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
              • When do you feel disrespected?
              • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
              • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
              • When do you want to be alone?
              • How much space do you need?

              You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

              2. Clear Communication Is Essential

              Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

              Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

              3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

              Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

              That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

              Sample language:

              Advertising

              • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
              • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
              • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
              • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
              • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
              • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
              • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

              Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

              4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

              Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

              Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

              Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

              We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

              It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

              It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

              Advertising

              Final Thoughts

              Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

              Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

              Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

              The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

              Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

              Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

              They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

              Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

              Read Next