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Calm Your Mind and Open Your Soul

Calm Your Mind and Open Your Soul

People always look for approval. From birth on, we have learned to do things for others. Be quiet to get candy, do homework to be able to watch TV or play games. Finish your work to go on vacation. There is always a reason for doing something in order to get something out of it. There are always some conditions we have to deal with, in order to become accepted by others and step by step we learned what to do to please others, we became great with guessing what others think, do or feel, all just to make ourselves fit in.

It’s no surprise why it is easier to speak about others or to overthink if we did something right. Because of this, we have forgotten who we really are.

We’ve lost ourselves

We should have we been taught to listen to ourselves, to understand our feelings and reactions, and to change them because of ourselves, not because of others. In order to learn how to give unconditional love to others, first we have to give it to ourselves.

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Usually you know what others think about you, how they see you, and you do your best to stay the way they want you to be in order to not lose their approval. But without noticing you lose yourself as a whole.

We lose the true meaning of life: to learn love, faith, harmony, patience, kindness, and honesty. We have forgotten that success will come and life will be at its best, when we change our values and take a step out of our comfort zone. Stop asking for love and appreciation from others and start giving to yourself.

The outer world has become more important then the inner feelings.

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If the mind wins

You drown in your pain and sorrow when life turns out differently as you imagined. When you weren’t given what your mind and soul want and need. When life takes away everything that is important to you. And all that is left is yourself.

You become like everyone else, you try to build your life on others, becoming resentful and blaming the world, feeling like it has turned its back on you, laughing at your pain.

Your mind is happy, because it managed to trick you and take you away from true love, which can truly fulfill you, which can give all that you have always looked for.

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You feel like living in a circle, with no exit or hope. It becomes smaller and smaller with time, taking away your energy and faith, leaving you feeling all alone.

An opportunity to find love

But what you have to do now is to truly understand and realize that life itself shows you that you are missing love and gives you an opportunity to create it.

Whatever makes you sad or feel pain, it is life’s way of showing you, that you have got lost in all your needs and the only answer is to start looking for the way back to what you really want.

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You may ask, what is faith, what is love? You will feel anger and dissapointment and won’t accept yourself and your life. But everything is simple. Be where you are, embrace who you are and what is happening in each moment. It will give you strength, freedom and a way to change yourself. And while changing, you will notice, that life is finally what you have dreamed about.

Don’t question it, start believing. Don’t get lost in your darkness, but find the light.

Listen to your soul

There is always a fight between your mind and soul. The mind keeps you doubting and worrying, it leads you to the road of pain and confusion. But the soul is quietly whispering and embracing you with kindness and love. It will take you out of anger, confusion and pain into divine fullfilment.

It is a true value to spend each moment feeling it with you soul, and not to let your mind judge, compare or question. It is a way to live in harmony and prosperity. It is the only way out of misery and sorrow. It will lighten the darkest parts of your being. Accept, acknowledge and create yourself in honesty.

Featured photo credit: NatalieCruze2327 via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

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Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

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You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

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  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

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Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

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