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8 Habits You’d Be Better Off Without

8 Habits You’d Be Better Off Without

Everyone has those little habits that aren’t particularly conducive to a calm existence. They may be habits you don’t even realise you partake in, or you may not consider them to be of any significance. So you gossip and complain a little bit sometimes it’s not that big of a deal, right? They’re just things we do sometimes. Terence Stone has some insights as to why habits like this and a couple more are actually pretty detrimental:

The Why

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why we humans do the things we do. It got me thinking, “How much of what we do is unnecessary, or even worse, detrimental to our well-being?” After speaking to a few friends, we came up with a list of over 50 items, which I quickly narrowed down to 8 as I found many that fit into similar categories.

I’d also like to add that these things appear to stem from fear. In fact, my guess is that 98 percent of the negative/apathetic action or inaction we take is fear-based. I’ll go even further to say that these items stem from one very specific and very universal fear: the fear of death. Not physical death, but death of the ego or perceived self.

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You see, the mind can be very tricky. It latches onto ideas, events, images, feelings, everything really. In this way, it attempts to create a sense of self. The mind especially loves patterns or habits. It follows that the more habitual action in which we engage, the more the mind identifies, and says, “OK, this is who I am.”

If our habits tend to be mostly negative, then how does that make us feel about who we are? As if that weren’t enough, we become attached to that sense of self, and develop aversion to anything that threatens it. Just some food for thought as you look over the list.

The List

1. Complaining

This is one of the most natural of human tendencies. It is one of the largest tell-tale signs of an unconscious mind and resistance to what is. Next time you find yourself complaining, ask yourself why. Can you accept the situation?

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2. Gossiping

Another common human trait. What is it really doing for you? Remember that the person you’re speaking about is a complex being with dreams and fears just like you. Chances are you probably don’t know their whole life story or circumstances. Cultivate compassion.

3. Procrastination

In my experience, procrastination involves some pretty intense anxiety. You know what you need to do, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it NOW. Why put yourself through that? Take a breath and do what you gotta do.

4. Incessant business

Whether you have the most important job in the world or not, we all feel the need to do something or many things often. That is fine and natural. But we all must take a breather. Find the Taoist in you, and think, “At the end of my life, will I regret that I didn’t do more work, or will I regret that I didn’t spend more time really enjoying myself and others?”

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5. Spending money on things you don’t need

Not sure this needs too much explanation. Most of the time we buy things to increase our sense of self. Remember that your self, your true self, needs no add-ons. You are already whole. You just need to realize that. On a practical note, this will also save you a good deal of money!

6. Worrying about what everyone thinks about you

This may surprise you to hear, but most of the time no one is thinking about you. Don’t take this the wrong way. All I mean to say is that worrying about what others think is ultimately worrying about yourself in a negative light. And guess what? Everyone else is doing the same thing. Most humans are self-involved. Take comfort in this and stop concerning yourself with the thoughts of others. It’ll free up a lot of mental space!

7. Perfectionism and self-doubt

Recently, someone said to me, “Perfectionism is actually Failurism.” Why? Because when you are a perfectionist, you constantly doubt yourself. You look for the failure in your life and attempt to fix it. Then you have to deal with all the failures that crop up from your attempt to fix the last failure. It is a destructive and unnecessary cycle. If you’re always focusing on the negative, your mind begins to identify with that. Why not try focusing mostly on the positive?

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8. Dwelling on the past and worrying about the future

Ah, yes. This is the most insidious of habits. Fear loves this habit, because it keeps you in a perpetual state of terror. You are afraid to repeat past mistakes or let go of past hurts. You spend your time fantasizing about how you will fail. Guess what? It’s not real. The past is gone forever. You will never actually be in the future. All we have is this moment. How will you choose to spend it?

Terence Stone: Chief Editor and Founder of Urban Spiritual, I’m a classically trained (and training) actor and singer living in New York City, who has performed in the U.S. and Europe. I’m also a writer, traveller, meditator, arts-lover, and well-being enthusiast.

8 habits You Should Cut Out of Your Life Now | Urban Spiritual

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

The Best Way to Create a Vision for the Life You Want

Creating a vision for your life might seem like a frivolous, fantastical waste of time, but it’s not: creating a compelling vision of the life you want is actually one of the most effective strategies for achieving the life of your dreams. Perhaps the best way to look at the concept of a life vision is as a compass to help guide you to take the best actions and make the right choices that help propel you toward your best life.

your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have

    Why You Need a Vision

    Experts and life success stories support the idea that with a vision in mind, you are more likely to succeed far beyond what you could otherwise achieve without a clear vision. Think of crafting your life vision as mapping a path to your personal and professional dreams. Life satisfaction and personal happiness are within reach. The harsh reality is that if you don’t develop your own vision, you’ll allow other people and circumstances to direct the course of your life.

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    How to Create Your Life Vision

    Don’t expect a clear and well-defined vision overnight—envisioning your life and determining the course you will follow requires time, and reflection. You need to cultivate vision and perspective, and you also need to apply logic and planning for the practical application of your vision. Your best vision blossoms from your dreams, hopes, and aspirations. It will resonate with your values and ideals, and will generate energy and enthusiasm to help strengthen your commitment to explore the possibilities of your life.

    What Do You Want?

    The question sounds deceptively simple, but it’s often the most difficult to answer. Allowing yourself to explore your deepest desires can be very frightening. You may also not think you have the time to consider something as fanciful as what you want out of life, but it’s important to remind yourself that a life of fulfillment does not usually happen by chance, but by design.

    It’s helpful to ask some thought-provoking questions to help you discover the possibilities of what you want out of life. Consider every aspect of your life, personal and professional, tangible and intangible. Contemplate all the important areas, family and friends, career and success, health and quality of life, spiritual connection and personal growth, and don’t forget about fun and enjoyment.

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    Some tips to guide you:

    • Remember to ask why you want certain things
    • Think about what you want, not on what you don’t want.
    • Give yourself permission to dream.
    • Be creative. Consider ideas that you never thought possible.
    • Focus on your wishes, not what others expect of you.

    Some questions to start your exploration:

    • What really matters to you in life? Not what should matter, what does matter.
    • What would you like to have more of in your life?
    • Set aside money for a moment; what do you want in your career?
    • What are your secret passions and dreams?
    • What would bring more joy and happiness into your life?
    • What do you want your relationships to be like?
    • What qualities would you like to develop?
    • What are your values? What issues do you care about?
    • What are your talents? What’s special about you?
    • What would you most like to accomplish?
    • What would legacy would you like to leave behind?

    It may be helpful to write your thoughts down in a journal or creative vision board if you’re the creative type. Add your own questions, and ask others what they want out of life. Relax and make this exercise fun. You may want to set your answers aside for a while and come back to them later to see if any have changed or if you have anything to add.

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    What Would Your Best Life Look Like?

    Describe your ideal life in detail. Allow yourself to dream and imagine, and create a vivid picture. If you can’t visualize a picture, focus on how your best life would feel. If you find it difficult to envision your life 20 or 30 years from now, start with five years—even a few years into the future will give you a place to start. What you see may surprise you. Set aside preconceived notions. This is your chance to dream and fantasize.

    A few prompts to get you started:

    • What will you have accomplished already?
    • How will you feel about yourself?
    • What kind of people are in your life? How do you feel about them?
    • What does your ideal day look like?
    • Where are you? Where do you live? Think specifics, what city, state, or country, type of community, house or an apartment, style and atmosphere.
    • What would you be doing?
    • Are you with another person, a group of people, or are you by yourself?
    • How are you dressed?
    • What’s your state of mind? Happy or sad? Contented or frustrated?
    • What does your physical body look like? How do you feel about that?
    • Does your best life make you smile and make your heart sing? If it doesn’t, dig deeper, dream bigger.

    It’s important to focus on the result, or at least a way-point in your life. Don’t think about the process for getting there yet—that’s the next stepGive yourself permission to revisit this vision every day, even if only for a few minutes. Keep your vision alive and in the front of your mind.

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    Plan Backwards

    It may sound counter-intuitive to plan backwards rather than forwards, but when you’re planning your life from the end result, it’s often more useful to consider the last step and work your way back to the first. This is actually a valuable and practical strategy for making your vision a reality.

    • What’s the last thing that would’ve had to happen to achieve your best life?
    • What’s the most important choice you would’ve had to make?
    • What would you have needed to learn along the way?
    • What important actions would you have had to take?
    • What beliefs would you have needed to change?
    • What habits or behaviors would you have had to cultivate?
    • What type of support would you have had to enlist?
    • How long will it have taken you to realize your best life?
    • What steps or milestones would you have needed to reach along the way?

    Now it’s time to think about your first step, and the next step after that. Ponder the gap between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It may seem impossible, but it’s quite achievable if you take it step-by-step.

    It’s important to revisit this vision from time to time. Don’t be surprised if your answers to the questions, your technicolor vision, and the resulting plans change. That can actually be a very good thing; as you change in unforeseeable ways, the best life you envision will change as well. For now, it’s important to use the process, create your vision, and take the first step towards making that vision a reality.

    Featured photo credit: Matt Noble via unsplash.com

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