Advertising
Advertising

6 Steps to Making Effective New Year Resolutions

6 Steps to Making Effective New Year Resolutions

There’s just something about the short, cold days of winter, the long hours spent indoors and the overindulgence in rich foods over the holidays that inspires us to make changes at the beginning of the New Year. As the New Year brings the opportunity for change, it also brings the occasion for reflection of the personal, professional or physical circumstances in our life we’d like to change, and a reflection on how we created the circumstances we seek to improve in the first place. The areas that most people resolve to change as the New Year dawns include money, sleep, exercise, food, health, personal organization, and relationships.

Balance in all areas of our life is often a goal we aspire to, and since the holidays are often about imbalance—as we rush from one activity to another—the New Year seems like a natural time to reconnect with our mind and spirit to find the personal practices that will support our goal of renewal, rejuvenation and repair of the body, mind and spirit.

Advertising

The body, in its wisdom, provides an intuitive nudge as a reminder of the things we may need to hear, and although this method of communication is always present in the body, the New Year seems to be a time when this form of inner knowing can be the loudest. The messages might be about feeling better physically, looking better, feeling energized or well rested, having greater productivity, having a stronger body, feeling happier, or being in the flow and being peaceful in your life. At times circumstances prevent us from making these choices for ourselves and prioritizing our wellness. If it resonates with you, the New Year may be a good time to make a shift: love yourself more; feel better about yourself; heal your relationships with food, exercise, money, and/or work; and release the habits that have formed that are not serving your highest potential.

Here are six things you can get started doing right now to develop effective New Year resolutions:

Advertising

1. Reflect with Gratitude

Practice a daily, mindful exercise reflecting on the many ways your life is abundant right now and express your gratitude—what you focus on grows. Celebrate the things that are great in your life. They don’t have to be grand; the little things often mean the most. This can be a mental exercise or a written one, recorded in your journal.

2. Value Yourself

When you value yourself with a deep appreciation you will naturally show up for yourself in a much kinder way. Understand, acknowledge and celebrate all the things you do, the many roles you play: parent, spouse, employee, sibling, daughter, son, community volunteer and more. You offer so much to the world: start there with your gratitude and things will begin to shift for you.

Advertising

3. Start by Adding In

Think in terms of adding things, not taking things away. For example, add more greens to your diet, add more movement to your day, add more laughter and joy. When you add things in, the things that do not serve you seem to naturally fall by the wayside, especially when the feeling of deprivation is removed from the experience of change. No one wants to feel deprived of anything; life is all about abundance, joy and gratitude.

4. Self-speak with Care

Watch your words, be kind to yourself and avoid judging yourself for not achieving the things you want. Resolving to make changes is about finding ways to make choices that support getting control over the things that are important to you, not judging yourself harshly for not having arrived at those things yet or as quickly as you would have like.

Advertising

5. Assess Your Values

Think about the things you value. What do you want more of? Is it free time, health, adventure, friendship, community involvement, time alone? Consider how can you start to make changes to create these things in your life. Think about how your life will feel once you start making changes and how that will bring more of the feelings and experiences you want.

6. Consider Embodiment

What do you want to celebrate about yourself in 2013? Reflect upon one thing in 2013 that you embodied that you’re proud of. Are you better served by leaving certain things behind in 2013? And which qualities do you wish to embody in 2014? Reflect upon your circumstances and determine some daily practices that you can engage in with ease and grace that will allow you to begin embodying the physical and emotional qualities that you wish to welcome in your life in 2014.

As you reflect on your past year and set out to make goals for the New Year, stay committed to creating opportunities for your personal and physical growth and allow yourself to be the filled with abundance and vibrancy in 2014.

More by this author

10 Unconventional (But Great) Sleeping Tips You’ve Probably Never Heard 5 Steps To Build A Positive Thinking You’ll Be Proud Of 6 Steps to Making Effective New Year Resolutions

Trending in Health

1 9 Best Blood Pressure Monitors You Can Use at Home 2 How to Control Your Thoughts and Be the Master of Your Mind 3 Simple Hacks on How to Relieve Neck Pain Fast (and Naturally) 4 10 Best Therapy Apps to Better Your Mental Health Anywhere 5 7 Morning Rituals to Empower Your Day And Change Your Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 10, 2020

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

How to Take Control of Your Life with Better Boundaries

We all have them—those hurtful, frustrating, offensive, manipulative people in our lives. No matter how hard we try to surround ourselves with positive and kind people, there will always be those who will disrespect, insult, berate, and misuse you if we allow them to.

We may, for a variety of reasons, not be able to avoid them, but we can determine how we interact with them and how we allow them to interact with us.

So, how to take control of your life and stop being pushed around?

Learning to set clear firm boundaries with the people in our lives at work and in our personal lives is the best way to protect ourselves from the negative effects of this kind of behavior.

What Boundaries Are (And What They’re Not)

Boundaries are limits

—they are not threats or ultimatums. Boundaries inform or teach. They are not a form of punishment.

Boundaries are firm lines—determined by you—which cannot be crossed by those around you. They are guidelines for how you will allow others to treat you and what kind of behaviors you will expect.

Advertising

Healthy personal boundaries help protect you from physical or emotional pain. You may also need to set firm boundaries at work to ensure you and your time are not disrespected. Don’t allow others to take advantage of your kindness and generosity.

Clear boundaries communicate to others that you demand respect and consideration—that you are willing to stand up for yourself and that you will not be a doormat for anyone. They are a “no trespassing” sign that makes it very clear when a line has been crossed and that there will be consequences for doing so.

Boundaries are not set with the intention of changing other people. They may change how people interact with you, but they are more about enforcing your needs than attempting to change the general behavior and attitude of others.

How to Establish Boundaries and Take Control of Your Life

Here are some ways that you can establish boundaries and take control of your life.

1. Self-Awareness Comes First

Before you can establish boundaries with others, you first need to understand what your needs are.

You are entitled to respect. You have the right to protect yourself from inappropriate or offensive behavior. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your needs.

To set appropriate boundaries, you need to be clear about what healthy behaviors look like—what healthy relationships look like.

Advertising

You first have to become more aware of your feelings and honest with yourself about your expectations and what you feel is appropriate behavior:

  • Where do you need to establish better boundaries?
  • When do you feel disrespected?
  • When do you feel violated, frustrated, or angered by the behavior of others?
  • In what situations do you feel you are being mistreated or taken advantage of?
  • When do you want to be alone?
  • How much space do you need?

You need to honor your own needs and boundaries before you can expect others to honor them. This allows you to take control of your life.

2. Clear Communication Is Essential

Inform others clearly and directly what your expectations are. It is essential to have clear communication if you want others to respect your boundaries. Explain in an honest and respectful tone what you find offensive or unacceptable.

Many people simply aren’t aware that they are behaving inappropriately. They may never have been taught proper manners or consideration for others.

3. Be Specific but Don’t Blame

Taking a blaming or punishing attitude automatically puts people on the defensive. People will not listen when they feel attacked. It’s part of human nature.

That said, you do not need to overexplain or defend yourself. Boundaries are not open to compromise.

Sample language:

Advertising

  • “You may not…yell or raise your voice to me…”
  • “I need…to be treated with respect…”
  • “It’s not okay when…you take things from my desk without asking…”
  • “I won’t…do your work…cover for you anymore…”
  • “It’s not acceptable when…you ridicule or insult me…”
  • “I am uncomfortable when…you use offensive language”
  • “I will no longer be able to…lend you money…”

Being able to communicate these without sounding accusatory is essential if you want others to respect your boundaries so you can take control of your life.

4. Consequences Are Often Necessary

Determine what the appropriate consequences will be when boundaries are crossed. If it’s appropriate, be clear about those consequences upfront when communicating those boundaries to others.

Follow through. People won’t respect your boundaries if you don’t enforce them.

Standing our ground and forcing consequences doesn’t come easily to us. We want to be nice. We want people to like us, but we shouldn’t have to trade our self-respect to gain friends or to achieve success.

We may be tempted to let minor disrespect slide to avoid conflict, but as the familiar saying goes, “if you give people an inch, they’ll take a mile.”

It’s much easier to address offensive or inappropriate behavior now than to wait until that behavior has gotten completely out of hand.

It’s also important to remember that positive reinforcement is even more powerful than negative consequences. When people do alter the way they treat you, acknowledge it. Let people know that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

Advertising

Final Thoughts

Respect is always a valid reason for setting a boundary. Don’t defend yourself or your needs. Boundaries are often necessary to protect your time, your space, and your feelings. And these are essential if you want to take control of your life.

Start with the easiest boundaries first. Setting boundaries is a skill that needs to be practiced. Enlist support from others if necessary. Inform people immediately when they have crossed the line.

Don’t wait. Communicate politely and directly. Be clear about the consequences and follow them through.

The better you become at setting your own boundaries, the better you become at recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others.

Remember that establishing boundaries is your right. You are entitled to respect. You can’t control how other people behave, but you do have control over the way you allow people to treat you.

Learning to set boundaries is not always easy, but with time, it will become more comfortable. You may eventually find that boundaries become automatic and you no longer need to consciously set them.

They will simply become a natural extension of your self-respect.

Featured photo credit: Thomas Kelley via unsplash.com

Read Next