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Motives, Manipulation and Morality

Motives, Manipulation and Morality

I’ve been thinking a lot this week about why people do things, and what they have in mind when they ask others to act in a particular way. It’s common to find that what people say is the reasoning behind their actions or requests isn’t the real motivation for either. I may do or say something that I claim is aimed at helping a colleague, but my real reasoning is that it will make me look good in the boss’s eyes. People make many requests that have ulterior, hidden motives. They often say things to manipulate others to do what they want. Internally, it’s called office politics, externally it’s called selling.

Questions of motivation and manipulation are important because they can undermine any leader’s authority. Leadership is an activity that comes with profound ethical and moral strings attached. You can try to deny or ignore them, but they’re still there. Doing the right thing from the wrong motives is a form of dishonesty that people nose out very rapidly.

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I’ll start with the second point. It seems more and more organizations are establishing policies designed to help people create a better work/life balance. At the same time, survey results show people are working just as hard, and many employees are convinced that taking advantage of these new policies will harm their careers.

How can this be? The answer, of course, is doing the right thing from the wrong motives. Where organizations introduce policies to look good, but don’t really believe in them, it swiftly becomes obvious the policies are only for show. You take advantage of them at your peril. It’s much the same when managers make cosmetic changes based on the hope they will make employees feel better and they’ll work harder as a result. That’s manipulation and people resent it. The only acceptable reason—the only honest reason—for doing the right thing is that it’s the right thing to do, regardless of any other benefits or drawbacks. Helping people gain better work/life balance is the right thing to do. Punishing them for taking you up on your offer, or doing it only in the belief that people will be grateful and give you more work in return, reveal base motivations behind seemingly generous actions.

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That brings me back to the first point.

There’s a kind of leadership attitude I call “business fundamentalism.” Like all other kinds of fundamentalism, it’s one-sided, dogmatic, conservative and intolerant of questioning. It’s proponents believe business decisions should be based solely on economic factors. For them, anything else is impractical.

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The essence of fundamentalism is believing there is only one way—the one you favor—and rejecting anything (and anyone) that suggests other possibilities might be worth exploring. Business fundamentalists see little or no moral aspect to business decisions, even those that affect the lives of other people. They may even have current company law on their side, through its assumption of a financial duty to shareholders to maximize their returns.

This seems to me to be blinkered and inadequate. Leadership is about making decisions, and where there is a decision, there is a question of right and wrong. You cannot remove the ethical and moral aspects from leadership. Even supposedly hard-headed financial decisions come with ethical questions attached. Is it right to abandon a pension scheme, even though doing so will cut out millions of dollars in costs and help the organization survive in better shape? Is it moral to send jobs overseas and lay off higher-paid workers at home? No one doubts the financial benefits, at least in the short term, but are finances the only consideration? Should an assumed duty to maximize shareholder returns override one’s moral duty to employees and the wider community?

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I’ll let you decide which side you want to come down on in this debate.

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Adrian Savage is a writer, an Englishman and a retired business executive. He lives in Tucson, Arizona. You can read his serious thoughts most days at Slow Leadership, the site for everyone who wants to bring back the taste, zest and satisfaction to leadership; and his crazier ones at The Coyote Within.

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Last Updated on January 2, 2020

How to Break Out of Your Comfort Zone

How to Break Out of Your Comfort Zone

Over time, we all gather a set of constricting habits around us—ones that trap us in a zone of supposed comfort, well below what our potential would allow us to attain. Pretty soon, such habits slip below the level of our consciousness, but they still determine what we think that we can and cannot do—and what we cannot even bring ourselves to try. As long as you let these habits rule you, you’ll be stuck in a rut.

Like the tiny, soft bodied creatures that build coral reefs, habits start off small and flexible, and end up by building massive barriers of rock all around your mind. Inside the reefs, the water feels quiet and friendly. Outside, you think it’s going to be rough and stormy. There may be sharks. But if you’re to develop in any direction from where you are today, you must go outside that reef of habits that marks the boundaries of your comfort zone. There’s no other way. There’s even nothing specially wrong with those habits as such. They probably worked for you in the past.

But now, it’s time to step over them and go into the wider world of your unused potential. Your fears don’t know what’s going to be out there, so they invent monsters and scary beasts to keep you inside.

Nobody’s born with an instruction manual for life. Despite all the helpful advice from parents, teachers and elders, each of us must make our own way in the world, doing the best we can and quite often getting things wrong.

Messing up a few times isn’t that big a deal. But if you get scared and try to avoid all mistakes by sticking with just a few “tried and true” behaviors, you’ll miss out on most opportunities as well.

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Lots of people who suffer from boredom at work are doing it to themselves. They’re bored and frustrated because that’s what their choices have caused them to be. They’re stuck in ruts they’ve dug for themselves while trying to avoid making mistakes and taking risks. People who never make mistakes never make anything else either.

It’s time to pin down the habits that have become unconscious and are running your life for you, and get rid of them. Here’s how to do it:

1. Understand the Truth about Your Habits

They always represent past successes. You have formed habitual, automatic behaviors because you once dealt with something successfully, tried the same response next time, and found it worked again. That’s how habits grow and why they feel so useful.

To get away from what’s causing your unhappiness and workplace blues, you must give up on many of your most fondly held (and formerly successful) habits. and try new ways of thinking and acting. There truly isn’t any alternative. Those habits are going to block you from finding new and creative ideas. No new ideas, no learning. No learning, no access to successful change.

2. Do Something—Almost Anything—Differently and See What Happens

Even the most successful habits eventually lose their usefulness as events change the world and fresh responses are called for. Yet we cling on to them long after their benefit has gone.

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Past strategies are bound to fail sometime. Letting them become automatic habits that take the controls is a sure road to self-inflicted harm.

3. Take Some Time out and Have a Detailed Look at Yourself—With No Holds Barred

Discovering your unconscious habits can be tough. For a start, they’re unconscious, right? Then they fight back.

Ask anyone who has ever given up smoking if habits are tough to break. You’ve got used to them—and they’re at least as addictive as nicotine or crack cocaine.

4. Be Who You Are

It’s easy to assume that you always have to fit in to get on in the world; that you must conform to be liked and respected by others or face exclusion. Because most people want to please, they try to become what they believe others expect, even if it means forcing themselves to be the kind of person they aren’t, deep down.

You need to start by putting yourself first. You’re unique. We’re all unique, so saying this doesn’t suggest that you’re better than others or deserve more than they do.

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You need to put yourself first because no one else has as much interest in your life as you do; and because if you don’t, no one else will. Putting others second means giving them their due respect, not ignoring them totally.

Keeping up a self-image can be a burden. Hanging on to an inflated, unrealistic one is a curse. Give yourself a break.

5. Slow Down and Let Go

Most of us want to think of ourselves as good, kind, intelligent and caring people. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it isn’t.

Reality is complex. We can’t function at all without constant input and support from other people.

Everything we have, everything we’ve learned, came to us through someone else’s hands. At our best, we pass on this borrowed existence to others, enhanced by our contribution. At our worst, we waste and squander it.

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So recognize that you’re a rich mixture of thoughts and feelings that come and go, some useful, some not. There’s no need to keep up a façade; no need to pretend; no need to fear of what you know to be true.

When you face your own truth, you’ll find it’s an enormous relief. If you’re maybe not as wonderful as you’d like to be, you aren’t nearly as bad as you fear either.

The truth really does set you free; free to work on being better and to forgive yourself for being human; free to express your gratitude to others and recognize what you owe them; free to acknowledge your feelings without letting them dominate your life. Above all, you’ll be free to understand the truth of living: that much of what happens to you is no more than chance. It can’t be avoided and is not your fault. There’s no point in beating yourself up about it.

Final Thoughts

What is holding you in situations and actions that no longer work for you often isn’t inertia or procrastination. It’s the power of habitual ways of seeing the world and thinking about events. Until you can let go of those old, worn-out habits, they’ll continue to hold you prisoner.

To stay in your comfort zone through mere habit, or—worse still—to stay there because of irrational fears of what may lie outside, will condemn you to a life of frustration and regret.

If you can accept the truth about the world and yourself, change whatever is holding you back, and get on with a fresh view on life, you’ll find that single action lets you open the door of your self-imposed prison and walk free. There’s a marvelous world out there. You’ll see, if you try it!

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Featured photo credit: teigan rodger via unsplash.com

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