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Lifehack, Lifestyle

Does This Smell Okay to You?

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Smelly

    I recently did a series which compared the usefulness of tools. Since I’m rather linear in my mental processes, that got me thinking about the usefulness of certain foods. So I took a walk to the refrigerator for inspiration.

    Do you have disgusting things in your refrigerator? I think some of the things in my refrigerator may once have been classified as disgusting. But now they gone beyond that level and entered into the realm of being unidentifiable.

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    For me, the span of time between fresh and toxic is a blurred and wavering line. So, I began a diligent search of the internet to find the definitive identifier separating fresh from frightening.

    I did find some extremely useful information. But, mostly I found some darn funny anecdotes.

    Here is a collection of both on how to tell if your food is spoiled.

    1. Eggs: If something is trying to peck its way out of the shell, the egg is not fresh.
    2. Milk: Milk is spoiled when it looks like yogurt.
    3. Yogurt: Yogurt is spoiled when it looks like cottage cheese.
    4. Cottage Cheese: Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it looks like regular cheese.
    5. Regular Cheese: Regular cheese is basically spoiled milk so really doesn’t spoil. But when your regular cheese begins to look like blue cheese get rid of it anyway.
    6. Mayonnaise: Mayonnaise is spoiled when you have to have your stomach pumped because you became violently ill after eating it.
    7. Meat: If cats gather at your back door whenever you open your meat drawer, the meat is spoiled.
    8. Bread: Bread is spoiled when it attains the ability to cure an infection.
    9. Flour: Flour is spoiled when it has moving rice in it and you didn’t put any rice in it.
    10. Canned Goods: Canned goods are spoiled when they begin to resemble a rugby ball.
    11. Carrots: Carrots are spoiled when they take on the characteristics of a wet rope.
    12. Potatoes: Potatoes are spoiled when they have more eyes than your graduating class. Nor should they have a deep leafy underbrush.
    13. Chip Dip: Dip is spoiled when it doesn’t stay in the same place you put it in the refrigerator.
    14. Wine: Wine is spoiled when it becomes an acceptable base for a salad dressing.
    15. Lettuce: Lettuce is spoiled when its color and consistency can be mistaken for green jello.
    16. Raisins: Raisins are spoiled when they can be mistaken for bituminous coal.
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