Advertising
Advertising

Dealing with Manipulative People

Dealing with Manipulative People

Unfortunately, I’ve got one or more of these I’m dealing with currently. So I’ve hit the library and come up with George Simon’s book In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. It is not a huge book, but manages to be quite comprehensive and helpful. First off he talks about what these situations look like, and then later he talks about what you can do. Here’s the brief list of how to handle these difficult cases, summarized from the book.

Let Go of Harmful Misconceptions
The point here is that these people (sometimes we call them passive-agressives but Simons makes the case for calling them covert-agressives) are not like the rest of us. This is a segment of the population that doesn’t share the same worldview and doesn’t feel guilt or shame when they make someone unhappy. What’s that they say? The truth shall make you free, I think.

Advertising

Become a Better Judge of Character
Avoid victimization by identifying the people in your life who have these manipulative or agressive traits. An important thing to look for is that these folks care about winning. Figuring out what constitutes winning for these people is another matter entirely…

Know Yourself Better

One key to dealing with manipulators is that they know exactly what your buttons are, and how hard and how long they need to push them to get what they want. So be on guard that you’re not being naive, overconscientious, or overintellectual about issues because manipulators can and will use that against you.

Advertising

Know What to Expect and What to Do
Recognize manipulative tactics immediately and then reframe things so that you get what you want and/or need. If you don’t know what that is, take a step back and figure it out. Then be assertive.

Advertising

Don’t Fight a Losing Battle
You know when you’re in the thick of this kind of thing it’s normal to be depressed, Simons argues. This is because you’re fighting a losing battle of trying to make the manipulator change. What to do? Don’t try to make them change, work on yourself.

Advertising

More by this author

Volunteer Management and Environs 7 Ways to Avoid Pointless Meetings Elements of Great Managing Skype hack for cell phone flakes Soft Startups: Initiating Difficult Conversation

Trending in Uncategorized

1 How to Become an Early Riser and Stay Energetic Throughout the Day 2 Lifehack Challenge: Become An Early Riser In 5 Days 3 How to Write a Personal Mission Statement to Ensure Peak Productivity 4 How Setting Personal Goals Makes You a Greater Achiever 5 Book summary: A Technique for Producing Ideas

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 30, 2018

How to Become an Early Riser and Stay Energetic Throughout the Day

How to Become an Early Riser and Stay Energetic Throughout the Day

This article is the 2nd in the 6-part series, Lifehack Challenge: Become An Early Riser In 5 Days.

If you’d like to become an early riser, there are some things you should know before you run off to set your oft-ignored alarm clock.

So how to become an early riser?

Advertising

Here are five tips I’ve discovered to be most helpful in making the transition from erratic sleeper to early morning wizard:

1. Choose to get up before you go to sleep

You’re not very good at making decisions when you’ve just woken up. You were in the middle of a dream in which [insert celebrity crush of choice here] is serving you breakfast in bed only to be rudely awakened by the harsh tones of your alarm clock. You’re frustrated, angry, confused, and surprised. This is not the time to be making decisions about whether or not you should stay in bed! And yet, most of us leave the first decision of our day to be made in a blur of partial wakefulness.

No more! If you want to be a consistently early riser, try making your decision to rise at a specific time before you go to sleep the night before. This frees you from making the decision in the morning when you’ve just woken up. Instead of making a decision, you have only to follow through on your decision from the night before. Easier said than done? Of course. But only for the first few times. Eventually your need for raw willpower to get out of bed will diminish and you’ll be the proud parent of a new habit!

Advertising

Steve Pavlina suggests you practice getting out of bed during the day[1] to get a few of the “practice sessions” out of the way without the early morning fog in your head.

2. Have a plan for your extra time

Let’s say you’ve actually made it out of bed 2 hours before you normally would. Now what? What are you going to do with all this time you’ve discovered in your day? If you don’t have something planned to do with your extra time, you risk falling for the temptation of a “morning nap” that wipes out all the work you put into getting up.

What to do? Before you go to bed, make a quick note of what you’d like to get done during your extra hours the following day. Do you have a book to write, paper to read, or garage to clean? Make a plan for your early hours and you’ll do more than protect yourself from backsliding into bed. You’ll get things done and those results will fuel your desire to build rising early into a habit!

Advertising

3. Make rising early a social activity

While there’s obvious value in joining a Lifehack Challenge in order to get you started as an early riser, your internet buddies just don’t have enough pull to make your new habit stick in the long term. The same cannot be said for the people you spend time with as part of your early morning routine.

Sure, you could choose to read blogs for two hours every morning. But wouldn’t it be great to join an early breakfast club, running group, or play chess in the park at 5am? The more people you get involved in making your new habit a daily part of your life, the easier it’ll be to succeed.

4. Don’t use an alarm that makes you angry

If we’re all wired differently, why do we all insist on torturing ourselves with the same sort of alarm each morning? I spent years trying to wake up before my alarm went off so I wouldn’t have to hear it. I got pretty good, too. Then I started using a cellphone as my alarm clock and quickly realized that different ring tones irritated me less but worked just as well to wake me up. I now use the ring tone alarm as a back up for my bedside lamp plugged in to a timer.

Advertising

When the bright light doesn’t work, the cellphone picks up the slack and I wake up on time. The lesson learned? Experiment a bit and see what works best for you. Light, sound, smells, temperature, or even some contraption that dumps water on you might be more pleasant than your old alarm clock. Give something new a try!

5. Get your blood flowing right after waking

If you don’t have a neighbor you can pick fights with at 5am you’ll have to settle with a more mundane exercise. It doesn’t take much to get your blood flowing and chase the sleep from your head. Just pick something you don’t mind doing and go through the motions until your heart rate is up. Jumping rope, push-ups, crunches, or a few minutes of yoga are typically enough to do the trick. (Just don’t do anything your doctor hasn’t approved.)

If you live in a beautiful part of the world like me, you might want to use a bit of your early morning to go for a walk and enjoy the beauty of the world around you. If you have a coffee shop open within walking distance, dragging yourself out of bed for a cup of coffee to savor on your walk home as the world wakes around you is a wonderful experience. Try it!

More Resources for an Energetic Morning

Featured photo credit: Frank Vex via unsplash.com

Reference

Read Next