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Dealing with Manipulative People

Dealing with Manipulative People

Unfortunately, I’ve got one or more of these I’m dealing with currently. So I’ve hit the library and come up with George Simon’s book In Sheeps Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. It is not a huge book, but manages to be quite comprehensive and helpful. First off he talks about what these situations look like, and then later he talks about what you can do. Here’s the brief list of how to handle these difficult cases, summarized from the book.

Let Go of Harmful Misconceptions
The point here is that these people (sometimes we call them passive-agressives but Simons makes the case for calling them covert-agressives) are not like the rest of us. This is a segment of the population that doesn’t share the same worldview and doesn’t feel guilt or shame when they make someone unhappy. What’s that they say? The truth shall make you free, I think.

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Become a Better Judge of Character
Avoid victimization by identifying the people in your life who have these manipulative or agressive traits. An important thing to look for is that these folks care about winning. Figuring out what constitutes winning for these people is another matter entirely…

Know Yourself Better

One key to dealing with manipulators is that they know exactly what your buttons are, and how hard and how long they need to push them to get what they want. So be on guard that you’re not being naive, overconscientious, or overintellectual about issues because manipulators can and will use that against you.

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Know What to Expect and What to Do
Recognize manipulative tactics immediately and then reframe things so that you get what you want and/or need. If you don’t know what that is, take a step back and figure it out. Then be assertive.

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Don’t Fight a Losing Battle
You know when you’re in the thick of this kind of thing it’s normal to be depressed, Simons argues. This is because you’re fighting a losing battle of trying to make the manipulator change. What to do? Don’t try to make them change, work on yourself.

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Last Updated on October 9, 2018

How to Write a Personal Mission Statement to Ensure Peak Productivity

How to Write a Personal Mission Statement to Ensure Peak Productivity

Most of you made personal, one sentence resolutions like “I want to lose weight” or “I vow to go back to school.” It is a tradition to start the New Year with things you want to achieve, but under the influence resolutions are often unrealistic.

If you’re wondering when will be a good time to write a mission statement, NOW is the time to take a personal inventory to make this year your most productive year ever. You may be asking yourself, “How am I going to do that?” You, my friends, are going to write personal mission statements.

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A large number of corporations use mission statements to define the purpose of the company’s existence. Sony wants to “become the company most known for changing the worldwide poor-quality image of Japanese products” and 3M wants “to solve unsolved problems innovatively”. A personal mission statement is different than a corporate mission statement, but the fundamentals are the same.

So why do you need one? A personal statement will help you identify your core values and beliefs in one fluid tapestry of content that you can read anytime and anywhere to stay on task toward success.

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For example, Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire came to the realization that he had lost track of what was important to him. After writing a personal mission statement, we saw him start his own business and he got the girl, Renee Zelleweger. Not bad, wouldn’t you say? A personal mission statement will make sure that, through all the texting, emailing and constant bombardment of on-the-go activity, you won’t lose sight of what is most important to you.

Mission statements can be simple and concise while others are longer and filled with detail. The length of your personal mission statement will not be determined until you follow this simple equation to create your motivational springboard for 2008.

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To begin your internal cleansing, you will need to jot down the required information in the following five steps:

  1. What are your values? Values steer your actions and determine where you spend time, energy, and most importantly, money. Be specific and unique to yourself. Too much generalization will not be as effective. It is called a “personal” mission statement for a reason.
  2. What are three important goals you hope to achieve this year? Keep your list of important goals small and give them a date. It is better to focus on the horizon and not the stars. Realistic goals are keys to ultimate success.
  3. What image do you hope to project to yourself? How you see yourself is how the world will view you. Think about this carefully. Your image should encompass what you look like and feel after you have achieved your goals.
  4. Write down action statements from each value describing how you will use those values to achieve your three goals. Start with “I will…”
  5. Rewrite your statement to include only your action statements. Make portable copies for your wallet, car or office.

If you followed the steps above, congratulations! You have just written your first personal mission statement. Your personal statement will change over the years as your goals change. You can have more than one statement for the different compartments of your life such as your career, family, marriage, etc.

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Writing a personal mission statement is an effective method to ensure your productivity is at its peak. It is an ideal tradition to start so that when next year rolls around, the outdated practice of resolutions will be something you permanently left in the past.

Featured photo credit: Álvaro Serrano via unsplash.com

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