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“But I Can’t…”

“But I Can’t…”

How often each day do you tell yourself, or others, you can’t do something? Is it true? How do you know you can’t? What if you’re limiting yourself without knowing it? What if you’re lying to save face or avoid embarrassment?

“I can’t…” is among the earliest phrases most children learn, and they use it freely, to the frustration of parents everywhere. “But you can,” we tell them. “Just try.” It’s no good. They’ve made up their minds. They can’t. And they don’t. Until, one day, they can and it all seems so easy after all.

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Adults are little different. “I can’t” can mean so many things. Sometimes it means, “I’ve never done this before and I’m scared I won’t be successful.” Sometimes it means, “I’m not confident about doing this well enough, so I’ll pass in case I embarrass myself.” Sometimes, “I don’t want to be bothered.” Mostly, it means “I don’t want to.”


Properly speaking, “I can’t” should only apply when you mean it’s a physical or literal impossibility. You remember those annoying adults who responded to your question, “Can I please have some more ice cream?” by saying something like this. “You can (it’s perfectly possible), but the question is whether you may (is it allowed?). Of course, they were right in their use of English and you were wrong. “Can” refers to capability, not permission. So “can’t” properly means a lack of competence or ability, not unwillingness, fear or laziness.

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Sadly, people usually believe what they tell themselves. Tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of people diminish their lives and careers every day by saying to themselves “I can’t” do that, or think that, or speak to that person, or change, or ask for help — and believing what they say.

If only they were more careful about their words. If I say to myself “I don’t want to…,” it leaves open the possibility I may change my mind another time. Saying “I’m afraid to…” still gives me the chance to overcome that fear. If I say “I don’t know how to…,” I can always learn. Even if I tell myself “I don’t have enough confidence to…,” the way out of the problem is clear. Precision matters. It shows you the way out.
Beware of “can’t.” It has a sound of finality about it, as if you’ve decided for all time that choice or action is impossible for you. That’s how your mind hears it too. Say it often enough and it will become true.

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It’s fatal to decide on your ability based on short-term emotions like fear and embarrassment, or give in to idleness and lack of willpower. That’s how people get themselves into a state where they “can’t” do anything they haven’t done in the past, imprisoning themselves into a narrow rut where they must spend the rest of their lives. Others have to be coaxed past the dread of “can’t” like a frightened horse. Yet once it’s done, “can’t” evaporates like fog in sunlight.

How can you tell if you can or can’t? Forget what you feel or what you believe. Try. Reality gives great feedback. It’s there ready to teach you your true capabilities, your real limitations and, always, what it is you need to do next.

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Adrian Savage is an Englishman and a retired business executive who lives in Tucson, Arizona. You can read his thoughts most days at The Coyote Within and Slow Leadership, the site for anyone who wants to bring back the fun and satisfaction to management work.

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

How Setting Personal Goals Makes You a Greater Achiever

How Setting Personal Goals Makes You a Greater Achiever

Achieving personal goals deserves a huge amount of celebration but setting these goals in the first place is a massive achievement in itself.

While the big goals serve as a destination, the journey is probably the most important part of the process. It reflects your progress, your growth and your ability take control and steer your life towards positive change.

Whatever your goal is, whether it’s losing 20lbs or learning a new language, there will always be a set amount of steps you need to take in order to achieve it. Once you’ve set your sights on your goal, the next stage is to take an assertive path towards how you will get there.

The aim of this article is to guide you through how to take action towards your personal goals in a way that will help you achieve them strategically and successfully.

1. Get Very Specific

When it comes to setting your personal goals, honing in on its specifics is crucial for success.

It’s common to have a broad idea of where you want to go or what you want to achieve, but this can sabotage your efforts in the long run.

Get clear on what you want your goal to look like so you can create solid steps towards it.

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Say you have a vision on retiring early. This goal feels good to you and you can envision filling your days of work-free life with worldly adventures and time with loved ones.

If retiring early is a serious personal goal for you, you will need to insert a timeframe. So your goal has changed from “I’d like to someday retire early and travel the world” to “I’m going to retire by 50 and travel the world”.

It may not seem significant, but creating this tweak in your goal by specifying a definite time, will help create and structure the steps needed to achieve it in a more purposeful way.

2. Identify the Preparation You Need to Achieve Your Goal

It’s easy to set a goal and excitedly, yet aimlessly move towards it. But this way of going about achieving goals will only leave you eventually lost and feeling like you’ll never achieve it.

You have to really think about what you need to do in order to make this goal possible. It’s all very well wanting it to happen, but if you just sit back and hope you’ll get there one day will result in disappointment.

Self-managing your goals is a crucial step in the process. This involves taking control of your goal, owning it and making sure you are in a great position to make it happen.

In the early retirement example, this would mean you will need to think about your financial situation.

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What will your finances ideally need to look like if you were to retire early and travel the world? How much money will you need to put into your retirement fund to retire at 50? How much extra savings will you need to support your travels? You could also start researching the places you’d like to travel to and how long you’d like to travel for.

Outlining these factors will, not only make your goal seem more tangible, but also create a mind shift to one of forward motion. Seeing the steps more clearly will help you make a more useful plan of action and seeing your goal as a reality.

3. Breakdown Each Step into More Manageable Goals

The secret to achieving your goals is to create smaller goals within each step and take action. Remember, you’re looking for progress, no matter how small it may seem.

These small steps build up and get you to the top. By doing this, you also make the whole process much less daunting and overwhelming.

In the early retirement scenario, there are several smaller goals you could implement here:

  • Decide to make an appointment with a financial advisor asking what financial options would be available to you if you were to go into early retirement and travel. Get advice on how much you would need to top up your funds in order to reach your goal on time.
  • Set up and start to make payments into the retirement fund.
  • Research savings accounts with good rates of interest and commit to depositing a certain amount each month.
  • Make sure you meet with your financial advisor each year to make sure your retirement plan remains the best one for you. Research new savings accounts to move your money into to reap the best returns in interest rates.
  • Start investing in travel books, building up a library that covers where you want to go.
  • Think about starting a language course that will help you get the most out of your travel experience.

4. Get Started on the Journey

Creating a goal planner in which you can start writing down your next steps is where the magic happens. This is where the real momentum towards your dream starts!

Create a schedule and start by writing in when you will start the first task and on which day. Commit to completing this small task and feel the joy of crossing it off your list. Do this with every little step until your first mini goal has been reached.

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In the early retirement example, schedule in a meeting with a financial advisor. That’s it. Easy.

As I mentioned before, it may seem such a small step but it’s the momentum that’s the most important element here. Once you cross this off, you can focus on the meeting itself, then once that’s ticked off, you are in a position of starting a profitable retirement fund…and so the momentum continues. You are now on your journey to achieving your dream goal.

5. Create an Annual Review

Taking a step back and reviewing your progress is essential for keeping yourself on the right track. Sometimes you can be moving full steam ahead towards your goal but miss seeing the opportunities to improve a process or even re-evaluate your feelings towards the goal.

Nominate a day each year to sit down and take a look at your progress. Celebrate your achievements and how far you’ve come. But also think about changing any of the remaining steps in light of new circumstances.

Has anything changed? Perhaps you got a promotion at work and you feel you can add more to your monthly savings.

Do you still feel the same about your goal? It’s normal for our desires to change over time and our personal goals need to reflect this.

Perhaps you’d like to take someone new with you on your travels and you need to take this into account regarding timelines. Are there any new steps you want to add as a result?

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Remember, reflection is a useful tool in realigning your goal to any changes and it’s important to keep on the right trajectory towards it.

Strive to Become the Best Goal-Setter You Can Be

Having personal goals gives you purpose and the feeling of becoming a better version of yourself.

But it’s the smaller steps within these big goals that the growth and achievement really lies:

  • Whatever your goal is, make sure you get specific on when you want to achieve it. This helps you focus on the necessary steps much more efficiently.
  • Research the actionable steps required to get to the end result and…
  • Break these down into smaller, manageable goals.
  • Create a daily or weekly schedule for these smaller goals and start the positive momentum.
  • Reflect each year on your goal journey and purpose, readjusting steps according to changes in circumstance or desire.

Keep going and always have the end goal in sight. Remember the ‘why’ behind your goal throughout to keep you motivated and positive.

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Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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