Advertising
Advertising

Breaking Up is Hard to do – 20 Questions to Help You Know When it’s Time to Let go

Breaking Up is Hard to do – 20 Questions to Help You Know When it’s Time to Let go

    Do you remember the story about the new prisoner on the block?   He is settling in nervously on the first night of his sentence, when he hears a series of numbers yelled out, each one followed by raucous laughter from his fellow inmates.   Nervously, he asks his cell-mate what is going on.   The cell-mate replies, “That’s the lifers, they have been in here so long that they have heard all of each others’ jokes, so rather than telling the joke, to save time they just shout out the joke’s number.”  If your friends and family could tell this joke to describe how you talk about your relationship issues, you might want to read this post.

    But seriously, breaking up is hard to do and inspires procrastination in the best of us. The writing may have been on the wall for months or even years, yet the exit out of a relationship can be a painstakingly slow process.  Even without marriage and children in the mix, wrestling with the dilemma of when to hold and when to fold is often painful.

    There are times when it may be blindingly obvious to everyone around you that it’s time to walk away, yet you still need to come to your own conclusion. The exception to this rule is if there is any kind of violent or abusive behavior taking place. In this case you need to get help and get yourself away and to safety immediately.

    Loyalty, commitment and a willingness to work through difficult times are all valuable qualities to bring to any relationship but it’s good to be aware that these virtues can also sometimes work against us and cause us to prolong the suffering by clinging to a relationship long after it has ceased to be good for us.  At times like this it’s great to have kind and patient friends who can support you along the way.   But most important, is to give yourself some space and time to really explore what you are thinking and feeling.   As one of my wise friends says,

    “You’re not done ‘til you’re done and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, because only when you know you’re done will it really be over and when you’re done, you’ll know it.”

    Sometimes it’s helpful to ask yourself a series of questions. Journaling your responses may allow you to go deeper still, in search of the clarity you need.   Here are some to start you off.

    1)   What am I afraid of?

    Get really honest with your answers here, – some of the most common are,  the fear of being alone, fear of what other people will think and fear of making a mistake.

    2)   Are those realistic fears?

    Advertising

    Once you have listed your fears, go through the list one by one and ask yourself how realistic they are.

    3)   If I wasn’t scared that x,y,z might happen– what would I do?

    Next, taking each fear in turn, ask yourself how your course of action might be influenced if this fear wasn’t a factor.

    4)   Am in love with this person, or the person I wish they were? (aka The Imaginary Boyfriend)?

    This questions deals with the perennial problem of falling in love with the potential.

    5)   If I could get an email from myself ten years from now, what advice might it have?

    This is another good trick to get a different perspective on the problem and to get in touch with the inner wisdom we all have. My thanks to Havi Brooks for inspiring this one with her dialogues with her “slightly future me”.

    6)   Is this relationship bringing out the best in me?

    Take a look at the person you have become in relation to who you were before. Do you like the comparison?

    7)   Have I given my best? 

    Advertising

    It’s always easier to come to closure when you can honestly say that you gave it 100%.

    8)   Should it be this much work?

    What does this relationship add to your quality of life?

    9)    Do I make excuses for or justify my partner’s behavior towards me?

    Your friends and family will be able to fill you in here.

    10)   How would I feel about my little sister/brother/daughter/son being in this situation?

    This one may surprise you, it’s often a little shocking to see the standards we will tolerate for ourselves compared to what we think the people we love deserve.

    11)    What have I learned from this relationship?

    What have you learned about what works and what doesn’t work for you?

    12)     What haven’t I learned from this relationship?

    Advertising

    Where are you stuck?

    13)      Is this a familiar pattern?

    Have you seen this all before?  What do you need to do to take responsibility for doing it differently from now on?

    14)      Have I honestly expressed what it is that I want without trying to hide my vulnerability or blaming or judging?

    It’s hard to ask for what we really want when we are scared we won’t get it but everyone deserves the opportunity to hear requests kindly and clearly.

    15)      Do I think I can love this person in the way they deserve to be loved?

    Let’s turn the tables for a second, can you give your partner everything they have a right to receive?

    16)      If this is all there is, will it be enough?

    It’s a great test to ask whether if nothing changes. Could you really be happy with this person?

     17)      If I weren’t angry, how would it change things?

    Advertising

    When we have had our needs unmet for a while, resentment can build to the point of rage and obscure rational thought.

    18)  If I forgave my partner, what difference would it make?

    To err is human, but to forgive is divine.  One of my favorite quotes says that refusing to forgive is like continually drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.   If your partner has done something or many things that have hurt you, ask yourself what might happen if you gave them a fresh slate?

    19)  If I forgave myself what difference would it make?

    Self-compassion can be a wonderful vehicle for growth and clarity, if yesterday didn’t exist at all, would you still feel the way you do?

     20)     If today was my last – would I regret ending or not having ended the relationship more?

    Finally, this question raises the stakes a little and challenges any sense of complacency.  It can give you a real sense of perspective, by asking how you might do things differently if you knew you wouldn’t have another chance.

    Try these questions out or add and subtract your own and don’t forget to trust your inner knowing.  Deep down, you know what’s best for you.

    Good Luck.

     

    More by this author

    Breaking Up is Hard to do – 20 Questions to Help You Know When it’s Time to Let go Six Sizzling Suggestions to Make Valentine’s Day Last All Year Why Productivity Won’t Make You Happy: Life Lessons From a Dying Man Why It’s Important to be Wrong: The Valuable Art of Apology What You Ought to Know About Buying Perfect Holiday Gifts for Loved Ones

    Trending in Lifestyle

    1 15 Easy-to-Make Crockpot Freezer Meals for Busy Nights 2 5 Savory Ice-Cream Sandwiches Every Dessert Lover Can’t Miss 3 8 Hearty Soups That Will Surely Keep You Warm This Fall 4 12 Foil-Wrapped Recipes Every Camper Should Know 5 5 Natural Ways to Lose Face Fat and Become Much Prettier

    Read Next

    Advertising
    Advertising
    Advertising

    Last Updated on June 24, 2019

    15 Easy-to-Make Crockpot Freezer Meals for Busy Nights

    15 Easy-to-Make Crockpot Freezer Meals for Busy Nights

    You work all day, and you come home exhausted and hungry. Naturally, the last thing you want to do is to spend hours in the kitchen cooking dinner. If you love cooking, but your busy schedule doesn’t allow you to cook every night, you can simplify your life by making crockpot freezer meals. These meals will allow you to still eat homemade, healthy, filling dinners without the countless hours and enormous effort spent in the kitchen. You can store the simple ingredients in freezer bags and put them in the crockpot when it is time for dinner, or you can cook over the weekend and stock your freezer with delicious ready meals that will make your life easier. Here are 15 easy-to-make recipes to make delicious dinners for busy nights!

    1. Cheesy Tortellini With Ground Beef

    Cheesy tortellini with ground beef

      This is a perfect crockpot freezer meal that even your kids will love. The best thing of all is that it’s incredibly easy to prepare. All you have to do is crumble some ground beef and combine all the recipe’s ingredients in your crockpot. The other ingredients needed for this super delicious meal include tomatoes, herbs, and onions. Tortellini is one of the most commonly ordered meals when eating out, but this way you will get to eat a homemade, healthier version of the popular dish. Find the recipe here.

      2. Cranberry Pork Roast

      Cranberry pork roast

        Cranberry pork roast is a gluten-free meal that everyone can make, regardless of their culinary skills. The dish requires only these few ingredients: onion, cranberry sauce, bone-in pork shoulder, and honey. To prepare this mouthwatering dish, simply combine all the ingredients together in the crockpot and let them cook. If you don’t like pork or if you prefer not to eat it, you can easily use beef as a substitute without impacting the flavor. Click here to see the recipe.

        3. Greens and Beans

        Greens and beans

          Greens and beans are the ideal dishes if you want a dish that is both delicious and nutrient-dense. Combine vegetable broth with beans, garlic, kale, escalore, and Parmesan, and let cook. The result will be a dish with a soup-like consistency that will fill you up and provide you with a lot of vitamins and minerals.

          Advertising

          As a bonus, if you or someone else in your family suffer from rheumatoid arthritis or some other common types of arthritis, greens and beans can reduce the inflammation. That’s because kale and other veggies rich in Vitamin K are anti-inflammatory and are known for relieving arthritis. Click here and start cooking!

          4. Chicken Curry

          Chicken curry

            That is yet another gluten-free recipe that you’ll love to make. Chicken curry requires basic ingredients such as tomato paste, coconut milk, honey, onions, and garlic, in addition to chicken and curry of course.The result is a sweet and spicy dish where different flavors are perfectly balanced. Find the recipe here.

            5. Honey Sesame Chicken

            Honey sesame chicken

              Honey sesame chicken is a simple and effortless dish that delivers an amazing taste. To make this wonderful recipe, you have to combine all the ingredients except for the sesame seeds and green onions and let them cook. Use the sesame seeds and green onions for garnish when serving. Click here for the full recipe.

              6. Mushroom Spinach Stroganoff

              Mushroom spinach stroganoff

                In this warm weather, many people opt to eat lighter food that is easy on the stomach. Mushroom spinach stroganoff fits the bill being a vegetable version of a famous comfort food that you and your family will love. The dish requires simple ingredients such as sour cream, onion, garlic, ketchup, vegetables, and mushrooms. This dish is very simple to make, and thanks to your crockpot, you won’t have much work to do. Find the recipe here.

                Advertising

                7. Stuffed Peppers

                Stuffed peppers

                  If you’re looking for a healthy, simple, and delicious recipe, you’ll love this one! These crockpot stuffed peppers are easy to make, and they require only a few ingredients such as ground turkey or beef, onion, garlic, bell peppers, and pasta sauce. This meal will remind you of grandma’s kitchen. You can find the recipe here.

                  8. Cilantro and Lime Chicken

                  Cilantro and lime chicken

                    Summer is the perfect season to experiment with more exotic flavors, and this meal can help you do just that. To make cilantro and lime chicken, you will need to combine some simple ingredients such as lime, jalapeno peppers, fresh cilantro, and salsa. The result is chicken that is super tender and that you’ll want to make over and over again, so get the recipe here.

                    9. Beef Fajitas

                    Beef fajitas

                      This is an excellent meal for busy weeknights. The best thing about this recipe is that the required ingredients are probably already there in your kitchen. The recipe is also quite simple — combine all the items in a crockpot, cover, and let cook.

                      The result will be beef and peppers that melt in your mouth. You can easily pair this beef fajita with rice and tortillas and get a meal that the entire family will love. You can find the recipe for this delicious beef fajita here.

                      Advertising

                      10. Asian Chicken Lettuce Wraps

                      Asian chicken lettuce wraps

                        Asian chicken lettuce wraps are sweet, slightly salty and very easy to make. All you need to do is add the chicken, red bell pepper, carrots, soy sauce, honey, garlic and the other ingredients to your crockpot and let them cook. You can also replace the chicken with beef or turkey if you like. The presence of different flavors gives this meal a summer flavor you are sure to love. Learn how to make this meal here.

                        11. Hawaiian Chicken

                        Hawaiian chicken

                          This dish enjoys phenomenal exotic tones due to pineapple and lemon flavors. To make this yummy crockpot freezer meal, you need skinless chicken breasts, peppers, ginger and corn starch, in addition to the iconic pineapple and lemon. Learn how to make this perfect summer dinner here.

                          12. Beef and Barley Stew

                          Beef and barley stewd

                            Beef and barley stew is as healthy as it is delicious. Not to mention it’s incredibly easy to make. Besides the beef and barley, you’ll also need carrots, peppers, herbs and beef broth. The result will be a mouthwatering stew that you can serve alone or over white rice. Get the recipe here.

                            13. Meatball Soup

                            Advertising

                            Meatball soup

                              This soup is very delicious, easy to make and quite versatile. You will be able to swap ingredients and experiment to find your perfect combination. To make this meatball soup, you will need to combine meatballs with pasta sauce, chicken broth, carrots, beans, zucchini, and onion. You can view the recipe here.

                              14. Turkey Black Bean Chili

                              Turkey black bean chili

                                Everybody loves chili and for good reason — it’s very delicious, and it’s a perfect combination of different flavors that balance each other out. To make this chili, you’ll need ground turkey, tomato sauce, black beans, paprika, frozen corns, and a few other ingredients. You can get the full recipe here and have this delicious dish ready when you come back from work on those busy nights.

                                15. Ham and Pinto Bean Soup

                                Ham and pinto bean soup

                                  What makes soups special is the fact they’re tasty, healthy and filling at the same time. This soup is no exception. The best quality of this ham and pinto bean soup, however, is its simplicity; it requires only five ingredients: ham, beans, ketchup, salt, and water. Learn how to make this soup here.

                                  Conclusion

                                  With a demanding work week and a busy schedule, it’s normal to have a low energy level by the time you get home. If you don’t feel like standing in the kitchen and cooking dinner due to this, you don’t have to resort to junk food. These freezer crockpot meals offer you the perfect solution for healthy meals that require minimal preparation. You can either combine each recipe’s ingredients in a freezer bag to be thawed and cooked in a few minutes, or you can cook your meal and freeze it to be used later, it’s up to you.

                                  This article showed you 15 easy and simple recipes that you can make using your crockpot. All of these recipes contain anti-inflammatory foods whether it is in the form of vegetable, herbs or spices to improve your overall health and wellbeing.

                                  Featured photo credit: Google via bettycrocker.com

                                  Read Next