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Selfish Mentoring

Selfish Mentoring

One of my favorite themes in the MWA coaching curriculum is something we refer to as the ‘selfish mentoring of ‘imi ola.’

‘Imi ola is the Hawaiian value of personal vision; it literally translates to ‘seek life’ and as a business value, we use it to coach managers on how to seek their best possible lives in business.

Don’t get stuck on the normally negative connotation of the word; selfishness in this context is a very good thing.

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When you have the goal of ‘imi ola, and creating the best possible life for yourself, Selfish Mentoring is training and coaching one’s apparent successor or team of direct reports to do everything you can do in your present sphere of influence. They rise to higher expectations while enjoying the fruits of those efforts, thereby releasing you – freeing you – to create higher, or simply different expectations for yourself. Selfish Mentoring is a win-win concept in which everyone benefits; you, those you mentor, and whatever you are managing as a whole.

Win: You—You achieve a freedom from those things you may now have to do, because you’re the only one capable of doing them, or the only one fully trusted to do them. You claim your time as your own again, for your own planning, and your own choices.

Win-Win: Those you mentor—Once they enjoy a higher level of trust from you and from others in the organization, their self-confidence soars, and they start to set higher goals for themselves. When they take the next step and duplicate the behavior you’re now modeling, they begin to mentor others so they too can be more productive, on their own terms.

Win-Win-Win: Whatever you, and they, manage—No one is indispensable, and nothing is sacred. Everyone sees they can learn ‘what the boss knows’ and seize opportunity when they accept coaching. Process and systemic options and contingencies increase. Shared decision-making increases. With more alternatives to choose from, and more people trusted to make the necessary decisions, operations rarely stall and they become more nimble.

Another way to think of this, is that all birds fly, not just leader birds. You are teaching your baby birds to fly from your nest without you, and when they do, you’re able to take some solo flights of your own imagining because your babysitting days are over. In fact, their new flights create fresh wind under your wings; you could fly the coop completely, leaving it for them to redecorate as they wish to when they get back.

In starting our coaching on Selfish Mentoring, we take a look at the babysitting our managers do.

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  1. Print out your calendar from the last 7-10 days, including a capture of the weekend. Do an honest assessment of what you did in someone else’s plan because you felt you had little choice. Big candidates for this are meetings and events you had to attend because it was felt that no one else could satisfactorily represent you; YOU didn’t feel it was that great a use of your time, however others felt you had to be there, and so you were. If you’re honest, the most you got out of it was a very short term boost to the ‘ol ego, and that glow is now long gone.
  2. Now write down some names. Who could have taken your place because learning to would be a win for them? Why do you feel they are great candidates for this? (This is mentoring, not dumping.)
  3. Next write down what they need to know (you may simply need to open access to more information) or need to learn (skills and/or knowledge) so that next time the same situation comes up, they can take your place. Empathize; think of ‘imi ola, and determine how this jump into your sphere of influence will be of benefit to them. You are drafting their coaching plan.
  4. Set up a time to meet with them, tell them what you have in mind, and secure their agreement. (Mentoring is something people want, not something imposed on them.) Coach them in goal-setting: Seek to raise the bar, not just pass the torch.
  5. Commence training and coaching.

Once they learn what they need to, get out of their way and let them fly. Soon you can figure out where to book your next flight.

For more on ‘Imi ola, take the links in this index on Managing with Aloha.

Post Author:
Rosa Say is the author of Managing with Aloha, Bringing Hawaii’s Universal Values to the Art of Business. She fervently believes that work can inspire, and that great managers and leaders can change our lives for the better. You can also visit her on www.managingwithaloha.com. Rosa writes for Lifehack.org to freely offer her coaching to those of us who aspire to be greater than we are, for she also believes in us. Writing on What Great Managers Do is one of her favorite topics.

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Last year at this time, Rosa had written: Let’s talk LOVE at work: 9 Views.

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Rosa Say

Rosa is an author and blogger who dedicates to helping people thrive in the work and live with purpose.

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life

How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Big Goals in Life

It is hardly a secret that the key to successfully accomplishing one goal after another is staying motivated. There are, of course, tasks which successful people may not like at all, yet they find motivation to complete them because they recognize how each particular task serves a greater goal.

So how to stay motivated most of the time? Here are 5 simple yet effective ways on how to stay motivated and get what you want:

1. Find Your Good Reasons

Anything you do, no matter how simple, has a number of good reasons behind it.

You may not be able to find good reasons to do some tasks at first but, if you take just a few moments to analyze them, you will easily spot something good. We also have many tasks which don’t need any reasoning at all – we’ve been doing them for so long that they feel natural.

If you’re ever stuck with some tasks you hate and there seems to be no motivation to complete it whatsoever, here’s what you need to do: find your good reasons.

Even when you set goals, there needs to be reasons behind these goals. They may not be obvious, but stay at it until you see some, as this will bring your motivation back and will help you finish the task.

Some ideas for what a good reason can be:

  • A material reward – quite often, you will get paid for doing something you normally don’t like doing at all.
  • Personal gain – you will learn something new or will perhaps improve yourself in a certain way.
  • A feeling of accomplishment – at least you’ll be able to walk away feeling great about finding the motivation and courage to complete such a tedious task.
  • A step closer to your bigger goal – even the biggest accomplishments in history have started small and relied on simple and far less pleasant tasks than you might be working on. Every task you complete brings you closer to the ultimate goal, and acknowledging this always feels good.

2. Make It Fun

When it comes to motivation, attitude is everything. Different people may have completely opposite feelings towards the same task: some will hate it, others will love it.

Why do you think this happens? It’s simple: some of us find ways to make any task interesting and fun to do!

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Take sports for example. Visiting your local gym daily for a half-an-hour workout session sounds rather boring to some. Yet many others love the idea!

They like exercising not only because they recognize the good reasons behind it, but simply because it’s fun! At certain time of their daily schedule, they find going to gym to be the best thing to do, simply because nothing else will fit their time and lifestyle so perfectly.

Depending on how you look at it, you can have fun doing just about anything! Just look for ways of having fun, and you’ll find them!

A simple approach is to start working on any task by asking yourself a few questions:

  • How can I enjoy this task?
  • What can I do to make this task fun for myself and possibly for others?
  • How can I make this work the best part of my day?

As long as you learn to have the definite expectation of any task being potentially enjoyable, you will start to feel motivated.

Some of you will probably think of a thing or two which are valid exceptions from this statement, like something you always hate doing no matter how hard you try making it fun. You’re probably right, and that’s why I don’t claim everything to be fun.

However, most tasks have a great potential of being enjoyable, and so looking for ways to have fun while working is definitely a good habit to acquire.

3. Change Your Approach And Don’t Give Up

When something doesn’t feel right, it’s always a good time to take a moment and look for a different approach for the task.

You may be doing everything correctly and most efficiently, but such approach isn’t necessarily the most motivating one. Quite often, you can find a number of obvious tweaks to your current approach which will both change your experience and open up new possibilities.

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That’s why saying “one way or another” is so common — if you really want to accomplish your goal, there is always a way; and most likely, there’s more than one way.

If a certain approach doesn’t work for you, find another one, and keep trying until you find the one which will both keep you motivated and get you the desired results.

Some people think that trying a different approach means giving up. They take pride in being really stubborn and refusing to try any other options on their way towards the goal.

My opinion on this is that the power of focus is great, but you should be focusing on your goal, and not limiting your options by focusing on just one way to accomplish it it.

4. Recognize Your Progress

Everything you may be working on can be easily split into smaller parts and stages. For most goals, it is quite natural to split the process of accomplishing them into smaller tasks and milestones. There are a few reasons behind doing this, and one of them is tracking your progress.

We track our progress automatically with most activities. But to stay motivated, you need to recognize your progress, not merely track it.

Here’s how tracking and recognizing your progress is different:

Tracking is merely taking a note of having reached a certain stage in your process. Recognizing is taking time to look at a bigger picture and realize where exactly you are, and how much more you have left to do.

For example, if you’re going to read a book, always start by going through the contents table. Getting familiar with chapter titles and memorizing their total number will make it easier for you to recognize your progress as you read. Confirming how many pages your book has before starting it is also a good idea.

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You see, reading any book you will be automatically looking at page numbers and chapter titles, but without knowing the total number of pages, this information will have little meaning.

Somehow, it is human nature to always want things to happen in short term or even at once. Even though we split complex tasks into simpler actions, we don’t quite feel the satisfaction until all is done and the task is fully complete.

For many scenarios though, the task is so vast that such approach will drain all the motivation out of you long before you have a chance to reach your goal. That’s why it is important to always take small steps and recognize the positive different and progress made. This is how your motivation can sustain in long term.

5. Reward Yourself

This is a trick everyone likes: rewarding yourself is always pleasant. This is also one of the easiest and at the same time most powerful ways to stay motivated!

Feeling down about doing something? Dread the idea of working on some task? Hate the whole idea of working? You’re not alone.

Right from the beginning, agree on some deliverables which will justify yourself getting rewarded. As soon as you get one of the agreed results, take time to reward yourself in some way.

For some tasks, just taking a break and relaxing for a few minutes will do.

For others, you may want to get a fresh cup of coffee and even treat yourself a dessert.

For even bigger and more demanding tasks, reward yourself by doing something even more enjoyable, like going to a cinema or taking a trip to some place nice, or even buying yourself something.

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Your progress may not seem to others like anything worth celebrating but, take time and do it anyway! It is your task and your reward, so any ways to stay motivated are good.

The more you reward yourself for the honestly made progress, the more motivated you will feel about reaching new milestones, thus finally accomplishing your goal.

Mix and Match

Now that you have these five ways of staying motivated, it is a good moment to give you the key to them all: mix and match!

Pick one of the techniques and apply it to your situation. If it doesn’t work, or if you simply want to get more motivated, try another technique right way. Mix different approaches and match them to your task for the best results.

Just think about it: Finding good reasons to work on your task is bound to helping you feel better; and identifying ways to make it fun will help you enjoy the task even more.

Or, if you plan a few points for easier tracking of your progress and on top of that, agree on rewarding yourself as you go; this will make you feel most motivated about anything you have to work through.

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Featured photo credit: Lucas Lenzi via unsplash.com

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