Advertising
Advertising

How thousands have learned to transform their lives

How thousands have learned to transform their lives

Simple ways of discovering the hidden, inner drivers that twist and control your life

jellyfish.jpg

When someone asks any of us to make a decision, we bring all our prejudices, opinions, likes, dislikes, fears, hopes, antagonisms, and bits of knowledge along. The human mind is like a committee—and a pretty bad tempered and cantankerous one too! Like all committees, the mind has some members who have greater clout than others. They hog the floor and shout twice as loudly as the next person. They get together and rig the committee elections so they’ll hold all the power. And once they have a taste of power, like politicians the world over you won’t easily part them from it.

Advertising

The only way to break the stranglehold of our habitual behaviors and opinions is to take charge and ignore the baseless fears and anxieties they will erect to try to get their way. Until you do, your life is being run for you, whether the outcome is what you want or no.

Here are four steps that will always transform your day:

Advertising

  • Stay alert and make sure you make all choices that matter consciously and in the way that best fits your hopes and dreams. The more deliberately you choose your actions, words, and opinions, the more influence you will have over your life at work and everywhere else.
  • Work to know yourself and then act on that knowledge: the two most basic steps in discovering and realizing your potential. Discover everything about yourself that you can. What do you do best? What gives you most pleasure? What matters to you most? What makes you feel worst? Act on what you find. The only sure way to change anything is to change what is causing it to be the way it is.
  • Be clear that every choice—large or small—is an opportunity to change. Every decision contains the possibility of altering the future. If you ignore chances to influence your life, you must put up with whatever comes along.
  • Don’t let your fears control you. Don’t imagine so many problems that you become distracted and stressed. Instead, look carefully at one option at a time. Follow it through and see where it leads. Then take another option and do the same, directing your attention where you want it to go. If you don’t let your fears make you confused, you can stay focused on positive possibilities and avoid anxiety and stress.

Here’s what to do instead:

Advertising

  • Take time to uncover the unconscious patterns in your life. Everyone displays certain automatic, recurring patterns of behavior. They are usually the behaviors that other people think of as “typically you.” Most will have become so automatic and habitual that you may not even be aware of them, yet they govern perhaps half (or more) of your actions. Discover what they are and replace them with conscious choices. That will immediately give you more positive influence over your life.
  • Work out what part you are playing in any situation that you don’t enjoy. Once you see how you’re contributing to each negative situation, you’ll know a good part of what you need to change to alter the outcome. It’s easy to make the comfortable assumption that most of your problems are caused by external events or other people. It’s also almost certain to be untrue.
  • Take some time to decide clearly and specifically what you want from your life at work and outside it. Set firm intentions to make the changes you want. Focus on them with complete concentration. Don’t let anything else get in the way.
  • Use every opportunity to move towards your goals. Don’t just let your attention wander wherever it likes. If you direct your attention consciously and deliberately, you can focus it where it will do most good. Never allow important choices to happen without careful and conscious thought.

Here’s a simple exercise to get you started.

  • Ask yourself if you’re totally happy about your life. If you are not, note down—now—two or three things you want to change.
  • Consider each, in turn, and plan what you can do to change them. Find as many ways as you can to get back in charge of your own destiny. You will need a wide choice, since some will not work and others won’t turn out as well as you wish.
  • Make a start. Don’t wait. Pick an area to change and a set of plans to use. Jump right in. If those plans don’t work, try others. Keep going until you make the changes you want and are happy with them. Then pick the next area for change and do the same.

Take your time. Think! Make careful, rational choices. Do what you can see is best for you, regardless of any attempts to control your behavior from outside. It’s your life, and you’re accountable for it. You can’t avoid that, however much you wriggle. Life is uncertain and you have to deal with it as best you can. It’s up to you whether you do that well or badly . . . or give up altogether and drift along like a jellyfish.

Advertising

Have you noticed how many people around you behave like jellyfish—drifting through life at the mercy of chance currents? And how many of them sting too, if you brush up against them? Don’t blame them. That sting is just caused by their misery at their situation, which they wrongly believe they cannot change. You know better.

Adrian Savage is a writer, an Englishman, and a retired business executive, in that order, who now lives in Tucson, Arizona. You can read his other articles at Slow Leadership, the site for everyone who wants to find a more way of working and bring back the taste, zest and satisfaction to leadership and life, and its companion site Slower Living. His recent articles on similar topics include How many precious moments are you wasting? and Are you in danger of using work pressures as an excuse?. His latest book, Slow Leadership: Civilizing The Organization, is now available at all good bookstores.

More by this author

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What What Highly Successful People Do Every Day To Perform At Their Best How to Plan Your Life Goals and Actually Achieve Them in 7 Simple Steps 6 Simple Steps to Make Progress Towards Achieving Goals

Trending in Featured

1 Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny 2 How to Become an Expert (And Spot out One Nearby) 3 How to Find Your Passion and Live a Fulfilling Life 4 How to Stay Motivated and Reach Your Goals 5 5 Key Characteristics of a Successful Entrepreneur

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 17, 2018

Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

Are you one of those people who are always suffering setbacks? Does little ever seem to go right for you? Do you sometimes feel that the universe is out to get you? Do you wonder:

Why do I have bad luck?

Let me let you into a secret:

Your luck is no worse—and no better—than anyone else’s. It just feels that way. Better still, there are two simple things you can do which will reverse your feelings of being unlucky.

1. Stop believing that what happens in your life is down to the vagaries of luck, destiny, supernatural forces, malevolent other people, or anything else outside your self.

Psychologists call this “external locus of control.” It’s a kind of fatalism, where people believe that they can do little or nothing personally to change their lives.

Because of this, they either merely hope for the best, focus on trying to change their luck by various kinds of superstition, or submit passively to whatever comes—while complaining that it doesn’t match their hopes.

Advertising

Most successful people take the opposite view. They have “internal locus of control.” They believe that what happens in their life is nearly all down to them; and that even when chance events occur, what is important is not the event itself, but how you respond to it.

This makes them pro-active, engaged, ready to try new things, and keen to find the means to change whatever in their lives they don’t like.

They aren’t fatalistic and they don’t blame bad luck for what isn’t right in their world. They look for a way to make things better.

Are they luckier than the others? Of course not.

Luck is random—that’s what chance means—so they are just as likely to suffer setbacks as anyone else.

What’s different is their response. When things go wrong, they quickly look for ways to put them right. They don’t whine, pity themselves, or complain about “bad luck.” They try to learn from what happened to avoid or correct it next time and get on with living their life as best they can.

Advertising

No one is habitually luckier or unluckier than anyone else. It may seem so, over the short term (Random events often come in groups, just as random numbers often lie close together for several instances—which is why gamblers tend to see patterns where none exist).

When you take a longer perspective, random chance is just . . . random. Yet those who feel that they are less lucky, typically pay far more attention to short-term instances of bad luck, convincing themselves of the correctness of their belief.

Your locus of control isn’t genetic. You learned it somehow. If it isn’t working for you, change it.

2. Remember that whatever you pay attention to grows in your mind.

If you focus on what’s going wrong in your life—especially if you see it as “bad luck” you can do nothing about—it will seem blacker and more malevolent.

In a short time, you’ll become so convinced that everything is against you that you’ll notice more and more instances where this appears to be true. As a result, you will almost certainly stop trying, convinced that nothing you can do will improve your prospects.

Fatalism feeds on itself until people become passive “victims” of life’s blows. The “losers” in life are those who are convinced they will fail before they start anything; sure that their “bad luck” will ruin any prospects of success.

Advertising

They rarely notice that the true reasons for their failure are ignorance, laziness, lack of skill, lack of forethought, or just plain foolishness—all of which they could do something to correct, if only they would stop blaming other people or “bad luck” for their personal deficiencies.

Your attention is under your control. Send it where you want it to go. Starve the negative thoughts until they die.

To improve your fortune, first decide that what happens is nearly always down to you; then try focusing on what works and what turns out well, not the bad stuff.

Your “fate” really does depend on the choices that you make. When random events happen, as they always will, do you choose to try to turn them to your advantage or just complain about them?

Thomas Jefferson is said to have used these words:

“I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

“Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”

Your luck, in the end, is pretty much what you choose it to be.

Featured photo credit: LoboStudio Hamburg via unsplash.com

Read Next