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Go Out and Play!

Go Out and Play!

Go out and play!

    We all know that play is important for kids. Play teaches them coordination, adult roles, social interaction, and basic problem-solving skills. But somehow, we’ve fallen prey to the idea that play is only important for kids. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

    Bzzz! Wrong! Neener-neener-neener!

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    Play is important no matter what your age. Play is so important, in fact, that Dutch historian Johan Huizinga (1872-1945) once described it as the defining characteristic of our species. For Huizinga, humanity is notable not as Homo sapiens, “wise people”, but Homo ludens, “playful people”.

    Play, What Is It Good For?!

    Absolutely everything, as it turns out.

    Of course play is good for our health. A lot of play involves exercise, which is a good thing in and of itself, but there’s more to it than that. Play relieves stress, easing relaxation. Play releases a whole range of feel-good chemicals in the brain, which not only make play fun but relieves tension across the whole of our bodies. Feeling pressure? Get up and dance!

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    Play’s good for our brains, too. Play lights up the entire right side of our brain like a barrel of Light Brites, creating a state of hyper-creativity that quite literally changes the way we see the world. In this mind-set, nothing is just what it seems – things take on new forms (is that an empty Red Bull can next to your trash can, or is it a marooned space capsule on the Lost Planet of Garbagania?), problems seem not just solvable but trivial (wrap a towel around your neck and fly over them!), and we feel empowered to take on the world. Dum dum DAAAAAHHHH!

    Play unites our mind and bodies. In play, the gap between physical sensation and mental sensation is bridged – transforming random movements into acts of derring-do. See Charlie Brown raking leaves. Feel body hurtling through air. Sense whoosh of leaves scattering beneath your body. Hear old Chuck’s plaintive “good grief!” It just feels good. Leave your detachment at home (praise the Great Pumpkin it’s detachable!)

    Play creates social bonds. There’s evidence that the earliest social bonds we make – those between our infant selves and our parents – are primarily playful ones. The newborn infant doesn’t encounter other people as people but just as extensions of self that are more-or-less reliable. As the infant develops a sense of its own identity and begins to recognize other people as beings with identities of their own, it begins to learn play and sociality at the same time. Enter mom or dad, leaning down and making googly-eyes at the smiling baby – bam! Sociality achieved.

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    That doesn’t go away as we get older – play is still a rock-solid foundation for social behavior. It’s why people who can’t stand each other can bond over a company softball game or round of pick-up mud football in the park. Tomorrow might be back to the same old everyday loathing, but for today… (And maybe tomorrow will be different, after all!)

    Can You Come Out and Play?

    When’s the last time you played? I mean, really played. Not just a half-hearted round of Minesweeper during a meeting, or a couple of Sudokus in a magazine at the dentist’s office.

    When’s the last time you plopped yourself in front of a mirror, turned your eyelids inside out, stuck out your tongue, and made Chewbacca noises? The last time you grabbed your kid, threw her up in the air, and laughed with her in glee? (And hopefully you caught her on the way down!) Or chilled with family or friends over a board game? Or just went all wiggly all by your lonesome?

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    We get to feeling so darn serious, it’s hard to play, to let ourselves play. You know your life has gone down an evil, evil path (the Dark Side is strong, but… well, it’s Dark. Duh!) when playing makes you embarrassed. Even when you’re alone.

    I’d suggest you fix that.

    Fortunately, there’s an easy and proven effective remedy for play deprivation and seriousitis: go out and play! Come on, you know how! That’s right, shake your booty, do a gold miner dance, flail your arms around your head like a squid-person, tell your secretary you love her but you’re not a cannibal and interfaith relationships are so difficult – do something downright goofy. That’s an order, soldier!

    And here’s the thing: spending some profoundly non-serious time with yourself or with others may well make you better at all that serious stuff that’s been sucking at your soul and preventing you from playing in the first place. You’ll feel better, be more relaxed, and enjoy more creativity – which unless you’re a drill sergeant in a Vietnam-era coming of age story, can’t help but make the rest of your life that much better.

    See you out there!

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    The Gentle Art of Saying No

    The Gentle Art of Saying No

    No!

    It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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    But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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    What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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    But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

    1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
    2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
    3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
    4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
    5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
    6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
    7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
    8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
    9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
    10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

    Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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