Advertising
Advertising

Focusing on four simple questions can be the key to fulfillment

Focusing on four simple questions can be the key to fulfillment

Why finding happiness at work may be less complicated that you think.
Happy girl

Everyone wants to be happy at work. Nearly everyone also wants to feel fulfilled by what they do. The Baby Boomer generation thought they could achieve both of these by hard work, long hours, and (hopefully) hard cash. Many people today are not so sure they were right.

Advertising

Their conventional approach at least had the merit of being clearly understandable and easily translated into action. It also proved to have serious drawbacks in terms of delivering either happiness or fulfillment; often providing stress and anxiety in their place as people launched themselves into a frenzy of competitive striving where losers inevitably outnumbered winners.

Advertising

I don’t believe that there are any sure-fire recipes for obtaining happiness. It’s too personal a concept. Too much of it relies on chance elements like genetic make-up, early family circumstances, and social background. The best that anyone can do, in my opinion, is make sure that they don’t choose a path that is more likely to squash opportunities for happiness that create them—which is what my generation, the Baby Boomers, has done on a massive scale.

So here’s my alternative approach. It has less to do with grim effort and following a set of rules and much more to do with creating the circumstances in which happiness and fulfillment can arise by themselves. And, since it neither prescribes what happiness is, nor assumes that what makes me happy will do the same for you, it at least has the merit of being applicable to almost anyone’s circumstances.

Advertising

The approach is based on providing guidelines for answering the four commonest questions that people ask:

Advertising

  • What should I do with my life?
  • What should I avoid?
  • How should I go about doing whatever I choose to do?
  • What else should I leave space for besides work?

What should I do with my life?

  • Do something that gives you a sense of purpose. Empty, meaningless work, however well-paid, is rarely satisfying. At best it should be tolerated only as a temporary means to raise essential cash. At worst it is a form of prostitution. The only purpose that satisfies long-term is based on expressing your deepest values in whatever you do.
  • Only do work that you believe is inherently worth doing. You won’t find self-esteem via a job you despise. Each morning you have to look at your face in the mirror. What kind of person will look back at you? One who is engaged on something worthwhile, or one who is about to spend another 8 hours or more doing something he or she cares nothing about? Do you value yourself so little that you can afford to waste your life in that way?
  • Always do what you are good at doing. It’s the simplest way to enjoy yourself and stand a chance of excelling. I don’t believe that anyone finds happiness through doing work that they’re not very good at, or work that reminds them of their weaknesses on a hourly basis. Forget whether anyone else values your particular strengths. Use them for your own satisfaction and pleasure. You may be surprised how wrong you were about what others would applaud.

What should I avoid?

  • Don’t do anything that gives you a bad conscience. Even if you don’t end up in jail, or shunned and despised by your friends, you’ll spend too much time being anxious about who will find out—and probably hating yourself into the bargain.
  • Don’t do more than is good for your health. No job—no amount of money—is worth harming yourself for, physically or mentally. You won’t be happy if you know you traded your well-being for money and a position you’re now too miserable, sick, or damaged to enjoy. Not only do the ends of life rarely, if ever, justify the means, they won’t compensate you either for the problems using those means may have inflicted on you, your family, your relationships, or your ability to enjoy what you achieved without feeling ashamed.
  • Don’t do things that rob you of your peace of mind. You have to live with yourself and others have to live with you. Inner torment is no path to happiness. Nor is trying to silence personal turmoil with drink, drugs, or conspicuous consumption. This is one situation where that old warning is entirely true: you can run, but you can’t hide. How can you hide from the accusations of your own mind?

How should I go about doing whatever I choose to do?

  • Do it with people you like and respect. The opposite is virtually certain to make your life a misery—and nothing will be an adequate compensation. Jean-Paul Sartre wrote the line: “Hell is other people” (in a 1944 play called No Exit). It’s often true of the workplace too, but only if you allow it to be.
  • Do it with people you trust and who trust you. If you can’t trust those around you, your life will pass in a blur of suspicion and paranoia. If they don’t trust you, you’ll never be given anything worthwhile or important to do.
  • Do it for enough reward to make you feel valued. That’s all you need. More than that won’t make you feel better, and will likely excite jealousy and continual competition to bring you down. One of the reasons why many super-rich people go on working, when they already have more money than they can ever spend, is the fear that, if they stop, they will discover that they are worth nothing except their bank balance. What kind of a life is that?

What else should I leave space for besides work?

  • Time and leisure to enjoy life while you’re living it. Don’t put off enjoying your life until some time in the future. You never know what may happen first. Don’t make your happiness contingent on achieving some longed-for goal. You may find what you sought doesn’t deliver.
  • Time to pursue other interests. People who are single-minded easily become narrow-minded too. An investor who puts all his or her wealth into a single investment is a fool who is asking for trouble. Someone who invests all their happiness in their work is taking an even bigger risk.
  • Time to give enough of yourself to those you love. Do they deserve only what you have left after everyone else has taken all they want? Can you build good enough relationships on putting the demands of your work above their needs? Will they accept money in lieu of your attention? I think you can work out the answers for yourself.

You can’t compel happiness. You can’t buy it—save for the briefest of periods, usually at an exorbitant price. But you can—so very, very easily—drive it away.

Adrian Savage is a writer, an Englishman, and a retired business executive, in that order, who now lives in Tucson, Arizona. You can read his other articles at Slow Leadership, the site for everyone who wants to build a civilized place to work and bring back the taste, zest and satisfaction to leadership and life. Recent articles there on similar topics include Why you should sometimes think very seriously about giving up and Why perfection isn’t a viable goal. His latest book, Slow Leadership: Civilizing The Organization, is now available at all good bookstores.

More by this author

Overcoming The Pain Of A Breakup: 3 Suggestions Based On Science Quit Your Job If You Don’t Like It, No Matter What What Highly Successful People Do Every Day To Perform At Their Best How to Plan Your Life Goals and Actually Achieve Them in 7 Simple Steps Seven Budget-Friendly Things to do in San Juan, Puerto Rico

Trending in Featured

1 7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It 2 New Years Resolutions Don’t Work – Here’s Why 3 40 Top Productivity Apps for iPhone (2019 Updated) 4 How to Become an Early Riser and Stay Energetic Throughout the Day 5 Lifehack Challenge: Become An Early Riser In 5 Days

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 2, 2019

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

Are you keen to reinvent yourself this year? Or at least use the new year as a long overdue excuse to get rid of bad habits or pick up new ones?

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The time of year when we feel as if we have to turn over a new leaf. The time when we misguidedly imagine that the arrival of a new year will magically provide the catalyst, motivation and persistence we need to reinvent ourselves.

Traditionally, New Year’s Day is styled as the ideal time to kick start a new phase in your life and the time when you must make your all important new year’s resolution. Unfortunately, the beginning of the year is also one of the worst times to make a major change in your habits because it’s often a relatively stressful time, right in the middle of the party and vacation season.

Don’t set yourself up for failure this year by vowing to make huge changes that will be hard to keep. Instead follow these seven steps for successfully making a new year’s resolution you can stick to for good.

1. Just pick one thing

If you want to change your life or your lifestyle don’t try to change the whole thing at once. It won’t work. Instead pick one area of your life to change to begin with.

Advertising

Make it something concrete so you know exactly what change you’re planning to make. If you’re successful with the first change you can go ahead and make another change after a month or so. By making small changes one after the other, you still have the chance to be a whole new you at the end of the year and it’s a much more realistic way of doing it.

Don’t pick a New Year’s resolution that’s bound to fail either, like running a marathon if you’re 40lbs overweight and get out of breath walking upstairs. If that’s the case resolve to walk every day. When you’ve got that habit down pat you can graduate to running in short bursts, constant running by March or April and a marathon at the end of the year. What’s the one habit you most want to change?

2. Plan ahead

To ensure success you need to research the change you’re making and plan ahead so you have the resources available when you need them. Here are a few things you should do to prepare and get all the systems in place ready to make your change.

Read up on it – Go to the library and get books on the subject. Whether it’s quitting smoking, taking up running or yoga or becoming vegan there are books to help you prepare for it. Or use the Internet. If you do enough research you should even be looking forward to making the change.

Plan for success – Get everything ready so things will run smoothly. If you’re taking up running make sure you have the trainers, clothes, hat, glasses, ipod loaded with energetic sounds at the ready. Then there can be no excuses.

Advertising

3. Anticipate problems

There will be problems so make a list of what they’ll be. If you think about it, you’ll be able to anticipate problems at certain times of the day, with specific people or in special situations. Once you’ve identified the times that will probably be hard work out ways to cope with them when they inevitably crop up.

4. Pick a start date

You don’t have to make these changes on New Year’s Day. That’s the conventional wisdom, but if you truly want to make changes then pick a day when you know you’ll be well-rested, enthusiastic and surrounded by positive people. I’ll be waiting until my kids go back to school in February.

Sometimes picking a date doesn’t work. It’s better to wait until your whole mind and body are fully ready to take on the challenge. You’ll know when it is when the time comes.

5. Go for it

On the big day go for it 100%. Make a commitment and write it down on a card. You just need one short phrase you can carry in your wallet. Or keep it in your car, by your bed and on your bathroom mirror too for an extra dose of positive reinforcement.

Your commitment card will say something like:

Advertising

  • I enjoy a clean, smoke-free life.
  • I stay calm and in control even under times of stress.
  • I’m committed to learning how to run my own business.
  • I meditate daily.

6. Accept failure

If you do fail and sneak a cigarette, miss a walk or shout at the kids one morning don’t hate yourself for it. Make a note of the triggers that caused this set back and vow to learn a lesson from them.

If you know that alcohol makes you crave cigarettes and oversleep the next day cut back on it. If you know the morning rush before school makes you shout then get up earlier or prepare things the night before to make it easier on you.

Perseverance is the key to success. Try again, keep trying and you will succeed.

7. Plan rewards

Small rewards are great encouragement to keep you going during the hardest first days. After that you can probably reward yourself once a week with a magazine, a long-distance call to a supportive friend, a siesta, a trip to the movies or whatever makes you tick.

Later you can change the rewards to monthly and then at the end of the year you can pick an anniversary reward. Something that you’ll look forward to. You deserve it and you’ll have earned it.

Advertising

Whatever your plans and goals are for this year, I’d do wish you luck with them but remember, it’s your life and you make your own luck.

Decide what you want to do this year, plan how to get it and go for it. I’ll definitely be cheering you on.

Are you planning to make a New Year’s resolution? What is it and is it something you’ve tried to do before or something new?

Read Next