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Don’t Buy Self-Help Books With These 5 Traits

Don’t Buy Self-Help Books With These 5 Traits

Being a shy kid I always tried to fit into the realm of social consciousness and I desperately sought various self-help books to give me a hand. Initially I read crap which basically attracted me with titles like, “How to understand woman?” or “How to know that the other person loves you?” My frustration grew until I began to decipher the inherent meaning of life (my life) by reading classics and biographies that touched my heart and mind. Since then the self-help books are out of  my way, and even though they exist in heaps – trying to lure me in with their “helpful” titles, I’m immune. If you are feeling vulnerable to their promises, beware.

We all need a little help. Sometimes, we need reassurance — or a plan. Self-help books can give us the guidance we often seek. But they can also be a treasure trove of absolute horse manure. Here’s how to tell the difference.

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Do not buy a book if they claim “Personal Action” is not necessary

Self-help is such a paradoxical term. When you are seeking help from outside sources, it is supposed to be termed as help; self-help is something which you do to yourself. So whatever you read, the action has to be taken by you. If any self-help book claims it is unnecessary, simply ignore it. Nothing is possible without effort by you. To put it simply, your life is the fruit of your own doing.

Do not buy if they claim “Magic” happens

Nothing happens in a whiff of second. Behind all great achievements lies patience and perseverance. If any of the self-help books claim the above reason, simply chuck it. The mystery of life is beyond all human conception. So if someone claims something magical happens; it’s just a marketing strategy to sell the book. Nobody knows the secret but a good self-help book can unlock the potential in you to discover that penultimate secret.

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Do not buy if they are not backed up with authentic life experience

If the influence of a vital person inspires you there is no doubt about it. Sometimes the life experiences of others may guide you in conflict, but not always. When any book is based on authentic life experience, just buy it; it is precious. The wisdom of their entire life in the book helps you to gain the same wisdom by just reading it instead of living and learning by yourself.

Do not buy if they are not backed up by considerable research

“Research is to see what everybody else has seen, and to think what nobody else has thought” said Albert Szent-Gyorgyi. People who do research are passionate to seek answers. They just want to share their passion not to sell it. So, if the book is backed up by considerable research and if that fits to your context, just buy them. There is now a fine line between real research and what’s actually full of crap. And it’s ironic that they’re all supposed to help you. Beware.

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Do not buy, if they claim themselves to be “Bestsellers”

Beware of bestsellers, each of them has different context. Consider authentic ones by your own research. Every bestseller may not be a great book but a great book is always a bestseller. The self-help world has been so intertwined with entrepreneurship that simple ideas of positivity and honesty have been tainted. Having a handful of money and hiring a good PR firm can make any book a “bestseller.” So beware of those, read reviews, if possible, before purchasing a book.

For what it’s worth, we are all human beings and nobody is perfect. It’s perfectly all right not to get caught in the realm of social consciousness. Try to seek help from self-help books but also remember, “It is in you to be or not to be.” The world is full of people who have stopped listening to themselves.

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KAMAL SUCHARAN BURRI

Founding Director, Newlight Cinemas

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Last Updated on January 2, 2019

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

7 Steps For Making a New Year’s Resolution and Keeping It

Are you keen to reinvent yourself this year? Or at least use the new year as a long overdue excuse to get rid of bad habits or pick up new ones?

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The time of year when we feel as if we have to turn over a new leaf. The time when we misguidedly imagine that the arrival of a new year will magically provide the catalyst, motivation and persistence we need to reinvent ourselves.

Traditionally, New Year’s Day is styled as the ideal time to kick start a new phase in your life and the time when you must make your all important new year’s resolution. Unfortunately, the beginning of the year is also one of the worst times to make a major change in your habits because it’s often a relatively stressful time, right in the middle of the party and vacation season.

Don’t set yourself up for failure this year by vowing to make huge changes that will be hard to keep. Instead follow these seven steps for successfully making a new year’s resolution you can stick to for good.

1. Just pick one thing

If you want to change your life or your lifestyle don’t try to change the whole thing at once. It won’t work. Instead pick one area of your life to change to begin with.

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Make it something concrete so you know exactly what change you’re planning to make. If you’re successful with the first change you can go ahead and make another change after a month or so. By making small changes one after the other, you still have the chance to be a whole new you at the end of the year and it’s a much more realistic way of doing it.

Don’t pick a New Year’s resolution that’s bound to fail either, like running a marathon if you’re 40lbs overweight and get out of breath walking upstairs. If that’s the case resolve to walk every day. When you’ve got that habit down pat you can graduate to running in short bursts, constant running by March or April and a marathon at the end of the year. What’s the one habit you most want to change?

2. Plan ahead

To ensure success you need to research the change you’re making and plan ahead so you have the resources available when you need them. Here are a few things you should do to prepare and get all the systems in place ready to make your change.

Read up on it – Go to the library and get books on the subject. Whether it’s quitting smoking, taking up running or yoga or becoming vegan there are books to help you prepare for it. Or use the Internet. If you do enough research you should even be looking forward to making the change.

Plan for success – Get everything ready so things will run smoothly. If you’re taking up running make sure you have the trainers, clothes, hat, glasses, ipod loaded with energetic sounds at the ready. Then there can be no excuses.

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3. Anticipate problems

There will be problems so make a list of what they’ll be. If you think about it, you’ll be able to anticipate problems at certain times of the day, with specific people or in special situations. Once you’ve identified the times that will probably be hard work out ways to cope with them when they inevitably crop up.

4. Pick a start date

You don’t have to make these changes on New Year’s Day. That’s the conventional wisdom, but if you truly want to make changes then pick a day when you know you’ll be well-rested, enthusiastic and surrounded by positive people. I’ll be waiting until my kids go back to school in February.

Sometimes picking a date doesn’t work. It’s better to wait until your whole mind and body are fully ready to take on the challenge. You’ll know when it is when the time comes.

5. Go for it

On the big day go for it 100%. Make a commitment and write it down on a card. You just need one short phrase you can carry in your wallet. Or keep it in your car, by your bed and on your bathroom mirror too for an extra dose of positive reinforcement.

Your commitment card will say something like:

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  • I enjoy a clean, smoke-free life.
  • I stay calm and in control even under times of stress.
  • I’m committed to learning how to run my own business.
  • I meditate daily.

6. Accept failure

If you do fail and sneak a cigarette, miss a walk or shout at the kids one morning don’t hate yourself for it. Make a note of the triggers that caused this set back and vow to learn a lesson from them.

If you know that alcohol makes you crave cigarettes and oversleep the next day cut back on it. If you know the morning rush before school makes you shout then get up earlier or prepare things the night before to make it easier on you.

Perseverance is the key to success. Try again, keep trying and you will succeed.

7. Plan rewards

Small rewards are great encouragement to keep you going during the hardest first days. After that you can probably reward yourself once a week with a magazine, a long-distance call to a supportive friend, a siesta, a trip to the movies or whatever makes you tick.

Later you can change the rewards to monthly and then at the end of the year you can pick an anniversary reward. Something that you’ll look forward to. You deserve it and you’ll have earned it.

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Whatever your plans and goals are for this year, I’d do wish you luck with them but remember, it’s your life and you make your own luck.

Decide what you want to do this year, plan how to get it and go for it. I’ll definitely be cheering you on.

Are you planning to make a New Year’s resolution? What is it and is it something you’ve tried to do before or something new?

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