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5 Steps to a Calmer Evening

5 Steps to a Calmer Evening

5 Steps to a Calmer Evening

    Whether you work outside the house or stay at home full-time, the toughest part of the day is the same: those frantic early evening hours when there are mouths to feed, homework to do, and cranky kids to handle.  The trick is to streamline your to-do’s so you can feel calmer and focus on what counts – spending time with your family.  Here’s how.

    1) Ease into the Evening

    Instead of walking in the door after work or errands and immediately launching into another chore, allow time and space to downshift into evening mode.  It’s basically about transitioning.  In other words, giving yourself and your family that unwind time.

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    Creating a calming ambiance, by turning off the TV and playing soothing classical, jazz, or instrumental music, can instantly reset the emotional tone of the house.  Another idea is to dim the lights and light a few candles – it makes for a warm, cozy atmosphere that will relax the family.

    Another transition idea is to create a ritual.  Set vegetables and dip or cheese and bread on the counter and serve juice or water in fancy wine goblets.  This will not only take the ravenous edge off so you avoid meltdowns before dinner, but it will feel special and establish the transition time.

    2) Create a Dinner System

    Rushing to get dinner on the table is a major source of evening mayhem, but a little bit of preplanning can help you power through with a minimum of stress.  Use weekends to chart out your nightly dinners, grocery shop, and even preassemble parts of a meal when possible.  Consider writing a weekly plan and checking the calendar to see which nights are going to be particularly busy – so you know when frozen pizzas or easy-prep meals are a must.

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    3) Keep the Kids Busy

    All the shortcuts in the world won’t help if you’re constantly being interrupted, so a little creativity may be needed to get the kids out from underfoot.

    Make the time you cook be about you and let your older kids, who should be doing homework, know that you are there only to be asked a very important question.  Other than that, you are off limits.  For younger children, it might be necessary to involve them in the meal preparation or to put on an appropriate DVD.  When my son was younger I used to put him in his highchair and talk in an animated way – sort of my own version of a cooking show.  Now that he’s older, he helps put ingredients in bowls and pots and stirs just about everything!

    4) Plan Homework Time

    To avoid last-minute cries of “Mom, I haven’t done my homework yet,” having a homework routine is a must.

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    After the kids have had a healthy snack and 30 minutes down-time after school, they should begin their homework so that it is completed before dinner.

    5) Share the Work… and a Break

    Dividing tasks between you and your partner can make family time more serene for both of you.  It might be that when your husband walks in the door, it’s his turn to take the baby for 30 minutes so you can get dinner started.  Then, after 30 mins, you take the baby back and your partner has 30 minutes to change and unwind.  This way you’ll both be refreshed enough to start your evening together.

    Be flexible with this.  If your partner is stressed when walking in the house, offer a later-in-the-evening task, such as washing dishes or packing lunches for the next day.

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    All in all, evenings can be calm if routines and decisions are made ahead of time.   Decide what you and your partner truly value and then set up some systems to make it work.

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    Last Updated on September 17, 2018

    Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

    Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

    Are you one of those people who are always suffering setbacks? Does little ever seem to go right for you? Do you sometimes feel that the universe is out to get you? Do you wonder:

    Why do I have bad luck?

    Let me let you into a secret:

    Your luck is no worse—and no better—than anyone else’s. It just feels that way. Better still, there are two simple things you can do which will reverse your feelings of being unlucky.

    1. Stop believing that what happens in your life is down to the vagaries of luck, destiny, supernatural forces, malevolent other people, or anything else outside your self.

    Psychologists call this “external locus of control.” It’s a kind of fatalism, where people believe that they can do little or nothing personally to change their lives.

    Because of this, they either merely hope for the best, focus on trying to change their luck by various kinds of superstition, or submit passively to whatever comes—while complaining that it doesn’t match their hopes.

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    Most successful people take the opposite view. They have “internal locus of control.” They believe that what happens in their life is nearly all down to them; and that even when chance events occur, what is important is not the event itself, but how you respond to it.

    This makes them pro-active, engaged, ready to try new things, and keen to find the means to change whatever in their lives they don’t like.

    They aren’t fatalistic and they don’t blame bad luck for what isn’t right in their world. They look for a way to make things better.

    Are they luckier than the others? Of course not.

    Luck is random—that’s what chance means—so they are just as likely to suffer setbacks as anyone else.

    What’s different is their response. When things go wrong, they quickly look for ways to put them right. They don’t whine, pity themselves, or complain about “bad luck.” They try to learn from what happened to avoid or correct it next time and get on with living their life as best they can.

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    No one is habitually luckier or unluckier than anyone else. It may seem so, over the short term (Random events often come in groups, just as random numbers often lie close together for several instances—which is why gamblers tend to see patterns where none exist).

    When you take a longer perspective, random chance is just . . . random. Yet those who feel that they are less lucky, typically pay far more attention to short-term instances of bad luck, convincing themselves of the correctness of their belief.

    Your locus of control isn’t genetic. You learned it somehow. If it isn’t working for you, change it.

    2. Remember that whatever you pay attention to grows in your mind.

    If you focus on what’s going wrong in your life—especially if you see it as “bad luck” you can do nothing about—it will seem blacker and more malevolent.

    In a short time, you’ll become so convinced that everything is against you that you’ll notice more and more instances where this appears to be true. As a result, you will almost certainly stop trying, convinced that nothing you can do will improve your prospects.

    Fatalism feeds on itself until people become passive “victims” of life’s blows. The “losers” in life are those who are convinced they will fail before they start anything; sure that their “bad luck” will ruin any prospects of success.

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    They rarely notice that the true reasons for their failure are ignorance, laziness, lack of skill, lack of forethought, or just plain foolishness—all of which they could do something to correct, if only they would stop blaming other people or “bad luck” for their personal deficiencies.

    Your attention is under your control. Send it where you want it to go. Starve the negative thoughts until they die.

    To improve your fortune, first decide that what happens is nearly always down to you; then try focusing on what works and what turns out well, not the bad stuff.

    Your “fate” really does depend on the choices that you make. When random events happen, as they always will, do you choose to try to turn them to your advantage or just complain about them?

    Thomas Jefferson is said to have used these words:

    “I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

    “Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”

    Your luck, in the end, is pretty much what you choose it to be.

    Featured photo credit: LoboStudio Hamburg via unsplash.com

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