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11 Things to avoid in 2011

11 Things to avoid in 2011

    While millions head to the gym for the next two weeks, there’s cause to consider some things to avoid in the coming year. Here are 11 things you might do well to avoid in the coming year and beyond!

    1. Withholding forgiveness

    If the person who wronged you really cares about you they’ll have beaten themselves up sufficiently before asking for your forgiveness. Don’t risk the health of your relationship by withholding forgiveness. That’s a vengeance that tastes good on the way down and breaks your heart on the way back up.

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    2. Using your job as an excuse

    Far too often the phrase, “I’m doing this for my family!” is given as an excuse for neglect. If you are actually indispensable your employer will, perhaps begrudgingly, give you the time you need to get your relationship with family and friends back on track. You’ll be glad you did and so will your employer!

    3. Eating for all the wrong reasons

    Don’t eat because you’re tired, bored, thirsty, or anxious this year! You might consider those four different things to avoid but they all lead to the reason you probably resolved to hit the gym more often this year. Consider the notion of eating with purpose and see where it takes you in 2011.

    4. Assuming that you always know the entire story

    You don’t. Ask more questions. Listen. Ask more questions. Give yourself an out and don’t back others into corners when you give your final answer.

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    5. Self-loathing

    Most aren’t aware of just how much they beat themselves up over things. Note this: You set an example for others as to how you should be treated and appreciated. Respect and take care of yourself and most will follow your example. This is one of those wildly simple yet agonizingly difficult things to accomplish. Try to get a solid start this year!

    6. Blaming anything on gender

    For example: I was in an argument recently (imagine that!) and my partner in the argument forcefully uttered the remark, “typical male!” in response to something I said that was admittedly unkind (imagine that!). This created a predicament in which my subsequent apology would be not just for my comment but also for my gender. I can’t change my gender (really, not an option) so I’d be apologizing for being myself. Crazy, right? She doesn’t do that because she’s a woman. She does it because she’s an imperfect human. He doesn’t do that because he’s a man. He does it because he’s an imperfect human. Things are simpler when we approach conflict with as few stereotypes as possible.

    Such an approach will change things. I promise you.

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    7. Needless exhaustion

    Try to be better about skipping the late-night TV or web browsing when you have work early in the morning. You’ll be more useful at work, more fun as a friend, and it’ll be easier to hit the gym or whatever your new year’s resolution was!

    8. Neglecting your mind

    You’ve talked about taking a class, joining a book club, working on more challenging projects, and taking time to read more or even start a blog. You’re officially done waiting. Congratulations!

    9. Putting off your dreams

    Look at your big dreams and identify what makes them so appealing. Is it the free time, the nice things, the great relationships, or being in the best shape of your life? Identify something you can do this year that will allow you to enjoy some of that dream without all the extras. Save up some cash and splurge on that amazing purchase or take some unpaid time off. Treasure the time you have and don’t wait until you’re loaded to start savoring the world around you.

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    10. Not asking for help

    You’d be stunned if you knew just how many people are ready and willing to help you if only you’d clearly define your need and directly ask for help. Don’t ask for help like the friend who begs people to help him move but has nothing put in boxes when they show up. Ask for help like the friend who has done everything in his power to achieve and needs only that final push from a buddy to reach success. We want to be a part of your success!

    11. Taking so many moments for granted

    Time is limited my friend. Seize the moment. Try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and hold it. (Eminem) We’ve not been promised another year. Only this moment right before our eyes, between our hands, and in the breaths of those we love.

    Here’s to an amazing 2011, friends! Stay blessed!

    Image: Today is a good day

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    Last Updated on September 17, 2018

    Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

    Why Do I Have Bad Luck? 2 Simple Things to Change Your Destiny

    Are you one of those people who are always suffering setbacks? Does little ever seem to go right for you? Do you sometimes feel that the universe is out to get you? Do you wonder:

    Why do I have bad luck?

    Let me let you into a secret:

    Your luck is no worse—and no better—than anyone else’s. It just feels that way. Better still, there are two simple things you can do which will reverse your feelings of being unlucky.

    1. Stop believing that what happens in your life is down to the vagaries of luck, destiny, supernatural forces, malevolent other people, or anything else outside your self.

    Psychologists call this “external locus of control.” It’s a kind of fatalism, where people believe that they can do little or nothing personally to change their lives.

    Because of this, they either merely hope for the best, focus on trying to change their luck by various kinds of superstition, or submit passively to whatever comes—while complaining that it doesn’t match their hopes.

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    Most successful people take the opposite view. They have “internal locus of control.” They believe that what happens in their life is nearly all down to them; and that even when chance events occur, what is important is not the event itself, but how you respond to it.

    This makes them pro-active, engaged, ready to try new things, and keen to find the means to change whatever in their lives they don’t like.

    They aren’t fatalistic and they don’t blame bad luck for what isn’t right in their world. They look for a way to make things better.

    Are they luckier than the others? Of course not.

    Luck is random—that’s what chance means—so they are just as likely to suffer setbacks as anyone else.

    What’s different is their response. When things go wrong, they quickly look for ways to put them right. They don’t whine, pity themselves, or complain about “bad luck.” They try to learn from what happened to avoid or correct it next time and get on with living their life as best they can.

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    No one is habitually luckier or unluckier than anyone else. It may seem so, over the short term (Random events often come in groups, just as random numbers often lie close together for several instances—which is why gamblers tend to see patterns where none exist).

    When you take a longer perspective, random chance is just . . . random. Yet those who feel that they are less lucky, typically pay far more attention to short-term instances of bad luck, convincing themselves of the correctness of their belief.

    Your locus of control isn’t genetic. You learned it somehow. If it isn’t working for you, change it.

    2. Remember that whatever you pay attention to grows in your mind.

    If you focus on what’s going wrong in your life—especially if you see it as “bad luck” you can do nothing about—it will seem blacker and more malevolent.

    In a short time, you’ll become so convinced that everything is against you that you’ll notice more and more instances where this appears to be true. As a result, you will almost certainly stop trying, convinced that nothing you can do will improve your prospects.

    Fatalism feeds on itself until people become passive “victims” of life’s blows. The “losers” in life are those who are convinced they will fail before they start anything; sure that their “bad luck” will ruin any prospects of success.

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    They rarely notice that the true reasons for their failure are ignorance, laziness, lack of skill, lack of forethought, or just plain foolishness—all of which they could do something to correct, if only they would stop blaming other people or “bad luck” for their personal deficiencies.

    Your attention is under your control. Send it where you want it to go. Starve the negative thoughts until they die.

    To improve your fortune, first decide that what happens is nearly always down to you; then try focusing on what works and what turns out well, not the bad stuff.

    Your “fate” really does depend on the choices that you make. When random events happen, as they always will, do you choose to try to turn them to your advantage or just complain about them?

    Thomas Jefferson is said to have used these words:

    “I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson said:

    “Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”

    Your luck, in the end, is pretty much what you choose it to be.

    Featured photo credit: LoboStudio Hamburg via unsplash.com

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