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If You Think Your Relationship Is Holding You Back, Read This.

If You Think Your Relationship Is Holding You Back, Read This.

One of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship is the notion that your partner and the relationship itself is holding you back. You sit there thinking about what you could be doing if you were with someone else or single altogether. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Is it really, though? Let’s find out.

Why do you feel held back?

The most important thing to figure out is what exactly makes you feel held back. You may be surprised by the answer. My ex-girlfriend felt like I was holding her back because we didn’t go out as often as she wanted. We broke up, I moved out, and she still doesn’t go anywhere. It turns out it wasn’t my fault after all, it was her work schedule. There went a perfectly good relationship down the drain over something I had nothing to do with. Thus, it is important to look at what’s actually holding you down and not what you think is holding you down.

Have you been communicating your feelings?

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holding you back

    In a lot of instances your partner wants what’s best for you. They can’t possibly know what you need if you don’t tell them. Your goals, aspirations, needs, and wants are virtually unknown if you don’t tell your partner what they are. They may very well be willing and able to help you and fix these feelings that you have. By not telling them you’re essentially sabotaging your own relationship because you’re resenting them for something they don’t know they’re doing because they don’t know what you need. Think about that.

    How does your partner really make you feel?

    It’s very important to put what your significant other does for you into perspective. Maybe they’re doing more than you think they are. Maybe they’re doing less than you think they are. Regardless, you should see exactly what roll they play in your life. If it’s not a big enough roll, maybe it’s time you gave them a big enough roll. If you look at what they’ve done and it’s virtually nothing, maybe it’s time to cut them loose. In either case, if you’re feeling held back in a relationship chances are that there is something going on that you’re missing.

    Does your relationship define you?

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    holding you back

      This is probably the toughest question on this list that you need to answer. It’s tough to see how you define yourself. Have you changed for your relationship? Is it a change you like? Here’s the catch-22: Everyone has to change for their relationship at least a little bit. You can’t be the same person you were when you were single. On the other hand, if you change too much you could lose your identity. If everything you do is for the relationship and you don’t make time for yourself anymore, then you should talk to your partner about these feelings. Like we said earlier, he or she can’t fix a problem they don’t know you’re having.

      Does your partner appreciate and support you?

      It seems like a harmless and easy question but different people express themselves in different ways. What you think appreciation and support should look like may differ from what other people think appreciation and support looks like. Like we’ve mentioned a bunch of times already, communication is the key here. If you don’t feel appreciated, it’s time to talk to your partner about it. They’re either dropping the ball or maybe they’re appreciating and supporting you in a way that you’re not accustomed to. You should find out which it is.

      Do you actually feel held back?

      Is the feeling you have actually one of someone who is being held back? Depression can come in many forms. Feelings of inadequacy can as well. What you may be experiencing is a wholly different feeling altogether. Mistaking one feeling for another isn’t something to be embarrassed or ashamed about because it happens all the time. People may appear angry about something when they’re really upset about something else entirely. While we’re on this quest of self discovery, ask yourself if maybe the trapped feeling you have isn’t something different.

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      Objectively, would you really be happier without your partner?

      holding you back

        When you’re thinking about something that appears to be better than what you have now, it’s important to imagine what it would truly be like without someone. When we think of leaving someone, we only think of the good things. You’ll get rid of some bad feelings but you’ll also get rid of a lot of good feelings. It’s important to truly weigh what you’re losing with what you would gain if you ended your relationship.

        The bottom line is that you should make absolutely sure things are the way you think they are before you make any actions. There is always a chance you’re blowing things out of proportion (we’ve all done it) and that things simply aren’t that bad. They may very well be much worse! In either case, make sure you think long and hard about it because if you blow up your relationship, chances are you won’t be able to get it back.

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        Featured photo credit: Skyrim via cdn.vanillaforums.com

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        Last Updated on November 15, 2018

        Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

        Success In Reaching Goals Is Determined By Mindset

        What do you think it takes to achieve your goals? Hard work? Lots of actions? While these are paramount to becoming successful in reaching our goals, neither of these are possible without a positive mindset.

        As humans, we naturally tend to lean towards a negative outlook when it comes to our hopes and dreams. We are prone to believing that we have limitations either from within ourselves or from external forces keeping us from truly getting to where we want to be in life. Our tendency to think that we’ll “believe it when we see it” suggests that our mindsets are focused on our goals not really being attainable until they’ve been achieved. The problem with this is that this common mindset fuels our limiting beliefs and shows a lack of faith in ourselves.

        The Success Mindset

        Success in achieving our goals comes down to a ‘success mindset’. Successful mindsets are those focused on victory, based on positive mental attitudes, empowering inclinations and good habits. Acquiring a success mindset is the sure-fire way to dramatically increase your chance to achieve your goals.

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        The idea that achieving our goals comes down to our habits and actions is actually a typical type of mindset that misses a crucial point; that our mindset is, in fact, the determiner of our energy and what actions we take. A negative mindset will tend to create negative actions and similarly if we have a mindset that will only set into action once we see ‘proof’ that our goals are achievable, then the road will be much longer and arduous. This is why, instead of thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it”, a success mindset will think “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

        The Placebo Effect and What It Shows Us About The Power of Mindset

        The placebo effect is a perfect example of how mindset really can be powerful. In scientific trials, a group of participants were told they received medication that will heal an ailment but were actually given a sugar pill that does nothing (the placebo). Yet after the trial the participants believed it’s had a positive effect – sometimes even cured their ailment even though nothing has changed. This is the power of mindset.

        How do we apply this to our goals? Well, when we set goals and dreams how often do we really believe they’ll come to fruition? Have absolute faith that they can be achieved? Have a complete unwavering expectation? Most of us don’t because we hold on to negative mindsets and limiting beliefs about ourselves that stop us from fully believing we are capable or that it’s at all possible. We tend to listen to the opinions of others despite them misaligning with our own or bow to societal pressures that make us believe we should think and act a certain way. There are many reasons why we possess these types of mindsets but a success mindset can be achieved.

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        How To Create a Success Mindset

        People with success mindsets have a particular way of perceiving things. They have positive outlooks and are able to put faith fully in their ability to succeed. With that in mind, here are a few ways that can turn a negative mindset into a successful one.

        1. A Success Mindset Comes From a Growth Mindset

        How does a mindset even manifest itself? It comes from the way you talk to yourself in the privacy of your own head. Realising this will go a long way towards noticing how you speak to yourself and others around you. If it’s mainly negative language you use when you talk about your goals and aspirations then this is an example of a fixed mindset.

        A negative mindset brings with it a huge number of limiting beliefs. It creates a fixed mindset – one that can’t see beyond it’s own limitations. A growth mindset sees these limitations and looks beyond them – it finds ways to overcome obstacles and believes that this will result in success. When you think of your goal, a fixed mindset may think “what if I fail?” A growth mindset would look at the same goal and think “failures happen but that doesn’t mean I won’t be successful.”

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        There’s a lot of power in changing your perspective.

        2. Look For The Successes

        It’s really important to get your mind focused on positive aspects of your goal. Finding inspiration through others can be really uplifting and keep you on track with developing your success mindset; reinforcing your belief that your dreams can be achieved. Find people that you can talk with about how they achieved their goals and seek out and surround yourself with positive people. This is crucial if you’re learning to develop a positive mindset.

        3. Eliminate Negativity

        You can come up against a lot of negativity sometimes either through other people or within yourself. Understanding that other people’s negative opinions are created through their own fears and limiting beliefs will go a long way in sustaining your success mindset. But for a lot of us, negative chatter can come from within and these usually manifest as negative words such as can’t, won’t, shouldn’t. Sometimes, when we think of how we’re going to achieve our goals, statements in our minds come out as negative absolutes: ‘It never works out for me’ or ‘I always fail.’

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        When you notice these coming up you need to turn them around with ‘It always works out for me!’ and ‘I never fail!’ The trick is to believe it no matter what’s happened in the past. Remember that every new day is a clean slate and for you to adjust your mindset.

        4. Create a Vision

        Envisioning your end goal and seeing it in your mind is an important trait of a success mindset. Allowing ourselves to imagine our success creates a powerful excitement that shouldn’t be underestimated. When our brain becomes excited at the thought of achieving our goals, we become more committed, work harder towards achieving it and more likely to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

        If this involves creating a vision board that you can look at to remind yourself every day then go for it. Small techniques like this go a long way in sustaining your success mindset and shouldn’t be dismissed.

        An Inspirational Story…

        For centuries experts said that running a mile in under 4 minutes was humanly impossible. On the 6th May 1954, Rodger Bannister did just that. As part of his training, Bannister relentlessly visualised the achievement, believing he could accomplish what everyone said wasn’t possible…and he did it.

        What’s more amazing is that, as soon as Bannister achieved the 4-minute mile, more and more people also achieved it. How was this possible after so many years of no one achieving it? Because in people’s minds it was suddenly possible – once people knew that it was achievable it created a mindset of success and now, after over fifty years since Bannister did the ‘impossible’, his record has been lowered by 17 seconds – the power of the success mindset!

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