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If You Think Your Relationship Is Holding You Back, Read This.

If You Think Your Relationship Is Holding You Back, Read This.

One of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship is the notion that your partner and the relationship itself is holding you back. You sit there thinking about what you could be doing if you were with someone else or single altogether. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Is it really, though? Let’s find out.

Why do you feel held back?

The most important thing to figure out is what exactly makes you feel held back. You may be surprised by the answer. My ex-girlfriend felt like I was holding her back because we didn’t go out as often as she wanted. We broke up, I moved out, and she still doesn’t go anywhere. It turns out it wasn’t my fault after all, it was her work schedule. There went a perfectly good relationship down the drain over something I had nothing to do with. Thus, it is important to look at what’s actually holding you down and not what you think is holding you down.

Have you been communicating your feelings?

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holding you back

    In a lot of instances your partner wants what’s best for you. They can’t possibly know what you need if you don’t tell them. Your goals, aspirations, needs, and wants are virtually unknown if you don’t tell your partner what they are. They may very well be willing and able to help you and fix these feelings that you have. By not telling them you’re essentially sabotaging your own relationship because you’re resenting them for something they don’t know they’re doing because they don’t know what you need. Think about that.

    How does your partner really make you feel?

    It’s very important to put what your significant other does for you into perspective. Maybe they’re doing more than you think they are. Maybe they’re doing less than you think they are. Regardless, you should see exactly what roll they play in your life. If it’s not a big enough roll, maybe it’s time you gave them a big enough roll. If you look at what they’ve done and it’s virtually nothing, maybe it’s time to cut them loose. In either case, if you’re feeling held back in a relationship chances are that there is something going on that you’re missing.

    Does your relationship define you?

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    holding you back

      This is probably the toughest question on this list that you need to answer. It’s tough to see how you define yourself. Have you changed for your relationship? Is it a change you like? Here’s the catch-22: Everyone has to change for their relationship at least a little bit. You can’t be the same person you were when you were single. On the other hand, if you change too much you could lose your identity. If everything you do is for the relationship and you don’t make time for yourself anymore, then you should talk to your partner about these feelings. Like we said earlier, he or she can’t fix a problem they don’t know you’re having.

      Does your partner appreciate and support you?

      It seems like a harmless and easy question but different people express themselves in different ways. What you think appreciation and support should look like may differ from what other people think appreciation and support looks like. Like we’ve mentioned a bunch of times already, communication is the key here. If you don’t feel appreciated, it’s time to talk to your partner about it. They’re either dropping the ball or maybe they’re appreciating and supporting you in a way that you’re not accustomed to. You should find out which it is.

      Do you actually feel held back?

      Is the feeling you have actually one of someone who is being held back? Depression can come in many forms. Feelings of inadequacy can as well. What you may be experiencing is a wholly different feeling altogether. Mistaking one feeling for another isn’t something to be embarrassed or ashamed about because it happens all the time. People may appear angry about something when they’re really upset about something else entirely. While we’re on this quest of self discovery, ask yourself if maybe the trapped feeling you have isn’t something different.

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      Objectively, would you really be happier without your partner?

      holding you back

        When you’re thinking about something that appears to be better than what you have now, it’s important to imagine what it would truly be like without someone. When we think of leaving someone, we only think of the good things. You’ll get rid of some bad feelings but you’ll also get rid of a lot of good feelings. It’s important to truly weigh what you’re losing with what you would gain if you ended your relationship.

        The bottom line is that you should make absolutely sure things are the way you think they are before you make any actions. There is always a chance you’re blowing things out of proportion (we’ve all done it) and that things simply aren’t that bad. They may very well be much worse! In either case, make sure you think long and hard about it because if you blow up your relationship, chances are you won’t be able to get it back.

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        Featured photo credit: Skyrim via cdn.vanillaforums.com

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        Joseph Hindy

        A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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        Last Updated on September 12, 2019

        12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

        12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

        Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

        While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

        What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

        Here are 12 things to remember:

        1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

        The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

        However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

        We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

        Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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        2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

        You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

        Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

        Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

        3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

        Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

        Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

        4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

        Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

        No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

        5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

        Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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        Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

        6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

        Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

        Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

        Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

        7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

        Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

        Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

        And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

        8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

        When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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        Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

        9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

        Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

        Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

        Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

        10. Journal During This Time

        Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

        This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

        11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

        It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

        The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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        Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

        12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

        The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

        Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

        When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

        Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

        Final Thoughts

        Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

        Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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        Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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