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You Know You’re Arrogant When…

You Know You’re Arrogant When…

…You use bluster and cheap tricks to demonstrate your confidence and mastery
…You think that fear is for pussies
…You pursue the things that will look the best
…You despise the weak
…You have something to prove to the world
…You go out of your way to be right
…You think that success is an outcome that will provide you with the lifestyle you deserve
…You always answer “Yes” to the question “Can you do it?”
…You know it would work out better if people just did it your way
…You think status is more important than contribution

It won’t come as a surprise to you that there are a lot of people who bumble through life mistaking arrogance and hubris for confidence.

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There’s a good chance you’ve met some of them. Swell company, aren’t they?

Truth is, arrogance and hubris are simply a front, a mask, a way of hiding the deep fear that you’re not good enough and not deserving enough by acting as though you’re better and more deserving. Of course, it’s nonsense. We all know it. Even those who hide behind it know it’s nonsense, way down deep.

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As hard as they might try, the give-away signs listed above easily blow the cover of those who use arrogance and hubris to mask insecurity. Perhaps the saddest part is the perceived need to put that mask on in the first place in order to satiate the desire to have the world see you as being good enough. It’s a need that we all feel from time to time in our lives (and it’s arrogant to claim that you don’t), but there’s a better way to go about life that doesn’t involve building walls or hiding behind a mask.

Natural confidence.

Real, natural confidence couldn’t be more different if it tried. And, of course, it doesn’t have to.

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So how do you know if you’re confident or arrogant? Here’s how:

…You find it difficult to say “No
…You sometimes feel lost or afraid
…You don’t have all the answers
…You’re willing to give it your best shot
…You know you’re on to something when you’re both scared and excited
…You would rather be happy than right
…You go about what matters to you even though it’s sometimes easier not to
…You feel like running and hiding sometimes, but know deep down you’ll be okay
…You’re ready to make a new choice if the last one you made didn’t work out
…You understand that it’s not a competition
…You feel good when you get recognition or validation, but those things don’t drive you
…You embrace the change and flux as much as you do the certainties in life
…You don’t need to impress
…You choose to engage with what matters to you over perceived safety or comfort

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Real, natural confidence is founded on the understanding that you’re enough, right now, just as you are. You don’t need to pretend. You don’t need to be validated. You don’t need to play a role. You don’t need to do what’s expected. You don’t need any frills. You don’t need to prove anything.

Stripping away the need for the status, validation, and recognition that feeds arrogance, you’re liberated to go about things knowing that your doubts and fears about not being good enough are natural, and that they only have power if you give them power. Suddenly, you’re free to make choices based on what you want rather than what you fear.

With natural confidence, all you have to do is what matters to you.

So tell me, what’s your experience of arrogance and confidence?

More by this author

Steve Errey

Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence.

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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