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You Know You’re Arrogant When…

You Know You’re Arrogant When…

…You use bluster and cheap tricks to demonstrate your confidence and mastery
…You think that fear is for pussies
…You pursue the things that will look the best
…You despise the weak
…You have something to prove to the world
…You go out of your way to be right
…You think that success is an outcome that will provide you with the lifestyle you deserve
…You always answer “Yes” to the question “Can you do it?”
…You know it would work out better if people just did it your way
…You think status is more important than contribution

It won’t come as a surprise to you that there are a lot of people who bumble through life mistaking arrogance and hubris for confidence.

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There’s a good chance you’ve met some of them. Swell company, aren’t they?

Truth is, arrogance and hubris are simply a front, a mask, a way of hiding the deep fear that you’re not good enough and not deserving enough by acting as though you’re better and more deserving. Of course, it’s nonsense. We all know it. Even those who hide behind it know it’s nonsense, way down deep.

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As hard as they might try, the give-away signs listed above easily blow the cover of those who use arrogance and hubris to mask insecurity. Perhaps the saddest part is the perceived need to put that mask on in the first place in order to satiate the desire to have the world see you as being good enough. It’s a need that we all feel from time to time in our lives (and it’s arrogant to claim that you don’t), but there’s a better way to go about life that doesn’t involve building walls or hiding behind a mask.

Natural confidence.

Real, natural confidence couldn’t be more different if it tried. And, of course, it doesn’t have to.

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So how do you know if you’re confident or arrogant? Here’s how:

…You find it difficult to say “No
…You sometimes feel lost or afraid
…You don’t have all the answers
…You’re willing to give it your best shot
…You know you’re on to something when you’re both scared and excited
…You would rather be happy than right
…You go about what matters to you even though it’s sometimes easier not to
…You feel like running and hiding sometimes, but know deep down you’ll be okay
…You’re ready to make a new choice if the last one you made didn’t work out
…You understand that it’s not a competition
…You feel good when you get recognition or validation, but those things don’t drive you
…You embrace the change and flux as much as you do the certainties in life
…You don’t need to impress
…You choose to engage with what matters to you over perceived safety or comfort

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Real, natural confidence is founded on the understanding that you’re enough, right now, just as you are. You don’t need to pretend. You don’t need to be validated. You don’t need to play a role. You don’t need to do what’s expected. You don’t need any frills. You don’t need to prove anything.

Stripping away the need for the status, validation, and recognition that feeds arrogance, you’re liberated to go about things knowing that your doubts and fears about not being good enough are natural, and that they only have power if you give them power. Suddenly, you’re free to make choices based on what you want rather than what you fear.

With natural confidence, all you have to do is what matters to you.

So tell me, what’s your experience of arrogance and confidence?

More by this author

Steve Errey

Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence.

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Last Updated on September 17, 2019

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

10 Simple Ways To Always Think Positive Thoughts

Positive thinking can lead to a lot of positive change in your life. Developing an optimistic outlook can be good for both your physical and mental health.

But sometimes, certain situations arise in life that makes it hard to keep a positive outlook. Take steps to make positive thinking become more like your second nature and you’ll reap the biggest benefits.

Here are 10 ways to make thinking positive thoughts easy:

1. Spend Time with Positive People

If you surround yourself with constant complainers, their negativity is likely to rub off on you.

Spend time with positive friends and family members to increase the likelihood that their positive thinking habits will become yours too. It’s hard to be negative when everyone around you is so positive.

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2. Take Responsibility for Your Behavior

When you encounter problems and difficulties in life, don’t play the role of the victim. Acknowledge your role in the situation and take responsibility for your behavior.

Accepting responsibility can help you learn from mistakes and prevent you from blaming others unfairly.

3. Contribute to the Community

One of the best ways to feel good about what you have, is to focus on what you have to give.

Volunteer in some manner and give back to the community. Helping others can give you a new outlook on the world and can assist you with positive thinking.

4. Read Positive and Inspirational Materials

Spend time each day reading something that encourages positive thinking. Read the Bible, spiritual material, or inspirational quotes to help you focus on what’s important to you in life. It can be a great way to start and end your day.

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Some recommendations for you:

5. Recognize and Replace Negative Thoughts

You won’t be successful at positive thinking if you’re still plagued by frequent negative thoughts. Learn to recognize and replace thoughts that are overly negative. Often, thoughts that include words like “always” and “never” signal that they aren’t true.

If you find yourself thinking something such as, “I always mess everything up,” replace it with something more realistic such as, “Sometimes I make mistakes but I learn from them.”

There’s no need to make your thoughts unrealistically positive, but instead, make them more realistic.

6. Establish and Work Toward Goals

It’s easier to be positive about problems and setbacks when you have goals that you’re working toward. Goals will give you motivation to overcome those obstacles when you encounter problems along the way. Without clear goals, it’s harder to make decisions and gauge your progress.

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Learn to set SMART goals to help you achieve more.

7. Consider the Consequences of Negativity

Spend some time thinking about the consequences of negative thinking. Often, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, a person who thinks, “I probably won’t get this job interview,” may put less effort into the interview. As a result, he may decrease his chances of getting the job.

Create a list of all the ways negative thinking impacts your life. It likely influences your behavior, your relationships, and your feelings. Then, create a list of the ways in which positive thinking could be beneficial.

8. Offer Compliments to Others

Look for reasons to compliment others. Be genuine in your praise and compliments, but offer it frequently. This will help you look for the good in other people.

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9. Create a Daily Gratitude List

If you start keeping a daily gratitude list, you’ll start noticing exactly how much you have to be thankful for. This can help you focus on the positive in your life instead of thinking about all the bad things that have happened in the day.

Getting in the habit of showing an attitude of gratitude makes positive thinking more of a habit. Here’re 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

10. Practice Self-Care

Take good care of yourself and you’ll be more equipped to think positively.

Get plenty of rest and exercise and practice managing your stress well. Taking care of your physical and mental health will provide you with more energy to focus on positive thinking.

Learn about these 30 Self-Care Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit.

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Featured photo credit: DESIGNECOLOGIST via unsplash.com

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