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Would I lie to you?

Would I lie to you?
cassandra.jpg

In the days of Ancient Greece, when the Greek army was trying to destroy Troy, there lived a young woman called Cassandra.

She was a special person. As well as being beautiful and one of the daughters of the king of Troy, she was an accomplished prophetess. Not surprisingly, such a combination of beauty, social status, and talent attracted the attention of a top executive in the prophesy trade. In this case, it was the god Apollo.

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Apollo wanted to be her mentor. At least, he wanted her, since the Greek gods had some very sexist and macho notions about how to treat beautiful human maidens. She resisted. And when he got too pressing, she told a pack of lies as a way out.

Apollo was the god of truth.

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Being pretty vindictive when he didn’t get his own way (not unlike many top executives today), and finding in her lies a way to wriggle out of facing his own bad behavior (ditto), Apollo placed a curse on Cassandra. From then on, every prophesy she made would be absolutely true . . . but no one would believe her. She would foresee every disaster—including the ruin of her city, her father’s death, and her own murder—and be helpless to warn people or prevent any of these things happening.

Valuing your credibility
That’s what happens when you resort to lying to get out of a tough situation. You forfeit your credibility and leave a route for others to weasel their way out of responsibility for their actions. Once the lie is discovered (and they nearly always are), no one will believe you again. Once you have acted dishonestly, other people will use it to hide behind.

Integrity seems a small thing, especially when times are tough and holding onto it promises nothing but misery and failure. Like the god Apollo, the people who rule over our working lives aren’t always fair or even ethical. Cassandra didn’t deserve to be faced with a demand to give sexual favors to the boss. Nor a choice between standing up for herself, and maybe suffering whatever rejected gods inflict on humans who refuse them, or lying to escape. It wasn’t a fair choice. It wasn’t right. But that’s the way the world is sometimes.

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Hopefully none of you will ever have to face such a dreadful situation, but milder versions of the same dilemma are very frequent:

  • You suspect that the figures showing your unit met its targets were manipulated for that purpose. Do you mention your concerns or keep quiet and hope no one notices?
  • You know that inflating expense claims is common practice amongst many of your colleagues. Do you join in? Do you say anything?
  • A report that throws doubt on safety and quality statements made in your company’s advertising is suppressed. Do you blow the whistle?
  • A customer’s complaint is valid but will cost money to put right and embarrass the business. Do you argue to acknowledge the error, or help stonewall and delay until the customer gives in and goes away?
  • Your boss tells you to do something you suspect is unethical, even illegal, to help bolster the quarter’s profits. Do you go along with it and earn a reputation for being a good team-player; or refuse and risk being top of the boss’s list for removal at the earliest opportunity?

Taking the easy way out
It’s so tempting to tell a few minor lies and walk away from the problem. Maybe you’ll even get a pat on the back and be praised for saving the business a few dollars. And it will be so boring and inconvenient to stick by the truth and risk being disliked by colleagues and put under suspicion by those in power. Everybody does it. Right?

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There’s always a price.

The myth of Cassandra is about that price. Greek myths may use gods as players, but they are always about entirely human choices. Apollo acted like the worst kind of sanctimonious, bullying boss. Cassandra responded as many of us might: she thought she had found an easy way out that didn’t involve confronting someone powerful, so she took it. But sometimes, as she discovered, you pay more for trying to lie your way of out a problem than you might have done for dealing with it head on.

Adrian Savage is a writer, an Englishman, and a retired business executive, in that order, who now lives in Tucson, Arizona. You can read his other articles at Slow Leadership, the site for everyone who wants to build a civilized place to work and bring back the taste, zest and satisfaction to leadership and life, and its companion site Slower Living. His recent articles on similar topics include Integrity versus convenience and Is being right really worth it?. His latest book, Slow Leadership: Civilizing The Organization, is now available at all good bookstores.

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Last Updated on July 3, 2020

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

30 Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

In today’s world, true peace must come from within us and our own actions. Here are 30 small things you can do on a regular basis to increase your overall sense of harmony, peace, and well-being:

1. Don’t go to every fight you’re invited to

Particularly when you’re around those who thrive on chaos, be willing to decline the invitation to join in on the drama.

2. Focus on your breath

Throughout the day, stop to take a few deep breaths. Keep stress at bay with techniques such as “square breathing.” Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, then out for four counts, and hold again for four counts. Repeat this cycle four times.

3. Get organized and purge old items

A cluttered space often creates a cluttered spirit. Take the time to get rid of anything you haven’t used in a year and invest in organizational systems that help you sustain a level of neatness.

4. Stop yourself from being judgmental

Whenever you are tempted to have an opinion about someone else’s life, check your intentions. Judging others creates and promotes negative energy.

5. Say ‘thank you’ early and often

Start and end each day with an attitude of gratitude. Look for opportunities in your daily routine and interactions to express appreciation.

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6. Smile more

Even if you have to “fake it until you make it,” there are many scientific benefits of smiling and laughing. Also, pay attention to your facial expression when you are doing neutral activities such as driving and walking. Turn that frown upside down!

7. Don’t worry about the future

As difficult as this sounds, there is a direct connection between staying in the present and living a more peaceful life. You cannot control the future. As the old proverb goes, “Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” Practice gently bringing your thoughts back to the present.

8. Eat real food

The closer the food is to the state from which it came from the earth, the better you will feel in eating it. Choose foods that grew from a plant over food that was made in a plant.

9. Choose being happy over being right

Too often, we sacrifice inner peace in order to make a point. It’s rarely worth it.

10. Keep technology out of the bedroom

Many studies, such as one conducted by Brigham and Women’s Hospital, have connected blue light of electronic devices before bed to adverse sleep and overall health. To make matters worse, many people report that they cannot resist checking email and social media when their cell phone is in reach of their bed, regardless of the time.

11. Make use of filtering features on social media

You may not want to “unfriend” someone completely, however you can choose whether you want to follow their posts and/or the sources of information that they share.

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12. Get comfortable with silence

When you picture someone who is the ultimate state of peace, typically they aren’t talking.

13. Listen to understand, not to respond

So often in conversations, we use our ears to give us cues about when it is our turn to say what we want to say. Practice active listening, ask questions, process, then speak.

14. Put your troubles in a bubble

Whenever you start to feel anxious, visualize the situation being wrapped in a bubble and then picture that sphere floating away.

15. Speak more slowly

Often a lack of peace manifests itself in fast or clipped speech. Take a breath, slow down, and let your thoughtful consideration drive your words.

16. Don’t procrastinate

Nothing adds stress to our lives like waiting until the last minute.

17. Buy a coloring book

Mandala coloring books for adults are becoming more popular because of their connection to creating inner peace.

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18. Prioritize yourself

You are the only person who you are guaranteed to live with 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.

19. Forgive others

Holding a grudge is hurting you exponentially more than anyone else. Let it go.

20. Check your expectations

Presumption often leads to drama. Remember the old saying, “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”

21. Engage in active play

Let your inner child come out and have some fun. Jump, dance, play, and pretend!

22. Stop criticizing yourself

The world is a hard enough place with more than enough critics. Your life is not served well by being one of them.

23. Focus your energy and attention on what you want

Thoughts, words, and actions all create energy. Energy attracts like energy. Put out what you want to get back.

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24. Assign yourself “complaint free” days.

Make a conscious decision not to complain about anything for a whole day. It might be harder than you think and the awareness will stick with you.

25. Surround yourself with people you truly enjoy being in the company of

Personalities tend to be contagious, and not everyone’s is worth catching. Be judicious in your choices.

26. Manage your money

Financial concerns rank top on the list of what causes people stress. Take the time each month to do a budget, calculate what you actually spend and sanity check that against the money you have coming in.

27. Stop trying to control everything

Not only is your inner control freak sabotaging your sense of peace, it is also likely getting in the way of external relationships as well.

28. Practice affirmations

Repeat positive phrases that depict the life and qualities you want to attract. It may not come naturally to you, but it works.

29. Get up before sunrise

Personally witnessing the dawn brings a unique sense of awe and appreciation for life.

30. Be yourself

Nothing creates more inner discord than trying to be something other than who we really are. Authenticity breeds happiness.

Featured photo credit: man watching sunrise via stokpic.com

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