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WorkHack: The Attitude of Q. & D.

WorkHack: The Attitude of Q. & D.

Aloha, let’s manage with aloha: Work well, live well.

Last week we talked about what employees need to learn from their managers. What can managers learn from employees? Virtually everything they need to know about the things which affect the productivity of the business they manage. Whether you are the employee or the manager, I’d wager your list of learning nuggets would be a long one.

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What I’d like to offer you today instead, is another tool on HOW managers can learn what their employees know (footnote below). This tool is something we know of in managing with aloha as the Attitude of Q. & D. This is the attitude that Q.&A.’s are not good enough where you work: Question and Answer gets replaced with Question and Dialogue.

These are the implicit expectations of Dialogue:

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There’s potentially more than one answer to any question,
Those answers best come from more than one person,
In responses, pieces of an answer, and the beginnings of an answer are okay,
Weighing in on a question reveals more possibility when it is collaborative process.

The best answers and the right answers can be elusive things in companies. One nagging reason for this is that best answers remain hidden behind the ones we’re too quick to settle for. They arrive in conversations with the culprits of “the way we’ve always done it,” “what the boss will probably want,” and “yeah, that’ll be good enough.” As managers, our job is to dig deeper, and to reveal all the options until we arrive at the best one.

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The good news is that so many of these gems can be readily found in the collective intelligence of our people. How do you mine those gems? By learning to ask better questions, and then creating an atmosphere where dialogue is always expected to follow sincerely inquisitive questions (as opposed to leading questions). You want the synergistic effect where 1 + 1 can equal 3—and usually does.

This means more than the elementary phrasing of “open-ended questions.” It means that most everything at work worth improving and building on can be questioned. It means asking questions when the timing is right for exploratory back and forth dialogue. It means welcoming an alternative that may differ from yours, and being willing to see this happen more often than not. It means getting creative. It means admitting you don’t have all the answers, and you don’t pretend that you do.

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“This may sound a bit out there, but what if we ______? What do you suppose is the best and worst that could happen?”
“______ is always a lengthy process for us. Do you know of any time-wasters, redundancy, or unnecessary steps we may be taking with this?”
“What’s been your experience with ______. What have you noticed about ______?
“I’m stuck. I need a new idea with ______. Can you help me?”
“What do you think?”
“What do you think?”
“What do you think?”

One more very important thing: It means never testing people in those situations where there is just one answer, and you have to require compliance (think safety, think legality, think core values).

More on September Learning right here on Lifehack.org with me, every Thursday of this month. On every other day, you can visit me on www.ManagingWithAloha.com. Aloha,
Rosa Say

Previous Thursday Column: 5 Things Employees Need to Learn—from You.
Footnote: The first tool I’d mentioned was The Daily Five Minutes.
Reference: Managing with Aloha

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Rosa Say

Rosa is an author and blogger who dedicates to helping people thrive in the work and live with purpose.

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Last Updated on December 3, 2019

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

10 Life Lessons You’d Better Learn Early on in Life

There are so many lessons I wish I had learned while I was young enough to appreciate and apply them. The thing with wisdom, and often with life lessons in general, is that they’re learned in retrospect, long after we needed them. The good news is that other people can benefit from our experiences and the lessons we’ve learned.

Here’re 10 important life lessons you should learn early on:

1. Money Will Never Solve Your Real Problems

Money is a tool; a commodity that buys you necessities and some nice “wants,” but it is not the panacea to your problems.

There are a great many people who are living on very little, yet have wonderfully full and happy lives… and there are sadly a great many people are living on quite a lot, yet have terribly miserable lives.

Money can buy a nice home, a great car, fabulous shoes, even a bit of security and some creature comforts, but it cannot fix a broken relationship, or cure loneliness, and the “happiness” it brings is only fleeting and not the kind that really and truly matters. Happiness is not for sale. If you’re expecting the “stuff” you can buy to “make it better,” you will never be happy.

2. Pace Yourself

Often when we’re young, just beginning our adult journey we feel as though we have to do everything at once. We need to decide everything, plan out our lives, experience everything, get to the top, find true love, figure out our life’s purpose, and do it all at the same time.

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Slow down—don’t rush into things. Let your life unfold. Wait a bit to see where it takes you, and take time to weigh your options. Enjoy every bite of food, take time to look around you, let the other person finish their side of the conversation. Allow yourself time to think, to mull a bit.

Taking action is critical. Working towards your goals and making plans for the future is commendable and often very useful, but rushing full-speed ahead towards anything is a one-way ticket to burnout and a good way to miss your life as it passes you by.

3. You Can’t Please Everyone

“I don’t know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone” – Bill Cosby.

You don’t need everyone to agree with you or even like you. It’s human nature to want to belong, to be liked, respected and valued, but not at the expense of your integrity and happiness. Other people cannot give you the validation you seek. That has to come from inside.

Speak up, stick to your guns, assert yourself when you need to, demand respect, stay true to your values.

4. Your Health Is Your Most Valuable Asset

Health is an invaluable treasure—always appreciate, nurture, and protect it. Good health is often wasted on the young before they have a chance to appreciate it for what it’s worth.

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We tend to take our good health for granted, because it’s just there. We don’t have to worry about it, so we don’t really pay attention to it… until we have to.

Heart disease, bone density, stroke, many cancers—the list of many largely preventable diseases is long, so take care of your health now, or you’ll regret it later on.

5. You Don’t Always Get What You Want

“Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

No matter how carefully you plan and how hard you work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way you want them to… and that’s okay.

We have all of these expectations; predetermined visions of what our “ideal” life will look like, but all too often, that’s not the reality of the life we end up with. Sometimes our dreams fail and sometimes we just change our minds mid-course. Sometimes we have to flop to find the right course and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

6. It’s Not All About You

You are not the epicenter of the universe. It’s very difficult to view the world from a perspective outside of your own, since we are always so focused on what’s happening in our own lives. What do I have to do today? What will this mean for me, for my career, for my life? What do I want?

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It’s normal to be intensely aware of everything that’s going on in your own life, but you need to pay as much attention to what’s happening around you, and how things affect other people in the world as you do to your own life. It helps to keep things in perspective.

7. There’s No Shame in Not Knowing

No one has it all figured out. Nobody has all the answers. There’s no shame in saying “I don’t know.” Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make you perfect. It just makes you neurotic to keep up the pretense of manufactured perfection.

We have this idea that there is some kind of stigma or shame in admitting our limitations or uncertainly, but we can’t possibly know everything. We all make mistakes and mess up occasionally. We learn as we go, that’s life.

Besides—nobody likes a know-it-all. A little vulnerability makes you human and oh so much more relatable.

8. Love Is More Than a Feeling; It’s a Choice

That burst of initial exhilaration, pulse quickening love and passion does not last long. But that doesn’t mean long-lasting love is not possible.

Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice that you make every day. We have to choose to let annoyances pass, to forgive, to be kind, to respect, to support, to be faithful.

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Relationships take work. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s incredibly hard. It is up to us to choose how we want to act, think and speak in a relationship.

9. Perspective Is a Beautiful Thing

Typically, when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. Everything that is happening in our lives seems so big, so important, so do or die, but in the grand picture, this single hiccup often means next to nothing.

The fight we’re having, the job we didn’t get, the real or imagined slight, the unexpected need to shift course, the thing we wanted, but didn’t get. Most of it won’t matter 20, 30, 40 years from now. It’s hard to see long term when all you know is short term, but unless it’s life-threatening, let it go, and move on.

10. Don’t Take Anything for Granted

We often don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone: that includes your health, your family and friends, your job, the money you have or think you will have tomorrow.

When you’re young, it seems that your parents will always be there, but they won’t. You think you have plenty of time to get back in touch with your old friends or spend time with new ones, but you don’t. You have the money to spend, or you think you’ll have it next month, but you might not.

Nothing in your life is not guaranteed to be there tomorrow, including those you love.

This is a hard life lesson to learn, but it may be the most important of all: Life can change in an instant. Make sure you appreciate what you have, while you still have it.

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Featured photo credit: Ben Eaton via unsplash.com

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