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Last Updated on September 26, 2019

Why You Need to Ask for Feedback…and How to Use It

Why You Need to Ask for Feedback…and How to Use It

Most people don’t like to listen to views or assessments of others regarding their work or lifestyle. It is really a regrettable component of human behavior that many of us choose to steer clear of all feedback on the chance that it will be negative, in an effort to protect ourselves from hearing things we don’t want to hear. Why is it that? Moreover, why must we presume that the feedback will likely be unfavorable?

Perhaps it is the root sense that we are simply not good enough which is so persistent in our culture or perhaps the pattern of only offering feedback when we are displeased. The truth is that feedback while frequently overlooked, is nonetheless a particularly useful way to improve your productivity. When utilized effectively feedback can be an invaluable resource to improve your work or behavior that can help to give you an edge.

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Why Do We Need Feedback

Feedback is just a resource to draw on; tools as it were for approval and development. Take care not to internalize feedback. It’s a judgment of work quality, not a personal indictment. Keep it in proper perspective and only give due importance. Feedback it is not about you as an individual: it’s about evaluating and improving the quality of the work you do.

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Quite a while back, during a period I began questioning if anyone was actually listening to what I had to say or using any of the information and strategies I had to offer. Just a few days later, I was given a tangible and unexpected gift from a publishing partner that was a definitive sign that my work was indeed high quality and of value to others.

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Each one of us wonders if we can really do a good enough job and we require the confirmation and motivation that positive feedback provides. The value of this offering had was doubly beneficial. First, it offered confirmation of the quality and value of my work; secondly, it turned out to be a wonderful demonstration of just how I can give useful feedback to others — when appropriate.

How We Can Use Feedback Effectively

  • Request – Most people simply don’t think to offer suggestions or only think to give it when it is in some way negative. Make it a standard practice to ask those you interact with how you’re doing.
  • Listen – It is not helpful to solicit feedback from others if you’re not going to actually listen to it and seriously consider it.
  • Filter – Take into consideration the potential bias of the person offering feedback when weighing the value of their opinions. Do you respect the person’s opinion? Do they have relevant experience and knowledge? Do you have confidence they will be truthful? If not, ignore them.
  • Analyze – When feedback is positive, look for ways to improve even more. Don’t brush off praise or complements! If it is negative, what are you able to glean from it? How can you improve? Keep in mind that any feedback that is malicious or only meant to be destructive has no value; ignore it.
  • Give – Learn to give offer useful feedback to others. Make sure your feedback is truthful, considerate, and helpful. Especially if your feedback is unfavorable, try to present it along with helpful suggestions for improvement.

Don’t be fearful to ask for feedback from people whose opinions you respect. Ask for it, consider it, and learn from it.

Featured photo credit: Yuvraj Singh via unsplash.com

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More by this author

Royale Scuderi

A creative strategist, consultant and writer who specializes in cultivating human potential for happiness, health and fulfillment.

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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