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Why do we Need Confidence?

Why do we Need Confidence?

Confidence is a fragile thing, but why do we even need it? What is it about this confidence things that makes us perform well or badly? Oliver Emberton explains in detail how crude confidence is and how it affects us in Quora

Think of confidence as a crude instinct for guessing when you’re going to succeed or fail. It’s exceedingly stupid and makes decisions based entirely on whatever comes to mind first. I call mine Paris Hilton:

    Paris exists for good reason. Humans evolved in dark and dangerous times. An argument with your tribal leader could get you killed. Being rejected by an influential guy / girl could make you unmateable. Unchecked, your actions could end you.

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    Playing life too safe wasn’t much better. A man who wouldn’t hunt, or farm, or build, or bring any value to his peers was unlikely to survive. As we’re all blessed with uniquely uneven skills, it makes sense to act upon our strengths and shun our weaknesses.

    We evolved confidence to focus our efforts on what we’re best at

    There’s just one minor problem: life has changed a lot since 100,000 BC, and Paris is still wearing animal hide and dragging a club behind her.

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      In the modern western world, the survival cost of failure is zero. You can jump out of a plane, argue with the biggest beefcake in the bar and ask Mila Kunis to take you to the ball. Not only are you almost certain to live through it, Mila might even say yes.

      The rewards for those who are confident today are staggering. Confidence is attractive. It breeds opportunity. It makes us stand our ground and assert our worth. Confidence in yourself is infectious – it inspires others to believe in you – and can be self fulfilling.

      Yet most of us have constant crises of confidence. We fret over something as banal as disagreeing with our superiors, or talking to a stranger. Many men would rather mud-wrestle a bear than ask their dream girl out; swimming with sharks is considered less scary than public speaking. There’s a reason people drink in social situations: alcohol makes Paris a lot – ahem – easier.

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      The simple truth is this:

        It’s millennia behind the times. What evolved primarily to keep us safe in an age of sabre-toothed tigers is now holding you back. The trick is to know this, and to teach Paris to overcome her ancient programming. She’s not particularly bright, so this may take a while:

        • Paris is a socialite. Nothing feels better or stings harder than feedback from others. This means your successes must be witnessed. Start in private, by all means, but know that the greatest leaps in self-worth will come from victories like public speaking, dancing in a crowd, or kissing the girl. You can’t do that staying at home or in your head.
        • Effort trumps all. The wonderful thing about trying hard is it almost always succeeds, eventually. I’m not a natural runner, but if I try hard enough, I will accomplish something through sheer force of will, and that breeds self-worth. In the absence of confidence, work your ass off.
        • Resilience. The most important thing is how you handle knocks. They are inevitable. They will make you feel like crap. But the more longer you linger on them, the further your confidence will tumble. Counter swiftly: try again, try something else, but never dwell.

        The greatest confidence in life is won, not given. You can’t see it, but everyone has a capricious Paris inside them, dishing out doubt and courage on a whim. You just have to start taking responsibility for yours.

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        Ultimately, having confidence is the difference between doing what you want, and doing what you’re told. Without confidence, we condemn ourselves to a life in servitude of those who have it.

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        Last Updated on September 20, 2018

        7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

        7 Powerful Questions To Find Out What You Want To Do With Your Life

        What do I want to do with my life? It’s a question all of us think about at one point or another.

        For some, the answer comes easily. For others, it takes a lifetime to figure out.

        It’s easy to just go through the motions and continue to do what’s comfortable and familiar. But for those of you who seek fulfillment, who want to do more, these questions will help you paint a clearer picture of what you want to do with your life.

        1. What are the things I’m most passionate about?

        The first step to living a more fulfilling life is to think about the things that you’re passionate about.

        What do you love? What fulfills you? What “work” do you do that doesn’t feel like work? Maybe you enjoy writing, maybe you love working with animals or maybe you have a knack for photography.

        The point is, figure out what you love doing, then do more of it.

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        2. What are my greatest accomplishments in life so far?

        Think about your past experiences and the things in your life you’re most proud of.

        How did those accomplishments make you feel? Pretty darn good, right? So why not try and emulate those experiences and feelings?

        If you ran a marathon once and loved the feeling you had afterwards, start training for another one. If your child grew up to be a star athlete or musician because of your teachings, then be a coach or mentor for other kids.

        Continue to do the things that have been most fulfilling for you.

        3. If my life had absolutely no limits, what would I choose to have and what would I choose to do?

        Here’s a cool exercise: Think about what you would do if you had no limits.

        If you had all the money and time in the world, where would you go? What would you do? Who would you spend time with?

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        These answers can help you figure out what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t mean you need millions of dollars to be happy though.

        What it does mean is answering these questions will help you set goals to reach certain milestones and create a path toward happiness and fulfillment. Which leads to our next question …

        4. What are my goals in life?

        Goals are a necessary component to set you up for a happy future. So answer these questions:

        Once you figure out the answers to each of these, you’ll have a much better idea of what you should do with your life.

        5. Whom do I admire most in the world?

        Following the path of successful people can set you up for success.

        Think about the people you respect and admire most. What are their best qualities? Why do you respect them? What can you learn from them?

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        You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.[1] So don’t waste your time with people who hold you back from achieving your dreams.

        Spend more time with happy, successful, optimistic people and you’ll become one of them.

        6. What do I not like to do?

        An important part of figuring out what you want to do with your life is honestly assessing what you don’t want to do.

        What are the things you despise? What bugs you the most about your current job?

        Maybe you hate meetings even though you sit through 6 hours of them every day. If that’s the case, find a job where you can work more independently.

        The point is, if you want something to change in your life, you need to take action. Which leads to our final question …

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        7. How hard am I willing to work to get what I want?

        Great accomplishments never come easy. If you want to do great things with your life, you’re going to have to make a great effort. That will probably mean putting in more hours the average person, getting outside your comfort zone and learning as much as you can to achieve as much as you can.

        But here’s the cool part: it’s often the journey that is the most fulfilling part. It’s during these seemingly small, insignificant moments that you’ll often find that “aha” moments that helps you answer the question,

        “What do I want to do with my life?”

        So take the first step toward improving your life. You won’t regret it.

        Featured photo credit: Andrew Ly via unsplash.com

        Reference

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