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What to Do With Your Broken New Years Resolutions

What to Do With Your Broken New Years Resolutions

By now, it’s entirely likely that your New Years Resolutions are as cold and lifeless as a puppy on Pluto.

You’re not alone. Some 88% of resolutions are destined not to make it anywhere near success, even if you start out with the best of intentions on January 1st. It’s simple to make resolutions year after year; tempting even. You want things to change, you want something better, and the start of a brand new year seems like the perfect time to start and stop all of that “stuff”.

But New Years Resolutions are systemically flawed, and it’s hardly surprising they end up broken and discarded like an old sofa when you consider that they’re normally one of these 3 things:

  • Something you think you should probably stop doing, because it might be “bad”
  • Something you think you should probably start doing, because it’s generally perceived as “good”
  • Something that’s fuelled by guilt or shame, whether it’s something you’ve done or not done

I don’t know about you, but none of those 3 things seems like a good reason to do anything to me.

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Go about a decision with any one of these drivers and you’ve failed before you’ve even started.

Making your decisions based on what popular opinion says you should do or because that’s what your peers are doing seems crazy, right? But you still do it.

Committing to something because a part of you feels like you maybe, kinda, sorta, oughta do it is really just fooling yourself that you’re taking action. But you still do it.

And let’s not dwell too long on the choices you make because it’s what’s expected of you—or perhaps even what you expect of you—which leads to a life of survival, not of living. But you still do it.

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You do these things because they carry zero risk and require minimal effort. They’re easy. And they don’t need you to take a stand in your life.

So what to do instead? What to do with those broken New Years Resolutions? How about trying this.

Start playing.

Playing a great game of tennis, Pictionary, chess or anything else requires you to:

  • Show up
  • Play at your best, even though you don’t know how the game will play out
  • Practice, so you can get better

So pick a game that matters to you.

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Play it because it matters you. Engage with it because it fascinates you, because it might be bloody good fun or because something extraordinary might happen.

Play a game that matters because not playing isn’t an option, because you want the texture of experience that only comes from engaging or because you want to learn to be a great participant.

Play, because you just might win.

Don’t mourn your New Years Resolutions or think less of yourself for not nailing them. Toss them in the trash like a week old, half eaten burrito that you didn’t really want anyway.

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Then make a new choice.

A new choice based on who you are and what really matters to you.

A choice that not only brings the game to life, buts get you in the arena.

Ready to play?

 

More by this author

Steve Errey

Steve is a confidence coach who helps leaders build confidence.

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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