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Web Publisher, Internet Author “To Don’t” List

Web Publisher, Internet Author “To Don’t” List
Stop

The internet is permeated with thousands of “to do” lists. In fact, if you are an author or publisher in the electronic realm you can get so caught up in completing your “to do” list that you never actually get to do much writing and publishing.

So, as I have a propensity for being a jerk reverse engineering, I’ve put together a little “to don’t” list to help nudge us all back on our chosen paths.

1. To-Don’t: Build self opening pop ups into your site.

Pop ups are annoying. Not only are they annoying, they keep me from the reason I came to your site in the first place, to read YOUR content. In addition, they slow down my computer and negatively impact its performance. Consider the bad experiences many of us have had with pop ups (installing files without permission, harvesting personal information….) before choosing to include them.


2. To-Don’t: Build pop unders into your site.

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Same reasons as above, plus a few others. Much of the pop under stuff that displays as we leave a site has absolutely nothing to do with the content of the site we are viewing. In addition Netscape can kick you all the way out of your access if it gets too busy blocking pop unders. Then you have to relaunch, and start all over searching for your site.

3. To-Don’t: Use widgets that only work with specific browsers.

I may not be using the same browser as you. On the other hand Netvibes promises their widgets are compatible across platforms. So, if you are interested in that I think it is called the “Universal Widget API.” Still, this is just for Netvibes widgets and its designed for developers not customer ease of use.

4. To-Don’t: Build in a lot of self starting video.

Automatic streaming video is cool, once. But, making it a standard on your site will cause a lot of folks to avoid you. It’s kind of like walking up to a stranger and saying, “I’d like to you feel comfortable and relaxed so I’m going to talk to you about your imortal soul, it’s impending damnation and your only chance for salvation, Jesus Christ.” See what I mean? My ideas of appropriate might not be the same as yours. And (yes, I know it’s bad to start a sentence with and) if I’m checking you out on my lunch millisecond I don’t have time to watch a video.

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5. To-Don’t: Build in self starting audio.

For the same reasons as number four plus, I may not want everyone in my office to know whose site I go to for information or my taste in music…”Whatcha gonna do when I benda block, pull up onat ____ with a bran-new drop….Gota get up oooon nat booty….” See what I mean? You may not find that track quite as kickin as I do.

6. To-Don’t: Automatically download a pdf when I access your site.

Let me choose. Feel free to promote the brains out of it but let me make the final choice about the down load. Some firewall configurations shut the browser down when unauthorized launches begin. If I haven’t book marked your site before this happens, I may not be able to find you again.

7. To-Don’t: Bury the lead.

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Tell me up front what the article is about.
If I’m using a feed reader I may only get the first couple of sentences of your article. If you haven’t laid your hook by then, I might not read the whole article.

8. To-Don’t: Offer the option to comment if you aren’t going to respond.

This really should be a no brainer. If you offer the option to comment you are encouraging dialog. If you don’t respond to the comments your disallowing that dialog. Plus, it’s just rude.

9. To-Don’t: Make it hard to find your profile.

I like to know about the people I look to for information. Plus, I’m going to google you anyway.

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10. To-Don’t: List someone else’s link without telling me what is worthwhile about it.

List as many links as you find of value, but tell me why they are of value. Leave the mass listing of links to Craig. Of course if you are Craig or your trying to become Craig by selling link space on your site, go for it. Otherwise, be a good friend and share your referrals with an accompanying recommendation.

Very well my kind and gentle reader, those of my Top 10 To-Don’t List Items. What are yours?

Reg Adkins writes on behavior and the human experience at Elemental Truths.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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