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Using Compliments To Control Communication

Using Compliments To Control Communication
Marionette

Over the past few years I have been reading books on personal development, relationships, communication, and the power of manipulation. I took things a step further, when I began to experiment with some of these techniques in real conversations. The thing to remember when your experiments involve other people is to have fun, treat it as a learning experience, and not be harmful or disruptive to other people as you go.

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The word manipulation is a bit of a taboo, and is often thought of as an act that is devious or scandalous in nature. By manipulation, I mean the act of subtly directing a conversation towards your goals — it doesn’t have to be evil, wrong, etc.

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Let’s take a look at some of the benefits that manipulating or controlling a conversation can provide for us by tapping into the power of compliments.

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  1. Switch focus. If you’re in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, or have somehow become the center of attention, you can use a compliment as a way out. Just pick someone and compliment them on their hair, or outfit, and watch as the focus is drawn to them. You’re off the hook!
  2. Demand attention. If you’re in a situation where you want someone to hear you out, let them know that you think they’re a great listener. Most people know listening to be a very valuable skill, and when you bring this to their attention, they will continue to refine and practice their listening skill on you.
  3. Engage networking. If you’re in a social setting, and you let someone know you think they’re a terrific connector, they will be tempted to show off more of that skill to you. They will not only introduce you around, but comment on how nice you are.
  4. Strengthen connections. When you’re speaking one-on-one to a person you recently met, it is a great compliment to tell them how you believe the two of you relate in some way. It’s flattering to learn that someone thinks you are just as good as them, and they will look at you as a friend on the same playing field.
  5. Get your way. Flattery will get you everywhere. If you compliment people on a skill that they have, they will be eager to show it off for you. (i.e. let someone know what a great singing voice they have, and they’re likely to sing you a note or two).
  6. Reveal wisdom. Complimenting a person on their intelligence or outlook on a certain subject will encourage them to mentor you, and tell you a bit more about what they know. This technique appeals to peoples inner teacher and works wonders for getting powerful and knowledgeable people to reveal tricks of the trade.

The key to being successful with compliment techniques is to be sincere. This means that when you use a compliment that is blatantly false, you will seem as though you are waging an attack on the person.

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If you aren’t sure what I mean, consider the following scenario. You are 100 lbs overweight, and someone tells you that you look exceptionally skinny. It’s a big lie, and it just points out your insecurity. You want to avoid doing that to other people.

The best way for you to see how compliments can be used to control conversations is to take these techniques into the field. Try a couple of them on a friend, or random person, and let us know the level of success that you obtain.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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