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Using Compliments To Control Communication

Using Compliments To Control Communication
Marionette

Over the past few years I have been reading books on personal development, relationships, communication, and the power of manipulation. I took things a step further, when I began to experiment with some of these techniques in real conversations. The thing to remember when your experiments involve other people is to have fun, treat it as a learning experience, and not be harmful or disruptive to other people as you go.

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The word manipulation is a bit of a taboo, and is often thought of as an act that is devious or scandalous in nature. By manipulation, I mean the act of subtly directing a conversation towards your goals — it doesn’t have to be evil, wrong, etc.

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Let’s take a look at some of the benefits that manipulating or controlling a conversation can provide for us by tapping into the power of compliments.

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  1. Switch focus. If you’re in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, or have somehow become the center of attention, you can use a compliment as a way out. Just pick someone and compliment them on their hair, or outfit, and watch as the focus is drawn to them. You’re off the hook!
  2. Demand attention. If you’re in a situation where you want someone to hear you out, let them know that you think they’re a great listener. Most people know listening to be a very valuable skill, and when you bring this to their attention, they will continue to refine and practice their listening skill on you.
  3. Engage networking. If you’re in a social setting, and you let someone know you think they’re a terrific connector, they will be tempted to show off more of that skill to you. They will not only introduce you around, but comment on how nice you are.
  4. Strengthen connections. When you’re speaking one-on-one to a person you recently met, it is a great compliment to tell them how you believe the two of you relate in some way. It’s flattering to learn that someone thinks you are just as good as them, and they will look at you as a friend on the same playing field.
  5. Get your way. Flattery will get you everywhere. If you compliment people on a skill that they have, they will be eager to show it off for you. (i.e. let someone know what a great singing voice they have, and they’re likely to sing you a note or two).
  6. Reveal wisdom. Complimenting a person on their intelligence or outlook on a certain subject will encourage them to mentor you, and tell you a bit more about what they know. This technique appeals to peoples inner teacher and works wonders for getting powerful and knowledgeable people to reveal tricks of the trade.

The key to being successful with compliment techniques is to be sincere. This means that when you use a compliment that is blatantly false, you will seem as though you are waging an attack on the person.

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If you aren’t sure what I mean, consider the following scenario. You are 100 lbs overweight, and someone tells you that you look exceptionally skinny. It’s a big lie, and it just points out your insecurity. You want to avoid doing that to other people.

The best way for you to see how compliments can be used to control conversations is to take these techniques into the field. Try a couple of them on a friend, or random person, and let us know the level of success that you obtain.

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Last Updated on July 18, 2019

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People

Some people just seem to float through life with a relentless sense of happiness – through the toughest of times, they’re unfazed and aloof, stopping to smell the roses and drinking out of a glass half full.

They may not have much to be happy about, but the simplicity behind that fact itself may make them happy.

It’s all a matter of perspective, conscious effort and self-awareness. Listed below are a number of reasons why some people are always happy.

1. They Manage Their Expectations

They’re not crushed when they don’t get what they want – or misled into expecting to get the most out of every situation. They approach every situation pragmatically, hoping for the best but being prepared for the worst.

2. They Don’t Set Unrealistic Standards

Similar to the last point, they don’t live their lives in a constant pursuit towards impossible visions of perfection, only to always find themselves falling short of what they want.

3. They Don’t Take Anything for Granted

Happiness rests with feeling fulfilled – those who fail to stop and appreciate what they have every now and again will never experience true fulfillment.

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4. They’re Not Materialistic

There are arguing viewpoints on whether or not money can really buy happiness; if it can, then we know from experience that we can never be satisfied because there will always be something newer or better that we want. Who has ever had enough money?

5. They Don’t Dwell

They don’t sweat the small things or waste time worrying about things that don’t really matter at the end of the day. They don’t let negative thoughts latch onto them and drain them or distract them. Life’s too short to worry.

6. They Care About Themselves First

They’re independent, care for themselves and understand that they must put their needs first in order to accommodate the needs of others.

They indulge, aim to get what they want, make time for themselves and are extremely self-reliant.

7. They Enjoy the Little Things

They stop to smell the roses. They’re accustomed to find serenity when it’s available, to welcome entertainment or a stimulating discussion with a stranger when it crosses their path. They don’t overlook the small things in life that can be just as important.

8. They Can Adapt

They’re not afraid of change and they work to make the most out of new circumstances, good or bad. They thrive under pressure, are not overwhelmed easily and always embrace a change of pace.

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9. They Experiment

They try new things, experience new flavors and never shy away from something they have yet to experience. They never order twice from the same menu.

10. They Take Their Time

They don’t unnecessarily rush through life. They work on their own schedule to the extent that they can and maneuver through life at their own relaxing pace.

11. They Employ Different Perspectives

They’re not stuck in one perspective; a loss can result in a new opportunity, hitting rock bottom can mean that there’s no where to go but up.

12. They Seek to Learn

Their constant pursuit of knowledge keeps them inspired and interested in life. They cherish information and are on a life-long quest to learn as much as they can.

13. They Always Have a Plan

They don’t find themselves drifting without purpose. When something doesn’t go as planned, they have a plan for every letter in the alphabet to fall back on.

14. They Give Respect to Get It

They are respectful and, in turn, are seen as respectable; the respect they exude earns them the respect they deserve.

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15. They Consider Every Opportunity

They always have their eyes open for a new road, a new avenue worth exploring. They know how to recognize opportune moments and pounce on them to make the most of every situation. Success is inevitable for them.

16. They Always Seek to Improve

Perpetual self-improvement is the key towards their ongoing thirst for success. Whatever it is they do, they take pride in getting better and better, from social interactions to mundane tasks. Their pursuit at being the best eventually materializes.

17. They Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

They’re not ones to get offended easily over-analyze or complicate matters. They laugh at their own faults and misfortunes.

18. They Live in the Moment

They don’t live for tomorrow or dwell on what may have happened yesterday. Every day is a new opportunity, a new chapter. They live in the now, and in doing so, get the most out of every moment.

You can learn how to do so too: How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Past or Future

19. They Say Yes

Much more often than they say no. They don’t have to be badgered to go out, don’t shy away from new opportunities or anything that may seem inconvenient.

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20. They’re Self-Aware

Most important, they’re wholly aware of themselves. They self-reflect and are conscious of their states of mind. If somethings bothering them, they fix it.

We’re all susceptible to feeling down every now and again, but we are all equipped with the necessary solutions that just have to be discovered.

Lack of confidence, inability to feel fulfilled, and susceptibility to stress are all matters that can be controlled through the way we handle our lives and perceive our circumstances.

Learn about How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life.

Final Thoughts

The main philosophy employed by the happiest includes the idea that life’s simply too short: life’s too short to let things get you down, to take things for granted, to pursue absolute and unrealistic perfection.

For some, employing these characteristics is a second nature – they do it without knowing. For others, a conscious effort must be put forth every now and again. Self-Awareness is key.

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Featured photo credit: Charles Postiaux via unsplash.com

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