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Use Compassion and Understanding to Achieve Family Harmony

Use Compassion and Understanding to Achieve Family Harmony

    Every family encounters a situation where the actions or inaction of a particular family member has a negative effect on the rest of the group. These issues are difficult to resolve because families are a fragile and complex unit.

    Because of the complexity, people have to be sensitive and compassionate when dealing with family issues. The family has to come together, discuss the issues and come up with a solution that takes into account the needs of the family member at the center of the issue and the needs of the rest of the family. Otherwise, missteps can result in the division of the family unit and years of emotional bitterness.

    Stage 1: Group

    Creating a group

    Make sure to involve everyone who is suitable and capable of offering help. Otherwise, the group will run the risk of leaving resources on the table and exclude family members who have a vested interest in the process and outcome.

    It is best to avoid the following people when forming a group:

    • Ex-spouses
    • Estranged relatives
    • People who are immersed in family politics
    • Aggressive personality types
    • People with personal agendas

    Commitments

    It is important to make certain commitments during the planning process.

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    These include:

    • To avoid passing judgment on the person in question
    • To be compassionate during every step of the process
    • To avoid personal agendas

    Stage 2: Questions

    The group has to answer some key questions before any planning can take place.

    These include:

    • Why have we gathered?
    • How is this issue affecting the group?
    • How has this issue manifested itself?
    • Why do people want to see this issue confronted and resolved?
    • What are people’s intentions?
    • What are we hoping to achieve by working together?
    • What do you consider a successful outcome?

    It takes time and compromise, but everyone needs to enter the process with the same objectives.

    Stage 3: The Planning Sessions

    Indeed, three factors decide when, and if a plan will be implemented, including a timeline, milestones to measure progress and a regular inventory of resources.

    Having a person agree to the solution and then not being able to deliver on the promises of support and resources, will result in a loss of trust and a fracturing of family unity.

    Other issues to consider when developing a plan:

    · Location for meeting with the family member

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    · Individual commitments

    · Communication between group members

    · Available Resources

    • Friends
    • Programs
    • Money

    Stage 4: The Agenda

    The Agenda will guide the group during their meeting with the relative.

    It includes:

    • Statement of Love and Support
    • The intention of the meeting
    • Solutions
    • Plan of Action
    • Possibility of Failure
    • Agreement

    It is a systematic run down of everything that the group has discussed and agreed upon. Also, leave enough room on the agenda to make notes and make changes to agenda items during the confrontation.

    Stage 5: The meeting

    Opening Statement of Love and Support

    Begin the conversation with a statement that demonstrates the group’s commitment to helping the person in question

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    Intention of the Meeting

    Ask for everyone’s cooperation and make it clear that everyone has a right to be heard without interruption. Also, remind everyone of the importance of the meeting and how it is in everyone’s best interest to act in a polite and considerate manner.

    Solutions

    Review the agenda at the start of the meeting and summarize the process, debate and hard work that led everyone to this meeting.

    List solutions and review the proposed timelines for these solutions. Permit extended pauses between points to allow for positive and negative feedback and commit to addressing them during the meeting.

    Adapting Solutions

    Discussion and debate will reveal new information and the group has to adapt to any drastic revelations. Nevertheless, the process from beginning to end has to be democratic, so that everyone adheres to the decisions made by the group.

    Also, allow the relative to contribute their own resources, including supportive friends, medical or work support.

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    Be Supportive without Surrendering

    Be attentive to any aggression or negativity on either side and do not let the group splinter. A loss of unity will allow the relative to question the groups commitment and the validly of their concerns.

    In periods of heightened tension, the more self aware, mindful and respected people in the group have to step forward to manage the situation.

    Take breaks and regroup. Everyone involved will need to be reassured of the purpose of the meeting.

    Negative Outcome

    Every family and situation is unique, so even the best intentions and hard work might end in failure. In extreme cases, the group might decide to ostracize the individual, use medical intervention or take legal action.

    Agreement

    Once the group has reached a consensus, an amended Master Agenda will act as a contract between everyone involved.

    Every individual will commit him or herself to the agreement and guarantee they will do their part to fulfill the contract.

    Taking on family issues is no different from any other complex problem that a community might face. The group must find a common ground and draw on each other’s strength to find solutions. Ultimately, committing themselves to a common purpose.

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    Last Updated on October 17, 2019

    How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

    How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

    You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

    But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

    Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

    What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

    Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

    So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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    1. Recognize the Signs

    If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

    Some telltale signs include:

    • You’re always on your phones.
    • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
    • You aren’t together during important events.
    • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
    • You don’t make plans or date nights.
    • You’re not happy.

    If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

    2. Try New Things Together

    Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

    Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

    Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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    Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

    3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

    Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

    Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

    Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

    4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

    One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

    Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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    5. Cook Meals Together

    Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

    One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

    Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

    If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

    6. Have a Regular Date Night

    Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

    The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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    Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

    • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
    • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
    • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
    • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
    • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
    • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
    • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

    Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

    Final Thoughts

    The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

    • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
    • Lowers divorce rates
    • Improves communication
    • Reduces marital boredom
    • Bonds couples closer
    • Improves friendship
    • Boosts health
    • Reduces stress

    These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

    It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

    These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

    Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

    Reference

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